Chapter Seven | Noah

The table for the meeting of the Salish Sea Society was noisy tonight. The guys were debating what the best position for a blow job was. There was a reason I booked a table in a snug at the back of the pub. Some of the topics we launched into weren't heteronormative friendly.

"Wait, wait, " Ethan said, throwing up his hands. "I have an update on accountant guy."

"Let me guess," Owen replied. "He's even nicer now that you're getting to know him."

I patted Owen's shoulder. "Your perfect guy is coming. Be patient."

Owen harrumphed. "Wish he'd hurry up."

"Daniel is dreamy and so incredibly sweet," Ethan confirmed.

"Have you started dating him?" Liam asked.

"He hasn't asked me yet."

"Are you being old-fashioned with him?" I teased.

"I figure his maturity might appreciate it," Ethan replied.

Owen's brow furrowed. "How old is this guy?"

Ethan bit his bottom lip and sucked on it. He hid his face behind his hands. "In his 50s."

"Jeezus, Ethan," I said. "Is he some kind of cradle robber?"

"I'm thirty-five, thank you very much. Hardly a baby."

"You're our baby." Liam blew Ethan a kiss .

"Well, he's exactly the kind of guy I'm looking for," Ethan said. "I'm discovering salt-n-pepper does it for me. Makes me wonder how far down the colour descends."

"I've had a few older guys," Liam said. "What they lack in stamina, they make up for in enthusiasm. They often describe me as a young buck and love being fucked by me."

"Good for you," Owen said. "I haven't had sex in months."

"Dry spell?" Ethan asked.

Owen shook his head. "I don't want to talk about it."

"Okay." Ethan looked at me. "And you? You getting' hot and heavy with Brody yet? Those were some seriously smouldering looks you were giving each other yesterday."

"We're feeling it," I said. "Haven't acted on it."

"Yet," Liam said.

I shrugged my shoulders. "I don't know if I'm what Brody needs."

"A caring and fiercely protective guy," Owen said. "Yeah, who'd need that?"

"Very funny," I replied.

"You should at least try dating him," Liam said.

"Won't know until you try," Ethan added.

"It's more complicated than I'm willing to share. There are obstacles."

"Now, I'm curious," Ethan said.

"Like I said. I don't know if I'm the right guy for Brody."

"The way he looked at you, Noah," Ethan said. "I wish someone would look at me like that. The longing in his eyes was more than lust. He's really into you … as a person."

"You could tell that by his eyes," I replied, even though I'd seen it too. Something had shifted yesterday. Brody's eyes had become more expressive, and they'd released most of that sorrow .

"You know I'm good at reading people. That's why I'm able to find the nice guys."

I grunted and sighed. "Okay, I'll ask him out."

Liam released the most obnoxious whistle, and the rest of the table clapped. Was it possible to hate people and love them at the same time?

It took me until Thursday to work up enough nerve to ask Brody out.

He slipped onto a barstool in front of me. I leaned on the counter, coming as close to him as the bar top would permit. "Hey, gorgeous. How's your day treating you?"

"Better now that I'm with you."

I smiled. "I love your honesty."

"Bit of a default of mine."

"Can I touch you?"

A small smile and a nod. I reached for his fingertips, brushing mine across them. The light touch was the most I felt Brody would be comfortable with in such a busy place.

"Thank you for asking and keeping it subtle," Brody said, confirming my suspicion.

"You're not into PDAs."

"They make me uncomfortable. I don't like to draw attention to myself."

I pulled my hand away from his. "I like touching you."

Brody stared at me, his breathing becoming heavier. "I'd like my usual."

I chuckled. Brody's mannerisms made me smile. He was so direct and always asked for what he wanted. I'd been telling him the truth when I told him his approach was refreshing.

"On it, handsome." I hesitated. "Before I ring that in, though, I have something I want to ask you. You don't have to say yes . There's no pressure, okay?"

Brody's lips parted and he licked them. I'd made him nervous .

"It's nothing bad," I continued. "I'm not booked in to volunteer at the centre this Saturday. I know you don't like to leave your home on the weekend, but I was thinking of going for a hike up Mount Douglas and wondered if you'd like to come with me."

Brody blinked at me. Time crawled as I waited for him to speak.

"Like a date?" he asked finally.

"Yeah. Is that all right?"

"You want to date me?"

I shifted my weight to one hip. "Isn't it obvious that I'm really into you?"

Brody nodded. "I like you too."

"Then let's go on a date together."

Brody wrinkled his brow. "Okay, but I've never been hiking before."

"We'll stick to the easy winding trails at the base of the mountain."

"I work out on a treadmill and lift weights at home."

"Oh." That would explain his toned muscular body. His biceps were to die for. I wanted to lick them from the sensitive skin at the crook of his elbow, across the hard curve to what I'm positive would be an intoxicating scent beneath his arms. "Then you'll be fine."

"What time?"

"We can meet in the parking lot at two. The weather is supposed to clear by then. Make sure you dress in layers. You might start out cold, but you'll heat up after going up those hills."

"I can do that."

"Awesome." I tapped the bar top. "Let me get your order started. "

Liam came up behind me as I stood in front of the computer. He rested his chin on my shoulder and whispered in my ear, "Did you ask him?"

"I did. And he said yes."

"Did you have any doubt about that?"

"Actually, yeah. We've been building slowly. I wasn't sure he'd be ready."

"You're really in touch with him."

"I'm trying."

"Anything you want to tell me about him?"

I shrugged him off my shoulder. "Nope."

Liam smacked my ass and walked away. I turned my head to look at Brody. He was watching me. I smiled at him. A slight smirk lit up his face, then he looked away.

Liam had likely figured out there was something different about Brody. It wasn't mine to tell. If Brody wanted to tell Liam one day that he's on the spectrum, that would be his decision.

I was sad to see Brody leave later that night.

He was on my mind as I fell asleep.

The restaurant that Owen had chosen was nicer than I'd been expecting. I generally wore dress pants and a white button-up shirt at the pub, but I felt like I was missing a suit jacket and tie.

"Nice place," I said to him as I pulled out a chair and sat.

"I have a lot of my business meetings here."

"Living large."

"I do well for myself."

"Which reminds me. The youth centre needs donations. We had all our computers stolen."

"Ethan said it was likely an LGBTQ hate crime. "

"The computers definitely weren't worth anything except to us and those kids."

Owen sighed. "I'll buy you two computers. Do you need printers?"

"Yes." I hung onto my smile.

"I'll buy a couple of those too. I'll have my assistant call you."

I grinned. "Thank you." I fiddled with my ice-water-filled glass. "Why this lunch?"

"I know I pulled you away from work, but you're the only sensible guy in our group."

I laughed. "Thank you?"

"Seriously." Owen leaned closer to the table. "My love life is in shambles."

"And that's new, how?"

Owen laughed. "Fuck off. I'm serious. I'm thinking about bowing out."

"Of dating?"

"Dating, hook ups … the whole thing."

"That's drastic. I thought you were looking for Mr. Right."

"He's being too evasive. This is where I need you. Talk me out of walking away."

I leaned back in my chair. "Imagine this. A beautiful man by your side who loves you beyond measure. You've had the most incredible wedding. All your friends and family."

"Might not invite the friends." He smirked at me.

"Asshole. Pay attention. Back to the dream. You have a cute house in the suburbs with a manicured yard and you and your husband have decorated the interior matching both of your tastes. And you have extra bedrooms. One is done up in yellows because you don't know the gender of the baby you're hoping to adopt. You already have one child occupying one of the other rooms. He keeps you running off your feet and you and your husband love him desperately. You're deliriously happy and you have everything you've ever wanted."

"Wow … that was vivid," Owen said. "Where did that imagery come from?"

I shook my head. "If you tell any of the other guys, I'll kill you."

Owen propped his elbows on the table and hovered above his linked hands. "Your dream?"

I nodded. "I don't know if it's my parents' fault, always drilling husband, home, and family into me, but over the past couple of years, I've wanted the life more and more."

"I never would have known given the way you carry on with random guys."

"I haven't wrapped my head around it yet. But I know I want it."

"And this guy, Brody, do you see him there with you?"

I laughed. "You're getting ahead of yourself. We haven't even had our first date yet."

"So … there is a date planned?"

"We're going hiking tomorrow."

"Liam says you and Brody have been thick as thieves at the pub. Sneaking touches."

"I wish Liam would stop talking about me behind my back."

"You know he loves you and only wants the best for you."

"I promise to report back to the group after the date."

Owen raised his eyebrows.

I rolled my eyes. "I really like him, okay? He gives me butterflies."

Butterflies that wanted to alight in his arms. Be held in them, curled up in bed, Brody kissing the back of my neck and humming like I'd heard him do. I'd never wanted that level of intimacy from anyone ever before. My heart had started beating hard for him .

I was sunk.

I knew it … and I wanted it.

After lunch, I went back to work. As evening approached, Brody came in at his usual time. This time, he matched the movement of my fingers, stroking my fingernails. Humming. It was the lightest of touches, but they held so much meaning—to both of us. My heart ached when he left.

Yup—sunk.

When I arrived home, I climbed onto my bed and opened my laptop. In the search field, I typed autism spectrum . There was a lot of information. I pulled out a notebook.

I wanted to know everything. Not just for Brody, but for Kyle.

I clicked on what looked like a reputable website.

'A developmental disability caused by differences in the brain.'

What the fuck? Neither Brody nor Kyle was disabled. They were just different. I checked my anger at the door and kept on reading. 'People with ASD may also have different ways of learning, moving, and paying attention.' Brody had covered some of that.

I wrote what he'd told me in my notebook and then scanned the website further. 'Symptoms.' I focused on the ones I had noticed in Brody. He'd told me everyone was different. 'Avoids or does not keep eye contact.' Brody had that one in spades when we first met.

'Does not show facial expressions.' Brody hadn't at first but now he was smiling at me. And looking deep into my eyes. Maybe it was a matter of trust.

All the rest of the list referred to infants and toddlers.

Not helpful.

I typed a new set of words into the search engine. ASD in adults .

Two things caught my eye. 'They may experience challenges with social interactions, get fixated on routines, or experience sensitives to light and sound.' And ' Some autistic adults experience high intelligence, strong memory, an ability to think "outside the box," and strong knowledge in particular areas. Other traits can include being observant, resilient, and having a strong sense of fairness and justice.' I wrote both of those in my notebook. The last sentence explained why Brody might have gone into the legal field for his career.

I scanned down the page. 'What is an autistic meltdown?' That sounded important. 'Autistic people may have difficulty regulating their emotions. They may experience times of high levels of anxiety or distress in a particular situation or environment.'

I'd have to watch for that in both Brody and Kyle. Not sure if my support would be welcome if any of that happened but I'd certainly try to be there for them.

I clicked on a link about masking .

'Suppressing stimming: This can include hiding repetitive behaviours.' I'd seen Brody start to rub his thumb and forefinger together and then catch himself and stop.

'Mimicking neurotypical behaviour: Imitating the social interaction, gestures, and expressions of neurotypical people.' It felt strange knowing he might be doing this around me.

'Scripting conversations: Preparing and rehearsing dialogues or responses for social interactions.' I thought back to the first night we had spoken over pie. It had felt as though Brody was reading from a script. I'd just thought he was an odd guy. Now, it made sense.

Our conversations recently hadn't felt scripted. Brody was opening up to me.

Or was he?

He was certainly talking about some personal stuff. That couldn't be pulled from a rolodex of speaking points. I hated that Brody had to put so much thought into everyday interactions.

It must be exhausting. That's why he needed his weekends to decompress. I hoped our hike tomorrow would achieve the same level of relaxation. He would've turned me down if not.

I made some more notes and set my notebook on the bedside table.

Do I want to take this on?

I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and pictured Brody in my mind. Replayed some of our conversations. Remembered the look in his eyes as he immersed himself in me.

His tentative touch and his desire for that connection.

He was so worth it. Sure, he had quirks, but didn't we all? One thing I knew for sure was that what we were building was real. So incredibly special.

Back to my thought from earlier in the day.

I was sunk.