36. Dax

Chapter thirty-six

Dax

"It's me and you against the world, remember. No one else, just us."

I wish I hadn't fallen asleep for so long in the car because now, I feel like I've been hit by a train. Napping during the day is something I've avoided for as long as I can remember. The sun is too bright, I can still feel it on me even with my eyes closed. But Jae always knows what I need before I know myself. So, I appreciate him allowing me to sleep. Maybe that's why I fell into so much darkness when he left.

Where I'm the darkness, he's everything light.

I was excited to be reunited with my bike again, I haven't had time to ride recently, and I've felt as though I was losing a part of myself. When Jae mentioned he'd picked it up to bring back to the house with him, at first, a part of me didn't believe him and thought it was a joke. But I know he wouldn't lie to me. It just seemed too good to be true. And as I watched him carefully take it down from the back of the car, my body filled with so much excitement. Happy to be reunited with the other thing that helped me get through the difficult times for so long when he wasn't here. When I'd messed things up.

We still haven't spoken about what happened when I decided to cut off writing to him. I don't know if that's a blessing or a curse, but I often find myself waiting for the topic to be brought up. And it's that conversation I'm afraid of the most.

How do I explain something I can't even explain to myself?

How do I explain, at times I feel it's easier to push people away instead of letting them in?

And how do I explain I'm scared I might do it again?

Taking a deep breath, I stop and focus on the flowers outside the living room window. This room has quickly become my favourite in the house. Even after spending a day looking at hundreds of different types of flowers, I can never get enough of the view of Jae's sunflowers from the window. The colour of the petals reflecting through, dancing on the white walls.

Home.

"I'm going to take a shower; do you want to join me?" I hear Jae's voice from behind.

I shake my head at the question, still feeling tired. "I'm just going to lay down."

He walks towards me, and presses a kiss to the tip of my nose. My heart flutters, feeling his body pressed against mine.

He turns to walk away, heading towards the door, and I catch him off guard with my feathery voice. "Thank you for today. It meant everything to me."

He stops in his tracks. Taking a few seconds before he turns to face me once more.

He approaches me with a soft smile on his face, his voice not much louder than a whisper as he says, "You mean everything to me, Dax. I'll be as quick as I can. Pinky promise." Before turning again, and walking out the door.

I think my heart just left my chest.

I feel so lucky to have someone who understands and knows what's most important to me without having to say a word or explain. He never judges me; he's always calm with me. He's everything.

Yet I hurt him.

And I'm scared I'm going to do it again.

True to his word, he walks back into the room twenty minutes later, wearing only a pair of grey sweatpants. The wound on his side is healing, I still have to remind him at times to take it easy, but other than that, there's no complaints from him. He still wraps it when he's outside or in the shower, scared he'll do anything to reverse the recovery. But even with the white patch across his side, he looks like a work of art. "Everything okay? You're staring."

I don't respond as I immerse myself in the appearance of him. Droplets of water cascade down the plains of his rich umber muscles, looking smooth, shiny, and downright sinful after being in the shower. My mouth waters at the thought of tracing a path down his toned stomach with my tongue, lapping up every droplet I can find. The look he's giving me right now suggests he wouldn't mind if I did, either. His eyes are burning with lust as they drift down to the obvious bulge in my pants.

I need him.

The connection between us is similar to a magnetic pull, everything around us disappears, apart from the string that attaches the two of us together.

If I don't have him, it feels like I might die.

He stands there, licking his full lips that I want to take in between my teeth and bite into as he takes in the sight of me. I've always been smaller than Jae, my body isn't as built, but he's adored me anyway. He makes me feel loved, he makes me feel special, he makes me feel wanted.

He makes me feel normal.

He slowly walks his way over to me, not taking his eyes from mine. My body feels hot knowing he's watching every movement, as he crouches down in front of me, bringing his hand to the side of my face. "What are you thinking in that head of yours?"

Everything. Nothing.

I gulp desperately, my mouth suddenly dry. I'm lost for words.

I don't respond, I can't.

It takes seconds before Jae is straddling me on the sofa, his knees on either side of my hips, slowly bringing his hands back to my face, the feeling on top of me is excruciating, yet delicious. The weight of his body on top of mine is always something I've welcomed. My hips thrust up of their own volition, trying to soothe the ache that's already started low in my balls.

He lowers himself a little more to find my hips and he grunts softly when our bodies slide against one another. "I've thought about having you back in my arms for so long, Dax. Everyday, from the moment I've woken up until the moment I've gone to sleep. Sometimes I have to pinch myself to prove this is real and you're really here. I'm scared in case one day; I realise it's all just a dream."

His confession has my breath hitching.

My lips start to tremble, but at this moment, I feel strong enough to hold back the tears.

"It hurt me when you told me not to write anymore and that you were stopping. I thought you didn't want me anymore. I wondered if there was someone else, if you got sick of me, if I was too much. If me being in the army was too much. I lost a part of me that day. But since I've come back here and I've got you back, I feel whole again. I don't feel like that part is missing anymore. You complete me, Dax." His eyes soften and his cheeks warm as he continues to speak, "I know we have a past. Both together and individually. But that's not what's important to me right now. It's your future, and me being in it. That's what I want."

"But I'm broken. You don't want me. I hurt you."

"You're not broken, Dax. You just need a little help finding your way back. I didn't come here so I could become friends with you again, I came here because I want a future with you. I didn't know if you were even here, part of me hoped you were. You could go anywhere in the world, and I wouldn't hesitate to follow you there."

Don't cry, Dax, don't cry. You're strong, remember, you've got this.

"I'm sorry for hurting you, Jae. I didn't mean to stop writing to you, I didn't mean to tell you to stop. I got so used to being around you and when you were gone, I couldn't think straight. You took a part of me with you." My body is almost trembling. If I didn't have him sitting on top of me right now, controlling me, I wouldn't be able to sit up straight.

You can't run away this time, Dax, you've said what you're thinking in your mind out loud.

It's real.

"Hey, pretty boy, don't apologise, please. You have nothing to say sorry for. I'm okay, you're okay. We're here, we're together. That's all that matters, yeah? What happened, happened. We can't change the past. But we can be in control of the future. And I'm here to stay. I'm not going anywhere; I'm not leaving again."

He takes my hand and brings it to the tags around my neck.

"I can feel your body trembling. Remember what I told you. Whenever you feel overwhelmed you squeeze." He closes my fingers around the tag with his hand on top. "One, two, three."

I notice he isn't wearing his own, but I don't question where they are. He has just gotten out of the shower; he's probably just forgotten to put them back on.

"It's getting late now. Let's head up to bed, pretty boy." He presses a kiss to my nose.

I don't say anything, I just smile. He climbs down and holds out his hand, wanting me to take it, and he leads me upstairs.

In the bedroom, the air around us both, suddenly feels humid and thick.

The tension between us both, building higher and higher.

The fire returns to his eyes as they slowly become hooded. He looks starved.

For me.

I don't acknowledge I've moved until I'm now standing in front of him, slowly moving my hand to his chest.

Everything about this man is a work of art, the scars on his body from being on field, the way his chest moves in and out when he's breathing, the way he loses his words, unable to say anything.

Because of me.

As though the current that runs between the two of us sparks, my brain starts to work overtime.

Jae leaving made me relive the loss I had when I lost my mum. I was grieving for two people.

But I hadn't lost him at all.

I think maybe, I lost myself.

Because Jae makes me whole.

Jae reminds me I'm home.

No. Jae is my home.

Without a second thought, he dips his head down, meeting my lips with his own. Devouring me. Savouring me. We kiss as though it's our last day on earth. Lips and teeth clashing, sucking and tasting each other's mouths. Fireworks go off in my mind, butterflies swarm around my stomach. He's reminding me what it feels like to be alive. Truly alive. Not just a shell.

He isn't just kissing me, he's promising me. And I'm not just kissing him, I'm apologising. I can feel the smile on his lips as his tongue dances with my own, it's as though he has the same thought running through his mind.

He's always known what I think and how I feel before I've known myself.

He's always been patient with me. Always been kind.

And even though I hurt him, I no longer have the energy to worry about him leaving me. I can no longer concentrate on that. At this moment, the only thing my mind focuses on is him.

He slowly pushes me back to the bed, lifting me up to place me on top of the sheets before pushing my legs apart and climbing in between. Slowly moving his hands towards the hem of my shirt, he helps lift it over my head. He's always admired the artwork I have around my body, and he doesn't waste a single moment making sure I'm aware of that. As soon as my top is on the floor, he's kissing my stomach, my chest, my neck. Everywhere. Torturing me. Loving me.

"Keep your eyes on me, pretty boy," his masculine voice drawls, husky and deep.

My favourite tune.

He has strategically planned this moment. This is what he's best at. This is what he's been trained to do.

To infiltrate his target.

And right now, I feel like I'm suffocating and about to combust at any moment.

I lift my hips, giving him the permission he's seeking, and he smirks at the gesture.

His fingers unbutton my jeans with precision as he slides them and my boxers down my thighs slowly, making my length bounce onto my stomach. The tip now an angry shade of purple, hard and heavy in between the two of us.

For a moment, Jae doesn't move. He stands and stares at my naked form and he does what I love most about him. He smiles.

"Pretty boy, your cock is as amazing as I remember." He grips it tightly, the sensation I have missed the most, and a groan escapes me.

He moves his hand up and down before stopping and I almost cry out for him to continue, but before I can open my mouth, his plush lips are wrapped around the tip and he takes me to the back of his throat in a hurried movement.

"Fuccckk, sunshine, take it easy. It's been a while since I've had your lips on me. Let me savour it or else I'm going to come too quickly."

His face shines with mischief as he grins around my length and nods before humming while he goes back to sucking.

I stare in awe as his head bobs up and down and he takes me to the back of his throat again, harder and faster than before and I let out a moan when his throat constricts around me, it takes all the energy I have left inside of me to hold back.

"Shit. I'm going to come." My hands move to grip his head in place, stopping him from sucking, and with hooded eyes, he glares at me.

I can't help but chuckle.

"I forgot you were a hungry cock slut, but if you don't stop, I'm going to come."

"As much as I want to make you come with my dick, we have all the time in the world. But I'm starving. I need to make you come with my mouth."

Excuse me.

Before I can respond to him, his hands palm the inside of my thighs, spreading them apart further until I'm in an obscene position.

And with the way my body is right now, his hands still around my legs, keeping me wide open, it allows me to see everything he's doing.

"Eyes on me, or I'm going to stop."

"I can't, Jae," I whimper. "I need more. Please."

He rewards me by lowering his mouth again and darts out his tongue against my tight hole and I gasp at the contact.

Oh my god.

I missed his tongue on me.

He laps at my hole with reverence. Like he's on death row and I'm his last meal.

Just as I'm about to close my eyes from the insane pleasure, his tongue spears into my hole making me gasp and my eyes widen.

We stare at each other as I roll my hips making his tongue push further into me.

My body feels like it's on fire and every nerve is working overtime, trying to keep up with the stimulation.

I arch my back when he fists my cock and thrusts a few more times.

Making sure my hole is wet enough; he replaces his mouth with two of his fingers.

"Jae."

I moan louder than ever when his fingers graze that special spot.

"That's it," he murmurs. "Let me make you feel good. Let me hear your moans and let me see your face filled with pleasure."

His fingers push deeper into me, hitting my prostate continuously, and the sounds coming out of me right now are all the proof of that.

My cock is leaking and swollen, begging for attention, so I bring my hand down but Jae slaps it away.

I begin to beg him, eagerly, in search of friction, and as he notices the liquid gathering on my tip, he brings his tongue out of me to lick. Humming in appreciation the moment he tastes it.

"Mmm, delicious." He grins and the sudden urge to kiss him rushes through me.

I grip his jaw in my hand firmly, directing his face back to mine, not wanting any space between us.

I stick my tongue out while squeezing his cheeks, causing him to open up his mouth, too.

He knows what I want, what I need, and I don't have to ask.

I lick at his tongue, tasting myself on him and moan.

Our tongues begin a fight for dominance, and he submits as he continues pumping his fingers into me.

Between the two of us panting for air and the sounds of deep humming, Jae continues to whisper words of love and admiration.

"I've missed this, pretty boy."

"I'm so sorry for leaving you"

"I couldn't stop thinking about you."

"The way you taste. How you feel. Fucking perfection."

"Did you miss me as much as I missed you?"

"Please, Jae, I need you," The only words I manage to whisper.

He slides another finger into me, thrusting harder and faster, taking my cock back in his other hand, pumping to match the rhythm.

"As much as I want to take you right now, I can't. I don't want to hurt you. We need to prepare you for that. But I need to taste what I've missed."

And I explode. Spurts of cum covering my chest and stomach.

I don't take my eyes from Jae for a single moment. The smile he has on his face right now says it all. He's proud of what he's done.

He slowly removes his fingers after working me through my orgasm, making sure my balls are empty, and kisses his way back up my body. Licking the mess as he moves slowly. Humming while doing so.

He reaches my lips and places his onto mine, allowing me to taste myself again as he slides his tongue into my mouth.

It should disgust me, especially from where his tongue has just been, but I can't get enough.

I can never get enough of him.

Feeling relaxed and exhausted, he pulls away from my mouth, placing a kiss on my nose, pulling my body to his own so my head is laid on his chest.

"But what about you?"

"Shh. Now you can go to sleep. Think of the stars, pretty boy. Think of how bright they shine."

And I allow myself to fall asleep.