12. Theo

Rafe and I ate most of our meals at home. After he baked all day, he was ready to let me whip together a quick dinner. Occasionally, we were both tired and chose to visit a favorite cozy diner downtown. When we seated ourselves at the end of one chilly fall day, I saw a weary man across from me.

The usual sparkle in Rafe"s eyes was dim. The high from our backyard cookout with friends had faded. He picked at his food and started to tell me about another painful and awkward experience with my mother.

"She nearly collided with me in the grocery store today." He sighed heavily, his shoulders slumping. "Theo, she wouldn"t even look me in the eye. I think I"m invisible to her. No, she can see me, but she tries to ignore my presence. To her, I"m that thing that makes you less than perfect."

His words were like a jagged blade stabbing into my gut. I reached across the table and took his hand. "I"m so sorry. She should never treat you like that. You know that I don"t condone her awful behavior."

He shrugged and looked at me with a sad smile. "I work hard not to let it bother me, but I"m not always successful. I love you so much. Why can"t she see and understand that?"

Something about his plaintive question broke through the dam that held my frustration back for weeks. Every vicious comment and disdainful look suddenly rolled back through my mind like a movie montage, and the most recent incident remained stuck in my head.

We were strolling hand-in-hand in Lakeview Park. Rafe was laughing at some silly joke I told when we spotted my mother heading in our direction. She was walking with a group of her friends, and she didn"t look up.

They bent their heads and spoke in whispers. As we drew close, the breeze carried snippets of their conversation to us.

"…what he"s thinking when he gets involved with a man like that…"

"…certainly end in heartbreak. Give it two months…"

"…Dawson was the best thing that ever happened to him; God rest his soul."

Each line was like a physical blow. They knocked the breath out of me. Rafe likely heard the comments, too, and he gripped my hand tighter. We quickly turned and walked toward Lake Michigan, out of the range of their conversation.

Now, as I sat in the diner with the man who meant everything to me, something inside me snapped. The hurt in his eyes and how he seemed to be caving in on himself was too much. I had to do something.

I suddenly stood, my chair scraping hard against the tiled floor. With a startled expression, Rafe looked up. "Theo? What"s going on?"

"I can"t do this anymore." A few heads turned in the diner. "I can"t stand by and watch my mother continually tear you apart. She has to understand what you mean to me and how much you"ve helped me heal. I"m going to talk one-on-one with her. Today. Now."

His eyes opened wide. "Are you sure about that? I mean, I don"t want to make things any worse between the two of you. She"s the only parent you have left. I"ll do better. I can handle it."

I leaned down and kissed him, pouring all my love and affection into it. "You"ll never make anything worse for me. You make the sun shine for me every morning. My mother has to understand that."

Crouching beside his chair, I asked if Rafe was okay walking home. We were only a few blocks away, and the day was sunny. "I"m worried that if I drive home first, I"ll find a reason to back out of talking to her again. I don"t want to do that."

Rafe grinned. "Yeah, I can make it home from here. I don"t think I"ve ever had a Prince Charming, but you come really close, Theo. Go complete your quest. I love you."

With one more squeeze of his hand, I tossed some bills on the table to pay for our meal and left the diner. My heart hammered in my ribcage as I climbed behind the wheel of my car. The engine roared to life, and my tires squealed slightly as I exited the parking lot.

I had a mission to complete. My mother had to see Rafe"s beauty and resilience. I couldn"t let her throw a shadow over our relationship any longer.

A storm of emotions swirled through my head as I drove across Blue Harbor. Rafe deserved so much better than his treatment at my mother"s hands. Not only was he my love, but he was also an asset to the town.

His baking talents gained more acclaim as each day passed. Soon, tourists would start coming to town primarily to taste his pastries. I had to take a stand, and there was no better time.

A wave of nostalgia swept over me as I pulled into the driveway of the cozy bungalow where I grew up. The pale blue clapboard structure witnessed so many pivotal moments of my childhood.

The white shutters reminded me of the lazy summer afternoons I spent reading books on our front porch swing. An urge to sit there with Rafe filled my heart, but I couldn"t do it until my mother changed her point of view.

I sat in the car for a moment and took several deep breaths. Looking out the window, I gazed at the sprawling oak tree that dominated the front yard. Its branches, already bare, reached toward the sunny autumn sky. It stood like a wise old guardian, watching over the house.

I thought about how many times Dawson and I climbed up inside the tree as teenagers. We spent hours perched among its leafy branches, almost invisible to those driving by in cars. We talked about everything but, most importantly, family secrets and our dreams for the future.

When I climbed out of the car and approached the front door, I caught the scent of my mother"s valued roses. They still bloomed despite the chill of fall. I stared at the beauty of the delicate pink and ivory blossoms and wished my mother could follow their example and make the world more beautiful without judging others.

Bracing myself, I walked up to the front door and rang the doorbell. While I waited, I thought about how many times I"d bounded up the stairs as a kid, ready to jump into my mom"s or dad"s arms.

I listened to the gentle bonging of the bell echoing inside the house. The door finally swung open to reveal my surprised mother.

"Theo, you didn"t tell me you were coming. Is everything alright?" The creases around her eyes deepened with concern.

"We need to talk." My voice was insistent as I pushed past her, stepping into a world scented by cinnamon and old books. My parents were avid readers and kept the books they read over decades of their lives. Mom wasn"t much of a cook, but she loved artificial air fresheners, and cinnamon was her favorite.

She followed me to the living room. I sat on the couch under the watchful eyes of generations of my relatives, who looked down from framed photos on the fireplace mantel. Patting the cushions, I encouraged my mother to follow my example.

"Theo, you"re starting to worry me. What"s going on?"

I stared into her eyes. "Mom, I"ll get right to it. I can"t keep watching the way you treat Rafe. He"s an incredible man who has helped me return to a normal life… after Dawson. You have to give him a chance. I won"t stand for this passive-aggressive nonsense."

She sighed heavily and fiddled with the bracelets on her right wrist. "Theo, honey, I"ve told you about my concerns. I don"t want to see you hurt again. Rafe seems nice, but with his past… he might not be the right man for you."

"His past? What do you mean? Is there something wrong with him having lived in Schenectady?"

She hesitated, and then she wrung her hands together. "I"ve heard things about him through the grapevine. Things about his… troubles… before moving to Blue Harbor. A young man, particularly a… well, a man who likes other men, doesn"t leave somewhere that"s so close to big cities in the East for no reason at all."

I gripped the sofa cushions. "Mom, tell me exactly what you"ve heard about Rafe"s past." I did my best to push aside her reference to gay people or "men like you," her usual term.

She tugged at a loose thread on the edge of a throw pillow. "There are whispers out there. People in this town talk. They say he ran into trouble in New York City and left under… well, under a cloud."

"Cloud? Was it a rainy day?" I smirked. "And who has shared these stories? Where did they get this information?"

"I don"t have all the specifics." She glanced at the living room window before looking back at me. "But Mrs. Fennelkinnis… you remember her. She mentioned something about a bad relationship and that Rafe was… hurt. He ran away from that."

Anger flashed inside my chest. My mother was smart enough to know that Mrs. Fennelkinnis, a notorious gossip, wasn"t a reliable source for anything. "Did you ever think, even if that were true, he is a hero for escaping such a heinous situation?"

She looked directly at me, and her eyes began to shimmer with unshed tears. "I know, and that is tremendous for him. It shows some inner strength, but it also raises my worries. What if his past catches up to him, and what if you get caught up in all of it? It could involve physical danger."

I finally understood some of her specific concerns. I reached out and took her hand in mine. My thumb traced the delicate veins that stretched her aging skin. "Nothing in this life is a guarantee, Mom. We both should understand that. Rafe is resilient and knows how to defend himself and us if his ex ever tries to cause trouble."

"Are you sure about that, honey?"

"Are we ever sure about anything? If we were, Dawson would be sitting here with me today. My relationship with Rafe is not some fleeting thing. We"re putting together a future and making it solid with a foundation built on trust, respect, and love."

She nodded, and a single tear rolled down her cheek. "I"m not blind. I can see how much you care for him, and I want to trust your judgment, but it"s hard. We"ve both been through so much."

I spoke softly. "I understand, and maybe I would be worried if I were in your position, but you need to get to know Rafe. He would never hurt me, and we"re equals. He"s not trying to take advantage of me. We"re taking on the world together, supporting each other through the good and the bad."

After pausing to catch my breath, I continued. "When Rafe first told me about the abuse he suffered in the past at the hands of his ex, it shocked me. Fortunately, it didn"t take me long to recover from that and recognize what a strong person he is. He dared to leave and start over."

Mom"s eyes opened wider. "Abuse? Oh, Theo. Nobody has told me that. How horrible."

"It"s not something he likes to talk about and dwell on. The memories are still painful, but he"s working through it with the help of a therapist and support from his sister and me."

Mom squeezed my hand, and her voice softened. "I"m sorry. It"s just… I worry."

We sat together in silence on the sofa. The pain of the past hung heavy in the air. I looked down and sighed softly.

I was the next to speak, trying to keep my voice calm and steady. "Mom, losing Dad and Dawson has been incredibly hard on both of us. Sometimes, I think that the black grief monster is going to swallow me whole. I can barely breathe. It can be hard to find the will to move on without them."

She nodded. "It"s like part of my heart is missing and will never return. My heart was shattered twice, and it will never be whole again."

A lump formed in my throat. "I feel it, too. Dawson is still on my mind every single day. Still, I know that I can"t let his absence define the rest of my life. I must find a way to keep living and honor his memory by embracing my new situation. It"s time to move forward boldly."

She batted her eyelashes before gazing at me again. "How do you do it? What"s the trick to moving forward when you have a raw wound that will never heal? When it threatens to drown you in your sleep?"

"It"s not easy." I looked across the room at the framed photo of my father on the mantel. "I"ve had plenty of days when I wanted to give up and retreat into the grief and never come out. I saw it like a cave. It was dark and quiet, but living there meant shutting everybody still living out of my life, and that didn"t seem fair."

I stood and walked over to the mantel. There, I picked up the photo of Dad. "Mom, remember how much Dad loved life? He was excited by the smallest things. On one family trip to California, he spent hours with me examining the tiny anemones in tide pools. And then Dawson… he fought so hard against the cancer, like he was trying to strike out the side in the bottom of the ninth inning, and he had to face the three best batters who ever lived. He never gave up… even in the darkest moments."

Tears rolled down Mom"s cheeks as she listened to me. "They were both so strong and full of life. That"s why a world without them in it feels wrong."

"But they"re not gone," I insisted. "We still have the memories and all those photos. We can also use their examples and words to help us figure out how to move on. Dawson told me he wanted me to find a new love. He said I was far too young to give up."

I gathered my thoughts before continuing. "I worry about you, too, Mom. You"ve retreated so much from the world. I don"t know how much you see or hear beyond the ridiculous busybody comments of some of your friends. I understand, but I know both Dad and Dawson would want more for you."

She blinked, and her brow furrowed in confusion. "What do you mean?"

"I mean that it"s okay to open your heart again. It"s good to let yourself feel other emotions beyond pain. Being happy again is a positive thing, not a bad one."

She shook her head. "I don"t know that I can do that. The idea of loving someone new and risking that kind of hurt… I don"t know."

I leaned in closer. "I didn"t mean just falling in love. Try out some things you like to do with new people. Go on a travel tour. Find a new hobby. Making new friends could be very rewarding. If you sit here behind the dark castle walls you"ve built around your heart, you"re letting grief win."

She sobbed and dabbed at her face with a tissue.

I took a deep breath. "When I first lost Dawson, I thought I could never love again. The pain was too much, and the emptiness was like a Grand Canyon in my heart. Then, Rafe bumped into me in the grocery store. He taught me I could find happiness even amid the sorrow."

Mom sighed. "He really means that much to you, doesn"t he?"

"He does. He"s my second chance at an amazing life. He"s a reminder that life goes on."

After I let the emotional weight of our conversation settle, I took the opportunity to change the topic to something happier—Rafe"s baking business. When I thought about his passion and dedication, a gentle smile played on my lips.

"Mom, can I change the subject now and tell you about something incredible Rafe is doing?"

She looked at me, and her eyes started to regain their sparkle. "I"ll take a wild guess. This has something to do with his baking talent, right?"

Her response surprised me. "How did you know about that?"

She chuckled lightly, and the laughter was music to my ears. "I may be a little out of the loop, but I don"t miss everything happening in Blue Harbor. Some of my friends raved about the muffins and scones they discovered at the Little Blue Bean. They say his flavor combinations were a big surprise. They"ve never tasted anything like them before."

I puffed out my chest in pride. "That"s Rafe. He pours his heart and soul into his creations. So many people are starting to notice his tremendous skill."

Mom nodded. "When I heard about his work, I was impressed. It takes a lot of creativity to stand out among my friends. They are old housewives who all fancy themselves as bakers."

I leaned forward, suddenly eager to tell her more. "It"s not just making the pastries, muffins, and cupcakes. He"s turning his passion into a full-fledged business. Rafe"s been working with Sarah at the Little Blue Bean to create plans for his own bakery. She thinks it"s a sure bet to succeed."

When I mentioned Sarah, Mom"s eyebrows rose. "Sarah? From Little Blue Bean? She is a woman who knows her way around running a successful business. If she thinks Rafe is good enough to operate an entire bakery, he must be doing something right."

I grinned. "She"s been a huge supporter. He"s worked for her since he first arrived in Blue Harbor. With her guidance and his dedication, this could be the next big thing in town. Tourists will flock to a place with treats like the ones he bakes."

Mom leaned back. "I may have reservations about him, but hearing you talk about his passion and drive to create something productive gives me a new perspective."

The cracks in her cold, passive-aggressive dismissal of Rafe started appearing. "He"s an incredible person once you get to know him. He knows how to bring joy and light into the lives of the people he meets, whether by offering a perfect chocolate chip cookie or participating in a caring, sympathetic conversation."

Mom reached out and placed her hand on mine. The touch was no longer chilly. It was warm and comforting. "I can see that now. I"m sorry if I was a little too quick to judge."

We sat together silently for a moment. "Would you like a cup of tea? I"m such a bad hostess."

"That would be fantastic." While Mom retreated to the kitchen, I returned to the mantel and looked through generations of my family. The photo of Dawson and me had him dressed in his Blue Harbor baseball uniform. I kissed my fingertip and touched it to his face in the photo.

Mom returned, carrying a complete tea set, and placed it on the coffee table. "You know, I might have to head downtown to the Little Blue Bean myself and see what all the fuss is about. I might have to place a custom order for scones for my next book club meeting."

"That"s a wonderful idea. While you"re there, I hope you get to see Rafe in action. He might be working or chatting with customers to get feedback on his latest creations."

A smile suddenly lit up Mom"s face. "I"d like that. It"s high time I got to know the man who has brought so much new joy into my son"s life. Plus, I need to find out why half the town is talking about his skills as a baker."

Hope bloomed inside me while I watched her rigid point of view soften. When I left the house, I was exhausted but cautiously optimistic. We"d taken some significant steps forward. She wasn"t wholly accepting Rafe yet, but I"d planted a sprouting seed.

When I returned home, I couldn"t wait to share news about the visit with Rafe. I wanted to share the glimmer of acceptance I saw in Mom"s eyes, and he needed a heads-up that she might want to have a positive conversation at the Little Blue Bean.

When I opened the front door, the warm scents of cinnamon and nutmeg greeted me. Pots and pans clattered in the kitchen, and upbeat 80s music filled the air.

I followed the enticing aromas. When I rounded the corner into the kitchen, Rafe was stirring something on the stove with his back to me. He hummed along with the music and swayed his hips to the beat.

I stopped and took in the sight for a moment. I couldn"t believe the happy man stirring up new incredible concoctions was mine. He was beautiful with a sculpted face, hair falling rakishly across his forehead, and a body that he kept fit with regular visits to the gym.

Rafe suddenly sensed my presence and turned to look at me. A big smile spread across his face. "Theo. How did it go? I worried that it might not go well for half the morning, but something clicked inside me—a sixth sense. It was a good visit, wasn"t it?"

He put his wooden spoon down, and I met him halfway across the room. He melted into my hug, fitting his head perfectly into the crook of my neck. He smelled of spices and sugar, making my stomach rumble.

I raked my fingers through his hair as I spoke up about Mom. "It was intense, but it was good. I couldn"t have asked for something better."

"Yeah?"

"We talked about everything—you, Dad, Dawson. She"s starting to understand what you mean to me."

He pulled back slightly and gazed into my eyes. "Really? She"s… okay with us?"

"Definitely, and more than that, she"s excited about your baking. She"s planning to stop by the Little Blue Bean to check out what you make, and she hopes you"ll be there."

Rafe"s eyes opened wide. "Wow. That"s fantastic. I don"t know how you did it, but I never thought…"

I smothered his final words in a kiss. "I know, love. It has taken a long time, but she is starting to come around. She"s starting to understand that you"re an incredible person with a heart big enough to love me through anything."

"I do love you so much. You know that, and I"m so proud of you for having the courage to insist on having that conversation with her. It couldn"t have been easy."

I nodded. "It wasn"t, but every minute was worth it. We"re worth it, and I want everyone important to me to understand that we"re made for each other."

He leaned forward and kissed me passionately. It was a kiss full of gratitude, relief, and powerful love. I clung to Rafe, pouring all of my devotion into the dance of our tongues.

When we finally broke the kiss, Rafe grinned from ear to ear. "Thank you," he whispered. "I"m not sure I"ve ever had anyone fight for me like that. I promise I"ll be right by your side whenever you need me."