Chapter Eight | Brody

I arrived at work, feeling as though I was floating. I'd had the feeling last night when I returned from the pub. It had lasted throughout my sleep and been with me as I had breakfast. Noah and I had spent the couple of hours I was at the pub last night catching every chance to talk and touch that we could, Noah sharing how amazing the view was from the top of Mount Douglas.

I wasn't sure if it was excitement or nerves. I'd never had a date mean this much to me. Finding out Noah volunteered at the Rainbow LGBTQ Youth Centre had made him even more attractive. As well as understanding, he was kind and caring. Everything I'd ever wanted in a man.

"Oh my god, Brody," Alesia said. "What's that on your face?"

I instinctively touched my face wondering if I'd left some shaving cream beneath my ears. It took me a second to realize Alesia was talking about the hint of a smile I was wearing.

"I'm happy," I replied as I lifted the stack of mail on her desk and started to sort through it.

"It looks good on you. Any reason for this happiness?"

"Noah asked me on a date."

"The pub owner?"

"He asked me to go hiking with him on Saturday."

"One of your decompression days? You're willing to give that up? "

"Noah makes me feel calm. He's very understanding. Doesn't treat me with anything but respect. It's like he knows me and my needs already."

"He knows you're on the spectrum?"

"I told him. He listened when I shared things."

"You don't feel like that scared him."

"No. We've started touching each other."

"Any kissing yet."

I shook my head. "Too soon for that. I like that we're taking things slow."

"Are you glad you didn't sleep with him that first night?"

"I think that might have scared him off. I get all jumpy after sex when I don't know someone very well. I definitely wouldn't have gone back to his pub after freaking him out."

Alesia leaned forward on her desk. "Tell me about him."

I sighed. "He's beautiful. All rugged with wild auburn hair. And I told you about his eyes. They're like the deep recesses of glaciers. And he has the poutiest pink lips."

"Mm. And he sounds like a sweetheart if he's treating you so good."

"He volunteers at the Rainbow LGBTQ Youth Centre."

"Liking him even more."

"There's a young boy on the spectrum there. I get the impression Noah spends a lot of time with him. Noah asked me all kinds of questions about how he can best support him."

"Really liking him now. What else?"

"I think he might be a bit of a perfectionist. He's hard on himself when it comes to that pub. I'm not sure where that perfection complex comes from. The pub appears to be thriving."

"It must be stressful running a business like that."

I hadn't thought of that. Noah was under a lot of pressure. He had many people relying on him to keep a roof over their heads and food on their table. I wondered how organized Noah was at work. Organization helped me immensely. I couldn't succeed without it.

"He works long hours."

"You must be really important to him if he's taking time off for a date."

"It feels right … what we're doing." Historically, I'd never dated someone before having sex with them. My ex-boyfriend was the only guy I'd ever dated, and we'd had sex first.

Noah and I, our minds and emotions were starting to mesh. My attraction went beyond strictly wanting his body. Even though I wanted Noah desperately, I could wait. Someday, if our time together continued, and we found ourselves prepared for what it would mean to touch each other in that way, it would be special. We would take our time. For now, the affection in his eyes and the way he touched me so tentatively as if I was precious to him—I truly was falling.

"I like him a lot."

"Sounds like it."

I walked toward my office door. "I need to start work." I was due in court that afternoon. I needed to make sure my notes were in order. It was a simple domestic abuse case. There was no doubt the judge would find the defendant guilty. I needed to be prepared regardless.

On my walk to the courthouse, I let my mind wander to images of Noah. Over the past couple of weeks, I increasingly felt like I could trust him. He'd never given me any reason not to. The Rainbow LGBTQ Youth Centre trusted him to work with those vulnerable kids. That told me a lot about him. It was obvious Liam loved Noah. They had twenty years of history together. Surely, any sane person wouldn't keep a friendship with Noah alive if Noah was untrustworthy.

Still. Moving forward with Noah made me nervous. I rubbed my thumb and forefinger together at a furious pace. I wanted to get the stimming out of my system before I arrived in court.

The trial went as I had expected. The defendant was found guilty of domestic assault and sentenced to fourteen months in prison and one year of probation.

I would have preferred a longer sentence.

The drive home seemed longer than usual; the weekend traffic was bad.

After taking Bentley out for his evening constitution, I sat in my living room and ate my apple. I'd had a large chef's salad for lunch. The wings were always enough for my evening meal.

I changed my clothes, choosing a black t-shirt and jeans to wear to the pub. I wanted to look good for Noah. Usually, I didn't fuss with my casual wear. My suits were impeccable, but my at-home evening and weekend wear typically consisted of grey sweatpants and a white t-shirt. My going-out clothes were simple but fit me well. My good looks tended to attract attention.

I studied myself in the mirror and ran my fingers through my curls. They never behaved. I'd tried cutting my hair shorter, so it was a mess of waves instead, but it didn't feel like me. My mom had always kept my hair a little longer. I liked to keep things the same. Fewer decisions.

Thirty minutes later, I was walking into the pub. Noah looked stressed out, racing back and forth all over the pub floor. I sat on a bar stool and Liam came over.

"Is Noah all right?" I asked him.

"Friday night and two servers called in sick. Rumour has it that a bunch of them were out drinking last night. Noah is pissed. He's having to pick up the slack until a few more arrive. "

I furrowed my brow. I didn't like to see Noah like this. It frustrated me that I couldn't help him. I knew this was far from the perfection he seemed to strive for.

He buzzed past me with an, "I'll be right back."

When Noah did return, he was on my side of the bar. I turned in my seat to face him.

"Liam told me what happened."

Noah sighed. "There's no proof, so I can't even write them up."

I took a chance, raised my hand, and set it on his shoulder. My touch pulled Noah right out of his funk—temporarily. He smiled at me and licked his lips like he wanted to kiss me.

A tingling warmth hummed between us. I wanted to pull him to me and hug him, but that would be a step too far in a public place. I squeezed his shoulder and released it.

"You'll figure it out, " I offered.

He stepped closer, almost standing between my thighs. I itched to reach for him again. This time I would touch his face. Stroke his cheek. Run my thumb along his bottom lip.

Lean in and kiss him.

"I'm glad you're here," he said. "I feel calmer already."

He licked his lips again and moved his gaze down to mine. My cock throbbed, threatening to thicken and give away how much I wanted him. He must have sensed my discomfort because he moved away with a promise that he'd be back behind the bar in no time.

Until then, I had Liam tending to me.

"Your usual?" he asked.

"Please."

"I noticed Noah puts two lime slices on your glass."

"I like lime."

"You and Noah seem like you're getting close."

I wasn't sure what to say. I tried to keep eye contact with Liam but failed when no words came out of my mouth. I shouldn't be this nervous. Maybe it was because Liam loved Noah. I didn't want to say anything that would make Liam tell Noah that I was no good for him.

"Leave him alone, Liam," Noah said as he approached the far side of the bar top. "Brody has better taste than to be caught talking to the likes of you."

Liam laughed. "Then why on earth does he talk to you?"

"You're an asshole." Noah whipped a towel around and then flicked Liam's ass with it. "Go back to your side of the bar. Brody and I have our date to talk about."

I relinquished my eyes' iron grip on the bar top and looked at Noah. As always, the depths of those blue pools soothed me. "Thank you."

"Liam is too nosey."

"I froze. I don't like when I do that. I must be tired."

"Long day?"

"I had court today. It always wears me out."

"I'd like it if you told me when you've had a hard day." Noah smiled at me. "I'll take it easy on you. Not ask you so many questions. I won't be offended if you tell me to back off."

"You seem to be good at judging my needs for yourself."

Noah's eyebrows rose. "You think so?"

I swallowed. It's one of the many reasons I liked Noah so much. I was able to breathe around him. Be myself, knowing he wouldn't judge me. Piece by piece, he was turning my heart into a kaleidoscope of light and colour with endless possibilities. Coming out of the darkness I had been hiding in for so long, yearning for the day when I could draw a pure endless breath that started in my soul and ended in my fingertips, the world around me finally making sense.

I nodded and set my hands on the bar top. "You don't have to ask anymore … to touch me."

Noah's fingertips crept onto mine and brushed across them. "Maybe I like to ask. "

I could feel the smile I gave him reach my eyes. It was an odd sensation, the wrinkling feeling at the edges of my eyelids. It had been a long time since I'd smiled like that. When I was a young child, safe at home, the world bright and new, Mom said I used to giggle a lot. I don't remember that. Then by the end of my teenaged years, I'd become jaded. Discovered my entire life had been a lie. There'd been no going back after that. The world could be a cruel and dishonest place.

"Hey, what happened to that smile?" Noah's fingers progressed to my wrists, caressing them. I realized I was scowling. I'd allowed my past to ruin the tender moment we'd been having.

"Sorry. Had an intrusive thought bust into my mind."

"Let me get your G&T." He patted my hands and poured my drink, garnishing it with the extra lime slice. "On the house for my favourite customer."

Noah kept our conversation light after that. Talking about the inclement weather and what he'd like to be doing if it was sunny and warm. Vacations he'd love to go on. I told him I'd never been on a vacation. He told me about his family's elaborate trips to Europe when he was a kid.

We passed the time easily. I was there longer than I usually stayed.

By the time I arrived home, I was exhausted. Tomorrow was our date. I shouldn't be nervous. Noah and I were building a solid foundation for something. Spending part of the day together outside the pub would be an adventure. I reminded myself that the date was with Noah.

I felt safe with him.

I might even trust him.