47. Jae

Chapter forty-seven

Jae

"No matter what happens between us, no matter what things I might say, please know, you will always be the one I love."

I stare at the three words Dax texted me yesterday as though if I don't, I'll forget to breathe.

Dax: I love you.

It's almost as though they've become my own personal lifeline.

He's always had this way of making me know how he feels. I see it in the colour of his cheeks, the way he cuddles up to me at night, the way he kisses me so hard, he takes my breath away. But saying the words is something different. Something magical.

My wish on a star came true, he came back to me.

After Tyler texted me last night when they had both left the cliffs, I was on high alert. I didn't know what to expect when Dax walked through the door. But when he came home with a smile on his face, arms open, waiting for me to come into them, I was relieved.

He was okay.

Everything was going to be okay.

We didn't speak about the conversation he and Tyler had, that conversation could wait. I recognised the exhausted look on his face and instantly knew, the thing he needed most, was sleep. Not one million questions.

And so, not long after he returned home to me, we crawled into bed, him into my arms, as I sang words of I love you into his ear as he fell asleep.

The time I spent away from him after he sent the letter telling me not to respond was the most difficult time I've had being away. I doubted him, I doubted myself. I doubted us together. But, I shouldn't have. And I hate myself for it. Because the moment I saw his face and remembered the way his body responded to me, I knew he didn't mean the words written in that letter.

I should have known then, but at least I know now.

I woke this morning with a smile on my face. Feeling the most content I have in the longest time. Dax persuaded me to finally get some blackout blinds, so the sun isn't what woke me, it was the loss of his body against mine that did instead. I already knew he'd gone to work, we've gotten ourselves into a routine and he hates to wake me early. No matter how much I ask, he tries his hardest not to.

So instead of feeling sorry for myself, I retreat to the kitchen, finishing jobs that need doing before making a coffee and taking a break.

Does that make me a housewife? I can picture Isaac's face right now.

Taking a seat, I bring the warm drink to my lips. Inhaling the rich scent of the coffee beans. Since the wound on my side has started to heal now, the skin is becoming itchy. It's becoming more of a nuisance than a pain, but it brought me back home. It was the last thing I thought would happen, but regardless, it brought me home. As I press play on the controller to resume the next episode of ‘Grey's Anatomy', my phone lights up, revealing a handful of texts from Tyler.

Tyler: I don't know what we've done to my brother. But he's singing again. Who is this imposter?

Tyler: I'm joking, I'm happy. He's happy, that's all I care about.

Tyler: I care about you too, duh. You're good for each other.

Tyler: Thank you.

And I can't stop smiling, because finally, I'm home.

Two episodes later, I remember I didn't start the tumble dryer. Standing from the chair, I make my way towards it as I hear a knock at the door. I'm not expecting anyone to visit and I know both brothers are at the shop. I lazily press on the start button and make my way towards the door, not paying much attention when I swing it open.

"Hi, Jae." Idah smiles.

The restraint I have to hold over myself not to shout at her, demand where she's been the last few weeks, is unmatched. I've been worrying endlessly about this girl, and she turns up at my door with a "Hi Jae." But as I scan my eyes over the girl with red hair standing before me, I see the struggle in her eyes. The defeat in her face. Idah is normally full of life but before me, is a shell.

There are a million things I want to say, endless questions I want to ask, but I do none of that.

I don't say a word – they can wait.

Instead, I pull her into my arms bringing her close to me, protecting her from the demons she's evidently fighting.

It doesn't take long for her to fall asleep with her head laid on my lap. Shortly after we came into the front room, she crawled up onto the sofa and into my arms, quietly weeping with her head pressed against my thighs. The only thing I could do was run my hands through her red hair and give her the safety she was desperately seeking.

We still haven't spoken about where she's been, she's fighting a battle she obviously doesn't want to speak about. She's exhausted. And right now, she needs sleep.

Trying my hardest not to wake her up, I send both brothers a text letting them know she's here. I know they've both been worried about her too. I return the phone back to the table when she starts to fidget in my embrace.

"Where are you, Lottie?"

"Lottie, come back to me. Lottie, please come back."

"Please come back."

Her body starts to tremble, but her eyes are still closed so I think she's still asleep, but I instantly start to panic, bringing her closer to my body so I'm cradling her to my chest.

"It's okay, Idah, I've got you," I whisper as I run my hands through her hair.

The panic attacks, the nightmares, the fears are something I'm used to.

Something real.

My body goes into shock, my mind is unable to think. I'm unable to feel.

"Please come back to me, Jae, please come back."

But I can't.

I feel lost.

I'm stuck in darkness and I can't find my way out.

Where are you, Dax?

"Jae, please, you've got to wake up."

But what if I don't want to wake up? When I close my eyes, I see him.

I want to be with Dax, I can see him. I just need to get close enough to hold him.

"Soldier, you've got to wake the fuck up," Another voice shouts.

But I can't.

Please don't make me.

Where are you, pretty boy? Show me your ocean blues.

I can hear the shouting in the distance. I can feel my body being dragged along the floor. Does that mean they're taking me to him?

Where are they taking me? I've only just come home.