8. Theo

Istared back at my reflection in the bathroom mirror as I brushed my teeth. The minty flavor of the toothpaste failed to chase away the anxiety that coated the tip of my tongue. It was the day Rafe would meet my mother. It could all go well, and we"d end up in a three-way hug, but I feared something less than ideal.

The last time I spoke with her on the phone, she sounded less than excited to think about me with anyone. She thought I should still be alone, drowning in my grief about Dawson.

My hazel eyes, usually bright and ready to take on any creative project, looked cloudy in the mirror. Worry lines creased my forehead, and my jaw was tense. The last time I brought anyone new home to meet my mother, it was Dawson, and I was a junior in high school. I began dating him after relationships with my three earliest boyfriends, who all broke my heart.

I rinsed my mouth and splashed cool water on my face. Rafe had quickly become an integral part of my life. He guided me out of the darkness and taught me how to live a loving life again. I dreaded having someone else important to me reject him outright.

At the last minute, I spotted the reflection of a photo of Dawson and me in the mirror. Our faces were forever frozen in joyful smiles. His happy expression offered silent encouragement for my journey back to happiness.

"I wish you were here," I whispered out loud. "No matter what it was, you knew how to make things okay, and you banished all of my fear."

Despite my deepest wishes, Dawson was gone, and I had to navigate the new chapter of my life on my own. It was up to me to be strong. Rafe helped, but he had demons to battle, too, and scars that had to heal. I wanted to be strong for both of us.

After one more deep breath, I squared my shoulders. I can do this…for Rafe, myself, and our future that we"ll fill with love and happiness.

I rambled down the staircase and padded into the kitchen. Freshly brewed coffee greeted me, and I couldn"t get my first sip too quickly. The sun was already relatively high in the sky, and I heard birdsong serenading me through an open window above the sink.

Glancing at the clock, I realized I didn"t have much time before leaving to pick up Rafe. I"d have to settle for a simple breakfast of granola and yogurt. The food helped settle my stomach and quiet some of the anxious thoughts echoing inside my head.

While I ate, I stared out the open window, spotting a cardinal at my bird feeder. The cheerful chirping made it sound like the natural world was on my side. Sometimes, I envied the existence of wild creatures, seemingly focused on specific tasks: gathering food, attracting partners, and raising their young. They didn"t appear to have time to worry about the opinions of others.

The drive to the Little Blue Bean was a short one. The streets of Blue Harbor were already bustling with activity. It was only a few days before Memorial Day weekend when we would unofficially usher in summer. I smiled as I passed the familiar storefronts and sidewalk tables and chairs set up by our eating establishments.

Climbing the staircase to Rafe"s apartment, I took it two steps at a time. Before I could raise my hand to press his doorbell, the door opened, revealing him beaming from ear to ear.

"Good morning, handsome," he greeted me and leaned forward to share a quick kiss. "Are you ready to wrestle the day to the ground?"

I laughed softly. "I hope it"s not quite so dramatic as all that, but yes, I"m as ready for Mom as I"ll ever be. Thank you for being willing to come."

Rafe wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me close. "It had to happen sooner or later. After all, I have a long-term goal to be part of the family."

The comment warmed my heart and nearly brought a tear to my eye. We scrambled down the stairs and then walked hand-in-hand to the car. A gentle breeze carried the sweet scents of blooming flowers and trees to our noses.

Mom met us at the door, and she immediately began to assess Rafe from head to toe. The tension in the air was thick. She said nothing before motioning for us to follow her to the living room.

After we were all seated, she spoke. "Theo, dear, I"m so glad you could find time to visit, and I see that you"ve brought a… friend. Perhaps you"d like to introduce us."

She knew very well who he was and that he was more than a friend. My stomach clenched. I took Rafe"s hand in mine."

"Mom, this is Rafe Wilder. I"ve mentioned him to you several times, and I couldn"t wait to introduce the two of you in person." I gritted my teeth, knowing that I was embellishing the truth.

Rafe leaned forward, smiled politely, and extended his hand to shake. "It"s a pleasure to meet you, Mrs. Winstead."

Mom"s upper lip twitched, and she rejected the idea of taking his hand. "Likewise, I"m sure." The tone of her voice was cool, and she made it sound like she"d rather be anywhere but with us.

An uncomfortable silence immediately settled over the room. I could only hear the ticking of the antique clock on the fireplace mantel. After clearing my throat, I struggled to find appropriate words to create at least a fragile connection between the two most important people in my life.

"Rafe has provided a tremendous amount of support to me, Mom. I"m never down for long when he"s around."

Mom"s eyes narrowed and she looked from me to Rafe and back again without moving her head. "That"s… um, interesting. And how long have you been… acquainted?"

The way she drew out the word "acquainted" made it sound like a dirty thing. An angry flush began to rise in my cheeks. "It has been long enough to know we have a real, meaningful connection."

She made a clicking sound with her tongue. "I suppose only time will tell for sure, right?"

Rafe remained admirably calm. He addressed Mom directly. "I understand that you would have reservations about me, Mrs. Winstead. Theo has been through quite a lot, and he has told me about your horrible experience of losing your husband. It"s only natural that you might feel protective toward Theo."

"Protective?" Mom asked. "I suppose I should expect someone to see it that way. I"m an ordinary mother, wanting only the best for my son. I"ve seen him hurt by people before. They claimed to care for him, too."

Her implication that Rafe was guilty until proven innocent hung in the air. I squeezed his hand to let him know we were still on the same side.

"Rafe"s different, Mom. He"s kind and caring, and I"m happy around him. Can"t you see that already?"

She sighed and tugged the skirt of her dress a little further down over her knees. "Happiness can be fleeting. You, of all people, should understand that."

Her words stung, and I blinked hard to fight back the tears burning at the corners of my eyes. She was referring to my short marriage to Dawson, and it felt cruel for her to throw my pain into my face.

Rafe tried to smooth the ruffled feathers in the room. "Mrs. Winstead, I have nothing but the utmost respect for Theo and what he"s had to endure in the past. I am not here to replace anyone. I"m here to help create something new that…"

Before he could finish, Mom cut him off with an icy stare. "Respect? Is that what you call it when you, a man who barely knows my son, waltzes into my house and talks to me, his mother, about what he needs?"

I opened my mouth to protest. I had to defend Rafe and our relationship, but Mom held up a hand to silence me.

"Enough. I"m finished discussing this." She abruptly changed the subject and spoke in a tone dripping with fake sweetness. "So, how about this weather we"ve been having? It"s been quite rainy lately, hasn"t it?"

I blinked hard but decided to follow along. "Yes, it has, but the flowers are blooming in abundance, so that"s our silver lining.

Rafe nodded. "The town has looked beautiful in springtime, such vibrant colors. I"m eager to see what the summer brings."

We all sipped tea and discussed the mundane details of Blue Harbor meteorology. It was forced small talk, and it felt like we were trying to slap a too-small Band-Aid over a gaping wound. Every time Mom looked at Rafe, she would suddenly jerk her head to the side as if someone had slapped her.

The minutes slowly ticked by, and the atmosphere grew more oppressive. My polite smiles and nods were a charade, a fake play I acted out to avoid talking about real issues.

Finally, I set my teacup down on the coffee table. "I think we should get going." My voice sounded strained, but I could also hear the firm conviction. "We have some things to take care of in town."

Mom pressed her lips together tightly but didn"t argue or complain. "Of course, dear. Remember, you"re always welcome here."

Unfortunately, the words were little comfort. She didn"t convince me that she meant them, and I understood that I was only welcome if I fit the mold she created for me and only if I wanted to follow the path she laid out.

As soon as the door clicked behind us when we left my mother"s house, a wave of relief washed over me. The suffocating atmosphere and awkward small talk were over.

Rafe sensed my discomfort, and he pulled me close. "Are you okay?"

I leaned toward him and drew strength from his firm stance. "I will be, but I hated that she treated you like that. You"ve done nothing to deserve a cold shoulder."

Rafe smiled. "Hey, don"t worry. I can handle someone throwing me a little shade. You"re the one I"m concerned about."

My affection for him welled up inside me. "Yeah, I"m okay. That"s over, and I"ll pull myself back out of my head."

An impulsive idea struck me. I turned to Rafe. "Would you… like to come to my studio with me? I"m working on a new piece, and it would be great to hear your feedback. What do you say?"

His face lit up, and his eyes glimmered. "I"d love that. There"s nothing I"d rather do than spend an afternoon with you surrounded by your art. It will make me a happy camper."

As we entered the studio, the familiar smells of oil paint and turpentine greeted us. A skylight let natural light into the space, bathing my canvases and sketches in a light, golden glow.

I led Rafe to the easel holding my latest work. It was a landscape of rolling hills and lush forests. I based it on the gorgeous scenery west of Blue Harbor. The jewel-like tones of green and blue that I used appeared to dance across the canvas.

Rafe"s eyes opened wide. "This is incredible. The colors are breathtaking."

"Thank you. I could spend a lifetime trying to capture the true colors of blue and green in nature."

Rafe turned toward me, and he tilted his head slightly. "I"ve got a question. Have you ever thought about painting portraits? I"m curious about how you would depict people in your painting style."

"I have done a few." I gestured toward a stack of smaller canvases leaning against the wall under a table. "It has been a while. There"s a different kind of connection needed to create a compelling portrait. You have to understand the subject differently."

"That makes some sense." Rafe rubbed his chin.

A thought suddenly occurred to me, and I felt a tingle of excitement race up my spine. "What about you, Rafe? Have you ever had your portrait painted? I"d love to try it and see if I can capture the essence of how I see you."

He blinked, and his eyes glowed like they were lit by lanterns inside them. "No, I haven"t, and I"d be honored if you want to do that. How do I pose for you?"

I guided him to a small platform rising about six inches off the floor in the center of the studio. "Stand right there, and then I"ll position you."

He stood with his feet shoulder-width apart and let his arms hang at his sides. I stepped forward and used my hands to gently guide his arms and shoulders into the desired pose.

I couldn"t resist touching his cheek with one of my hands. He pressed against it, and a broad smile filled out his face. I tugged a little at his shirt, but I couldn"t get it to lie over his body the way I wanted. It was slightly baggy, leaving his body shape a little formless.

I whispered, "I hope you don"t mind this," and I began to unbutton the shirt. My fingertips grazed his bare skin as I worked my way down. "Your muscular torso is an integral part of what makes you… you, and the fabric wouldn"t hang right."

Rafe"s breath caught in his throat, and his eyes darkened as he watched me slowly push the shirt off his shoulders, letting it fall to the floor. The smooth, slightly curved lines of his chest and the definition of his abs caused my body to respond.

I couldn"t resist reaching out to trace the contours of his muscles like I was memorizing every detail. Rafe"s eyes closed, and his lips parted slightly. I heard his breathing quicken.

His voice was rough when he spoke. "You know, if you keep touching me like that, I might have a hard time holding still for the portrait."

My fingers danced lightly along his collarbone. I glanced down to see a thicker bulge than usual pressing against the fabric of his jeans. "That would make painting you difficult. Maybe I need to find a way to keep you… focused."

Rafe opened his eyes again. "And what do you mean by that."

I stepped up next to him, rose onto my toes, and let my lips brush lightly against an ear lobe. "I bet I could think of a few things, but first, let me…"

I ran my hands down his chest and abs, bringing them to rest on his belt buckle. A shudder raced through his body, but he held his position.

"Theo…," he breathed. I couldn"t tell whether he was using my name as a command or a wish.

Unspoken desire hung heavy in the air between us. I knew it would be best to step back, pull out my easel and paints, and focus on painting, but it was Rafe. I couldn"t resist him, and here, in my sacred studio space, I wanted to go further than we"d gone before.

"Rafe," I whispered. "If you tell me to stop, I will."

A growl erupted from his lips. "Don"t you dare." He suddenly broke the pose and reached out to tangle his fingers in the hair on the back of my head. His lips met mine, and our passion erupted in a fiery kiss.

I gasped, and my hands gripped his hips to pull my body flush against him. His tongue slid against mine, stoking the flames of desire.

Pushing forward, I caused Rafe to stumble backward until he hit the studio"s wall. I pressed hard against his body, my clothed torso brushing against his bare flesh.

"I want you," I murmured against his lips. My fingers worked feverishly, unbuckling his belt and unfastening his jeans. "Right here and right now. I can"t wait."

Rafe pressed his head back, exposing his neck and Adam"s apple. His breath came in short gasps while I licked the outline of his jaw, exhaling against his skin. "Yes, Theo," he hissed.

It was all the encouragement I needed. After one more searing kiss, I knelt before him, prepared to show him just how excited his body made me.

His jeans fell to his feet, and I lowered my head, my lips brushing against the delicate skin of Rafe"s inner thigh. He shivered when I hooked my fingers into his briefs, tugging them down and setting his cock free.

Rafe gripped my hair tightly in his fingers, and he rubbed my cheek against the outline of his erect shaft. I swallowed hard, my mouth watering, ready to taste him.

I looked up, my eyes never leaving his face, as I wrapped my fingers around the base of his cock and took him into my mouth. His hips bucked against the wall, and his breaths came in short, quick gasps. I dragged my tongue along the underside each time I slowly pulled back and savored the taste of Rafe.

His mouth fell open, and a low, rattling moan escaped as I continued my sensual exploration. When I licked and sucked at just his swollen head, it pushed him toward the edge of orgasm.

When I cradled his balls in my free hand, I felt the tension building, and I watched his eyes open wider as he looked down at me. The grunts and moans drove me to let his cock slide deeper into my throat. My eyes watered, but I didn"t want to stop.

I wanted to push him over the edge. Increasing my pace, I sucked and stroked faster, with more intensity. My tongue found his sensitive spot, causing him to gasp.

Rafe tightened his grip on my hair, driving my head forward and back. His hips bucked against my face. "Theo, I"m gonna come," he moaned.

I didn"t pull away and kept up the intensity, eager to feel him explode in my mouth. With a guttural roar, he came, spilling his cum onto my tongue and down my throat.

As he rode out the orgasm, I continued to lick and suck. I wanted to get every last drop. Finally, with us both spent, I pulled away, licking my lips.

After slowly climbing to my feet, I reached out and wrapped Rafe in a tight hug. I pointed at a curtain in the corner of the room. His knees were weak, but he followed me.

When I pulled the drape back, it revealed a small single bed. I whispered, "I have it here for those nights I"m so inspired I forget what time it is."

We settled onto the bed together, Rafe on his back and me on my side. I nestled my head into his shoulder while my fingers drew random shapes on his bare chest.

"That was… amazing." He pushed his face into my hair.

"It was…" My voice trailed off, and we lay in silence for several minutes.

When a flicker of guilt interrupted my afterglow, I knew I needed to speak up. "Rafe, I have to tell you something."

He cupped my chin and rubbed his thumb over my cheekbone. "What is it? You can tell me anything."

I took a deep, trembling breath as I tried to find the words to adequately express the battle going on inside me. "Sometimes, when I"m with you, and we"re at our best, and I feel so happy I want to burst… guilty feelings creep in. It"s like my brain insists I"m betraying the memory of Dawson by moving on and loving someone new."

Rafe raked his fingers through my hair. "I can"t say that surprises me. It must be hard. Still, I don"t think loving me does anything to diminish what you had with Dawson. I don"t want you to boot him out of your thoughts to make room for me. I hope there"s plenty of room for both of us."

A tear started to roll down my cheek. He"d said precisely the right thing. "I think my heart has already made room for both of you, instinctively, but the rest of me is playing catch up. I loved Dawson so deeply that losing him nearly destroyed me. Now, with you, it"s like I"m alive and learning how to breathe again."

Rafe pulled me tighter against him, his arms acting as a comforting sanctuary while more tears fell. "I obviously didn"t know Dawson, but after listening to you and meeting Tyler, I"m convinced he would want you to be happy. He loved you, and that means he wanted you to have a joyful life, even if it couldn"t be with him."

I held on. "I want to believe that. I want to give my all to us as a couple and not lose part of myself in the process."

Rafe kissed my cheek. "You"re not losing anything, and neither am I. We"re both rising into the open air again, ready to take big steps forward in our journeys to happiness. Nothing can stop us now. We"re on our way."