Twelve

Harlow

As soon as I leave Cal, I want to go back and apologize. I know I didn't mean half of what I said, but I also know it was the right thing to do. Just like back in high school, I know Cal is meant for bigger things. He's not meant to spend his life with someone like me.

I find Jacklyn in the back office, furiously going through security cam footage.

"It's just a bit of spray paint," I say. "I can't believe you're taking the village down a day after Christmas because of this. You can just cover it up."

Jacklyn throws me a murderous look. "It was one of those brats, I know it."

I press my lips together so I don't respond. The chances are it was some teenagers, but I've known Jackie long enough to know nothing's going to get through to her when she's like this.

"Who are the ones who would do something like this?" she asks.

"None of them. They're little kids. They're not here to scope out the best place to graffiti. Besides, most of them were here with parents and wouldn't have had the time to even consider doing something like this."

" Most of them came with parents. What was that foster kid's name?"

"Jacklyn." My voice is sharper than I've ever used it with my sister. I can't believe she would blame this on George. "He's nine years old. He didn't do anything wrong."

"You're the one who brought up parents."

"Oh for fuck's sake. He was with his social worker. It wasn't like he was running around like an animal in the woods."

"What's his name?"

"It wasn't him."

"Then tell me his name."

"No," I snap, anger flooding through me like a tidal wave. "You're not going to accuse him of something he didn't do. You're not going to mess up his life like that."

"Well, if you think a little bit of graffiti isn't a big deal, then it won't mess up his life."

"Like stealing a paper isn't a big deal?" The question is out of me before I can stop it. I hadn't meant to ask it or even bring it up. But she's talking about George exactly like how she talked about me back in freshman year. I know she's not responsible for everything that happened afterwards because I made my own decisions, but it still hurts. Probably more than I should let it go.

"You're still holding onto this?" Jackie scoffs. "It was ages ago. Just let it go."

I should. It's what I've always done when I realized she didn't care about what she was doing. But I think of Cal and the fierceness in his voice when he told me that it was okay to still be upset about it.

"You shouldn't have made me take the blame for something like that."

Jackie pauses the security cam footage and shoots me an incredulous look. "It was high school, Harlow. Grow up."

"It wasn't just high school. It's not even about the papers. Anyone else could've done that to me, and I wouldn't have cared. Cheating in school isn't the end of the world. But it was you who did it. You were always on my side with Mom and Dad, and you didn't treat me differently even though they did. And then you just changed. And I deserve to know why."

Jacklyn's eyebrows raise. "Oh, you deserve to know? As if you don't already." She shakes her head. "You're the one who became popular over the summer."

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"You spent your summer making friends and going to parties while I studied. And then you aced our first paper, and I could barely get a C. How was that fair?"

"Fair? Are you fucking kidding me?" I can't believe that was the issue, that was what made her act that way all through high school.

Jackie shrugs. "It's not as though Mom and Dad had any plans to help you get through college. It all went to me. You didn't need the grades."

My hands shake with anger, so I fold them into fists at my sides. "You ruined our relationship because I was better in school than you?"

"I didn't ruin it," she snaps. "You're the one who made such a big deal out of it. If our relationship meant that much to you, you shouldn't have let the fact that I wanted you to write papers bother you so much."

She turns her attention back to the videos and starts watching again.

I stand there and try to breathe around the sudden tightness in my chest. I'd known things with Jackie were bad, but I guess I didn't really want to think about how bad it had gotten. But now I'm seeing her in a new light. I'm seeing who she really is.

I'd thought we used to be close, but we never were. She tolerated me until she needed something from me, and when I didn't want to give it to her, the unconditional love I thought she had for me turned out to be dependent on what I could do for her.

And what really kills me is I still love her. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I've been waiting for her to grow up and realize what she did. It was never about letting her take credit for my work; it was about how much she hurt me while she did it.

I take a breath and let it out slowly. "Did you miss me at all, Jackie?"

She glances up. "Of course I missed you."

"If you could go back in time and change what happened in high school so we could have a relationship again, would you?"

She pauses a beat, but I don't get my hopes up this time. I already know her answer; I just need to hear her say it.

"No," Jackie says, just like I knew she would. "Because everybody gets over what happens in high school. You'll forget about this some day."

"No, I won't." I shake my head and turn away from her. "File a complaint about the vandalism if you want to. I'm done."

She calls after me, but I ignore her. My chest feels heavy, but at the same time, it feels as though a burden has lifted off me. I'd kept holding out hope, certain she'd change. Now I know for certain she never will.

Even though it didn't change anything, I feel better for having told her the truth, letting her see how angry I am about what she did. I feel like I can finally start moving on.

As soon as the thought enters my mind, Cal's face pops up along with it, and I slow as I step outside the building and into the winter air.

I shouldn't have been so short with him. I was upset about Jackie's texts, and they just reminded me that I wasn't good enough for someone like Cal.

But maybe…maybe I was wrong about that.

I wave Aubrey down and ask her where Cal went.

"He had someone come pick him up," she replies with a shrug. "He seemed pretty upset."

My stomach sinks, and I get angry at myself all over again for letting how I felt about my sister affect everything else. Especially something as important as my relationship with Cal.

Well, I'm done with that. I deserve to be happy just like everyone else, and Cal makes me happier than I ever thought I could be.

I touch Aubrey's elbow. "I'm going to go talk to him. But…you should go home. This is Jackie's problem to deal with, and something tells me she won't be back next year."

I don't wait around to see if she does what I suggest. The only thing that matters right now is talking to Cal before it's too late.