33. Dax

Chapter thirty-three

Dax

"It was impossible for me to love you as much as you loved me because if there's one thing I'm certain of, I loved you more."

The doors of the shop fly open as Frankie slowly makes his way inside. Lifting my head from the paperwork I'm currently working on; I notice an extra pair of feet padding close behind. I didn't see Theo at first, he's a lot shorter than his brother. He's chosen to stay by Frankie's side, close to the wall. Hidden. He wants to be invisible. I know the feeling too well. He doesn't want the attention, so I turn my focus to his brother, not wanting to make him feel uncomfortable.

"Wow, Is it already almost four?"

"What? No. It's only half past two, it's half term so school is closed for the week. Mum spoke to Tyler about it already, he knew we were coming earlier."

"Oh. Ty must have mentioned it to me, it completely slipped my mind. That's cool, do you need me to get you anything? We've got snacks and drinks in the side kitchen." I start to stand, pushing the chair out of the way so I can move around the desk to walk to the kitchen when I hear Ty shout from the side door, "Already got it!" as he walks out with a basket full and over to the sofas in the back, both boys running over to see what he has.

I wait a few minutes, allowing the boys to get comfortable as they dig into the treats we purchased for them earlier before I pull Ty to the side. "When did their mum call? I didn't hear the phone ring?"

"I spoke to her yesterday, she mentioned she had a meeting to attend. She was worried no one was able to look after them, so I told her to drop them off earlier. I'll stay back with them here until she gets back too, it's no big deal." He glances over my shoulder at the boys. "Is everything okay, Frankie? I've got some more stuff in the back?"

"No, everything's fine, thank you, Tyler and Dax."

"No problem kid." He beams.

We stand, watching the boys from a distance, not wanting to impose. The sound of muffled whispers comes from Frankie, and I notice Theo's head nod and shake several times in response. His older brother does the speaking for him, we haven't heard Theo's voice out loud. When he's comfortable talking, he will. We're not in a competition for that to happen any sooner than needs be. In multiple ways, I see a lot of myself in him. The way he's quiet and only chooses to confide in his brother in his own way, and the sketchbook he carries, popping out of his large bag, is almost similar to how I write letters.

I wonder if that's how he chooses to communicate his feelings too.

Our aim is to make sure the boys feel comfortable. So, when we notice the boys both smiling at one another, we retreat, slowly walking back to the front of the shop when we hear Frankie shout from behind, "Theo says thank you, too." As they both look at us with large grins on their small faces. The two of them look extremely alike, with little differences when you look at them long enough. Both have brown hair, Theo's has more of a curl to it than Frankie, who likes to keep his hair shorter. He also wears glasses whereas Frankie doesn't. But other than that, if you didn't know of the three-year age difference between the two of them, you would probably assume they were twins.

"Any time," I respond quickly. Looking at Tyler to my left, I see the tears in his eyes, noticing he's lost for words. This is the first time Theo has spoken to us, even if it's through Frankie. Before I say anything, he takes the back of his hand and wipes the tear away while he fakes a cough to make it look as though he wasn't just tearing up about what we both heard.

I want to tear up.

I can't help but frown because this is unusual for him. I've noticed Tyler acting strange when the boys come into the shop, but I haven't dared to push for information.

Both of us make sure we don't look over for too long or act any different than we normally would, ensuring we don't make Theo feel uncomfortable. If I could run over and give him a hug I would, I know Ty would do the same.

You don't realise how special hearing someone's voice in one way or another can be.

It's as though we asked for a distraction out loud. The door swings open again, this time, in walks Jae with three coffees in hand.

And I don't know which one I'm more thankful for right now.

"Is something wrong? you both look very suspicious," he asks while raising an eyebrow, handing out the drinks to me and Ty.

"No, we're fine," Ty speaks up. "The boys here got dropped off a bit earlier, so we're just hanging out that's all."

It's as though Jae didn't believe Ty that there was anyone else in the shop at first because he looks over his shoulder to check if anyone was there.

"Oh, hey boys, I didn't know you were here." His smile lights up the room as he speaks.

The boys don't respond verbally, as they are both tucking into the snacks Ty gave them minutes ago, but Frankie waves over, showing he heard what Jae said.

"Anyway, what did you two love birds get up to on the weekend? Actually no, forget I asked that. Don't answer, I don't want to know." Ty holds his hand up in front of his face regretting asking the question. He slowly starts to make his way over to the boys on the couches, still shaking his head while walking.

I can't help but laugh at him. And that's when I feel Jaes arms wrap around my waist, squeezing me towards his body, pressing a kiss on the back of my head. "Hi, pretty boy, I've missed you."

"Ewwwwww, we've got children here, get a room!" Ty shouts while he takes a seat, causing the two boys to laugh alongside him. Both are still more interested in what they're eating and drinking.

"I've missed you too, what have you been up to? Do anything fun?"

"Just been in the garden. I've ordered some new seeds to plant, so wanted to make sure I had some space for them when they arrived. Then I went to drop off some flowers to Lottie. I texted Idah but she hasn't gotten back to me. I went to see if she was at the cemetery but she wasn't. Has she been in contact with you at all? I'm worried about her. She's on her own." I can hear the concern in his voice. I can see the discomfort in his face and the way his shoulders are now slouched, and I know how important he is to her and she to him. "No, she hasn't been next door either. Maybe she's just having an off day? We all have one of those. I'm sure she'll reply in the morning or later on." I try to comfort him, already aware I'm doing a bad job of it, so I move my hand to his arm, slowly rubbing up and down to calm him down as much as possible.

"Yeah, maybe you're right. I don't know, I just feel uncomfortable. She's never not spoken to me for this long before. We've had the odd day or two with no contact, but not multiple days. I don't feel right about this."

"If she doesn't reply by tomorrow morning, we'll both go look for her, yeah? I know if I don't want to talk to anyone, the last thing I would want is them to turn up to where I live. People don't talk for a reason sometimes. She could even be asleep, anything. We can't jump to conclusions just yet."

"You're right," he says. Pressing another kiss to the back of my head.

As I've finally been able to have a sip of my coffee since it's cooled, the store phone starts to ring, and Jae quickly moves to the side so I can get around the counter to answer.

"Ocean Notes Records, Dax speaking… Okay that's fine, don't worry… Not a problem. I'll ring the parents and put a sign on the door outside. Hope you feel better soon. Thanks, mate. Bye."

Jae moves around the counter, placing his hand around my waist "Everything okay?"

"Yeah, Alex has had to cancel the lesson tonight," I shout towards Ty at the back. "I'm going to call the parents to let them know." I start to flick through the contact book that's kept near the phone with the parents' names in for emergencies or important information. I can hear him mumbling to the boys.

"Anything I can do to help?" Jae asks.

"Could you stand by the door just in case anyone comes early?"

"You got it, boss."

I stand, watching him walk away, unable to take my eyes away from the back of him when I hear someone answer the phone, and for a moment, I completely forget why it was I rang in the first place. Shaking my head and ignoring Jae standing at the front door, I explain to the parent on the phone that the music lesson has been cancelled this week, but it will be back on next week.

All the while subtly looking back, unable to take my eyes away from my sunshine at the door.

It didn't take much time calling all the parents, thankfully we were able to get through to them all before they left the house to come to the store. Wiping my eyes with the back of my hands, I stretch my arms above my head, letting out a yawn.

I've been sleeping much better since I started staying at Jae's house. But that doesn't keep the nightmares away.

Tyler slowly walks over, noticing my body slouching over the counter.

"You can head off if you want to, I'm covered here. I'll stay here with the boys until their mum picks them up. It's no big deal." He looks back at the two boys while saying so. While I appreciate him offering, I can't help but feel guilt. I've left him alone in the shop a lot recently, it's not fair for me to keep running off. I go to open my mouth to argue back, but he speaks up again. "Honestly, D, it's fine. Are you managing to get some sleep? You haven't been home for a few days. I'm worried about you." I shrug. Because I don't know what else to say.

Tyler knows I've had problems with sleeping since we got here. Hell, I've had problems sleeping since we lost Mum. But when I got used to sleeping beside Jae every night, those demons seemed to fade. Or maybe I forgot about them. I think that's what scared me the most when Jae left, the memory of them haunting my mind every time I closed my eyes.

Tyler on the other hand, knows all about those too.

He's heard what happens when they come to me at night. He's witnessed how I react.

"I'm getting some sleep. I am. Just not much. I don't know. It's not as bad as it was at least."

I don't want to turn my head to see the look on his face right now. I don't want to make him worry. Things between me and Jae are going great, they're better than great. They're perfect. I just can't say the same for the nights.

"I'm fine, you don't need to worry." Lie . "Everything's okay." Another lie.

"You know, you don't have to stay at his house every night. If it's because you're staying somewhere new, you're not familiar with, please come home. I don't want you to feel like you can't. I have no problem with him staying over either, I know the way you look at him. I see the way he looks at you. He cares, we both do. Please don't shut me out now that he's back."

Before I can reply, Tyler is already walking away. He doesn't listen to what I have to say.

He's hurt.

Please don't shut me out now that he's back .

Is that really what I'm doing?

I look over to the couches, seeing that he's made his way back over with the boys. Frankie has got two of the guitars from the wall, one for both of them. In the background I can hear the boys playing the song we've been learning in lessons All My Life by Foo Fighters. The two of them sing along with the chords and Theo smiles looking between both guitars, studying the finger movements.

I should go back to Jae's house or home to get some sleep. Ty offered. But seeing how he is with the two boys makes me not want to leave. It makes me want to stay. So instead of leaving, I wave Jae over and take a guitar from the wall myself, faking a smile that doesn't reach my eyes, and join in with the singing.