49. Jae

Chapter forty-nine

Jae

"I see you every time I close my eyes. I see you every time I look out of the window at the stars. I see you everywhere."

One week later.

"It's been a week; you can go back to work now. I'm fine. You shouldn't take any more time off work," I murmur into Dax's neck as I pepper kisses against his beautifully decorated skin.

Since I was triggered with memories, he hasn't left my side. When he's gone into work, he's made sure I've gone with him. When I wanted to go into the garden, he was two steps behind. Granted, he knows a lot about flowers and their care, so he is helpful – I love that he cares but it's not fair for me to hold him back.

I hate the overpowering feeling of guilt.

Dax hums, lifting his hips from the bed in search of friction from my body as I lean over the top of him.

"Look at you being needy, pretty boy," I whisper into his ear as I kiss his shoulder once more. "But we can't. When I have you, you're not going to be able to move a muscle. And you need to go to the shop."

Moving my arms to either side of his head, I push them down onto the pillow, lifting my body off of his. Unable to take my eyes away from his while doing so, I bring my body to his side, allowing him to sit up straight.

I need him to leave for work soon because if he doesn't, I won't be able to let him go. My body screams to be close to him. To feel his touch against my skin and his soft lips trailing along. My cock twitches at the idea of it too. But it's not fair for him to keep staying at home, he owns the shop with his brother. He needs to be there just as much.

I can wait.

Shifting my legs from the bed, I move my body to face the door, trying to avoid looking at him, when I slowly start to feel his arms coming from behind, wrapping around my waist. "Last chance before I get ready, I can stay if you want me to. I don't have to go."

"I don't know how much more I can take being in the record store, Dax. Music is your thing. I'm thankful for the happiness it brings to you, I love hearing you talk about it, I love sharing the excitement with you. But that's your thing, not mine," I say calmly. I don't want to upset him or think I'm having a dig at him, I'm grateful for the joy it brings him, it just doesn't do the same for me.

"But I can keep an eye on you when you're there. I know you're safe. I'm there if you need me," he tries to protest.

I notice the sadness in his face, not wanting to cause him anymore, and I realise when his mouth unknowingly starts to form a smile, he knows what he's doing.

And I'm allowing it.

"Okay, I'll come into work with you. There are a few things I could pick up whilst out anyway, I don't know how much more I can take of being locked up in the house anymore. I don't think I'm exactly housewife material."

"You could just work with us you know – we could use an extra pair of hands." He attempts to slide his hand down my chest before I catch it and take hold.

"That's your thing, Dax. I love that you have a passion for music, and I love you, but it isn't my thing. It's been a long time since I've been anything other than a soldier, I can't remember much about myself apart from the need to protect. I need to find myself again."

"But at least I'd be able to sit and stare at you all day. Gives me another excuse to go to work." He shrugs, as I feel him press a kiss to the back of my neck before removing his arms from me, pushing himself away to stand up from the bed.

I quickly stand, looking down towards him, pressing a kiss to his nose, inhaling his light scent of ocean air mixed with caramel. I don't want him to think I don't want to spend time with him. I do. But as I stand and think about what I'd like to do for a job, the idea of flowers comes back each time. Something about them excites me more than being in a music store. And as I stare at his beautiful skin. I know he's the reason for all of it.

"Lucky me, spending another day with you in the shop." He takes a deep breath, pushing to his tiptoes, taking my mouth with his, sliding his tongue against my lips for entry, and I happily oblige, allowing him to steal my breath away.

Pulling himself away, I can't stop myself from staring into his wide blue eyes. I can almost feel myself getting lost in them. And I would, If I allowed myself to. He breaks contact to turn and walk towards the wardrobe in search of some fresh boxers and clothes and I still find myself unable to stop staring at him with awe. He takes out his own, putting them in a pile beside the wardrobe as I notice him also collecting some for me, which he brings over.

I place a kiss on his chest, whispering a thank you before quickly pulling back.

Dax might not be comfortable with the way he looks, but to me, he's a work of art.

Dax hums a familiar beat as I admire the sun beaming outside and the roads empty as people are still in school or at work. We're able to get to the high street without any delay, parking in the only space available, in front of the record shop. I managed to convince Dax into allowing me to drive us to the shop today, again. For the last few days he's been trying to convince me to get on his bike with him and there's no chance of that happening. I've only just gotten used to the noise the engine makes, I'm not going to be sitting on it anytime soon.

The shutters are already drawn up, which makes me and Dax stare at each other, conveying the same confusion. He's mentioned how recently Tyler has been more willing and demanding about being in work where he used to be the one finding any excuse not to be, but he doesn't seem to mention it again once we're inside.

"Hey, here comes my brother actually, he knows more about records than I do," Tyler shouts from the corner of the shop floor, already with a customer wanting Dax's help. Before Dax manages to run away, I quickly pull him to my side, pressing a kiss against his cheek, watching his face flush red as he turns away with embarrassment.

He hates it when I catch him off guard, but it's one thing I can't stop myself from doing. The shade of crimson his face turns, is my favourite colour. Just like a rose.

Tyler walks towards me as Dax is now engaged in conversation with the young customer about records.

"You've made it just on time, he saved me. I didn't have a clue what he was talking about." His shoulders lift in shrug as he scans through the paperwork he has on the counter, just as quickly lifting his head up to carry on the conversation, "He managed to convince you to come back in again today then I see?"

"I can't say no to him. I know I should, I just can't."

"I know what you mean. Thank you, for how you are with him, I mean. I appreciate it. He deserves someone who understands him, someone who's as gentle as you are with him. Has he…" His face becomes serious. "Spoken anymore about what we spoke about?" His face twists, showing a look that is a mixture of confusion and sadness.

"He hasn't. I don't want to push him. I'm scared to mention it, I've been waiting for him to bring it up on his own."

He nods, letting out a deep breath. "Yeah, that's probably for the best. He hasn't mentioned it to me either. I just didn't know if he would have done it with you," he grunts in disagreement.

I know he means well with his brother, he wants to protect him. We both do. But we're also both aware of how carefully we need to handle this conversation with Dax, too.

"I'm going to go take a walk actually, if you don't need me here. I have a few things I need to pick up for the house. If you need me, call me and I'll be right back."

"Sure, that's fine. I'll let him know." He quickly lifts his head, no longer staring at the papers in front of him, gaining my attention. "Hey, Jae, did you know there's a florist at the bottom of the street? Bernie's a regular next door. He's a nice guy. I think he'd like to talk to someone who knows more about flowers. He's always trying to get me to talk about them but I have no clue. Not as much as Dax anyway. It might be worth having a pop down to see for yourself."

"Oh, actually, that sounds great. Thanks, Tyler, I'll see you soon." I wave as I turn to walk out of the door.

I inhale sharply, taking in the smell of the ocean as it never ceases to calm me. It's the opposite of torn down buildings, destruction, and the smell of fire, which I'm more accustomed to. But it helps me remind myself I'm here and I'm safe.

I'm home.

Getting sidetracked from my original purpose to walk the high street, I decided to explore the length of it instead. I've lived here for almost three months now and I still haven't explored the area. Coming towards the end, a muted green building catches my eye. The building itself is similar to others on the high street, with a mediaeval look on the outside complimented by the large green wooden windows and shutters encouraging every person to walk past to come inside to take a look. The atmosphere on the outside is as welcoming as the café, bursting with warmth and life.

Walking inside, flowers of vibrant colours decorate the walls in large pots, bouquets with ribbons are showcased along the counter, and behind stands an older man with grey hair and glasses perched on his nose. He moves to the side when he hears the bell chime from the door opening, revealing the most beautiful bouquet I have ever seen. Pale toned colours of romantic shades complement one another. The mixture of red roses, tulips, and orchids tell a love story on their own. I hesitate for a moment, stopping and staring at the beauty in front of me, wondering if it's too late to turn around, but remind myself that this is what I want to do now as Jae. Nervously approaching him, I introduce myself.

"Hi, son, how can I help?" he says as he approaches the counter.

"Hi, sir, I'm Jae. I'm fairly new to town." He removes his glasses and offers me a friendly smile. I continue to talk, now unable to stop. "My partner owns the record shop at the end of the street. I came to work with him today but decided to take a walk around instead. I've not explored the whole high street yet, but it's beautiful. I didn't even know your shop was here. His brother Tyler actually sent me here. I moved into an old farmhouse; it came with a sunflower garden. I haven't been able to work for a while so I've been seeing to it. I actually really like it. It's different to what I'm used to – my old job. Dax, he's always loved flowers. I guess you could say his love for them has rubbed off onto me."

"Oh yes! Dax. I've seen the brothers a handful of times when I've been in Cee's. Dax is the one with the tattoos, right? I've never been a fan of them myself, but I can appreciate the ones he has. They look like the real thing. I'm Bernie, sorry I didn't mention this before."

I'm glad I'm not the only one who appreciates them.

Bernie carries on talking while I walk around the shop on light feet, taking every flower in. I've never seen anything like it before, the only place I've seen so many flowers is on Dax's skin, and when we went to see them at the Botanic Gardens. Seeing them so up close, being able to touch the petals, is a completely different experience.

I'm starting to really understand why Dax appreciates them so much.

Bernie walks towards me, gently placing his hand on my shoulder. "You know, Jae, I could use a hand around here. I'm on my own, I don't have anyone helping out and I'm getting older. You mentioned you're not working, right?"

"Oh yes, sir. That's correct."

"You're very well mannered," he says with a smile. "Where did you say you were from?"

"Sorry, I didn't." Praying my southern accent makes it obvious where I'm from. "My old job required me to move about a lot. I was based near Chester last." My palms are instantly starting to get sweaty, the topic of the conversation starting to make me feel uncomfortable. I go to reach my dog tags as I've not needed them in a while, and I'm reminded I don't wear them anymore. They're protecting Alice. I cough, feeling awkward. "Former military, sir."

The words steal all of Bernie's attention from his flowers and he slowly walks around the counter approaching me. "Well I'll be damned, soldier. Royal Regiment of Wales at your service." Bernie goes to raise his right hand, bringing his fingers to his forehead when I lean over, pressing a gentle hold on his forearm. "You don't need to do that."

Instead, he reaches up to the cap on his head, taking it off and bringing it to his chest.

A different way of showing respect.

"Any soldier is welcome here. You come back whenever you want to, how little and often you want. It feels good to be in the presence of another soldier again."

"I'd like to take you up on that offer, sir. I mean, Bernie."

"You know, Jae, you remind me of myself. I never thought this would be where I ended up after the war either. If I'm honest, I'm surprised I made it out alive." He lets out a shallow grunt. "This here was my sweet Betsy's shop. She has been my sweetheart ever since I met her at fifteen. I bought it for her. Some of the guys said a bunch of flowers is a way to a girl's heart and I went and showed them I could do better than that. So, I bought her the whole store." I notice his face soften, and he walks towards an old black-and-white photo on the wall of a beautiful girl I'm guessing to be in her twenties, outside of the shop. "She always loved flowers. Said they were special; they had the power to say things people couldn't. Hell, my house was as full of them as it is here." I notice him starting to lean on the counter, so I quickly run to grab the stool I noticed by the front door, bringing it over helping him to take a seat. His voice turns to sadness. "She started getting sick, real sick. Doctors couldn't do anything about it. My heart broke the day I lost her, and you know what her last words were to me?" I can't reply. I try to but the words don't come out. "Keep the dream alive. For a moment, I was angry, son. I didn't understand. But this here, this is her dream. And keeping it alive, means a part of her is always with me. We don't have any children to pass it onto, I just hope one day someone can take over who keeps the same dream alive as I try to do now."

Quickly wiping away the tears falling from my eyes, Bernie slowly stands up from the stool. "Thank you, son, for listening to a silly old man like me." He smiles, telling me to follow him to the back room of the florist where he keeps all the fresh flowers before working with them.

Taking my phone out of my pocket, I make sure to send a text telling Dax I'm going to be here for a while. I don't want to worry him.

And I can't help but feel excited. Leaving the army left me feeling confused and unsure. But this makes me feel grounded.

I feel as though, maybe, this is what I was meant to do all along.