10. Theo

I"d just stuffed the last of our bags into the car"s trunk when Rafe"s phone rang. It shattered the peace of the cabin"s surroundings. I watched as he tugged it from his pocket and smiled when he saw what was on the screen.

"It"s Lainey," Rafe announced. "I expect she"s checking in to see how our trip went. I promised her photos and haven"t sent them yet."

I nodded and smiled back. When he lifted the phone to his ear, his expression changed. Within seconds, his hand was shaking, and he appeared terrified.

The sudden shift caused an icy chill to race up my spine. Rafe turned pale, and his eyes widened. I watched him clench his free hand into a fist at his side. My pulse began to pound in my ears as I watched him pace back and forth.

The conversation felt like it took an eternity. I closed my eyes and tried to concentrate on the words, but Rafe said little. He offered mostly one-word responses.

What could Lainey be saying?My thoughts raced with a hundred different possibilities. Some were terrifying.

I was utterly helpless to intervene while I watched Rafe unravel before my eyes. It was impossible to figure out the best ways to offer comfort or support without knowing what was causing him pain. My hands itched with the desire to reach out and fold him into my arms, but I had to wait until the call ended.

After several more minutes, Rafe said "thank you" to Lainey and lowered the phone with trembling fingers. He slowly slid it into his pocket as he looked at me. I spotted tear stains running down his cheeks.

"Rafe?" I spread my arms wide to offer a hug. "What happened? What"s going on?"

He raced into my arms, and I held on tightly. When he opened his mouth to speak, nothing came out but a choked sob. He was silent and held onto me like someone clinging to a single floating board in a stormy sea.

His heart beat rapidly against my chest, and his breathing was fast and shallow. "It"s okay," I whispered. "Whatever it is, we can handle it."

"I… I…" He failed to say anything again.

I did my best to sound calm when I spoke, recalling my experience leading the mindfulness workshops. "Breathe." I rubbed my hand in circles on his back. "I"m here, and you"re safe. Don"t worry about saying anything yet. Just breathe."

We stood wrapped in each other"s arms for several moments. I listened to the calls of birds around us, and I thought I could hear the distant babbling of the stream as it emptied into the far side of the lake. Finally, Rafe"s breathing began to calm. I pulled back slightly and held his face in my hands.

"Can you speak now? It"s okay if you can"t. We"ve got all day."

I watched Rafe"s Adam"s apple as he swallowed hard. He looked into my eyes. "It"s my ex." His voice was rough and hesitant. "He"s been released from the prison sentence he was serving for carjacking after I escaped."

His words hit me like a punch to the gut. No, not now. Not when we"ve both come so far.

A strange brew of fear and anger began to course through me, but I knew I needed to be strong for Rafe. He required steady reassurance from me. I couldn"t fall apart or create any distance between us.

I pulled him back into the firm hug. "Damn, I"m so sorry. That must be terrifying. Hang on, and don"t let go. I"ll keep you safe."

He held on tight, and he buried his face in my neck, his tears damp against my skin. "I thought I was safe. There"s a five-year restraining order. I thought I could finally put that part of my life behind me."

"You are safe," I insisted. "He won"t hurt you anymore. There"s no way. I won"t let him. Blue Harbor is your home now, and he"s not welcome here."

Rafe pulled back, and he stared deep into my eyes. "What are we gonna do? What if he doesn"t obey the restraining order? I know what he"s like when he"s angry. I might be a thousand miles away, but that doesn"t feel like enough. He"ll find me. I know he will. What do I do?"

I took a deep breath. "The first thing is you try to stop your mind from racing a mile a minute. Next, I"ll get you back to Blue Harbor, where you are safe." Fear plagued me, but I couldn"t let Rafe see that. "We"ll work together to come up with a longer-term plan. We"re stronger together, and we"ll put together a strategy to deal with this. Let me drive? I"m not sure you"re in the right condition for that."

"Of course," he agreed, "and thank you."

As I drove back to Blue Harbor, the intensity of Lainey"s news hung heavy between us. Only the car"s engine and an occasional snuffle from Rafe broke the silence. We could recapture the memory of our fantastic getaway later, but it faded far into the background for now.

When I glanced at Rafe, I wanted to rail against the world. What he had to face was unfair. It made him hunch his shoulders and stare zombie-like straight ahead with a distant look in his eyes. He"d done nothing to deserve his fate but pick the wrong person to love.

I wanted to wrap him up in my arms and protect him from all of the potential evil in the world, but I knew it was possible my efforts would not be enough. We needed to create an action plan to ensure his and our safety in case we faced a real threat.

I spoke softly in my best soothing tone. "Rafe, I know you"re scared, but please understand you"re not alone. I"m right by your side, and I"ll move mountains to ensure you"re safe."

He turned his head toward me. I teared up when I saw his red-rimmed eyes still glistening with tears. "I know." His voice was hoarse. "I appreciate that, but it also feels like I"m dragging you into danger. You didn"t ask for this. You have enough issues to deal with, and now I"m piling on more."

I gripped the steering wheel tighter. "You aren"t dragging me into anything. I"m here because I want to be in your life. I love you, and there is no way in the world I"ll let you face this alone. We"re a team now—you and me."

A tiny smile appeared on his lips. The fear in his eyes didn"t go away, but some of the tension in the air dissipated.

An idea appeared in my mind. "Listen, I know it probably feels like everything is up in the air now. Why don"t you come and stay with me at my house? You won"t be as easy to find there, and we can protect each other. You can stay with me until we develop our long-term plan."

"Stay with you?" It sounded like he was giving the concept a test run.

"Yes, that"s what I suggest." As the beginning of a plan began to take shape, my voice increased in confidence. "My house is safe, and we"ll work on getting a security system installed. Beyond that, I want you to know there"s a place you can go where you"re not alone, and you can feel protected and loved."

As he considered his response, Rafe swallowed hard and reached out to touch my thigh. "Are you sure?" he asked in a voice barely above a whisper. "I don"t want to impose on you. Plus, if he does show up, my ex can be dangerous. He"s unpredictable when angry, and I suspect he"s still raging about me."

"You could never be an imposition on me. As for danger, that"s something for us to stare down together. He won"t ever hurt you again. I"ll do everything in my power to ensure that."

I pulled off the highway, and we were only a few minutes from home. Surrounded by the familiar streets of Blue Harbor, I breathed a little easier. "Is there anything you need immediately from your place?"

"Only clothes. I packed less heavily than you. I did bring my toiletries with me on our trip."

"You know, I bet if necessary, you could probably wear a lot of my clothes." The thought of my shirts against Rafe"s skin excited me.

"We"re here," I said softly as I pulled into my driveway. "You"re safe now."

I watched a flicker of relief appear on Rafe"s face, but it quickly disappeared, replaced by a new wariness. He furtively glanced from side to side to be fully aware of his surroundings. My heart ached, understanding that the world had just morphed back into a threatening place.

We climbed out of the car and retrieved our bags. I led Rafe up the front steps to the porch and into the house.

The familiar smell of the lemon-scented furniture polish I used wrapped around us as we entered. Rafe had been in my house before, but this time, his gaze was more focused and intent when he looked around. He examined the sofa, fireplace, and bookshelves full of hardcover volumes.

I spoke quietly as I moved our bags to the base of the stairs. "I know it"s not a fortress, but all of the locks are up to date, and I"ll get that security system installed. Whatever it takes, I"ll get it done."

Rafe grabbed my elbow, and I turned to look at him. His eyes were still red. "I know you"ll do that. I trust you implicitly, but I hate… I hate that it"s come to this. I worry you"re in danger, too, because of me."

I reached out and pulled him in for a hug. He trembled as we embraced. "You aren"t putting me in danger. You"re letting me help you get past a rough patch in your life. This isn"t your fault, but you"re left to deal with the aftermath. It takes time, but we"ll get there."

We held each other for several minutes. I did my best to offer a sense of strength from the power of my grip. When we finally pulled apart, Rafe looked exhausted. The shadows beneath his eyes were even darker.

I tugged gently on his hand. "Come, let"s get you settled."

I led him up the stairs, our footsteps muffled by the carpet runner. The only sound was the creaking of the boards. When we reached the landing, I had a decision to make. "I hope this isn"t too soon, but I thought maybe you should stay with me in my room, only if you"re comfortable with that. I want to be close to you. I don"t want you to feel like you"re facing this alone."

Rafe grinned. "Too early? I don"t think so, and I"d like that." He squeezed my hands. "You"re so generous. Thank you."

Relief washed over me, and I smiled at Rafe with a heart full of affection for him. We entered my bedroom, and the soft glow from my bedside lamp bathed it in warm, inviting light.

Rafe walked around the room, checking out specific items. He examined the heavy curtains he could draw to block out most light and sound from the outside world. He also checked the lock on the door and looked out the windows, noticing it would be difficult to reach them.

"I offer you my humble home. I know it"s not much. Dawson and I had so many small jobs we never finished, but it"s a safe space. Blue Harbor"s Chief of Police lives just three doors down."

"This means everything to me, Theo." Rafe leaned his shoulder against mine. "You"re my everything. I hope you don"t mind that I say that out loud."

I shook my head. "You"re mine, too."

We spent the evening completing small tasks. I had a frozen pizza to share for dinner and made space in the bedroom dresser and closet for the clothes Rafe had with him.

When it was time to sleep, we settled into bed together, both clad only in underwear. As I moved close, I sensed tense vibes from Rafe"s body. I longed to do something to ease or remove some of the tension.

I whispered about an idea that came to mind. "Rafe, would you let me take care of you? Let me help you relax and feel safe and cherished?"

He gazed into my eyes, appearing slightly vulnerable. "Did you have something specific in mind?"

I smiled and reached out to trace the outline of his jawbone. "Roll over onto your stomach and do your best to relax."

He hesitated briefly, but then he grinned. He rolled over, stretched out on his stomach, and rested his chin on his folded arms.

My breath caught in my throat as I looked at him. The lamplight made his skin glow, and I stared at the contours of his back, lean muscle, and great expanses of smooth skin. Sitting beside him, I started with his shoulders.

I exhaled and then whispered the single word, "Relax." I pressed my thumbs into tense knots I found on either side of his spine at the base of his neck. "Just focus on breathing and the movement of my hands against your skin. Let everything else go."

Rafe let out a low sigh. His body began to relax as I slowly worked my way down his back. My thumbs kneaded and caressed his muscles. I poured all my love for him into each movement.

When I first learned about mindfulness, I also attended a workshop on healing touch. I pulled out everything I could remember to help soothe and comfort my new boyfriend.

His body was a work of art and had impressive strength and resilience just beneath the surface. He was a strikingly beautiful person both inside and out, and I couldn"t fathom how his ex could mistreat Rafe. It had to relate to some form of mental disturbance inside the man.

"You"re such a wonderful person," I whispered into his ear. "I love every inch of you and cherish your strength, courage, and heart."

I felt a slight shiver roll through Rafe"s body. When I hit a particular spot, he moaned. I dug a little deeper into the point, and he moaned louder. "Thank you, Theo—wow."

When my thumbs reached the base of his spine, I rubbed and kneaded his overall back with my fingertips. "Loving you comes so naturally to me."

As I worked lower, my hands moving over the curves of Rafe"s hips and the backs of his thighs, the last tension seemed to drain from his body. He breathed deeper, and for a moment, I thought he might fall asleep. If he did, it would signify that he felt safer and could finally fully relax.

I urged him to roll over onto his back when I reached his toes. He did it with a slow, deliberate motion. He had a gentle smile on his face, and he blinked, looking like he could barely keep his eyes open.

I stretched out at Rafe"s side. My fingers trailed over his muscular chest, feeling its steady rise and fall, and then explored the ridges of his abs. "I love you," I whispered. "With every ounce of me, and I promise, I"ll do everything I can to keep you safe so you can continue to heal."

A single tear slipped down Rafe"s cheek as he closed his eyes. "I love you, too."

For the next several days, I stayed close. When it was time for him to work, I brought my sketchbook to the Little Blue Bean. At my house, we spent long hours talking, reducing the tension any time his thoughts about the past threatened to be overwhelming.

A new routine developed. I set up easels in the house"s den, so I didn"t need to go to the studio as often. A college student assistant at the gallery called me whenever she needed my input.

Rafe gravitated toward the kitchen. Any time fear and anxiety started to take hold, he disappeared into the sound of clattering pans and scents of baked goods.

At first, I gave him space when he was working on new muffin recipes or trying out classic cookies he"d never baked before. Then, as the days wore on, I was curious about his efforts, and I found myself taking my sketchbook to the warmth and comfort of the kitchen, eager to see the baker in action.

One afternoon, as I stepped into the kitchen, the scents of cinnamon and vanilla greeted me like a warm hug. Rafe had his back to me, his shoulders hunched over the counter while he concentrated on measuring ingredients with precision.

I spoke softly and didn"t want to startle him. "Something smells phenomenal."

Rafe turned and grinned at me. "I hope you like Snickerdoodles." He nodded toward the mixing bowl he was using. "Grandma had a legendary recipe, but I found one online that"s a little different. I wanted to try it out and compare them."

I moved close to him and rested my hand on his lower back. "I love them, but more than that, I love seeing you working on something like this. You"re relaxed, focused, and in your element. It"s major progress."

His smile grew, and he blushed faintly. "Baking is very helpful. It gives me something to focus on and manipulate. When everything else is spinning out of control, this is mine. Nobody can steal it from me."

I understood his reasoning all too well. "Yep, I get it." I rubbed his back with my thumbs. "One thing to remember. You don"t have to do this alone, either. I"m here if you need me. I"m not as good as you in the kitchen, but I"m not a total hack either."

Rafe grunted when I hit a tense spot with my hands. "I know, and I keep that in mind, but sometimes it"d be good to accomplish something solo. Think about that in terms of your paintings."

We stood together for a few minutes, enjoying each other"s presence. Finally, he straightened. "Okay, enough of the heavy thoughts for now. Let"s get these cookies in the oven."

"Yes, Sir!" I saluted the man I"d grown to love. "Is there anything I can do to help?"

He handed me an empty cookie sheet. "You can start by greasing this. Is that in your repertoire of skills as a pastry chef?"

"I think I can handle it. I"ll certainly do my best."

We filled the kitchen with laughter as we worked side by side. I"d started to learn more about baking, but I still occasionally made mistakes and ended up fighting my way through a white cloud of flour.

When we finished sheets of cookies that teased us with their stomach-tickling scents, I marveled at our resilience. Even in our darkest times, when it felt like our worlds were turning against us, we reveled in the joy of creation. We found a bright light in the shadows.

The kitchen became a sanctuary for both of us. It was also a laboratory of experimentation and creation. Rafe liked to throw slightly more exotic flavors into traditional recipes. He used Earl Grey tea, lavender, feta cheese, and even roasted garlic mixed in with his sweet elements.

One day he made a decadent chocolate cake with sauerkraut added. Next, he stirred lavender into lemon bars. He was baking with astounding passion and creativity. We managed to sell Sarah on the lemon bars, and for the first time, a creation of Rafe"s had a public debut. They sold out within two hours at the Little Blue Bean.

It wasn"t the end results alone that made his baking skills special. It was the way creating delicious items in the kitchen slowly healed him. I lived with a more relaxed man the rest of the day, too.

As the days spent at my house turned into weeks, we set to work on developing a long-term plan. We spent one night a week in the apartment above the coffee shop. I knew it was a little more risky there, but neither of us was ready to abandon the sweet place Rafe put together there just yet.

One morning, we sat at the kitchen table in Rafe"s apartment, discussing the need to install security systems both there and at my house. We also needed to inform local authorities of the restraining order.

"I think we should talk to a lawyer, too," I brought up as a gentle suggestion. "They can advise us on whether there is anything else we should do regarding legal matters."

Rafe nodded and rubbed his index finger around the rim of his coffee mug. "I think you"re right, and we should start executing the idea of building a stronger support network. If we have more close friends in the community, we"ll have more eyes and ears looking out for our safety. Maybe we can start inviting people to dinner once a week to build relationships."

"That"s a brilliant idea. Eventually, we can even consider throwing parties. We"ll do whatever it takes."

A few days later, I was outside working on installing a new security camera on the house. Rafe was in the kitchen, visible to me through a window. He had his sleeves rolled up and concentrated on a mixing bowl while stirring up a new batch of cookies.

We"d reached a new normal for each of us, and neither of us was passive anymore. We aggressively took hold of creating our future together. I knew the road ahead would still have twists and turns, but we could overcome whatever obstacles fate threw in our path.