12. Zane

12

ZANE

The door to Mira's apartment is shredded.

I feel like I've been here before— seen this before—but I can't think about that now. I need to find Mira.

"Mira!" I call her name, but my voice is hoarse. I can barely speak above a whisper.

The knife block on the counter is tipped sideways and knives are spilled across the floor. I bend down to grab one, but it slips out of my hand like a bar of soap. It skitters across the floor, leaving a trail of red across the carpet.

I look down at my hand and it's dripping with blood. But it isn't mine.

"Mira!"

The hallway to her room stretches and elongates. I keep walking, trying to dry my bloody hands on my clothes, but I can't get them clean. Everywhere I touch, there is more blood. It's still hot and the metallic tang burns my eyes.

I've been here before, I remember suddenly. This happened before and Mira wasn't here.

I start to turn back. I need to get out of here and find her.

All at once, the hallway slams down around me. My shoulders barely fit between the walls. I fumble with her bedroom doorknob, trying to open it before I'm crushed. My bloody hands slip over and over again before I can push it open.

I fall into her room, gasping… and land in a river of blood.

Sticky crimson soaks into the knees of my pants and splashes under my palms. I follow the path of the blood to Mira's bed in the corner, and a strangled scream tears out of my throat.

Mira is laying across her bed. Her arms are spread and her head is tipped over the end… revealing a deep gash across her throat from ear to ear.

No. No, no, no!

I pull her from the bed and cradle her in my lap. I try to hold her together, but her body is cold. The blood around me is congealing, turning rancid with every passing second.

Her flushed cheeks turn pale and then purple. Her skin shrivels and decays before my eyes, and all I can do is hold her and beg for it to stop.

No, no, no. Please no. Mira…

Warm hands hold my face, shaking me gently.

When I open my eyes, Mira is above me.

Mira—whole and perfect and breathing.

"Zane? Are you okay?" She runs her thumbs over my face. "I think you were having a nightmare."

Thank fuck it was just a dream.

But the weight of it is still on my chest. My heart is hammering and my palms are clammy like they're still covered in blood. In Mira's blood.

I curl a hand around her neck and pull her mouth to mine. She gasps in surprise, but quickly falls into the kiss. Our tongues tangle together and I savor every whisper of her breath across my face.

Alive. She's alive.

I flip us over, pinning Mira to the mattress beneath me. When I close my eyes, I see her as she was in my nightmare: pale and lifeless.

Then Mira drags her hand down my chest. I open them and she's looking up at me with a mix of desire and confusion. "Zane?"

Alive.

I've never needed to be inside of her more than at this moment. I want to feel exactly how alive she is. I want to feel her body responding to me. I want to feel her heart pounding and her heavy breathing on my neck. I want to taste every inch of her warm skin and claim it all as mine.

No one can hurt what is mine.

She fell asleep in my t-shirt, and I shove it up around her waist. She doesn't ask questions; she just lifts her hips so I can peel her panties down. I run a hand over her and she's already wet for me.

I kiss my way up her thigh, but Mira grabs my arm and tugs me over her. I arch a brow in question and she gives a quick little nod.

It's all we need to say before I press myself to her opening and slide into her warmth.

"Fuck," I groan, dropping my forehead to her shoulder.

Mira shudders and hooks her arms around my back. Her nails scrape over my shoulder blades. "I'm here, Zane. I'm right here."

Every night for days, I've woken up in a cold sweat. I'll check the bed and see Mira sleeping beside me, but I can't get back to sleep. I can't lie in the dark and do nothing.

So, I stand up; I pace the room; I check the security cameras.

I've gone through more late night cups of coffee this last week than is healthy or helpful, but how the fuck am I supposed to relax when someone wants to hurt this person I care about? How am I supposed to sit back and wait for some shadowy monster to show up and steal the one person that quiets all of the noise?

"Hey," Mira whispers. "Stay here with me."

I drive into her. "I'm here."

She shakes her head and taps my temple. "Stay with me."

I hold her gaze as I pump all of the panic and fear and anxiety into her. I watch her pupils dilate, watch as she drops her head back to the pillow and her lips part in a sigh.

We fall into a heady rhythm. My head is a fucking mess, but I can't think about anything else when I'm inside of her.

Mira pulses around me, whimpering that she's close. "Just like that," she moans, clawing at my lower back. "Please don't stop."

I slip farther over her with every thrust. She kisses my chest as I grip the top of the headboard and offer everything I have to hear her cry my name.

When she gasps against my skin, her pussy clenched tight around me, I finally let myself release.

I pour into her until we're both breathless and spent.

"Sorry," I pant when I'm done, rolling off of her and collapsing into the mattress. For the first time in days, I feel like I could sleep.

"It's not your fault," she says softly. "It's mine."

I was telling her sorry for waking her up in the middle of the night and fucking her. How is any of that her fault?

"What are you talking about?"

Mira pulls my shirt down to cover herself, but I can see her chin wobbling. "The nightmares and you not sleeping—I did this. I brought all of this shit into your life, and I'm so sorry, Zane."

"You have nothing to be sorry about."

I reach for her, but she slides away and scurries back against the headboard. "You told me to leave, and I-I didn't. I stayed around town. Part of me secretly hoped you'd come find me. But it was selfish. I should've left town right away and changed my name. Now, you and Aiden might be targets and you're so stressed you can't even sleep. I brought this into your life and?—"

"I had a nightmare that you were dead," I blurt, if only to cut off the nonsense she's spewing. "I had a nightmare that I went to your apartment, but instead of finding it empty, you were dead. That is why I was upset. Because I thought I'd lost you."

I roll over to look at her and Mira is staring at me. Her eyes shimmer in the dark.

"You think you brought all of this bad stuff into my life, but… The only reason I've never felt like this before is because—" I consider each word carefully, measuring them out to be sure they're right. "—I didn't have anyone I cared about. It's because I've never felt for anyone what I feel about you."

I thought I loved Paige, but it was attraction mixed with getting high and the kind of delusion you need to feel like you're on top of the fucking world while your entire life is crumbling around you. Our relationship—with the massive exception of Aiden—was one long accident happening in slow motion.

But Mira is my choice. She's what I want.

"I love you."

"I wish you wouldn't." Mira reaches for my hand, squeezing my fingers on top of the comforter. "It would be so much easier if you didn't. It would be better if you cared less."

I tug her close and throw my arm around her waist. She tucks her face into my neck, still sniffling.

We fit together too well for this to be wrong.

"You've never said it back," I point out. She stiffens and I add quickly, "You don't need to. It's okay if you aren't sure. I'll wait."

We have all the time in the world.

"You broke up with me a couple weeks ago," she says softly.

"I told you it was a mistake."

"I know." She blows out a breath. "I know. But part of me is still waiting for the other shoe to drop. I'm waiting for you to change your mind now that you know everything. If I have to leave again, if you decide you don't want me, I d-don't know how I'll— if I'll survive it."

I can swear to her a thousand different times in a million different ways that I don't want her to leave, but I can't make her believe it.

What I can do is let her into every corner of my rotten heart so she can see the truth for herself.

"I have an idea." I sit up, leaning us both against the headboard. "Let's play a game."