9. Rafe

"Come on, Theo, you"ve been staring at that blank canvas for at least an hour." I rested a hand on his shoulder. "Why don"t you consider taking a break?"

He jerked slightly at my touch, and his eyes blinked rapidly when he looked away from the empty expanse. He had dark circles under his eyes that were starting to concern me.

"I don"t know what"s wrong. I"m having a rough time focusing," he said softly. When I try to paint, I start thinking about the conversation with Mom all over again. I see the disapproval in her eyes, bitterness in her voice, and…" His voice trailed off, too soft for me to understand. Then, he glanced at the framed photo of Dawson nearby.

I squeezed his shoulder, trying to massage the knotted muscle beneath my fingers. "You know, it"s okay to get a little overwhelmed occasionally. You"ve been through so much. Cut yourself some slack."

He sighed. "I thought I was doing much better, moving forward and becoming whole again. Sometimes, though, I start to spiral, and then I feel like I"m fighting to breathe all over again."

Theo"s shoulders slumped, and I missed his usual vibrant energy. That"s when an idea appeared in my mind. If he needed a break, maybe I could come up with a way to escape the constant reminders of his past pain. Perhaps I could help him find peace, even if it were temporary.

I turned to look Theo in the eyes. "Let"s get out of here. Let"s take a little trip, just you and me. I"ll ask Sarah for a few days off, and we can get out of town."

He looked excited for a few seconds, and then he looked down. "I don"t know. There"s so much work to catch up on here. I"m behind on paperwork for the gallery, and I"ve let the paintings slide, and…"

I interrupted him. "It will all still be here when you get back. If you don"t care for yourself, you might slide even deeper into a hole. Let me put these plans together for you and us."

Theo looked up again and blinked. "If we do this, where would we go?"

I was one step ahead of him in my thoughts. "Why don"t you leave that to me and let it be a surprise? I can find somewhere perfect to relax and be ourselves together, away from the noise and clutter of our everyday worlds."

A slight smile appeared on his lips. "Okay. I guess things around here couldn"t get much more difficult. Let"s do this."

With a sense of purpose, I embarked on planning a 3-day trip. It would help heal not only Theo"s wounded heart but mine, too. We"d remind ourselves of the power of our growing love and the immense support we offered each other.

I spent hours late in the evening researching available cabins in the Northwoods. I wanted somewhere two hours or less away by car. When I finally found the perfect cozy retreat surrounded by pine forest and a short walk from a serene lake, I immediately made reservations.

The pictures showed a rustic cabin with large windows. It included a stone fireplace and a deck with a lake view. I imagined the two of us relaxing with nature as our company, listening to the call of the loons on the water.

As I sat across from Theo at a cozy Blue Harbor diner that evening, my knee bounced in anticipation of sharing my news. Fortunately, it was a good day for him, and he looked relaxed. I speculated that we might already be turning a corner.

"I"ve got a surprise," I announced. Reaching across the table, I took his hand in mine.

"A surprise? What do you mean? What kind of surprise?" His brows knitted together.

"Remember the getaway idea? I found the perfect place. It"s a cozy cabin nestled in the woods. It"s the ideal place for you, me, nature, and plenty of time to relax."

While I described the cabin with huge windows looking out over the lake and a fireplace, the lines of worry and stress on Theo"s forehead began to fade. I breathed a sigh of relief and couldn"t wait to be away from the pressures of everyday life.

We loaded our bags into the car on a beautiful early summer morning. I teased Theo about packing like he was going away for a month. He laughed. "I never can decide what I want to wear. It always seems like I need plenty of options…just in case."

"In case we have an audience with the King?"

Theo chuckled. "You never know."

As I drove onto the highway out of Blue Harbor, the familiar sights of the town gave way to rolling hills. I glanced at Theo next to me. He watched the passing scenery with a soft smile on his lips. His shoulders lacked their usual tension, and his hands rested comfortably in his lap.

"I can"t believe this is happening." He turned to face me. "I haven"t taken real time off since… well, you can guess. Three days for just the two of us… wow."

"You need to do this once in a while." I tapped the steering wheel. "It"s impossible to be focused on the hard stuff all the time. That will wear you down. You need opportunities to relax and recharge."

"How many of those have you taken recently, Rafe?"

I sighed. "Point taken. We both have important lessons to learn from this trip."

"You"re amazing. You often know what I need before I know it myself." Theo reached over and placed a hand on my thigh.

"I have a good explanation for that."

Theo squeezed my thigh. "I hope this isn"t something supernatural."

I laughed. "Of course not. It"s simple. It"s because I love you, and what I want to do most is make you smile. Whenever I see you do that, I fall in love again."

"Damn, you"re gonna make me cry—happy tears. I love you, too."

We were both silent for a few minutes, and I drove on with towering pines starting to rise on both sides of the road. I turned the car radio on, and we sang along, our voices blending in a pleasing harmony.

Theo pointed out sights along the road—stunning vistas or intriguing roadside attractions. His artist"s eye gave him keen insight. He saw things differently from most people. The beauty in the most ordinary objects rarely escaped him. Following his suggestion, we made an impromptu stop at a farm stand and gathered fresh berries for our trip.

A sense of lightness took hold as we drew closer to our destination. "I can"t remember the last time I felt this free," Theo declared. He pushed his head back against the seat with a beatific smile on his face. "I"m not sure I can adequately describe it, but it"s like all that clamoring noise in my head is fading away. In its place, I have the fun songs on the radio, and you are telling me you love me."

Theo turned his head to face me and wiped a tear from the corner of his eye.

I understood the sensation well. It came to me multiple times while baking in Lainey"s kitchen. "Now, you understand the magic of a road trip. It"s like we"re hitting the reset button on our lives. We"re relogging and starting fresh."

When I pulled up at the cabin, it looked exactly like the photos online. The trees cast dappled shadows across the front porch. I killed the engine and turned to Theo, holding his hand to my lips. "We"re here. No worrying about time deadlines allowed."

"It"s perfect," Theo sighed. "I don"t know what I expected, but this is even better." He piled out of the car and stretched his arms wide. "That scent of pine. I love it."

Hand-in-hand, we walked up to the cabin"s front door. Window boxes hanging on the front porch rail and overflowing with flowers greeted us. I tightened my fingers around Theo"s, anticipating what we would find inside.

After unlocking the door and pushing it open, I stepped to the side to let Theo in first. I heard him gasp as he stepped inside and looked around.

It was perfect, as the photos online promised. It had rough, exposed rafters, comfy, lodge-style furniture, and large windows that let in vast amounts of natural light. A stone fireplace dominated the wall to the right. It promised cozy nights cuddled together while flames crackled and filled the air with a woodsy scent.

Theo was like a child on Christmas morning. His eyes were wide with wonder as he explored every corner of the cabin. He ran his fingers over the stone mantel and peeked into the bedroom, telling me how wonderful the bed was. Finally, he returned to the living room and looked out at the view of the forest and the lake in the distance.

"Did you check out the kitchen?" I asked.

"Only glanced at it." Theo returned and eagerly opened the cupboards and drawers. He chuckled and exclaimed, "Look at this!" when he found well-stocked shelves and modern conveniences. "There"s even a programmable coffee maker. It"s like the wilderness with gourmet kitchen facilities."

I stepped up behind him and wrapped him in my arms. "It"s so wonderful to see you this way. It"s like you"ve come back to life. Somebody breathed the spirit of the woods into you, and it brings back memories of my family"s trips to the Adirondacks when I was little and still carefree."

As the sun descended, we lit a fire in the fireplace that evening. Soon, a warm glow and crackling sounds filled the cabin. I made a cup of hot cocoa for each of us, and we settled onto the large sofa with a perfect view of the fire.

It was the perfect environment for conversation. I found myself opening up to Theo in ways I hadn"t before. I shared more stories about my childhood, struggles with my ex, and the lifeline Lainey and Jack gave me. He listened intently, the reflection of the flames bouncing in his eyes.

When I decided to shift the conversation, I had a question to ask. "Theo, I know we"ve talked about the hard stuff, particularly your mom not being as understanding as you"d hoped, but what about other friends and family? Have they been there for you through all of this?"

He stared at the fire before speaking. "That"s been hard, too." I heard a hint of sadness in his voice. "When Dawson first got sick, everybody rushed to help. They brought food and offered to sit with him at the hospital so I could go home and get some rest, but then… over time, they kind of disappeared. I don"t know whether the novelty of the emergency wore off or it all became real, and they didn"t know how to handle it. It"s tough knowing that somebody so young will… die." Theo choked up, and I held him close.

An empathy pain ached in my chest, thinking about how isolating and painful the experience had to have been. Theo"s support system crumbled when he needed it most. I tightened my grip on his shoulders as he continued his story.

"Some of them would make excuses. They would say they were too busy with their work or family obligations. I"d get quick phone calls telling me they would visit sometime soon. Unfortunately, soon never arrived. There were a few who stopped reaching out completely, like they were worried the cancer might be contagious… or something." Theo let out a rueful laugh and shook his head.

"I"m so sorry." I kissed his cheek softly. "It must have been incredibly lonely and frustrating."

"It was, and it wasn"t only about me. I had these visions that it was like Dawson was pitching the game of his life, and then all of his fielders left. He had the impossible task of trying to win a game without the support of his team."

"But Tyler stayed by your side, didn"t he?" I asked, remembering some of the stories shared after we went to the baseball game.

Theo smiled, and the warmth came back to his eyes. "Tyler. He"s proof that angels walk the earth. He was the one constant through everything. He was immediately there every time Dawson had to go back to the hospital. I also called him late at night a few times when I just needed somebody who would listen."

"That"s wonderful. When I first saw him, I understood he was a good man."

Theo nodded. "He even helped me plan Dawson"s memorial service, handling the little details I couldn"t face. That"s why the high school baseball games are so important to me. I want to be there for Tyler, too, and at the games, at the same field where Dawson played, I feel closer to him."

"He sounds like an incredible friend."

"He is," Theo agreed. "I don"t know how I would have made it through without him, but even with that support, I still felt incredibly alone at times. It was like nobody understood or was willing to take the time to hear me out about what I was going through."

I understood all too well. When I was in New York City, I had to navigate my struggles with my abusive relationship on my own. The isolation twisted my sense of reality.

I kneaded Theo"s shoulders. "The good news is that you aren"t alone anymore. You have me; I promise I will always be here for you.

He sat up and turned his head so his eyes could meet mine. His intense gaze made my heart skip a beat. "I know you"re here, and that means the world to me, but we can"t rely solely on each other for support. We have to build a network of people who understand and care about us. We need others to turn to when things get rough."

I nodded, understanding his point. "You"re right. As much as I love seeing myself as your rock, bringing in others is important."

"You"ve got it." Theo"s eyes sparkled. "We can create our own community. It will be our chosen family, full of people who love us and accept us for who we are. We"ll stand by them, too, through good and bad times."

***

The following morning, we fully embraced the camping concept and embarked on a hiking trip through the surrounding forest. With well-placed signs along the way, the trail wound among the trees, and we inhaled the earthy scent of moss while the leaves rustled beneath our feet.

Along the way, Theo pointed out a wide range of plants. "Oh, look at that!" he shouted with delight. When he crouched down, I saw a delicate wildflower with purple petals. "It"s a wild iris. They"re rare, but it"s the third time I"ve seen one."

I grinned. "Are you sure you don"t have a degree in botany? You know so many of the plants."

Theo shrugged. "I"ve just learned along the way, and somebody has to keep you from stumbling into a patch of poison ivy."

We shared stories and jokes along our trek, our laughter echoing off the trees. The stresses of everyday life seemed to be miles and miles away.

As we climbed over a slight rise, the sound of rushing water in the distance caught our attention. When we drew closer, we saw a small stream cutting across our path with rushing water babbling over smooth rocks.

I pointed to a series of large, flat stones resembling a makeshift bridge crossing the stream. "Look at that. I bet those are the best way to get to the other side without wading and getting our feet all wet."

Theo scratched his head. "I don"t know. See the moss along the side? I think the rocks look pretty slippery. Maybe we should take our shoes off and wade anyway."

"No, I don"t think so." I injected a hint of challenge into my voice. "Where"s your sense of adventure? Surely, you"re not afraid of a little balancing act."

Theo raised an eyebrow. "Scared of that? Surely, you jest. I"ll have you know I scored all plus marks on the balance beam in my elementary school gym class."

I chuckled as I watched him confidently step out onto the rocks, arms out to the side, head held high. I followed close behind and bit my lip when my balance wobbled."

"See?" Theo called back over his shoulder. "There"s nothing to it. I"m a pro at this kind of thing."

Those were his famous last words.

As he placed his foot on the next rock, his confidence failed him. His foot slipped on the slick, moss-covered surface, and he lost his balance. His arms windmilled, and he yelped in shock. I reached out to steady him, but I was too late, watching helplessly as Theo tumbled into the stream with a huge splash.

For a second, I couldn"t move. I was frozen to the spot, my eyes wide in shock. He struggled to pull himself out of the water, his fingers slipping on the moss. As he flopped around, laughter began to bubble up from inside me.

"Oh, man, Theo, are you okay?" I did my best to hold back peals of laughter.

He finally sat up on one of the stones in the middle of the stream, his hair lying slick and wet across his forehead. He blinked, and a sheepish grin appeared on his face. "I guess I got a little too cocky." He shook his head like a wet dog and tried to wring some of the water out of his shirt.

I doubled over, holding on to my stomach when a wave of laughter finally escaped. "A little? I thought you were going to tell me you won an Olympic medal in balance beam before you took that spectacular dive."

He joined in my laughter. "Okay, okay, maybe I overestimated my talent a little bit. Still, in my defense, those rocks are very slippery."

While I continued to giggle, I reached for Theo"s hand. When he grabbed onto me and tried to pull himself up, his foot slipped again, this time on the streambed. He yelped, and I gasped. He pulled me off balance, and we both tumbled into the stream.

The world spun, and I suddenly landed with a big splash. The cold water swirled around me and immediately soaked into my clothes. We sat side-by-side for a moment, completely drenched, and burst into loud laughter.

Theo brushed a lock of hair out of his eyes. "I guess that"s one way to cool off on a warm day. I never guessed we would go for an impromptu swim. You should have told me to bring my trunks."

I shook my head, spraying water around me. "I can"t believe I didn"t see this coming when I offered you my hand. We"re like a couple of drowned rats."

Theo grinned. "But we"re the cutest ones for miles around. Now, we have a hilarious story to tell…"

"Our grandchildren?" I raised an eyebrow. "Do you want kids?

Theo tilted his head to the side. "Maybe."

"Me, too."

We helped each other up with our heavy, wet clothes clinging to our bodies. As we set out to hike back to the cabin, I heard squishy noises from our sneakers with every step. We passed other hikers along the way, and their eyes never failed to widen as they stared at our soaked appearance.

Theo cheerfully greeted everyone. "Afternoon." He acted like it was perfectly normal for us to wander through the woods, looking like someone pulled us out of the lake. "Beautiful day for a swim, isn"t it?" he added with a chuckle.

The strangers would chuckle along with him, some giving him a thumbs up as they passed. I admired Theo"s ability to find joy and humor in situations others might consider disasters.

By the time we reached the cabin, our clothes were starting to dry in the warm, early summer air, and our hair looked like we had horrific cases of bedhead. When we reached the porch, Theo turned to face me. "Thank you."

"For what? Getting us both drenched to the bone?"

He laughed. "No, not that. Thank you for being willing to look an absurd situation in the eye with me and laugh. I haven"t had this much fun since… I guess I don"t remember when."

***

When the last morning of our getaway arrived, we reluctantly packed our bags. Neither of us wanted the time away to end. The cabin was a sanctuary for us, a place that held the pressures of the outside world at bay. As we tidied the space, we recalled our adventures and shared laughter.

As we finished loading our belongings into the car, my phone rang. I glanced at the screen, surprised to see Lainey"s name.

I answered the call. Lainey"s voice sounded tense and urgent. She sputtered, her words tumbling out in a rush of emotion. A knot formed in my stomach as I listened, and a cool sweat popped out on my forehead.