11. Mira

11

MIRA

"I want pizza!" Aiden plops down on the sofa next to me and rests his cheek on my shoulder. "And ice cream. And candy."

"Do you want to ride a unicorn and learn to fly, too?" Zane asks from the kitchen. "‘Cause that's just as likely."

Aiden thinks about it for a second and then frowns up at me. "What does that mean?"

I bite back a smile. "I think that means it's not going to happen."

He sags lower on the couch. "No fair."

Funny, because I've had the same thought all afternoon. Since the moment Aiden came home from school with a finger painting he'd made of himself, me, and Zane.

None of this is fair.

I don't deserve a second of it.

The longer I'm here, the more danger the two people I love most in the world are in, and they don't deserve that.

Then Aiden dragged me to his room so we could play with his action figures and Zane caught me around the waist and pinned me to the wall in the hallway, kissing me until I was weak in the knees. Leaving them is impossible when they make staying feel so damn good.

I kiss the top of Aiden's head and he nuzzles closer.

Suddenly, there's a knock at the door.

Without thinking, I crush Aiden to my side. My heart is racing and my body is tense. "Are you expecting anyone?"

Zane saunters in with a smile that fades the second he sees me. "Fuck, Mira. I should've told you—Yes, I'm expecting some people. For both of us. It's a good thing."

I blow out a heavy breath, but the tension lingers.

"Ow," Aiden complains, shoving away from my ribs. "You squeezed me too much."

I kiss the top of his head again as Zane goes to answer the door. "Sorry, buddy. I didn't mean to."

Several voices I'd recognize anywhere float through to us.

"The fact my girl has been home for three days and I'm just now coming over is criminal," Taylor announces.

"Everyone should get out of the way," Daniel warns. "She will stomp on your toes with those heels. I'm immune—well, half-immune—but the rest of your little piggies are in danger."

Reeves laughs. "I think I can handle it. I used to skate with you, after all. You had two left feet on the ice even before you lost one of them."

There's a scuffling sound and I have to assume Daniel and Reeves are fighting, because it sounds like Jace is trying to break it up. But all the noise fades to the background when Taylor walks through the door.

She looks exactly the same. Which makes sense because it's only been two weeks.

But it feels like so much longer.

Taylor flicks her blonde hair over her shoulder and jabs a manicured finger at me. "I'm going to be so mad at you later. But first…"

She charges towards me, arms wide, and I meet her in the middle of the living room for a lung-crushing hug.

"Don't ever do that to me again!" she hisses into my hair. "I thought you were dead, girl. Or kidnapped. Or, worst of all, that you didn't care enough about me to tell me where you were going."

I laugh and only then realize how tight my throat is. And how wet my eyes are.

Taylor must hear it, too, because she jerks back with a gasp. "Are you crying?"

I try to quickly blink the tears away. "No!"

She passes her hand over my cheek and holds her wet fingertips in the air as proof. "You are! The emotional constipation has gotten a much-needed enema."

"Ew!" I laugh, pulling her in for another hug. "Don't make this moment gross."

Taylor hugs me so tightly my ribs ache. "Says the woman snotting on my favorite sweater."

"I'm not snotting," I mumble. But as I pull away from her, I wipe my nose with my sleeve. She might not be wrong.

While we had our moment, everyone else shuffled inside. They're loitering in the doorway, staring at me like I might clap my hands and disappear in a cloud of smoke.

I raise my hand in an awkward wave. "Hey, guys."

"‘ Hey, guys'? " Daniel mocks, shaking his head as he crosses the floor. "That's what you have to say to us after the hell you put us through? I was scared to death." He pulls me into a hug and his voice turns serious as he whispers in my ear, "It's good to see you, Mira."

The next five minutes is filled with the most hugging I've ever done in my life. My family wasn't big on displays of affection, to say the least. And despite all of my kickboxing experience, my arms are tired by the time I make it through the whole line.

Jemma hugs me the longest, swaying us back and forth like a pendulum while she hums happily in my ear. "I missed our play dates and your blunt honesty and Zane's good mood. He was miserable without you, honey. You can't ever leave again."

None of them know why I left, and I can tell they want to know all the dirty gossip. It's in the awkward way they sidestep that particularly large elephant, but also in the furtive glances they cast my way when they think I'm not looking. Like maybe an explanation will be tattooed on me somewhere.

Zane gets everyone a drink and they spread out around the living room, chatting and laughing. I follow him back into the kitchen, tugging on his shirt until he stops and turns to me.

"What is this about?" I ask softly. "Why didn't you tell me everyone was coming over tonight?"

He wraps his arm around my waist, holding me flush to him. "Because I wasn't sure you'd agree."

I narrow my eyes playfully. "That's not a good reason to go behind my back."

"It is when I think you really needed to see them." He curls a finger under my chin, lifting my face to his. "We've been hiding out the last few days, but your friends deserve to see you, Mira. They deserve to know you . In whatever ways you want them to."

My stomach swirls. I know what he means, but… "I don't know if I'm ready."

Zane bends and kisses me slowly, sending warmth swirling all the way to my fingers and toes. "Then just hang out, have a good time, and enjoy the pizza."

"We're having pizza?!" Aiden shrieks less than a foot away from us.

Zane and I both jump.

"Dang. You're a ninja, bud." Zane ruffles his hair just as there's another knock on the door. "And there's the pizza."

Aiden trails behind Zane to help pay the delivery driver and the next hour is madness. Taylor, Jemma, Rachelle, and I eat standing up at the island, watching with a mixture of amusement—and, in Taylor's case, unconcealed pining—as our respective men take turns wrestling Aiden and each other between bites of pizza.

"Why are men the way they are?" Jemma ponders as Reeves makes an impassioned argument for why Daniel can't use his prosthetic leg as a weapon.

"Someone call the ADA!" Daniel bellows. "This is discrimination!"

Taylor sighs. "Because we love them anyway. If we refused to put up with it, they'd get their act together and grow up."

Zane snags Aiden from the couch just before Aiden can dive-bomb him. They roll across the floor, Aiden giggling until he can barely breathe.

My heart swells. "Zane deserves this. After the last couple weeks, I'm glad to see him like this."

I realize what I said when the silence descends upon us. I tiptoed too close to the elephant no one wants to mention.

"Sorry," I mutter. "I made it awkward."

Taylor wraps an arm around my shoulders. "No, you didn't. I just didn't want to agree and make you feel like I'm piling on, but… yeah. The last two weeks have been hell for Zane. Daniel was seriously worried about him."

"Jace, too," Rachelle agrees with a wince. "Even Gallagher asked me what was wrong with Aiden. They were hurting without you, Mira."

My chin wobbles, and I bite down hard on the corner of my mouth to keep it together. "Things might not be much better for them now that I'm back."

Jemma opens her mouth to say something, but it's drowned out by a chant coming from the living room.

"Ice cream! Ice cream! Ice cream!" Daniel has Aiden on his shoulders and the men are marching towards the kitchen like marauding Vikings.

As Zane pulls a carton of ice cream from the freezer, I sneak up behind him. "Should I expect a unicorn within the hour?"

He shakes his head, but can't hide his smile. "Apparently. Right before the candy and flying lessons start."

Ice cream is doled out and, by the time people are scraping their bowls clean, Aiden is nodding off at the island.

"Time for someone to hit the hay." Zane scoops him up and uses Aiden's hand to give everyone a limp wave. "Tell everyone goodbye, buddy."

Aiden mumbles something, but his eyes are already slipping closed.

I watch the two of them disappear down the hall.

Then, like a switch has been flipped, the mood in the room plummets. It was all fun and laughing and chit-chat for two hours, but now, everyone is staring at their feet and drumming fingers on knees. Even Daniel can't manage to break the tension. Or, he doesn't want to.

My guess is the latter.

Finally, I clear my throat. "I know you're all here because of me, and I'm sorry."

"Sorry for what?" Taylor asks. "It's not like Zane put a gun to our heads. We wanted to come."

"We missed you," Jemma agrees.

The men all nod and give tight smiles.

"I know, but you all got a babysitter for this, right?" I look from Jemma to Rachelle. "Zane didn't tell me he was planning anything, and I feel bad that you all wasted a night coming to check on me. I'm fine."

Daniel slaps his knee. "You should apologize, dammit! What a miserable night I've spent hanging out with my best friends and eating junk food. It's been a nightmare."

I roll my eyes. "You know what I mean."

"I don't think we do." Jace shrugs. "We all wanted to come here tonight, Mira. Not just to see if you were alright?—"

"Though we're glad you are!" Rachelle cuts in.

"—but to make sure we're alright, too," Jace carries on. "It sucked when you disappeared. It was scary."

"So, so scary." Rachelle squeezes Jace's hand and I can see tears in her eyes. "No one knew what happened, but with the way Zane was acting…"

"We knew it was bad," Reeves finishes when Rachelle gets choked up.

Daniel nods. "I've never seen him like that."

I shift my gaze to the floor and don't know how to lift it again. I was expecting everyone to be annoyed with me, at best. But this is all so much more complicated than I thought it would be. It's not like when I'd leave town before and get angry calls from a manager pissed I didn't show up for my shift.

These people… care about me.

I have no idea how to deal with that.

Jemma slides over, her hip bumping mine as she wraps an arm around my shoulders. A second later, Taylor is on the other side and Rachelle is kneeling in front of me.

"I'm sorry," I whisper through tears. "I thought I was doing what was best for everyone. I thought… It's complicated."

"Okay," Jemma nods. "It's complicated. But this isn't." She hugs me tight. "We're here for you."

"You can tell us anything," Rachelle agrees.

"I already know enough to blackmail you for eternity, and I haven't," Taylor adds. "That means you can trust me."

I laugh, but it's watery. Tears are pouring down my face, and the words come out with them.

I give the shortened version of what I told Zane the other day. They deserve to know what being friends with me entails. They deserve to know who I am and what I've done.

I tell them about my mom leaving, my dad's abuse, and my brother joining in. I say as little as I can about the night it all went sideways, but they don't flinch away from me or look horrified. I tell them I murdered my own father… and my friends just hold me tighter.

Wonders never cease.

"No wonder you're a stone-cold bitch! You had to be to survive." Taylor squeezes me tight. "I mean that in a good way, by the way."

Jemma nods. "We mean it in the best way. That's so much to carry on your own, Mira. I can't imagine."

I've spent years holding everyone at arm's length—rejecting them before they could reject me. The problem is, keeping everyone away meant I never gave anyone the chance to accept me, either.

I never gave anyone the chance to see all the broken, patched-together parts of me and love me, anyway.

Rachelle takes both of my hands and squeezes tight. "Thanks for telling us. Now, we can carry it with you."