Chapter Fourteen

Two weeks into this godforsaken process and I am ready to strangle someone.

And that someone has a name, and her name is Shelby.

"One of us has to talk to him," Ashley F says as we're sitting on the couch in the mansion. It's early afternoon and everyone with the exception of Shelby has the day "off." Off is a euphemism for we don't get to leave the house or see the king. There's a one-on-one date today, and the rest of us are filming confessionals and this house meeting scene.

I can tell where the director thinks the real drama is because Joe is right here and not across town filming Luca and Shelby and their magical day on the Upper East Side.

"Can you say that with a bit more feeling?" Joe interrupts. "The sentiment is exactly what we're going for, but there's no place for subtlety. You're mad at Shelby, and this house meeting is going to steer the ship when it comes to her. You're fed up and you can't take anymore."

Ashley F nods and closes her eyes like she's prepping for a scene.

Which she is.

Is it real? Do we all hate Shelby for how awful she is? Yes. But apparently we're not hating her in a film-ready way.

"We're still rolling." Joe adjusts his glasses, sitting back in his chair while Patrick hands him a travel mug of coffee.

I haven't had to deal with Patrick unless I was on one of the group dates and at the elimination ceremonies, of which there have been two. Two of the Ashleys have left in what I like to call the limo of doom, and it was all very dramatic and tearful and there was something about sauerkraut that I didn't fully understand. I feel like I'm floating through these days.

But the nights…the nights are when I feel solid ground beneath my feet. The nights are when I feel alive.

Every night without fail Luca sneaks into my room and we watch shows. He gets surprisingly emotionally invested. I've started asking my mom to sneak me extra food for our midnight binge fests.

Last night she made me a small but lovely charcuterie box, with grapes and gouda and salami and crackers. Luca made me taste the grapes because apparently they don't have cotton candy grapes in Ralavia. They also don't have men who make poor choices. At least that's what he tells me.

And I've also started getting a little snack for Hans. I'm not sure if he eats it, though. He's serious about poison, too.

"Enough is enough. We can't let her get away with this," Ashley F says with a fierce look in her eyes. "Reg is having the wool pulled over his eyes by her. She's so sweet with him. He doesn't see the other side."

"What can we do?" Emily asks, her eyes wide. "I've tried talking to her and it ends up with her telling me… Well, I can't say it here. It's not ladylike."

Says the girl who can fart the alphabet. I'm not joking. It's a real skill. She's super feminine on camera and kind of a bro off it. I like her.

"Ladylike is going to hurt the man we all care about," Tiara Kate says.

He's kissed me several times, and there was one hot make-out session that was only interrupted because I was sure I heard someone coming down the hall toward my room. I don't think Luca is used to being shoved out the door like he's a teen boy and my dad came home unexpectedly.

I fall asleep most nights resting against his shoulder and I wake up and wish he was there.

I'm in serious trouble because I don't think he's going to cut me, and I don't know what I'm going to do if he asks me to marry him.

"Ani?"

I shake my head and look around, trying to figure out who's talking to me. "Yeah?"

Katy frowns my way. Even though it's after dinner and we're supposed to be relaxing, she's in designer wear, Chanel earrings swinging as she shows her displeasure. "We asked what you think we should do."

I wince because that was my cue. "I think we should talk to the king and tell him how we feel."

That is my line. Well, it was suggested as my line. I've now done my duty and can go back to staring and hoping I look like I'm into this "impromptu" house meeting.

"You want to talk to him about this? Because you seem to avoid talking to him," Katy says, and there's no way to miss the accusation in her tone. "I mean if we're talking about people who are here for the wrong reasons, we shouldn't only talk about Shelby."

"What is that supposed to mean?" Hannah still has my back.

I spend most of my time with Hannah, Ashley F, and Riley. We cling together like a flock of baby birds trying to stave off an attack from the mean predatory birds. We're sitting in a cluster right now, with Hannah and Riley on my right and Ashley F staring a hole at Katy to my left.

"Yeah, if you're talking about Anika, I don't see a problem. She's not the one causing trouble," Ashley F says with a frown.

"No, she's the one hiding out. She's the one who production has to chase down when they need her to spend some time with Reg," Katy points out. "She's the one who doesn't belong here."

"No mention of production, please." Joe shakes his head and leans over to whisper something in Patrick's ear, his hand going behind Patrick's back.

Whatever it is he says makes Patrick's brow furrow.

Katy sighs and looks his way. "But it's true."

"We don't break the illusion on this show," Patrick says firmly, stepping away. "You should know that by now. You've been here for two weeks. You don't talk about production or cameras or anything that goes on behind the scenes. If you want to bitch about Anika, I can give you a million ways to do it, but you can't say production has to track her down. Talk about how annoying she is and how she throws herself in front of every train that's coming because she's got a martyr complex. She's dull as dirt and doesn't seem to want to be here, so she's taking the space of a woman who could truly love the king."

"Whoa," I say because I am not those things. "I don't throw myself in front of trains."

"No, but you do stick your nose into every fight," Riley whispers. "You play referee, and I don't think they're getting the fights they want."

Katy gives me a shrug. "Every time I try to cause some trouble you practically body check me. I'm trying here, Ani. Do you think I like being this bitchy? I'm a kindergarten teacher. I'm usually a happy unicorn, but they told me if I want any screentime, I better cause trouble."

"Again, nothing we should talk about on camera," Joe says, sliding out of his chair. He looks around to the crew. "We're going to take half an hour so the ladies can decide how they're going to handle this scene. Get a snack, people. Patrick, do you have those schedules I asked for?"

Poor Patrick. Normally a director barely knows the production assistants' names. Even the key PA. He got the micro manager. That can be tough, but he doesn't have to throw me under every bus he can.

"I thought we were talking about Shelby," Emily begins.

In the background I see Harper moving around, a tool belt circling her hips. She looks like she's working on one of the sconce lighting units, but I'm sure she's listening to every word we say.

"I'm sorry." I don't mean to hold everyone up. "I'll be faster with my conversations with the king."

Tiara Kate shakes her head, and I swear that fake crown doesn't move. I wonder if it's surgically attached to her head. "No. Katy has a point. You're the only one here who isn't crazy about the king."

"Crazy is a harsh word," Riley hedges. "I wouldn't say crazy."

"Then maybe you should leave, too," Katy shoots back.

"Can we stop policing other people's feelings?" I ask. "You know not everyone expresses their affection in the same way. I absolutely feel something for the king."

I think about Luca all the time. It's probably why I get nervous when production wants to shoot a scene between us. I'm insanely crazy about the Luca who sneaks into my bedroom at night and watches TV with me and argues about who the bachelor sends home and how he won't be so foolish. I'm falling for the Luca who blushed madly when he realized what happens in the fantasy suites, and that production really would prefer he pick a couple of us to sleep with.

It's not like the smooth and politic king he is in front of the cameras isn't charming. It's just that it feels fake when I know who he is underneath it all.

"Well, it doesn't show, and you're dragging the rest of us down," Katy says.

Harper has turned, and I see her eyes narrow. Oh, that could be a problem.

"How is she dragging anyone down?" Hannah stands up, facing off with Katy and the Tiara. "She's done nothing but help us all. When we don't understand what's going on, she explains all the production things to us. She tries to keep the peace so we don't all look ridiculous when the show comes out. I, for one, don't want to look like some stereotype."

"You're going to look like that no matter what you do," Tiara Kate says. "They're going to edit us all as they will, so you can give them nothing to work with and they'll give you the dull as dishwater edit, or you can give them some sparks and maybe you'll get something out of it."

It's the first time I've seen her admit she's not merely here for the king. "Really? Get something career wise? Because I think I got accused of not being here for the right reasons. Is my career not the right reason, but yours is?"

Katy huffs out an annoyed sigh. "Like Ashley F isn't already talking to the producers about doing their new dating show. Don't be a hypocrite. You don't need this show to get another show. You're a production assistant. You're like ants. There's always something for you to do. Do you think I want to be a teacher for the rest of my life? Do you know what it's like for us right now?"

I'm sure she's got horror stories. "Well, it's super fun to spend all my time catering to people like you. So you'll have to excuse me when I don't see the difference between you moving up on the reality show circuit and me trying to keep a job I love."

"So you admit you're not here for Reg," Emily says, shooting me a disappointed look.

"Neither are these two. And it's not like I don't like him. I do. He's a great guy. I just don't think a relationship like this can work," I point out. "It looks great on TV, but how much time have you actually spent with him? Getting to know him? Even if you've had a one-on-one, the cameras are there."

"I talked to him when they were repositioning the cameras." Hannah's looking at me with wide eyes like she feels the need to defend herself. "But I guess in the five hours we were gone it was only like an hour we got to talk without thinking about how things look on film. But it was a nice hour. Even if it was broken up with hair and makeup and lighting."

"Yes, we've all enjoyed our time with Reg." Katy locks onto Hannah. "You're here for the right reasons. You believe in the process. Anika admitted she doesn't."

"And you do?" I'm starting to get irritated. I stand because I see Harper inching toward us and I don't trust her with a wrench in her hand. "You think you're honestly coming out of this as the queen of Ralavia?"

Hannah snaps her fingers. "Ralavia. It's like saliva but with an R."

It's not. It's not in any way, but I ignore her and I ignore the fact that Ashley F is defending herself to Tiara Kate over possibly lining up a new gig even before she's eliminated from the old one.

"I believe in it a hell of a lot more than you do," Katy assures me. "You're here because production wants you here."

"Hey, she's been trying," Riley says. "She put on makeup and everything."

"Well, she doesn't share her room," Katy points out. "She's the only one of us with a private room. I wonder why that is."

I hope I'm not blushing because I know why I have a private room. Because Luca wants me in one. "The two women I was supposed to bunk with got eliminated the first night. It was just luck."

"Then why won't they let any of us move in?" Katy asks.

Hannah shifts on the couch, looking up at us. "I was told you have a sleep disorder."

"You asked to move into my room?" I hadn't been told. She'd said a couple of things a few days into shooting, but then I thought she'd let it go because I didn't hear anything else.

"Well, yes, because it was me and Riley and Ashley W packed into a room smaller than yours," Hannah explains. "But Patrick said you have sleep issues and I would be better off sleeping in the bathtub."

What the hell does Patrick have against me? He's rude.

"You don't want to move now, right?" Riley looks over at her closest friend in the house.

Hannah gives her a gentle smile. They've really connected, and I'm happy Hannah's found some friends. She's come alive in the last couple of weeks, and I pray she doesn't lose that light when Luca inevitably lets her go. "No. I'm happy right where I am, but it was tight for a little while."

"Anika is a diva," Katy interjects. "There's nothing wrong with her. She simply doesn't want to share. She heard her numbers were great the first night, and now she's better than the rest of us. I know I've heard she offered to be eliminated that first night, but boy, she's been playing it up ever since."

I'm confused. "Am I evil because I'm trying too hard or not enough? It can't be both."

Harper nods my way like I've scored a solid point.

"I think Katy is looking for drama." Ashley F seems satisfied with whatever she's told Tiara Kate and is back to the job of defending me. "If you trust the process so much, why are you constantly looking for ways to get other contestants kicked off? You think I don't know that you complained to production about my meds?"

"We're supposed to have only the things we brought in on the first night," Katy insists.

Oh, Shelby has made her look good in comparison, but she's kind of a cartoon villain. "She ran out of her inhaler. It wasn't like she smuggled in a pushup bra, Karen."

Harper snorts, but she's back to working that wrench in a way that doesn't have the potential to maim.

She's comfortable that I can handle this.

"How about we do this," I begin. "I'm not going to go to the king about any of you. He can figure it out on his own since that's the process. Katy, you can't get rid of your competition by creating drama around them. That will get you eliminated because this is not a dramatic man. If you can't tell that by now, you're in trouble."

"I'll admit he's too calm for me," Emily says. "But then my last two boyfriends were both pro wrestlers. I thought I would miss chair throwing less than I do."

"He's fine. He's who he's supposed to be." Katy's long blonde hair waves as she runs her hands over it. It's something she does all the time, and I wonder how all that hair fares against twenty kindergarteners on a daily basis. "He has to look like he's always in control. He's the king. I mean the poor man can't even kiss us, and it's obvious he wants to."

"Obvious?" I hate that the word came out of my mouth when I should have stayed so quiet.

"Maybe not to you since you're here because he's being forced to keep you," Katy shoots back. "But he's come close to kissing me."

"Me, too," Tiara adds. "So close, but then he had to pull away, and I could tell how much he wanted me."

"He kissed my hand," Hannah says. "But that's all. He's a gentleman."

"He's a man, and I'm sure he wants more than one of us, but he's constrained. That's my point. We have to make this show work, and Anika isn't helping." Katy shrugs. "That's all I'm saying. If she's not here for the king and she's not here to make the show better, and by that I mean more watchable, then why is she here? Do you guys want to be known as the most boring cast in all of reality TV or do you want to be talked about?"

"I want to get married," Hannah concedes.

A groan goes through most of the women, though I note that Riley puts a hand on her friend's shoulder.

"Well, I think it's safe to say none of us would reject the man." Katy's arms cross over her chest. "None of us except Anika. I could see her doing it. Look, I'm never going to see you as anything but someone production forced on us. I have to wonder if you're here to spy on us."

"Then I should do a better job." I'm sick of defending myself. "I'm not the one who is trying her hardest to take out the competition. According to your precious process, there is no competition. We're all supposed to get along and let the guy figure out who he's in love with. I'm trying to do that in my own way, and I'm not going to let you steamroll me into being someone I'm not. If you want to talk to the king about how much you hate someone else here and that you can't handle your own problems, so please, please, Your Majesty, help the little girl out then do it yourself. As for me, I'll take care of Shelby myself. Because I don't need a crown to be a queen."

"And cut." Joe is behind me, and he claps his hands. "Now that's what I'm talking about. That's the energy I need. We can edit that down so we're not talking about production. That was perfect."

Katy beams his way. "Thank you. I told you I could get her there. She's been kind of waiting to explode."

"Get me there?" I'm on the edge of exploding now because I'm beginning to figure out how much of this scene was set up, and I wasn't even allowed to read the script. They'd had a meeting I hadn't been invited to. "This was some kind of setup?"

Hannah shakes her head. "I didn't know. Neither did Riley."

But the rest of them were clearly in on it.

Ashley F gives me a sympathetic look. "Sorry. They told us they needed to see some emotion from you. You're the only one of us who hasn't cried in confessional yet. They're worried you come across as not wanting to be here."

I feel like a complete idiot. "So this wasn't about Shelby. This was about me."

Joe steps into the living room. "Of course it's about Shelby, and we still need to have a talk about how the house wants to handle her, but this was a good scene. I'm glad I kept the cameras rolling. That speech you gave? Fire. That last line is going to be around for a while, just watch it. Thanks, kid. You did good. Now take a break and we'll get back to all of you discussing Shelby."

I should have remembered that a "break" isn't a break if cameras are working twenty-four seven.

"I think I'll take my break in my room." I need to breathe because now my mind is rolling with everything these women have said to me. With the exception of Hannah and Riley, they've all allowed me to walk into some kind of trap that's likely going to get me way more screentime than I want.

"Be back in twenty," Joe says, and I can tell he's disappointed in me.

"Hey, you're welcome," Katy calls out.

"Leave her alone," Ashley F says. "She needs a minute. You got the reaction you wanted now leave her be."

I hurry up the stairs and into my room.

What would they say if they knew the truth? I like some of these women. I respect them all. Sure, I want to toss a couple of them into the Hudson, but I respect them.

The pressure of being stuck in this place is starting to get to me, and now I have to wonder if Luca is beginning to regret the whole no-kissing thing. Maybe he's connecting with these women the way production hoped he would, and he feels bad that he put himself in a corner. Maybe he's only coming around to see me because he put me in this stupid room and he doesn't have another choice.

"I could kill her and stuff her body in the foundation of the building we start on in two days," Harper says from the doorway. "I do that kind of stuff for the mob all the time. Part of being in the construction business in the city. Lots of bodies in foundations around here, you know."

I sniffle and sit down on the bed, a bit weary. "I don't like it here."

"Then why haven't you walked away? You can leave. They can't keep you here. If you're supposed to find dirt on the director, I don't think that's going to happen. I've watched him. The only woman who comes and goes from his private rooms is that Christy chick, and if they're banging, I would be surprised. They seem congenial. I take it we're looking for something a little more nonconsensual," Harper suggests.

I nod because it's not like Harper's going to talk. "There's a rumor he might be sexually harassing some of the women on his sets."

"I've met him three times now, and he's been perfectly lovely. We've talked about Gilded Age architecture. He didn't even look at my chest and I was wearing a serious bra, if you know what I mean. He did not fall into my honey pot."

And he hasn't come close to mine. Besides being a rat fink bastard who is giving me some low-key trauma, he's not bad to work for, though Patrick seems constantly on the edge. That's his problem, not Joe's.

I can leave if I want to.

I can walk out the door, and then I don't have to feel this way.

"Ani, come on. We can be home in fifteen minutes. Ivy's going to yell at me, but I don't care." Harper stands and offers me her hand. "We can have you packed up in no time at all."

Packed and gone, and I can call Jessica and tell her this whole thing has been a big old nothing burger.

"Oh, shit. You don't want to go." Harper is staring at me with something akin to horror. "I know it's not because of the friendships you've made along the way, so this is about Luca. Honey, what's going on. Is he still sneaking in here?"

I nod, and Harper sighs and sits back down, her hand finding mine.

"Have you changed your mind? Are you thinking you want to try to win this thing?"

The very fact that she's asked if I want to win makes me wince. "Luca's not a prize to win. He's been coming in to watch some reality shows with me. He didn't do a lot of research, so he's trying to figure out how it all really works. He didn't understand why the producers were upset he won't kiss anyone."

"Anyone but you."

"Not on camera," I admit. "No one knows he's coming in here at night. I mean except his bodyguard who sits out in the stairwell waiting for someone to try to murder him."

"Okay, that's weird," Harper allows, "but I think we're missing the salient point here. He's only interested in you, and it's obvious you're totally into him. I know what happened was annoying, but he's got a good reason he's doing this show. So I don't see the problem."

Then she hasn't been listening. "I can't be a queen."

"I thought you said that wouldn't happen."

"Luca's got it in his head that he needs to get married anyway, so he might as well go with someone he likes." He's been teasing me about it. "And he thinks it would be economically effective since the producers have to hand over seven million if we get married."

"A seven-million-dollar wedding?" Harper whistles.

"That seems cheap for a royal wedding, but yes." I can see she's already wondering what her bridesmaid dress will look like and how many glasses of champagne she can fit in on that private flight to Europe that would certainly be scheduled. "I can't marry him. He doesn't love me."

Harper groans. "Don't get hung up on a word. Some guys aren't great communicators."

"He's the head of his country. He's an excellent communicator." And he's an incredible kisser, and I'm worried if I do stay those make-out sessions are going to go further.

I'm more than a little worried that I want to know what it feels like to sleep with him, to have his hands on me, to not stop doing what seems to come so naturally between us.

"Watch his actions, not his words," Harper says quietly.

There's a knock on the door, and I can't help but start at the sound.

Harper crosses the space and opens the door, revealing a more irritated than normal Patrick.

"Don't you have a job to do? Like a light to fix or something?" Patrick moves out of the way to allow her to leave.

"I would love to fix the stick that somehow got shoved up your ass," Harper replies as she waves my way. "See you later, Ani. Think about what I said. You have options."

"No, you don't," Patrick counters. He moves into my room, glancing around. "You need to come back downstairs. Joe still wants a house meeting about Shelby, who I heard is on her way back from her one-on-one, so don't be surprised when she walks in. Or do be. Whatever Joe wants from you. Unless you're going to cry and run away because the girls were mean to you."

"What the hell did I do to you?" I'm sick of his attitude. "Do I look like the person who kicked your favorite puppy or something?"

"You're a pain in my ass." He stops and stares for a moment at the pink bear sitting on my bookcase. A long sigh runs through him. "And you're dumb as dirt. I can't even with you right now. Either get downstairs or let production know you're leaving."

He reaches out and picks up the bear, swiping it off the shelf in an angry gesture.

"Hey," I begin.

"You have five minutes." He walks out, carrying the bear with him.

What a jerk.

I've got the start of a headache from hell, and I still don't know what to do. I'm lying to everyone in this house and it's starting to get to me.

It might be time to leave.

But I take a deep breath and put on a smile because I can't do a damn thing until I talk to Luca.