Thirteen

Calvin

When there's a knock on the door about an hour after we get home, Min shoots me a look.

"Don't answer," she says. "Make him grovel."

"I'm not interested in hearing him grovel."

"He broke up with you in a fucking parking lot the day after Christmas."

"I'm not excusing it. I just… He's hurting, Min."

"So is the half the population of the earth."

The knock sounds again, and I shove up from the bed but turn to look back at Min. "You want me to go to his apartment or—"

"I'm out of here," she says, grabbing her bag from where she dropped it on the floor just an hour ago. "But if you need me, you call me. I'm not going far in case I need to swing back and kick his ass."

"Thanks, Min." There's no way in hell I'm calling her because I have a feeling she's being serious.

She leaves out the back door, and I move down the hallway into the foyer so I can open the front door.

Harlow's standing on the porch, his hands pushed into the pockets of his coat. "Hey," he murmurs. "Can we talk?"

I step back to let him in even though a part of me doesn't want to. It's not that I'm angry with him; it's that I don't want to get hurt again. I've never let anyone have that kind of power over me. Not even Jesse could upset me that much.

When Harlow steps into the house, I close the door behind him, then lead him into the living room.

A fire's going in the fireplace, and I wish it didn't feel so damn cozy in here right now.

"I'm sorry," Harlow says. "I shouldn't have spoken to you that way. I was an ass."

I cross my arms over my chest. "I don't like you acting like that just because you're angry with Jacklyn. You can't just lash out at me like that."

"I know." He palms the back of his neck and hesitates, and I realize with surprise that he's nervous. I don't think I've ever seen him like that.

Harlow clears his throat after a long pause and looks up to meet my gaze. "It wasn't just about Jackie. Actually, it was barely about her. I…"

I give him a few seconds after he trails off before pressing. "You what?"

"Last night scared me," he admits softly. "I've never felt like this with anyone before. No one's ever made me feel like this before. Like…like I matter to them."

Some of my anger ebbs. I couldn't imagine feeling that way. Yeah, Jesse was a world-class asshole, but I've always had my parents. I have Min. I've never felt truly alone.

"I know the kids at the village like me, but it's different with them. I take care of them. But when I'm with you…we take care of each other." His face reddens, and he glances away from me. "I know that's ridiculous—"

"It's not," I interrupt, taking a step closer to him. "I feel the same way. But I don't want to be with someone who pushes me away whenever they get scared. I want to be able to be there for you."

"I know," he mumbles. "And I'm sorry about that. I've wanted to be with you since high school, but I never thought you'd want to be with me. And I know I shouldn't have let that scare me. But if you give me another chance, I swear I'll try harder to trust you."

For a minute, I can't even think. I can barely breathe. There's so much rolled into what he said, but some part of it sticks out a little more than the rest.

"You've wanted to be with me since high school?" I ask, trying to imagine how different things would've gone had I known that back then.

"Yeah." He clears his throat and rubs the back of his neck again. "But you were so fucking smart, and I didn't think you'd want me back."

"Harlow." I close the distance between us and take his hands in mine. "I can't imagine what it must've been like for you back then, after everything you told me about your parents and Jackie. But that part of your life is over now. And you don't ever have to change or hide from me. I like you just the way you are, and there's no one out there who could ever change my mind."

Disbelief creeps into his eyes, so I hold his gaze, making sure he sees the sincerity in mine. I will never understand how his own family could treat him that way, but I'm not scared of being the one who shows him that he deserves the unconditional kind of love.

"I'm sorry for what I said in the parking lot," Harlow whispers. He presses his forehead to mine and closes his eyes. "Last night wasn't meaningless. It was fucking amazing. I just… I wanted to leave you before you had the chance to leave me now that you got what you needed from me."

I swallow my first instinct, to defend myself. To tell him I'm not that kind of person. Harlow already knows that on a base level; he doesn't need to hear me say it.

Instead, I pull him close and wrap my arms around him. "I've never wanted anyone like I want you," I tell him. "I love what we do in the bed, but I need you to hear me when I say that isn't what made me fall in love with you. It was so many other things too, especially the way you are with the kids at the Christmas village."

Harlow takes a deep breath and pulls back a little to meet my gaze. "I am sorry for what I said in the parking lot."

"It's okay." I lift my hand and curve it against the back of his neck. "I don't need you to be perfect, Harlow. I just need you to be mine."

The smile he gives me could light up the whole Christmas village. "Of course I'm yours, Cal."

My chest warms, and I pull him closer so I can press my mouth to his. When he kisses me back, I feel the longing in him. The desire. Things Jesse had almost made me believe no one could feel for me. But Harlow showed me something different.

I pull away to meet his gaze. "Well, in case you don't know, I'm yours too."

He reaches up to cup the side of my face, his thumb brushing my cheek gently. "I'm going to love you forever, Cal."

My heart nearly bounds out of my chest at his words. "I'm going to love you forever too."

"Promise?" There's the smallest hint of insecurity in his voice when he asks, even though he tries to hide it.

So I pull him back to me again, promising him forever with one more kiss.