Chapter Five

Gavin

I closed my eyes and took a few deep breaths to calm my nerves. It had been almost two weeks since I last saw Richmond, and now he was sitting in my living room; just a few feet away from my bedroom, where I was trying not to vomit.

He was visiting Wade for dinner (take out, of course; Wade never cooked). I'd originally planned on being gone before he arrived, but that didn't happen. I tried to tell myself I was just running behind, but I knew it was bullshit. As much as he'd hurt me, and as much as I was sure it would make things worse, I had to see him…just for a moment.

After one final deep breath, I pulled the door open and stepped out of my room. If I didn't rip off the Band-Aid, I would spend the whole night hidden away and riddled with anxiety. I'd done enough of that over the past two weeks. I had to pull myself together and move on.

Wade was seated on the couch talking into his cell phone. "Sounds great, thanks," he said before ending the call. "The pizza will be here in twenty," he added with a look across the room to the recliner.

I followed his gaze and my heart dropped when I saw Richmond sitting there looking as gorgeous as always. The time apart and heartache had done nothing to dull my feelings for him.

I looked away and shuffled towards the front door, hoping to leave undetected, but I had no such luck.

"Hey," Wade's voice called out, "Are you sure you don't want any pizza?"

I kept my eyes laser focused on him when I answered, "No, thanks. I'm going out."

"I can tell. You're wearing your ‘fuck me jeans'." I had a favorite pair of jeans that made my ass look particularly nice. I usually wore them when I went to a bar or club. They usually helped attract some company for the night.

And that was the goal. I had to clear my head. I hoped getting under another man would help me get over Richmond. Maybe if I could distract myself with a meaningless hookup, I could forget about what I really wanted. I could live in the moment and not the memory.

"Do you have your condoms?" Wade asked.

"Yes, Dad," I snickered, before a stabbing pain hit my chest. His dad was the one I wanted to use the condoms with. Or not, going off of the many fantasies I had where he took me with nothing between us. I instinctively peeked at Richmond and found him staring down at the floor. He still didn't even want to look at me. He was so close to me, but he may as well have been a hundred miles away.

"And don't drive drunk," Wade added. Ordinarily, he was flighty and carefree, but he was also a very good friend, and always looked out for me.

"No worries. I've got an Uber coming to pick me up."

"Okay, then. Have fun. Love you."

"Love you too." He and I had gotten in the habit of saying the words to one another any time we parted. At first, it started out as a joke, but it had evolved over time. Though we both deeply meant the words, it wasn't in a romantic way. It was the purest type of love two best friends could share.

We shared everything, which is why it was so hard to keep what happened between Richmond and me a secret. I wanted to tell Wade. I wanted his sympathy and his jokes to cheer me up. We always helped each other through tough times. But I wouldn't betray Richmond's trust. So, when Wade asked about the party and how things went, I just told him things hadn't worked out the way I hoped. I kept the rest to myself and wallowed in my self-pity.

The despair was eating away at me and affecting every part of my life. I never turned my resume into Mr. Seagraves, because I couldn't imagine working close to Richmond. I did follow a job lead, because I needed money to pay the bills…to Richmond. I hadn't been to the gym at all. I couldn't go on like this. I had to get my shit together, and the first step was to let someone bang my memories away while making me feel desired. I'd worry about the rest tomorrow. I left the house without looking back.

*****

Richmond

I gazed longingly at the door, hoping if I stared hard enough, Gavin would come back through it. I wanted to chase after him, or go with him, but I knew neither one was the right choice.

For the past couple of weeks, I"d been keeping my distance while keeping Gavin in my thoughts constantly. I wanted to be near him as much as I knew I should stay away. When Wade finally invited me to hang out, I jumped at the opportunity to see Gavin again…just to watch him run away; while wearing ‘fuck me jeans', apparently. I knew it was for the best, but it was the last thing I wanted.

Fingers snapped in front of my face, drawing me from my stupor. "You okay?" Wade asked with a worried expression.

"Yeah," I mumbled, scrubbing my hands over my face.

His smile returned and he bounced his eyebrows. "Were you entranced by the jeans?"

"I, um…yeah, I guess that"s it."

"Okaaay," he drawled, obviously not buying it. But, he shrugged and went on, "I got a call from one of my college buddies earlier. He said Northwood High will be needing an art teacher next year. But I told him I wasn"t interested."

"That"s good," I replied, having only paid attention to about half of what he said.

"Okay, something is definitely up with you. I should be getting the, ‘Don"t let a good opportunity slip by' speech right now. What is going on?"

I tried to be as convincing as possible when I answered, "Nothing."

"Bullshit." Okay, I"m not convincing at all. "I can tell. Has it got to do with Gavin? Did something happen between you two?"

"Why? Did he say something?"

"No, but you just did. Spill it, old man." My thoughts spun, trying to come up with a way to answer without giving anything away. I asked Gavin not to mention our tryst to Wade, so I shouldn"t bring it up either. But apparently, my silence spoke volumes. "Holy shit, you like him."

"Of course I like him," I tried to circumvent. "He"s a good guy. I"ve always liked him."

"You like like him."

"What is this, middle school?"

"That"s it, isn"t it? You"re crushing on Gavin! Holy shit! Wait…why didyou let him leave?" Wade seemed concerned and curious, but not disgusted in the slightest. "I"ve seen those jeans in action. He"ll have guys all over him."

My stomach rolled at his words. I couldn"t bear to think about Gavin with any other man, but I knew it was my own damn fault. "Wait; this doesn"t surprise you? It doesn"t weird you out?" He"d already guessed what was going on, so there was no use hiding it.

Wade snorted a laugh. "No, I"ve had plenty of time to get used to it."

"It"s been like five seconds," I argued, but Wade just snorted again.

"Yeah, on your end. But Gavin's been in love with you for like a solid decade, so I"ve had plenty of time to think about-"

"What?" I shouted, jumping to my feet before I realized what I was doing.

"Oops. I probably shouldn"t have said anything."

"Well, it"s too fucking late for that now! Tell me!"

"Okay, but sit back down first. You"re gonna have a coronary."

I plopped my ass back into the recliner and gave him a demanding look. "You"ve known this for a decade?"

"Well, no, I haven"t known that long; for years, I was as oblivious as you." I would have taken offense if it weren"t so true. "He told me back in our freshman year of college. He got a little too drunk and spilled everything. Apparently, he"s had it bad for you since he knew he was gay."

"Shit," I sighed as I deflated in the chair.

"But this is a good thing! Now you know he feels the same way about you, and you guys can get together."

"I think I"ve already blown my chances."

I told my son about what happened at and after the party; how Gavin and I spent the evening flirting and dancing, and then shared the hottest, most exciting experience of my life before I sent him away.

"First of all," he began, pinching the bridge of his nose, "Next time, skimp on the details. I do not need to hear about my dad jizzing his pants. Secondly, why the actual fuck would you kick him out?" I laid out all the reasons I had that night, and had been thinking about ever since. "That"s dumb, dude."

I scowled at him. "Okay, yes, given what I know now, my reasons are dumb, but I didn"t know any of this at the time! How was I supposed to know how he felt?"

"I mean…you could have asked him."

My brows furrowed deeper. Wade was making perfectly valid points and I didn"t care for it. I was supposed to be the level headed, responsible one with sage fatherly advice. But I"d acted like an idiot, and my son was happy to point that out.

"Like you said, Gavin is a good guy," he said after several moments of silence. "He"ll understand. You two just need to sit down together and hash everything out."

"I hope you"re right. And you"re sure you"re okay with this?" As much as I wanted a future with Gavin, I also didn"t want to upset my son.

"I"m sure. You two are the most amazing people I know, and you would be great together…as soon as you get your head out of your ass."

"Harsh, but fair."

Wade laughed, but stopped abruptly as his face went pale. "He"s probably got a dozen guys drooling over him right now."

I felt the color drain from my own face as my stomach churned. "Where did he go?" I"d go pick him up and beg for his forgiveness.

"I"m not sure. It"s a big city and there"s loads of places he's talked about checking out."

"Damn."

"But I can call him." Wade was full of good ideas today. Why didn"t I think of that? He pulled his phone from his pocket and dialed, but he didn"t receive an answer. He tried again, but he still couldn"t get in touch with Gavin. "He must not be able to hear his phone over the music. That, or he has his ringer turned off. Hopefully, he will see that I called him and try back."

"I hope so. What happens if he doesn"t?"

Wade gave me a pained expression. "We wait until he gets back."

I added my worst fear, "And hope he doesn"t find someone else."

*****

I hadn"t moved from the recliner for hours. I barely ate anything for dinner. Wade and I had a long heart to heart, but then we"d been silent for the last couple of hours as we waited for Gavin's return. I sent Wade to bed about thirty minutes ago; I wasn"t very good company, and this was something I needed to do on my own.

My heart leapt when I heard the crunching of gravel outside, followed by a car door. But it took a nosedive when I heard two voices just beyond the front door. After a quick jingle of keys, the door opened, and in staggered a disheveled Gavin, followed by a tall, thin stranger.

"Where"s your bedroom, sexy?" the mystery man slurred too loudly.

I jumped up from the chair and stomped to the door. "That"s none of your concern."

Both men blinked in surprise, apparently not noticing me in their drunken state, but it was Mr. Lanky who spoke up, hiccuping, "You didn"t tell me you lived with your dad."

"I"m not his father," I replied with a bite.

"Then who the fuck are you?"

"The man who"s paying for your cab home." I retrieved a twenty from my wallet, which I plastered into his hand before spinning him to face the door.

"Wait a minute; we were gonna-"

"And now you"re not," I cut him off. I couldn"t bear to hear his plans with Gavin. I guided him out the door before closing and locking it behind him. Good riddance.

When I turned around, I found Gavin glaring at me with fire in his stare. "What the hell, Richmond?" Even though he was pissed at me, I still savored hearing my name from his lips.

"I couldn"t stand seeing you with someone else," I answered honestly, but it didn"t calm him down.

"Well, too fucking bad!" He firmly poked my chest as he added, "You don"t get to decide who"s in my life when you"ve made it clear you don"t want to be in it! I"d rather hook up with a stranger and know it means nothing to both of us." I could hear the pain in his voice, and I hated that I was the one who put it there.

"What happened between us wasn't meaningless," I argued. "It meant a lot to me; you mean a lot to me."

Gavin broke his glare to rub his palm across his forehead. "I'm too drunk for this conversation. Or maybe not drunk enough."

"This isn't the best time," I agreed. I wanted his mind to be clear when we spoke. I wanted to hear his true feelings, and for him to understand mine. "You need rest, and we can talk in the morning. I'll help you to bed." I placed my hand on his lower back to steady and guide him, but Gavin pushed me away. He understandably didn't want my touch.

"I can do it myself." He spun on his heel and staggered down the hallway. I wanted to care for him; to tuck him in and caress his hair until he fell asleep, but I knew he needed space. My presence would only make him angrier.

Once his bedroom door shut, I made my way back to the recliner, where I would wait until Gavin awoke. I wasn't leaving this place, or allowing him to slip away again, until I apologized and bared my soul to him. I had a feeling it was going to be a long night.