32. Maddy

Chapter 32

Maddy

A rchery practice goes well the next morning, and I get almost every single one of my arrows in the target, and mostly where I want them to be. I feel more driven today than I ever have since coming here. In fact, I feel invincible.

The feeling overshadows the embarrassment of what happened in the strength display, and I find myself smiling all day. The others give me odd looks, and I don't give a shit.

I'm not going to pass out and never wake up. Let them look at me however they like.

In the afternoon we start doing formation drills for the first time. To my dismay, I find them incredibly hard to concentrate on. There's lots of standing together, moving together, lifting shields together, brandishing swords together, listening to direction and following it—and it couldn't suit me less. My mind wanders constantly, trying to pull me to Kain and the vault, my sister and family, my bear, fixing my shield, and what secrets I might have on Orgid's noble family.

I must hear my name called a hundred times in two hours for mis-stepping or failing to follow instructions properly. Most of the other rooks are glaring at me when I leave, but I haven't got it in me to feel guilty.

That night my mind is too busy to sleep, and it's filled with Kain.

Even forcing myself to relive the awfulness of everything yesterday to store it in the gallery in four different statues hasn't helped the restlessness, or moved my focus.

The memory of his defending me to my father occupies every restful moment I try to get.

There was something about him, the power, the control…

It scares me a little, because I can't deny that there's a part of me that wants to know what that must have felt like.

My conversation with him after the Frost Giant plays in my head.

"I told you. I can't help you hurt people. I couldn't live with myself. I'm not that person."

"You could be, though. I see it in you."

He said that because he wants me to trust him, not because he thinks I'm like him.

I just found it… appealing to see him like that .

I groan into my pillow. There's something wrong with me, and I need to stay far, far away from him.

Reading usually occupies my brain enough to help sleep to come, but when I reach for my book, my fingers close over the map that Sigrun gave me. I stare at the beautifully inked lines. I'm still not really sure why she gave it to me, except to push home the point that Featherblade has an interest in me.

There's nothing on the map I haven't seen before except the Bear Wing. I run my fingers over the ink, and as I reach the area marked catacomb cells , I freeze. Letters are forming, along with a small, dark line snaking across the page. It's moving underneath the water represented at the very bottom of the drawing.

I hold my breath.

Vault of the Talekeepers.

Odin's raven, it's the vault. The map is showing me the vault.

If I hadn't been sure before, I'm now completely certain. Kain or no Kain, I'm getting into that vault.

"Well," I mutter to myself, staring up at the seemingly endless mass of tree bark. This wasn't quite what it looked like from the air. The map, much as I studied it and much as I willed it to show me a route, yielded nothing on how to get to the Gryphon's Nest, or the records room, without wings.

There is only one way, and that is to climb. I swallow down my nerves. I'm fully aware that if I faint while I'm climbing, I will fall, and as I try to pick out a route up to where I can just see what I'm pretty sure is Sigrun's chambers, I am positive that I won't survive it.

The climb itself doesn't look too hard, though. There are plenty of handholds, vines and branches and knots and gnarls in the bark. It's definitely doable.

"Okay, Maddy. Let's go," I mutter to myself. "Do what you can, ignore what you can't."

I put one hand on the bark. It feels solid. I pull myself up, my boots finding footholds. When I'm three feet up, I pause.

This is stupid.

I want to carry on. I want to will myself to move up the tree, but I can't do it. If I faint, I will die. And much as I want to get into the vault, I'm not willing to die for it.

Frustration floods through me. Featherblade wants me in that vault, it's made that clear, but how am I supposed to get the information needed to get through the door if I can't climb the fucking tree?

I jump down, landing hard and allowing myself a string of curses.

"Odin's fucking balls." I stamp as I glare at the bark.

I have magic now. Could I make myself an ice ladder up the tree?

I crane my neck to look all the way up and raise my hand experimentally. Ice does shoot from my palm, but it just puffs against the wood and disappears.

That's a no to the ice ladder, then.

Navi's words ring in my mind. "Why didn't your bear show up when you needed her? Why did she let you fall on your face?"

"I could really use her help right now," I say, still glaring up at the inaccessible building. "Surely bears can climb trees."

"Of course we can."

I gasp at the voice. For a moment I can't make out if it was in my head or if I actually heard it, and I spin around on the branch.

I freeze.

She's materializing before me. Slowly, the white bear is becoming solid. Once again, her size floors me. She's massive . Her fur is bright, crisp white, and her claws are jet black, as are her eyes and nose. Her lips curl back and display teeth as long as my hand.

"But I am a warrior, not a method of transport. Now, where are our enemies?"

Her huge head swings from side to side, and I realize I'm not breathing.

"You're here." My words are barely audible, but her massive eyes fix on mine.

"For now."

"You're… incredible."

"Yes." I stare as she goes back to scanning the leafy surroundings. "It's warm here. Where is the snow?"

I reach behind me for the trunk, needing something to steady myself.

She's here, and she's talking to me.

"There's no snow in Featherblade. "

Her gaze snaps back to me. "What? Why not? Snow is glorious."

I nod. "It is. What is your name?"

"Thyrvi," she answers.

"Thyrvi," I repeat in a whisper. "Where do you go when you're not with me?"

"Nowhere. I just… don't exist." I frown, trying to imagine that. I can't. "It's shit," she announces, and I blink.

She swears. The giant magical bear swears.

She takes a step toward me, the branch moving with her massive weight. "Which is why you need to learn to keep me here."

"I'm trying."

"Try harder. Where are the Giants?" She sniffs the air.

"What?"

"I'm ready to fight Giants. Where are they? They must feel the torrent of their own lifeblood gushing from their bodies at my fearsome claws." She growls low and claws at the branch again.

She swears and she's desperate for a fight.

I can feel her power, her beyond-intimidating aura, but it's like I'm inside the bubble somehow, and I feel absolutely no fear of her.

"There are no Giants in Featherblade. It's safe here."

"Is this not where I tasted the magnificent tang of a Frost Giant's lifeblood before?"

"Well, yes, but they weren't supposed to be here."

"Oh." She sounds disappointed. "What about the fae who tried to kill you with shadow magic in the water?" She drops low on her haunches. "Let us tear them limb from limb, and show all that?—"

I cut her off. "You can't kill him."

"Why not?"

"Because he is training to be Valkyrie, like me."

The bear straightens and stares at me. "He tried to kill you."

"Yeah."

"So he is your enemy."

"Yeah."

"But… we can't kill the enemy?"

I nod. "Correct."

Her enormous rear end slams down onto the branch. "And there's no snow."

"No snow," I whisper.

"I don't know why the gods bothered sending me here," she mutters.

"Thyrvi?" I look into her huge eyes. Eyes I had thought held ancient wisdom. "Do you know anything about how you exist, or how I can control you?"

"Control me?" Her tone is indignant. "I am brute strength and magnificent ferocity! You don't need to control me. You need to abandon yourself to me. Together, we can destroy all who dare oppose you!"

"I'll take that as a no."

She flicks her head. "You're the smart one. You work it out."

"Can you…" I try to work out what to ask her that might yield anything useful. "Can you control me ? "

There's a long pause, and then she cocks her head. "No."

"Did… did you just try?"

"Yes."

"What did you try to make me do?"

"Tell me where the fae who tried to kill you sleeps."

I rub my hand over my forehead. "How old are you?" There's a distinct air of childishness about her. A monstrous, killing machine child.

"I don't have an age. I'm part of you."

That seems so utterly impossible right now, I'm not sure what to say.

"I came to fight enemies, and there are no enemies," she says, and now she sounds bored.

How did I summon her? She thought she was here to fight. Perhaps Featherblade really does want her to help me get into the records room?

"Can you climb?"

"Of course I can climb." Her voice is indignant again.

"Can you take me up there?" I point up the tree to the Gryphon's Nest.

"Are there enemies to slay up there?"

"Erm…" Before I can decide whether to lie to her or not, her outline shimmers. "No!"

She stands and shakes her fur. "Make it stop. I want to find the enemies who wait for us atop this tree and make them rue the day they were born," she growls.

"I don't know how to make it stop!" I move toward her, but she's half translucent now.

"You have magic, don't you? "

"Yes, but—" I hold my hand out, willing ice to form. It does, and shoots out around me, but passes straight through Thyrvi.

The last thing I hear before she vanishes completely is a distinctly sarcastic "I take back what I said about your being the smart one."

I stare at the space she was occupying, my pulse racing.

I just met my val-tivar. Her name is Thyrvi, and so far, she is just as disappointed in me as everyone else.