Chapter 17

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

LANDON

" T hanks again for this," Vivian says over the coffee table.

I do my best to smile in a civilized way. The memory of what I did with her daughter last night is almost like a physical entity in the room, on the couch she's sitting on. Sure, the sheets are in the laundry. I made sure of that.

"That's okay."

"Does Lily seem like she's acting strange to you?"

I barely know her , I almost say, but lying to Lily's mother feels wrong. Instead, I take a sip of black coffee and lean forward. "It might have something to do with me."

Vivian tilts her head. She always had empathetic eyes. That was one thing that made Russel's treatment of her so rough. Rough Russel, she started calling him toward the end, a way to diminish him in her eyes. He was like a giant before that.

"With you, Landon?"

I swallow. "Last night, your daughter and I … kissed." I can't include all of it.

Vivian flinches, her personality shifting in real time. " Excuse me?"

I can't back down now. "She's a very beautiful woman, and she's so interesting, so intelligent?—"

"I told you how Russ love-bombed me," she cuts in, her tone suddenly distant. It's how she sounded when she was coming down off the drugs. She said the only way she could save herself was to switch off her feelings like an electrical device.

"That's not what this is," I retort.

"Why, then?"

"I told you. She's beautiful, intelligent, exquisite …"

Vivian waves a hand, leaning down and speaking in a hiss. "Why not somebody your age?"

"This isn't about age," I say. "It's about the fact I haven't dated in a damn long time. I never thought I'd want to. Then I saw Lily, and something changed. She changed me. I can't explain it."

"Love at first sight, was it?" Vivian says as she empties the remaining breakfast into the paper bags. When I move to help her, she snaps, " I can do it, thank you!"

"I'm not like Russel," I tell her.

"That's what I thought," she snaps. "When you came to us, saved us … Do you know what Lily used to call you? Her knight in shining armor. For a good while after the case, she would wait up for you, convinced you were going to visit her. You're a big reason she pursued social work."

I swallow. "I was trying to do the right thing."

"You did the right thing … then, but you're not doing the right thing now. Do you seriously think she can accurately judge a relationship with you , Landon? Seriously? How could she? You've been her hero for too long."

I lean back, running my hand through my hair. A logical man would leave here. A logical man would accept this, but with the end so damn close, I can't. Believe it or not, she feels like a lifeline.

"She can make her own decisions, can't she, Vivian? If she can do her job, surely she can think for herself."

"She's twenty-one. She's never even had a boyfriend. She stands no chance against you."

"Again, I'm not Russel. I'm not some seasoned playboy. I don't mess with women's heads like he did. I don't make a sport of it."

"How do I know you're telling the truth?"

"The truth about what?" We turn to find Lily standing in a crumpled white shirt, her hair still wet, her pants hanging loosely with her belt undone. She fastens it as she says, "You guys didn't realize how loud you were being, did you? What are you talking about?"

"He told me about your little romantic scene last night," Vivian says.

Lily gasps and looks at me with an expression of complete betrayal. It makes me feel so callous. She thinks Vivian is talking about everything: the intimacy, the steaminess.

"I told her about our kiss," I quickly correct so she understands.

"Oh …" She relaxes a tiny bit. "Right, and what do you think, Mom?" Lily does an excellent job hiding how anxious this conversation makes her, but I can see the nerves.

"Isn't it obvious? I've always told you never to get involved with an older man. They have too much of an advantage over you. They can twist your head any way they want, and you, Lily, with him ? He was your knight in shi?—"

"Mom," she cuts in, her cheeks blushing fiercely.

"Well, he was!" she snaps. "How are you going to judge anything with him accurately?"

"I'm not trying to trick anyone," I bark, standing up. "I'm not that sort of guy. I never have been. I haven't dated in years; even when I did, it was hollow. It wasn't like …" I stare at Lily, the messiness of her hair and flushed cheeks, that lip-biting that entrances me. "… this."

She swallows, her throat shifting, the blush spreading. It's like I can see the uncertainty battling inside her.

"Please, Landon," Vivian says. "We don't need to hear this. Lily needs time to process the kiss."

"Mom, don't speak for me," Lily replies.

"Am I wrong?" Her mother demands.

"I … I don't know!" she yells, throwing her hands up.

"See? Now you're stressing her out."

"It's not him , Mom. It's just everything."

"Everything, meaning the kiss."

"Mom," she snaps. "Please."

"I'm going to give my honest opinion on this." Vivian glares at me, a far cry from the gratitude I've seen on her face until now. "There's only one reason older men target women your age. They want control ."

"She's making me lose control," I say, my voice loud, my passion too obvious. "Until I saw her at The Row, I lived a cold, calculated life. I was ice . You hear me? Then she came along and melted me, and I don't give a damn how that sounds."

" Melted you," Vivian hisses. "After, what, a few meetings? One? Two? How many?"

"Mom," Lily whispers, her voice tangled with confusion. "You don't know how I feel about this."

"Do you?" Vivian counters, and Lily doesn't have an answer for that. She folds her arms and stares right at me. Despite the circumstances, I have to admire her mother-bear instincts. I'm happy Lily has somebody so capable and fierce looking out for her. "Let's make it simple. Are you going to marry my daughter?"

"Mom."

"Do you envision a serious future? Let's assume this isn't a scam to get her into bed. Let's assume you're not just playing on her emotions."

"That's a safe assumption," I say coldly.

"How far are you going to take this?"

"Mom …"

"I have every right to ask," Vivian snaps.

"I don't know," I say. Months, not years … "Recently, I went to the doctor. He gave me some bad news. Truthfully, I don't know how much longer I've got."

"What?" Vivian snaps, and I know right away she doesn't believe me. I can't blame her. I saw how badly Russ messed with her head. "Do you expect us to believe that?"

"Are you serious?" Lily says, her voice cracking.

"Yeah," I say. "I'm just waiting on the follow-up appointment to confirm a few details, but the doc said it looks like months, not years." Emotion tears at my voice, making it raspy, husky. "Truthfully, I don't know what kind of future I can offer, but I'd never hurt Lily. I'd never manipulate her. I'd never use her."

I stride for the door. There's a tear in my eye, just one. I can feel it clinging to my lash like it's trying to make me break down. This is all too damn much to go from an ordered, peaceful existence to this.

Walking across the street, I climb into my car, looking one last time at the apartment, but Lily doesn't come out or even stand at the window. I can't blame her. I hope they remember what I said about my cell. Day or night, they can call me.