48. Dax

Chapter forty-eight

Dax

"I'll be home soon, pretty boy. Don't worry. I'll be home and you'll be in my arms again where you belong."

The shop has been busy today. I haven't been able to stay off my feet, I'm glad I've been occupied, it makes the day go a lot faster so I can go home, but I am exhausted. The muscles in my leg ache. My arms ache. My head aches and I have aches in places I didn't even know could ache. It's taken me three hours to unload today's delivery. Ty offered to help numerous times, but he knows each time he asks, I'll respond with a no.

Things between us have started to get better since our conversation. I'm still not decided on what I want to do in terms of an assessment, but I recognise I need to get some medical help. I just need some time to work out what I want to do and how I go about it. I need to plan things out. I need to take my time. Thankfully, both Ty and Jae are happy with that, and they agree that's the right thing to do, too.

I just need some time.

I'm still in the back room when I can hear Tyler's phone ring for the third time in a row.

I push the door open further with my foot, and shout, "Ty, answer that bloody phone!"

"I'm going, I'm going… Hey, Idah, what's up?"

Idah? Why is Idah ringing? She's with Jae.

Placing the box that's currently in my hands on the floor, I stop what I'm doing, already walking out of the room onto the shop floor in confusion.

"Okay, calm down. What's wrong? Is he okay? Right, okay. Please stop panicking. I know it's scary. Do you have a cold flannel to press against his forehead? We're coming now."

That's all it takes.

Before Tyler can get off the phone, I'm already out the back door. I don't need to hear the rest; I don't need to listen to what Tyler is saying. I need to get home.

I can't lose him again. I just got him back.

My home.

I welcome the burn in my hands from clenching onto the rubber handles of the bike as hard as I can, riding as fast as I can to get to him. The roads are busy, but I don't let that stop me, filtering through the lanes, not allowing the traffic to slow me down. A few cars beep their horn at me for being reckless, but I need to get to him. I can't lose him.

Please be okay.

It takes me ten minutes to get to his house, throwing my bike down on the grass underneath the window ledge, running straight into the house.

"IDAH?" my voice breaks into a cry. My movements turn frenzied, not knowing where they are, or if they're in the house or not.

I hear her voice coming from the front room.

"We're in here, I'm sorry, I panicked. It was like last time, but worse. I'm so sorry, Dax, I didn't know who to call. I couldn't think straight, I just remembered when Tyler helped before, so I rang him straight away. I'm sorry I didn't ring you first, Dax." She's panicking. Sobbing. She feels helpless.

I know, because I do too.

I run to the side of him, lifting his head up gently so it's placed on my knees, taking the flannel from her shaking hands and pressing it gently against his forehead.

"It's okay, Idah. You called someone, it's okay. I've got him." My voice breaks towards the end of the sentence as I lean down, pulling the flannel away to press a kiss against his forehead.

I gently pull my head away to gaze upon his face. He's always been beautiful. I've never been attracted to anyone the way I am to him. It was almost too good to be true, the moment I was able to call him mine. I think that's why I tried to let him go. Because I thought I didn't deserve him.

I thought I was too different for someone like him.

But different doesn't mean wrong.

Tyler walks into the room not long after me, stepping straight towards Idah. "Are you okay?" She responds with a nod.

"Let's go sit outside, yeah, Dax has him, don't worry. He'll make sure he's okay."

She looks at me again, the same sadness in her eyes as she mouths the words "I'm sorry." I quickly shake my head back at her with a smile. She has nothing to apologise for. She got me here.

Moving my attention straight back to Jae, I gently take my hand and push his hair from his face. It's starting to get a little bit longer now, not too long. But I notice the curls starting to form. I tease one gently with my fingertips, feeling his hair against my skin.

"Please come back, Dax, please," he whimpers, his voice no louder than a pin dropping to the floor. His body is shaking, his eyes are still closed. He's dreaming.

My hands clutch round him tighter. I don't want to hurt him, but I also don't want to let him go. Only if he's in my arms do I know he's okay.

"Hey, baby, I'm here. You're okay. You're home. You're with me." I try to rein in the tears threatening to escape. Taking in a deep breath. I need to be strong.

Strong like my soldier.

"I know it's hard right now. I know you can't speak, but it's okay. Let me do the speaking for you. You've always protected me. You fought your way to come home to me so I wasn't alone. Now I need to help bring you back."

Don't cry, Dax.

"I finished taping up the letters you know. I taped them all. I remember them. I remember them all. I don't need to read them to tell you what they say, I can tell you that from my heart." I pull him closer to me, speaking over the whimpers, gently dabbing the flannel on his forehead, one, two, three.

One by one, I recite the letters I wrote. Words of happiness, sadness, love, anger, confusion, and admiration. Words I longed for him to hear, ones I never said enough and ones I had said a million times before. One hand under his head, one hand switching between the flannel pressing against him and holding his hand against his chest.

"You saw me in a crowd when no one else did. You accepted me for the differences no one else wanted to and you loved me, even when I couldn't love myself. You came home, just like you promised you would. I never once doubted you wouldn't. I just doubted myself for being good enough for you."

He doesn't respond for a few moments, and in those moments, I feel as though I'm unable to breathe.

Leaning my head down to gaze at him again, I notice his eyes starting to slowly open and a smile forming on his face. "I heard every word of that, pretty boy." He coughs.

"I'd hope you would."

"What happened?" he asks, trying to move his hand to hide his face.

I take the hand away, pulling it towards my mouth and press a kiss against his knuckles. "It doesn't matter. You're okay, that's what's important."

"I'm sorr –" he starts to say. I quickly cut him off by moving my hand from under his head and placing it over his mouth. "You have nothing to be sorry for. Nothing. Ever."

We don't say any more words, sitting in silence, holding onto one another until I hear a sound coming from my phone. I gently move his head to the side to pull my phone from my jean pocket, seeing a text from Tyler.

Tyler: I didn't want to interrupt. I'm going to take Idah home. I'll make sure she's okay. You did good, bro. I'm proud of you. I know how hard that was for you. Love you

Quickly putting it to the side of me on the sofa, I place my hand back under his head, noticing him turning his head towards the large, open windows.

"You're going to miss the stars," he whispers as he lifts himself up slowly, no longer laid against me, but sat beside me.

I feel his hand against my side, so I move my own to take hold of his, slowly bringing the back of his hand once again to my mouth. "The only thing I missed was you."

He pulls his hand out of my own, and before I have the chance to ask what he's doing, I can feel his lips already on mine. Tasting the saltiness of tears dripping from both of our eyes. This kiss is gentle and soft and warm.

It's a promise.

A promise we'll never leave each other again and no matter what, we'll always find our way back.

And I say the three words I've been longing to say to his face.

"I love you."