31. Maddy

Chapter 31

Maddy

W e're forced to abandon the brandy and make our way up to Odin's High Hall for the Champions Ceremony, as everyone was instructed to be there.

I make myself enter the hall with my head held high. Everybody saw what happened, and I can't change it. I can act like I don't give a shit, though.

I move straight to where Martom is standing and give him an awkward clap on the shoulder. "I wish I'd been smart enough to do what you did," I say. He grins at me.

"Would never have thought of it without you." Some of the tension leaves my body as a couple of people laugh—because it feels like they're laughing with us.

"Congratulations," I say.

"I'm going to talk to the kitchen girls," Sarra says to me awkwardly.

"We're allowed to talk," I say .

"The thrallmasters here are pretty relaxed, but all the same," she says with a shrug, "I'd rather not draw attention to myself." She squeezes my arm, then heads over to where the other thralls are gathered at the side of the huge space.

I scan the room. As usual, I'm looking for Kain, but I don't see him. Inga and Orgid are glaring at me from across the room, but I can't spot Eldith, either, so I wander over to a barrel that is covered in mugs of mead.

I've had enough brandy that adding mead to the mix is probably a bad idea, but if it slows the chaos in my head, I'm not sure I care.

Navi appears beside me. "Why don't you sleep in our room?" she asks.

"I didn't think you'd miss me." I give her a sarcastic smile.

"If you're not going to be in there, you might as well move your stuff out."

"Hopefully I'll be in the Bear Wing soon," I say. It's a bluff, obviously. I can't even see the infernal Bear Wing yet.

"Why didn't your bear show up today, in front of all those people? She let you literally fall on your face."

I grind my teeth and then plaster yet another smile on my face. "I'm sure I will gain control of my val-tivar soon." Concern flicks through Navi's eyes, and I regret my words. "She's not about to take me over like Branka's did—it's not a lack of control like that," I say hurriedly. I don't actually know if that's true, but it certainly doesn't feel like I'm being possessed with the desire to become a berserker at any point.

Navi says nothing for a while but stays beside me, sipping from a tankard I doubt has anything but water in it. It's the most time I've spent in her company, and I'm not quite sure how I feel about it. I don't trust her. She's unkind to me, but her motives seem to be purely for the good of Yggdrasil . They're not selfish or personal like Orgid and Inga's appear.

"Your magic is a danger to us all if you don't learn to control it," she says eventually, and I sigh. Here we go again.

"You know, nobody asked you to be the warden of Featherblade," I say.

She shoots me a look. "The Valkyrie work as a team," she says.

"Then maybe you should start acting like a team player," I reply.

"A team is only as good as its?—"

"Weakest link," I finish for her. "Yeah, you've told me before. I don't need this shit from you today, Navi."

I walk away from her, annoyed I lost my calm. I don't want to be around a load of others right now—I want to be back in Sarra's workshop, working out how I feel about the torrent of shit that has been thrown at me today. And celebrating the good news I received.

A gong sounds, and we all look toward the throne. The Valkyrie are standing in front of it, minus Kain, and Harald holds out a small vial.

"Rook Martom! "

Martom moves to him, and Brynhild beams.

"This is from Sigrun, as a reward for winning today. She looks forward to seeing what else you are capable of." He claps the small male on the shoulder, and everyone cheers.

"I wonder what's in the vial?" I hear a female near me whisper to her friend.

The fact that I'm not consumed with curiosity is evidence that my brain is as full as it has the capacity to be.

The blackouts aren't fatal. Who cares what's in Martom's vial? I'm not about to drop dead.

Fae move around the room again now Martom has been presented with his reward, and I hurry over to Sarra.

"I'm going to bed," I tell her.

"Get good rest."

Rest seems unlikely, but I nod. "See you tomorrow. And Sarra?" I lower my voice and pull on her arm. She steps away from the other humans.

"What?"

"I never thanked you. Your cheer—I don't know if I'd have been able to push on without hearing it. You made all the difference, and I'm beyond grateful."

She smiles warmly at me. "You're welcome."

I settle in front of the fire and try to shoot ice to douse the embers.

I'm sick of heat. I miss the cold. Maybe that's why I keep freezing myself by accident, I think ruefully.

The claustrophobic reaction I had today was worrying, but it will have to take a place at the back of my line of current concerns.

A smattering of mushy, half-frozen water spurts over the fire to put it mostly out.

I know I should go to the gallery and store what has happened today. But it's too much. Freydis' rejection, making a fool of myself in the strength display, and seeing firsthand that my father is an arsehole would be overwhelming alone. But finding out that I don't have to live in fear every day?

I let out a long breath, and try to let it sink in.

Nothing is more important than that. I've dreamed of being told this so many times, longed to hear the words.

I close my eyes and picture myself fainting. I let myself feel it, live it in my mind. Only I remove the terror that I won't wake up.

"I never have to feel that again," I whisper. "I'll live long enough to at least try to meet my bear and earn my wings. I might become a Valkyrie."

The reality, the joyous fucking reality, finally pierces the mammoth wall of shock, and when I laugh this time, there isn't an edge of hysteria. I open my eyes and tip my head back.

Everything will be different now. I'll live Sigrun's words. I'll make my own future, and it will be one free of fear.