Chapter Four

Gavin

Richmond was quiet on the drive home, but it wasn"t heavy or awkward. I could practically hear the gears grinding in his head as he processed the evening. I knew I'd taken a chance by asking him to dance with me, but he didn't push me away. He actually seemed to quite enjoy himself, and now I assumed he was trying to figure out what it all meant.

It meant everything to me. For so long, I'd dreamed of what his body would feel like in my arms, and it was better than anything I imagined. But that dance, along with a few flirty comments, was as far as I would push things. I would never demand anything from him, or make him uncomfortable. Richmond was in charge of the next move. And whatever it was, I was ready to take it.

I parked in his driveway and exited the car before jogging around to the passenger side, where I found Richmond still sitting in a daze. He seemed to come back to himself when he heard his door open, and he looked up at me with a smile.

"Thank you; such a gentleman."

I smirked and held my hand out for him, and Richmond took it with a chuckle. I helped him from the car, and my heart skipped a beat when he didn't pull his hand from mine. With our palms clasped, I walked him to his front door.

I turned to face him, watching as his lip twitched as if he wanted to say something, but couldn't find the words. I filled the silence with, "I had a wonderful time tonight. I appreciate you inviting me out to meet some people in the business, but what I enjoyed the most was spending time with you."

"Me too," he answered with a sweet smile that quickly vanished. "At first, I was unsure about inviting you."

Panic surged through me when I asked, "Why?" Was he on the fence about being seen with me, or being alone with me?

"I was worried you'd be bored to death in a group of old fuddy-duddies like me."

I let out a relieved sigh. "First of all, that is the last way I would ever describe you."

"Really?" Hope and nervousness laced his voice when he asked, "How would you describe me?"

I didn't even need to think. "Smart, kind, generous, warm, handsome, caring, thoughtful…I could go on." It was easy to gush over him.

Surprise and delight sparkled in his eyes as they gazed into mine. He didn't speak, but his actions gave away his thoughts. His thumb caressed back and forth over my knuckles, and his face inched closer to mine. I didn't move to close the gap between us; I let him come to me so he had time to change his mind if he wanted to.

Thankfully, he didn't. My heart pounded in my ears as he leaned in, and the moment our lips touched, my eyes rolled back into my head. My senses went crazy, trying to soak up every sensation at once; the softness of his skin, the scent of his cologne, and the taste of his mouth.

It all sent me into a frenzy. He made the first move, so I didn't feel the need to hold back any longer. My lifelong desires were coming true, and I craved more of everything.

I opened his mouth with my own and plunged my tongue between his lips. He kissed me back just as hard, sliding his slick appendage against mine. We devoured one another with lips and hands, grabbing anything within reach.

Richmond's hand left my hip to dig in his pocket. He retrieved his keys and clumsily fumbled with the lock until his door swung open. Without parting our mouths, he pulled me inside and kicked the door shut behind us.

He pressed my back against the wood and kissed me deeper. Though I had worked for Richmond to see me as an equal, I was more than happy to give myself over to him; for him to take charge of our pleasure.

I gripped the back of his head and pulled him closer until our teeth clacked together. He filled my mouth with his delicious tongue and moans, but nothing was enough to quench my thirst for him.

Richmond rolled his hips, and I gasped when a long, firm lump pressed into me. I'd been hard since the moment our hands touched, my body high with anticipation of what may come, though I never expected anything like this.

I humped against him, my cock tingling as it slid against his with warm, perfect friction. With every one of his moans I swallowed, I grew hungry for more. I rocked my hips faster, and Richmond slid his hands onto the swell of my ass. He squeezed two heaping handfuls, drawing me forward and sandwiching our hard flesh between us as we thrust wildly.

I craved to feel his skin against mine, but at the same time, I doubted if I could handle it. Even through my underwear and trousers, the sensation was about to make my brain explode, not to mention my dick.

Richmond seemed to be in the same state; his breathing came in quick bursts, and a constant low moan rolled from his mouth into mine. His hands gripped my ass until my skin burned in the best way.

He grunted as his body went rigid against mine. The scent of his release permeated the air and threw me over the edge. My body had given him pleasure. I had made him feel good. He came for me.

I ripped my lips from his and looked into his eyes as my cock jerked and erupted. I wanted to burn the image of his face into my memory forever. I wanted his eyes to be the only ones I saw in every moment of pleasure, for the rest of my life.

I sighed and rested my head against the door behind me, and released my death grip from Richmond's hair. It took a few minutes for my erratic breathing and pulse to return to normal.

"Richmond, that was…" What could I say? How could I put into words what this moment meant to me? What he meant to me?

"A mistake," he whispered before I could stitch together my thoughts. He took a step away from me and my heart rate skyrocketed again, this time with panic. "What have I done? That never should have happened."

"It's okay," I tried to soothe him. I understood that a lot had changed within our relationship in a very short amount of time. I reached out for him, but he stepped back again. "If you're worried about Wade-"

"Oh, shit, Wade!" Richmond exclaimed as he ran a shaky hand through his hair. "I didn't even think of him!"

My heart dropped into my stomach. I was hoping Richmond's concerns were about how his son would handle this news, and I could comfort him by saying Wade was aware of my feelings, and encouraged our connection. But his son had nothing to do with his regret. It was all about me.

"We can't tell him," Richmond requested with pleading eyes. Though his shame shattered my heart, I would do anything for him.

"I won't," I whispered, and watched as he paced back and forth. Desperate to comfort the man I loved, I asked, "Richmond, please; what can I do?" If there was anything I could say, I'd shout it. If there was something he needed, I'd find it.

But his one request nearly brought me to my knees. "I think it's best if you go home."

My world spun. How could this happen? I'd finally got a taste of what I'd desired for nearly half my life, and then in a blink, it was yanked away from me. This man was my everything, yet he wanted nothing to do with me. He wasn't even looking at me.

My throat tightened and burned as it tried to contain my overwhelming emotions. I couldn't speak without breaking down. I wanted to cry; to plead my case and throw myself at his feet, but I didn't want him to see me that way. Richmond made it clear he didn't want me around, and watching me lose my shit would only downgrade his opinion of me.

So, in the end, I did what he asked of me. I slipped out the front door without a word. I walked to my car, sticky, heartbroken, and confused. I started down the road and made it about a block before I had to pull over because my tears were clouding my vision.

I wailed into my steering wheel, releasing everything I didn't want Richmond to hear. My heart and soul were shattered. I'd devoted so many years to bettering myself to be good enough for him. I loved him with every piece of myself. But he turned me away.

It was worse now that I had seen paradise before getting kicked out. I'd felt his body against mine. I tasted his tongue. I knew what he sounded like in the throes of passion, and those memories would forever haunt me. Maybe it would have been better to keep my fantasies as they were. Maybe it was better to chase a dream than capture a nightmare.