33. Maddy

Chapter 33

Maddy

S arra's not in her room when I get back to the workshop, and I wonder if that's a good thing.

I immediately go to the gallery and store the entire conversation, short though it was, with Thyrvi. I'm left with a shining sculpture of a daisy, and I know I'm going to visit it often. While I'm there, I look up her name.

A ghostly book appears in my hands in Sarra's silent workshop, of ancient runes. I skim it until I find Thyrvi. "Thunder Warrior," I say aloud.

A grin takes my lips. Fates, I need to work out how to make her stay.

I am buzzing with excitement, my whole body tingling every time I picture the huge bear in my mind.

She's real. Not that I thought I made her up, but to speak with her, to actually converse with her, no matter how unexpected she is, seems like a dream .

She wants me to work out how to keep her here, so it's definitely me that's the problem. Her words come back to me. You're the smart one. Am I, though, really?

I stare at the map absent-mindedly, my fingers hovering over the area where the vault is. I still want to get in there, but the interaction with my val-tivar has shifted my focus. Not that that's hard to do, I think with a sigh.

Control of my magic seems to be crucial. Thyrvi's a part of my magic, and her appearing and disappearing is as erratic as my ice and snow bubbles. That must be the key. I can't think of anything else that would make a difference.

Tomorrow morning is Sunday, and we have runes class first thing, in the Scholar's Hold. The thought of speaking with Brynhild makes my stomach feel like it's filled with lead, but there's nobody else here who can help. If I want to see my bloodthirsty, sweary bear again, I'm going to have to suck up to the awful ice-fae.

I wake up crazy early the next morning, and as soon as I'm washed and dressed, I go straight to the Bird Wing. I don't know which one is Brynhild's door, but I'm saved solving that problem because I can see her in the library as soon as I reach it. She opens the door when I knock on it and frowns at me.

"Runes is not for two hours."

"I'm here about ice magic. "

"Magic training is on Tuesday," she says.

"I wondered if we could make an early start, hersir ," I say as politely as possible.

"Well, I can understand that after such an embarrassing performance on Tuesday at the strength display," she mutters. The shame crawls its way up, but I slam it down before it can get even a slight hold on me.

"I want to be able to control my val-tivar ," I say firmly.

Brynhild raises one brow. She looks absolutely perfect, her beautifully braided hair piled on top of her head elegantly, the feathers in her wings shining.

"Your val-tivar ," she says thoughtfully. She casts her eyes over my clothes, noticing them for the first time, and the other brow rises. "Are you wearing my old warrior garb?" she asks.

I nod. "Valdis asked Margaery to find me some clothing, as I wasn't able to bring any with me." I wait to be told that I'm not worthy of her castoffs or called a thief, but she nods.

"Yes, it suits you. That makes more sense for one of your position. Why do you think that controlling your magic will control your val-tivar ?" she asks me.

"Do you not think it will?"

"Oh, I'm certain it will. I believe it's the only way to control your val-tivar ," she says. "I just wonder why you think so."

I'm not going to stand here and be mocked, but I need her help, so I'm going to have to play her game .

"I met her yesterday, and she wants to be able to stay in Featherblade with me."

"You met your val-tivar ?" she says. Again, her words are more thoughtful than challenging.

"She says it's not her fault that she can't stay here, but mine, and I think that the only way I can improve my control over her is to get better at my new ice magic."

Brynhild doesn't speak for a moment, and when she does, her tone is careful. "She implied it was up to you to learn how to keep her by your side?"

"She didn't imply it, she outright said it," I answer.

"She spoke with you?"

"Yes," I say, frowning. Brynhild is looking at me with a strange expression. "All val-tivar speak with their bonded, don't they?"

"They speak to us, yes, but it's not like the way you and I are communicating. We communicate via image, via feeling, via impression, emotion, and command. They don't speak."

Is anything about Thyrvi normal?

"So, you had a full verbal conversation with this bear?"

"Well, I mean, her voice was in my head, but yes, she had a voice, a tone, words. In fact, she likes to swear."

Brynhild looks genuinely surprised for a minute, and then her hand moves to her jaw as her bird flutters to life beside her. I can't help looking at it. I don't know if it's rude to stare, but it's hard not to. It's a blue owl, eyes like luminous sapphires. Its feathers, an impossible shade of azure, glow, and its heart-shaped face is framed by icy-blue plumage. It gazes at me, expression one of undeniable wisdom.

"You can see her," Brynhild says.

"Yes."

"The others told me this was the case."

"She's very beautiful," I say. It's true, but the owl scares me. Before I can stop myself, the next question tumbles from my lips. "What did I let her do to me when we were back at the Ice Court Palace?" The creature's huge eyes blink at me.

"You let her see a future with you in it."

"A future?" I snap my eyes to her. "What did you see?"

"I saw you changing Featherblade forever."

Shock rolls over me.

"But you didn't want me to come," I whisper. "Does that mean I change it for the worse?"

Brynhild considers me a long moment and then shrugs. "Whatever is in motion is beyond me stopping, so I may as well tell you. The futures I see are varied and unpredictable. I can see one of many outcomes, but usually, a theme is present if I can take more than one reading. I know that you will change Featherblade, but I don't know how you will change it, and I don't know if it will be for better or worse. I don't know if this brand-new type of val-tivar you seem to have is responsible for the future I saw, or if it's because you keep company with the most dangerous fire-fae in Yggdrasil . All I know is that you will have an impact on this place, and possibly the rest of the Valkyrie that follow here."

I stare at her. I know she's right about Featherblade taking an interest in me. There are far too many forms of evidence now to refute that.

But I still believe I'm the most likely to die here. I'm still the one with the least control over any of my power, and the most lacking in fitness, strength, and skill on the battlefield. I let out a long breath.

"I'm a good person, hersir ," I say, quietly but with conviction. "I would never do anything to hurt Featherblade or the rooks here."

"Many unwittingly unleash great evil into this world," she says.

I know she's talking about Kain.

"Well, I want to make the world a better place," I say. "There are rooks out there who tried to drown me, who take pleasure in hurting me. Have you ever seen me behave like that?"

After another beat, she nods. "It is true that I do not sense malice or cruelty in you. But you are impressionable. You are young and na?ve."

"That's because I was locked in a tower my entire life," I say, trying to keep the words level. "That does not make me stupid." I'm met with a long, hard silence. I don't know if that means she agrees or disagrees, so I shrug. "Will you teach me ice magic?"

"I'm obligated to teach you."

Would it kill you to just say yes? I manage to keep the retort in my head, but my hands fist at my sides. "When I try to focus, as I have been taught, nothing happens. The level of focus I use doesn't seem to have an impact on my magic," I say.

"Then you're not focusing hard enough."

"All I'm thinking about when I'm trying to do magic is the magic. I hold my bear's face in my mind, and that's all I concentrate on. Every time I do it, I get a completely different result. And I am not able to summon my bear when I want to, no matter how hard I concentrate."

"Then you are not concentrating hard enough."

Anger's running through me now. Just repeatedly telling me I'm not doing it well enough won't teach me anything. "There's nothing in my head when I'm trying to do it but my magic," I grind out.

Her eyes bore into mine. "Is that true?"

"Yes," I say, but doubt flares up. Is there really nothing else in my head?

My head is never empty. The gallery's in there.

I clearly don't keep the scowl from my face, because Brynhild cocks her head at me smugly. "You need to learn to empty it completely."

Does that mean to control my magic, I have to remove the gallery? That's not possible. Both because I don't know how to do it, and also because I don't know that I'd want to do it.

"So, that's all you can tell me?" I say eventually. "Learn to empty your mind of everything except the magic."

"Concentrate on the bear if it helps you focus. Concentrate on anything that helps you channel something, but it must be one thing, and it must be connected to the magic. And there must be nothing else in your head. I shall see you in runes in one hour." She closes the door, leaving me standing and staring.

Well, if emptying my mind is the only way I'm going to get control of anything, then I'm fucked.