Chapter 38Janie

Chapter 38 Janie

“Janie? Did you hear what I said?”

Tabitha’s booming voice send a shiver down my spine, and I made an effort to sit up. “Yes, I heard you.”

I’d been distracted throughout the Art Deco Gala committee meeting, and she knew it.

“Well, it’s settled then. Janie will MC on Saturday. My nephew Gus will handle the video production. We don’t have a still photographer, unless that Turkish friend of yours is available?”

I startled at the mention of Emir, the mask I fancied myself wearing in public momentarily slipping. I’d joined the committee to keep my mind off Emir, as if it was possible. I’d also hoped it would be too late to rope me into anything too high profile, yet I could say I’d supported the cause.

“No, he’s not,” I managed to say, my cheeks blazing like two tiny heaters.

The stuffy conference room with its tiny Art Deco windows felt even stuffier than before. Tabitha cast a meaningful look at Maree, who released the straw she’d held in her mouth the whole time, slowly suckling a giant plastic tub of boba tea.

Tabitha’s eyebrows shot up. “Oh. Did he go back to Turkey?”

“Yes.”

Sensing a juicy piece of gossip, she wrapped up the meeting and sent everyone else home. I tried to sneak out between two old guys, but she grabbed my sleeve, pulling me aside.

I was so tired, feeling so lost and alone, that I sat down at Tabitha’s request, deflating like a balloon. Aria was leaving next week. I had no one left, other than my son and my horse, and neither of them were particularly eager to discuss my heartbreak. Tabitha was.

Her dark eyes, sharp and beautifully lined, observed me with avid interest.

“We’re all worried about you, Janie.”

“Don’t worry,” I said, trying to smile brightly. “I’m fine.”

“Are you?”

Be yourself and anyone who’s worth knowing will stick around.

Emir’s words popped up without warning, making my heart squeeze with fresh pain. He would have just laid it out, unapologetically. Why couldn’t I have an ounce of his character? As much as I’d rolled my eyes at his frowns and stunted social skills, he was authentic, and I was tired of games. I craved his direct manner. I craved everything about him.

“Okay. I’m not.” I lifted my chin, for the first time deliberately making eye contact with Tabitha. “I love Emir. I desperately want to follow him across the world, but my life is here. My son is here. I can’t.”

Tabitha’s mouth opened and she stared at me for many seconds. Maree looked between us, mesmerized.

Finally, Tabitha pulled out a chair and sat next to me. “See if you can make us some tea,” she instructed Maree, who nodded and tiptoed towards the back of the conference room.

I had to remind myself to breathe. Did I want them to know my deepest, darkest secrets? I’d been trying to protect myself from gossip, present myself in just the right way, but all that pretense had cut me off from truly connecting with people. I didn’t ask for help. I didn’t show weakness. The only one I talked to was Aria—mainly because she’d first opened up, crying against my shoulder. But suddenly, protecting my image didn’t feel that important anymore. If I couldn’t have Emir, I didn’t want the status. I didn’t want to win the divorce. I didn’t even care what strangers thought of me.

Well, no. I cared a little. But I felt a strange elation as I watched Tabitha’s eyes soften and her face relax.

“Oh, Janie,” she finally said. “We’ve all been there. Falling in love is awful. I mean, it’s great, but also awful when you’re not young anymore and things are complicated. I fell for my personal trainer. A gorgeous man. Obviously, I had to let him go. We both agreed it was a terrible idea. It was so hard to end it.” She shook her head, whipping the glossy black bob from side to side. “But you and this Turkish man… who is delicious I must say… you’re both single, right? Why do you let any obstacle stand in the way?”

She placed her hand on mine and to my surprise, I didn’t feel like breaking the contact. Her beautifully made-up eyes studied me with compassion I’d never seen before.

“It’s not that simple. He has his business to attend to. He’s not that wealthy and I… I have one son during the school term and two during the holidays. It’s impossible.”

Maree returned with three steaming cups of tea. “I couldn’t find any milk.”

“That’s okay.” I took a sip of the strong, dark brew, immediately thinking of Emir. Had I even stopped thinking about him? Would I ever stop?

“We can help!” Tabitha exclaimed, her bright red nails dancing in the air as she gestured. “We’ll find something for your sons… a holiday program?”

Maree nodded. “There are lots! The aquarium runs one. They might still have places.”

“Alex is eighteen. Even Josh might be a bit too old for that, but I can’t leave them home alone. They can’t drive. I mean, I wouldn’t let Alex…”

“We can keep an eye on them. Drop off groceries. Take them out to town.”

Tabitha’s eyes sparkled. I’d never seen her so happy. Was this all she’d been hoping for? An opportunity to step up and make herself useful?

“That’s a lovely thought, thank you. But I couldn’t just leave the boys here. My agreement with Shaun is that I get them for the holidays. It makes no sense for them to be here if I’m not.”

I gathered my handbag, standing up. “Thank you, but I have to get home to Josh.”

Tabitha followed me to the door. “But Josh lives here now. And Alex is technically an adult. Why wait for the holidays? I can move in for a week and drive Josh to school. My kids don’t need me anymore. Adrian can cook for himself for a few days. Or Uber Eat as much as he likes without my supervision.” She pulled a face.

I allowed myself a tiny little nod, feeling like the worst human. How could I even entertain this idea? But I couldn’t stop staring at Tabitha. She looked so much more real. Polished and pruned, but less intimidating. Was this what Emir had been talking about? I’d judged her as fake, but maybe I’d been the fake one and she’d just reflected that. You attract what you are.

“Are you serious?” I asked. “You’d do that for me?”

“If it means you have a chance at happiness,” she said firmly, clasping her hands, red nails slotting in neat rows.

My chest contracted. Did I? Even if I made it to Istanbul, I couldn’t stay there. I couldn’t drag Emir to New Zealand against his will. I couldn’t manufacture a happy ending.

“I don’t know if I do,” I whispered. “I can’t see a way we can make this work. I just miss him. I have to stop thinking about him. I’m sure it’ll fade over time.”

She gave a slow, considerate nod. “Maybe you don’t see the way because you’re here and he’s there. Maybe you need to go over there, and the answer will emerge. Trust emergence. I have a poster on my wall saying that.”

Her mouth twitched, giving me permission to laugh. Together, we cracked up and it only took a few seconds for tears to emerge in my eyes.