11. Rafe

Ihit the button on my mixer and watched it whir to life. It stirred together the batter for my latest experiment, a lavender-infused vanilla cake. While pale purple streaks swirled into the creamy mixture, the soothing scent of lavender filled the air in the kitchen. I inhaled deeply, letting it calm me.

I"d been living in Theo"s house for a few weeks, and it was now midsummer. We were close enough to Lake Michigan that we rarely needed to use air conditioning. Instead, I kept the windows open and enjoyed gentle breezes that filled the house with fresh, clean air.

Our lives were calm, but I worried they might be too tranquil. The danger posed by my ex on the loose was always in the back of my mind.

A sudden bang from outside startled me as I poured my mixed batter into a waiting greased cake pan. Our neighbors had a screen door they forgot to lock, and every other day, we heard the sound of it slamming against their house.

I told myself the bang was only that, but it transported me back to my apartment in New York City, and I froze in place as my heart began to pound.

It was a horrific memory, vivid and terrifying. It happened almost eighteen months ago when I"d just gotten home from work. I hoped for a quiet evening, but as soon as I opened the front door, I knew that wouldn"t happen.

My ex was on a rampage. In the distance, I spotted three empty beer bottles on the kitchen counter, and he was slamming drawers. I tried to creep, unheard, to the bedroom, but the creak of the floorboards gave me away.

He slammed his hand on the counter, creating a loud bang. "Where the hell have you been?" he snarled, slurring his words.

My mouth was suddenly dry, and I knew my response wouldn"t suffice. "I… I was at work. This was my late shift."

The situation escalated quickly. He immediately accused me of lying, and before I could escape to the bedroom or bathroom, he was upon me. It was a physically painful and degrading experience, and I ended up lying in the bathtub, crying until 4:00 a.m. while I nursed a cut on the side of my head and three large bruises.

The memory mercifully faded, and I found myself back in Theo"s kitchen, surrounded by the aroma of lavender and vanilla. When I reached for the cake pan, my trembling hands couldn"t hold on, and it clattered to the floor, splattering batter across the tiles.

"Rafe?" I heard Theo"s gentle voice. He stood in the doorway with a furrowed brow. "Are you okay?" He pointed at the cake pan. "What happened?"

I inhaled sharply and nodded, doing my best to force a smile. "Yeah, I just… there was a bang. You know, that damn screen door at your neighbor"s house. It caught me off guard. Sorry about the mess."

Theo crossed the room and clapped me on the shoulder. "No worries, and I understand how that can startle you. At least you didn"t have a souffle in the oven." We both chuckled, and the humor helped ground me.

As time passed and summer turned into fall, we settled into a new routine. Breakfast was the meal we always shared. If one of us had an early morning meeting or appointment, we both got up early. After an omelet, oatmeal, or muffins, Theo headed off to his studio to work on his art while I lost myself in my baking projects.

In mid-September, the nightmares started. I"d had them for the first three months at Lainey"s house, but they"d largely been absent since. I don"t know what triggered the new round. It crept up on me in the dead of the night with the house silent and darkness pressed around our bed.

I found myself trapped in a twisted, disorienting world. I climbed into an elevator, which swung side to side before zipping around a sharp corner and depositing me in a terrifying dreamscape. Fear gripped my body, squeezing the air from my lungs while my heart raced. Cold sweat beaded on my forehead, and I woke, thrashing around with my legs tangled in the sheets.

"Rafe! What"s wrong?" Theo raised his voice, grabbed my shoulders, and yelled, "Rafe, wake up!"

"Nightmare. Damn, it was a horrible dream."

"Your ex?"

I took a long, slow, deep breath. "I don"t know. It was too surreal to pinpoint. Maybe I ate something I shouldn"t have."

That was wishful thinking. The nightmares happened three times a week at first and then four. I"d wake up drenched in sweat, and sometimes I screamed. My body shook, and the adrenaline flooded me to the point I thought my heart might explode.

Despite my disturbing behavior, Theo was always there. He held me until my body calmed enough that I could go back to sleep. The nightmares never came more than once a night, so after the terrifying dreams woke me, we knew we would have a respite that would last through the morning.

When Theo held me in his arms, he whispered soothing words. "Shh, it"s okay, Rafe. You"re safe. I"m here." He"d run his fingers through my damp, sweaty hair and kiss the side of my head while I leaned on his shoulder.

During the day, I could push the fears aside and hold onto a flicker of hope that the nightmares would go away on their own. I threw myself into my baking routine and honed my skills. Then, the night would come, and when the world was quiet and dark, the demons arrived again, taunting me with the horrors of my past.

The nightmares weren"t the only stress we contended with as the fall days shortened. The disapproval of Theo"s mother sharpened to a point that she would use to poke at us whenever possible. If we encountered her somewhere in town, she cast an icy glare at me and made curt remarks that made it clear I wasn"t welcome.

Her negative judgment of our relationship started to spread through part of the Blue Harbor community like a poisonous cloud. On a particularly chilly afternoon, Theo and I attended the local farmer"s market. We wanted apples and pumpkins for my latest baking projects.

We sampled a homemade apple pie. A familiar voice spoke up behind us as we savored the warm cinnamon in the filling.

"Theodore." He stiffened at the sound of his full name. His parents only used it when they had something negative to say. As we turned, we saw his mother standing only a few feet away. She narrowed her gaze and pursed her lips like she"d eaten something impossibly tart.

Theo used a flat voice devoid of any emotion. "Mother, how are you?"

She entirely ignored the question and, instead, looked directly at me. "I see you"re still shacked up with…" She paused as she looked me over, her eyes taking in every inch of my body from head to toe. "…him."

My cheeks burned, but I refused to look away. I answered with bittersweet politeness. "It"s good to see you, Mrs. Winstead." My gut churned as I forced the words out of my mouth.

Her nose wrinkled like she smelled something rotten. "As if that were your true thought. Tell me, Rafe, how long do you plan on taking advantage of my son"s kindness? He never quite understands when someone is exploiting him."

Theo stepped forward and spoke through gritted teeth. "Mother, that"s enough. Rafe isn"t taking advantage of me or anyone. He"s my partner, and I love him. What we decide to do about living space is our business alone."

Her eyes suddenly appeared cold and hard, the pupils like black diamonds. "You"re too young to know what true love is, Theodore. And you," she pivoted a quarter turn to face me, "you"re nothing but a distraction for a young man who should know better. Mark my words, he"ll outgrow you soon enough."

It felt like I"d been slapped hard across both cheeks. Her words cut deep into my fragile self-esteem. Before I could respond, Theo wove his fingers together with mine to prove his solidarity with me.

"We"re leaving," he announced. "You"ll see me when you learn you"re wrong to insult the man I love. Good day, Mother."

He turned, and I followed. We walked away hand-in-hand. Although I couldn"t see her, I felt his mother staring at us the entire way.

It wasn"t just her, either. While we navigated the market, I heard whispers and saw furtive glances from other shoppers. Some appeared curious, but others frowned and looked hostile. Theo"s mother had spread her opinions, poisoning the Blue Harbor well of public opinion against us.

A few days later, as I walked home from the Little Blue Bean, carrying a bag of groceries I"d bought over the lunch hour, I ran into Mrs. Fennelkinnis. She was one of the town"s most notorious gossips. Both Theo and Sarah warned me about her.

As she headed my way, I couldn"t avoid her without obviously stepping off the sidewalk. She had a kind face, but her eyes flashed with a calculating fever. "Rafe, dear, how are you? I don"t believe we"ve ever spoken, but I"ve heard such wonderful things."

Her words were sweet, but they rang false. I smiled and shifted the bag slightly in my arms. "I"m doing well. I picked up some groceries on lunch break and am on my way home."

"But don"t you live above…" She stopped. "Oh, that"s right, you are living at that dear Winstead boy"s house. The other day, I spoke with his mother, and she certainly has some concerns."

"Concerns?" I did my best to keep my voice calm and steady. "What are those? We"re doing well together."

Mrs. Fennelkinnis dropped her voice to a whisper. She leaned forward like she was sharing a valuable secret. "You know how mothers are. They only want the best for their sons. She"s worried that you could be… well, surely not… but there it is. She thinks you might be exploiting poor Theo and his loneliness."

It was like a punch to the gut with a velvet glove. "Taking advantage? And how might I do that?"

"Well, you"re new in town, and Theo is such a kind-hearted young man. He"s been through so much, but I"m sure he would find it hard to turn someone down." She tugged on the skirt of her dress, trying to smooth it out over her ample frame. "I suppose she thinks a newcomer might be looking for a quick route to connections or using him to save money… of course, I don"t know."

I wanted to yell, but I set my jaw and continued to speak in a quiet tone. "Her worries are completely unfounded. I love Theo, and he loves me. We"re building a life together that benefits both of us."

Mrs. Fennelkinnis patted my arm, and her fingers felt cold to the touch. "Of course, dear, but people do talk. Theo"s mother is a well-respected member of the Blue Harbor community. You must understand that. If she has concerns... people listen and provide her as much support as possible. She"s still adjusting to life as a widow, you must know."

Before I could respond, she gave me a look of pity and then turned on her heels and walked away. I stood there with an armful of groceries, feeling like someone stabbed me and left my heart to bleed out all over the sidewalk.

As Theo and I sat on the front porch that evening, resting against each other and looking out toward Lake Michigan, I had a suggestion. "Maybe we should talk to her. If we confront her directly, she may listen to voices of reason."

Theo disagreed and shook his head. "It won"t do any good. She"s set in her ways and always believes she"s right. The best we can do is ignore her and focus on our lives. We can stand our ground when we run into her in public, but don"t expect her to change."

I sighed, believing he was right but still wishing there was something we could do.

To cope with the stress from my nightmares and the caustic opinions in town, I threw myself headlong into even more baking adventures. Creating something delicious and beautiful provided the escape I needed. It was a perfect way of channeling my anxiety into something productive.

I experimented with more new flavors and techniques. Pumpkin was the choice ingredient of the season, and it came with seasonings like cinnamon, nutmeg, and cloves.

My redoubled efforts paid off when I started regularly selling my creations at the Little Blue Bean. Customers gave my pastries and cookies rave reviews. The steady sales provided income to offer Theo to help with the repairs and renovation of his house. He tried to turn my money away, but I explained that it would benefit both of us.

On a Wednesday morning before the Little Blue Bean opened, I was arranging a display of fall scones—pumpkin, raspberry, and apple. Sarah pulled me aside. She smiled from ear to ear, and her enthusiasm spooked me slightly.

"Is everything okay? I think everybody likes these flavors. I didn"t bring anything odd or unusual today."

Sarah touched my shoulder. "Relax. I wanted to congratulate you. Those pastries are flying off the shelves, and I have a question to ask."

I shifted my weight from one foot to the other, still nervous. "A question? Go ahead. Shoot."

"Have you ever thought about doing this full-time?"

I sighed. "As much as I"d love to give you forty hours a week, I try to guard some of my time for the baking. I guess I have to say…"

Sarah interrupted. "No, you dork. I"m talking about the baking. Have you ever thought about being a baker full-time?"

I blinked. I"d dreamed about turning baking into a full-time business months ago, but it wasn"t anything more than a dream.

"No, I"ve never seriously considered that." I pushed my scones around in the display case. "I love to bake, but I"ve never thought I could make a career out of it. I just make cookies and pastries."

Sarah grinned and leaned in close. She whispered like she was sharing the details of a conspiracy. "Maybe you should think about it, Rafe. You"ve got some real talent. I go to meetings around the Midwest, and I eat a lot of pastries there. Yours are some of the best, and Blue Harbor doesn"t have a standalone bakery."

My heart skipped a beat. Everyone in town respected Sarah and how she"d turned the Little Blue Bean into a thriving business in a short period of time. "A bakery? Like my own shop? Is that what you mean?"

She nodded, her eyes twinkling. "Exactly. Think about it. You could slap a cute name on it, like Rafe"s Rise and Shine or The Crafted Crumb. I"d be sad to see you leave the Bean, but you could have your own space, menu, and loyal customers.

A smile tugged at the corners of my mouth, and I couldn"t stop my mind from racing forward. "It sounds like something fantastic, but I don"t know where to start. I"ve never run a business."

Sarah dismissed my concerns with a wave of a hand. "I could help. I"ve been working with food for decades. I could share a pointer or three about starting a small business in a small town."

She squeezed my shoulder. The touch was warm and encouraging.

"You would help? That"s incredibly kind of you."

"Well, it is a little self-serving. I"m starting to depend on your unique creations. People are stunned by how you use flavors like basil, lavender, and lime. If you had your own business, you"d have a more solid foundation to keep providing goods to me."

"Ahh…" I laughed. "It still sounds like I would benefit more."

"Perhaps, but I would be happy to help you get started. I could even be a financial partner in the beginning. I could provide capital and share my business expertise."

My jaw dropped. "You would do that for me? Why?"

"Oh, don"t you see? I believe in you, Rafe. You"ve been a hard worker since you walked through the door early in the year. You"re passionate about everything you do, and double that for the baking. This is also a way for me to honor the assistance I received in the past from others. It"s a way to pay it forward. Why wouldn"t I support you?"

She took a deep breath, and her tone took on a serious edge. "And I know what it"s like to be an outsider and struggle with fitting in. When I first moved to Blue Harbor, I was young and single. I had a few dreams but no clue how to make them come true. Fortunately, I gathered people who believed in me and helped me realize my dreams."

Her eyes grew misty as she reminisced. "I"ve never done it before, but now I want to be that person for you. I want to help you build something that this town will love. You can call it your own, and we"ll all be better for it."

I rubbed my chin. "I don"t know what to say." The words came out choked and tense. "Thank you so much. I can barely talk. Nobody…" I had to stop for a moment. "Nobody"s ever done anything like this for me."

She hugged me. "There"s no need to thank me. I just want you to think about it. You can take your time. Have a chat with Theo about it. The offer stands for whenever you"re ready."

That evening, I was nearly bouncing off the walls when I shared the news with Theo. My words tumbled out so fast that my sentences tripped over each other. "She said she"d be willing to help me get it all started, and she might even offer to be a partner. Can you imagine that? Think about it. Wow. Me owning my own small business. It would be like your gallery but with cookies."

Theo chuckled, and his eyes sparkled. "That"s all amazing. Sarah is an angel. She encouraged me when I started the gallery. You have a natural gift for baking, and the whole town should know about it. He hugged me tightly, and we kissed.

With the support of Theo and Sarah"s encouraging suggestions, I started to feel like I belonged in Blue Harbor. I had a place outside of living in fear of my ex"s return.

A few days later, we decided to implement one of our specific plans. It was high time to start building our support system. We decided to host a small gathering at the house, inviting Tyler and some of Theo"s old friends.

It was an evening cookout in the backyard, and I"d spent the entire day getting ready. I cooked all day in the kitchen while Theo decorated. He strung twinkling fairy lights over small trees and bushes and lined the deck with colorful paper lanterns.

When the moment arrived for our event to begin, I started up the outdoor grill while Theo arranged hors d"oeuvres and coolers with beverages. Soon, the aroma of cooking meats and veggies wafted through the air. I could barely wait for our first guests.

When people started to arrive, I was a little nervous. Although some drifted away when Dawson was ill, the invites were a set of Theo"s oldest and closest friends. They"d known him for years, some clear back to kindergarten. I desperately wanted to make a good impression.

Tyler was one of the first to arrive, and when he stepped into the backyard with a million-dollar smile, my anxiety began to fade. He walked over to me and the grill.

"Rafe! What have we got here? My mouth is watering already. Look at those slabs of steak."

I grinned. "I"m just hoping it"s all edible."

He threw his arms wide. "Get in here. Theo tells me this is your official welcome to the Blue Harbor family. We"re all so lucky to have you."

I laughed as he wrapped me in a powerful bear hug and briefly lifted me off the ground. "It"s so great to see you, too. Thanks for coming."

When more guests arrived, the backyard began to fill with laughter and the buzz of conversations. Lila, one of Theo"s artist friends, approached me to introduce herself. She"d brought her acoustic guitar with her and promised to play later.

The fairy lights reflected off her red hair. As she stepped up close, I noticed that her eyes were emerald green.

"So, you"re the famous Rafe." Her voice was warm and friendly. "Theo has shared a lot about you. When I say that, I mean a lot. The man can"t stop talking about you."

I blushed. "I hope it"s all been good."

"Rave reviews, and I"ve never known Theo to give praise lightly. If he thinks you"re something special, you will be phenomenal to the rest of us."

She squeezed my free arm while I turned a steak with tongs. "The two of you finding each other makes me so happy. Theo is a great man, and he deserves to have a wonderful life. He"s been through so much, but it sounds like you"re helping him find a new path toward joy. Thank you, Rafe, and welcome to Blue Harbor."

After hearing Lila"s kind words, a lump formed in my throat. Theo had support in the community, and they were eager to welcome me aboard.

After our main meal, I found myself in a deep conversation with a man named Marcus. He was tall and slim with dark, hooded eyes and a quiet intensity swirling around him. Marcus told me that he helped Theo start his gallery.

"I"ve always been a great admirer of Theo"s painting." Marcus sipped from a glass of red wine. "There"s something about how he can capture the essence of a landscape. He can convey a full range of emotions through color and texture."

I hoped the conversation wouldn"t dig much deeper into a discussion of artistic principles. It was already challenging my meager knowledge of painting, mostly picked up from getting to know Theo. "He is incredibly talented," I offered. "Sometimes I sit and watch him paint for hours, excited to watch the canvas come to life."

Marcus smiled, and his warm response broke through the serious gaze. "I have to say something else. I"ve never seen Theo any happier than he is with you. It"s like the light has returned to his life. He has a newfound sense of purpose. Thank you for bringing him back to us."

While we talked about Theo, I felt full to the brim with love for the man who stole my heart. "I know that nobody has ever made me happier than he does. He"s not only a romantic partner. He"s also my safe haven, helping me deal with the dark corners of my life. It"s impossible to guess where I"d be without him."

Marcus raised his glass. "To love, then. May it continue to sustain both of you and guide you through any difficult challenges that lie ahead."

When the evening began to wind down, I found Theo. I rested my head against his shoulder and knew there was nowhere else on the planet I"d rather be. A group of amazing, loving people surrounded us, and I felt like I belonged as part of the group. I"d discovered my place in the world, and it was surrounded by found family.

Lila serenaded us all with a series of three songs. As the last notes faded, Tyler raised his glass in a toast. "To Theo and Rafe. May your love continue to grow and flourish like flowers in a fertile garden. And may you always find support and solace in the company of the friends who love you dearly."

Everyone raised their glasses and clinked them together. Tears burned at the corners of my eyes as my heart swelled three sizes, nearly bursting out of my chest.

As the last of our guests shared their heartfelt goodbyes and the door closed behind them, I turned to Theo with a contented sigh. "This was amazing." I shook my head, still unsure I could believe it was all true. "Everyone was so welcoming. They love and support us, and the network we want to build is already here."

Theo pulled me into a warm hug, his arms strong and steady around me. "They see how happy you make me and have an idea that you"ve been through rough times, too. They"ll keep us in their positive thoughts. We need to keep connecting and not lose touch with anyone."

I leaned against his shoulder, feeling the tension of the past few weeks slowly melting away. The nightmares, flashbacks, and the cruel whispers of Theo"s mother all seemed to fade into the background, replaced by the love and acceptance of our found family.

"I know it hasn"t been easy." Theo"s lips brushed against my hair. "You"ve come so far and are much stronger than when I first met you at the grocery store."

I pulled back slightly, looking into his eyes. "You know that I couldn"t have done it without you, right? You"ve inspired me and given me the courage to keep going, even when things got tough."

Theo cupped my cheek with his hand. "Then there"s you, the man who gave me a reason to climb out of my shell." His voice cracked with emotion. "After Dawson, I didn"t think I"d ever find love again. I wasn"t sure I wanted it, but then you came along. You changed my life and showed me it"s possible to hope and dream again."

I closed my eyes and let the truth of his words wash over me. For so long, I"d felt alone, struggling with pain and fear and trying to find an escape. Now, with Theo at my side and our loved ones at my back, I knew I would never be genuinely isolated again. I had a new home, family, and future.