Chapter 72

* Elena *

Since I was already down the rabbit hole, I decided I might as well see it all now. I told myself I was in a better place now and more equipped to deal with it, but I underestimated the viciousness of my enemies. Putting aside the stories about how in love Ryder and Janie were, which I now knew were all lies, the lies about me were astounding.

My character had been assassinated in ways I couldn’t imagine. As someone who’s always prided myself on being fair and kind to everyone, seeing those things in print hurt almost as if they’d just been said, even though most of it was from years ago.

One of the reasons I’d gone searching was because of something that had been mentioned in the packet I received. Apparently, it wasn’t only Janie and her family who had told lies to the press, but Mary and her kids had been on that bandwagon as well, and because I’d taxed Rachel with handling all of my social media accounts, I never got to see any of this until now.

There was mention of my mental health, hints that I’d been a cheating partner, and all manner of things that were far from the truth. I was called a fake, a liar, and a user. It was claimed that I was rude and selfish, all things that I have never been.

As the years went by, I was accused of trying to break them up and siccing my fans on Janie. I was painted as a scorned woman who had it out for my ex and his new wife when I didn’t even so much as whisper in his direction. Everything that I had worked so hard to avoid, I had been accused of all the same.

I wasn’t as hurt by their words as I was by Rachel sharing my deepest pain with them because I knew that some of the things that had been said, like the fact that I had been bedridden for months after the breakup and how much my mental health had suffered, right down to how often and for how long I stayed in the hospital each time I had a mental break.

One good thing about my pain diving is that I got to see how my fans, those who knew me best, stuck up for me. They never once wavered, and for me, that was more than enough. By the time I was through, though, I was pissed off and so distracted that when the phone rang, I answered without checking the caller ID.

“Hello!”

“Did you read it all?”

“Yes, I did. Thanks for sending it to me.” I didn’t bother asking how she got ahold of all that information because it seemed pointless. I just had to accept that she and her friends were not your average ten-year-old, and her next words proved to me that I was right.

“It’s fine to kill your enemies with kindness, but you should never neglect yourself.”

“What? What do you mean?” I thought she was taking a dig at me.

“I mean, that being kind to yourself should come first; otherwise, it’s a bit hypocritical, don’t you think?”

I scoff-laughed at her cheekiness, but the way she said it, I knew she was dead serious. I didn’t know if to call her out or just accept that she had a point, and I figured from the stories I’d heard that she wouldn’t care one way or the other. “What is it that you’re asking me to do?”

“You don’t have to do anything but live.” She hung up the phone, and I was almost tempted to believe that someone was playing with me. There’s no way a ten-year-old, no matter how smart, could be that poignant, surely. But her words gave me a lot to think about.

Live! I realized that I hadn’t been doing that since the breakup, that I’d merely been existing as a shadow of my former self. It hit me as I sat there on my bed that she was right, that things had changed now, and I no longer had to hide and lick my wounds.

It was finally setting in that I had won. I think maybe I had been holding my breath to see just what I had won, though, and now when I search my feelings, I feel sure that I had weathered a very bad storm, but now the grey skies were receding to let in the sunlight.

I’ve always been an all-or-nothing kind of girl. And since I had decided to give Ryder another chance, there was no reason for me to hold back. I felt sure in myself that I would never allow myself to be hurt like that again, and I believed that he wouldn’t dare this time around.

I chose to focus on the good times from back then, before the lies that drove us apart, and look forward to all the things we had once promised each other as if picking up from where we left off. It was like a weight was being lifted from my shoulders, and the pressure in my chest was no longer there.

I didn’t even realize that I had been holding back, afraid to take a step forward, but now that I knew the worst of it, there was no longer any reason to keep myself or us hidden. I won’t lie; with my decision, a small part of me wanted revenge. That part of me wanted my enemies to suffer; I wanted them to see that we were back together, and this time for good.

I was so excited I picked up the phone to call Ryder, but it went straight to voicemail. That didn’t deter me, though. We’ve never held each other back from posting things about ourselves as a couple if we felt like it, and besides, I wasn’t planning on having the same relationship as the first time around.

I’m his girlfriend, soon-to-be wife if he knows what’s good for him and what do wives and girlfriends do. They proudly proclaim their love for their man on social media. Before I could think better of it, I went through my camera roll and chose the last picture we’d taken together.

It was a nice shot of him standing behind me as we stood at the window of the mansion, looking out at Central Park in the distance. Ryder had taken it with his phone, and when I saw it, I fell in love with the beautiful simplicity of it and asked him to send it to my phone.

My heart was knocking against my ribs when I hit send, and I closed my phone almost immediately, already regretting what I’d done. Oh crap, Mom, Sydney. How could I forget that I hadn’t told them yet? What the hell was I thinking?

I looked at my watch and calculated that I still had some time to deal with Sydney since she was on stage halfway around the world, but as if on cue, my phone rang with Mom on the other end. I took a couple of deep breaths, but they were of no help.

“Please tell me that this is an old picture or that somebody photoshopped you two together.”

“Mom…”

“Just answer me.”

“It’s not; Ryder and I are back together.” I bit my lip and waited for the explosion.”

“Are you kidding me right now? Have you forgotten what he put you through?”

“Mom, have you always distrusted me?”

“What’re you talking about? I never distrusted you.”

“So, do you think I’ve lost all my trustworthiness in this situation?”

“That, I’m not saying that, but we both know what he did to you.”

“Mom, I love you; you’re my mother, and you only want what’s best for me. You were always there when I needed you, and I’m forever grateful for that and. I’m sure you’ll have to be there for me again, but please listen to me now without interruption. Make up your mind only after I have finished. Can you promise me that?”

She wasn’t too pleased, but her silence after a sigh was all the go-ahead I needed. I told her everything, from the night Ryder first showed up, everything about Rachel and her part in the smear campaigns against me, why Ryder married Janie, all the lies, everything. I didn’t leave anything out, and by the time I was done, we were both in tears.

“Are you sure about all of this?”

“Yes, Mom, I’m sure. You don’t think I’d be giving him a second chance if I wasn’t, do you?”

“I don’t know, this all sounds like a movie. It’s crazy, but I did see Janie on the news ranting like a lunatic, so anything could be true. I just can’t believe that she went to those lengths to get what she wanted. It’s diabolical.”

“I was just about to call you because there was a podcast on earlier with the woman she supposedly hired to work black magic on you and Ryder, and your post came through before I could make the call.”

“What podcast?”

“I recorded it for some strange reason, I still don’t even know why I listened, but the Internet has been in an uproar for the last few days with all that’s going on.”

“Really? I only just took a peek, but I stayed mostly in the past; I haven’t really dived into the latest drama.”

“So where’s that Rachel bitch now? She’s not at your house in L.A., is she? Because I’ll go and throw her out on her ass right now.”

“No, she disappeared; I don’t know where she went.”

I don’t really care either, though sometimes I do worry about her. It’s not easy for me to just stop caring about someone I love because they turn out to be a monster like her. She hadn’t killed me when she had the chance, a chance I’d given her by letting her into my home, so I guess that’s something.

“She’d better not show her face around here again, or I won’t be responsible for my actions, and tell Ryder he needs to come to see me before you two make any plans. I heard everything you say, and I admit he got a bad deal, but I can’t just hand you over to him as if nothing happened.

“Mom, you didn’t like him before, remember? Even when you knew I was in love with him. This time I think you’d hate him even more because of what happened between us, so I’m not asking for much other than to trust me and give us a chance. I don’t expect you to welcome him with open arms but try to remember that he was a victim as well. Can you do that for me?”

“I’m not making any promises, but since you tricked me into acknowledging that I trust your judgment, I guess I can’t go back on my word.” She sounded so petulant I was tempted to laugh. “Oh well, you might get over on me, but Sydney’s going to give you hell; I hope you’re prepared.”

She wasn’t lying. Our interaction went much better than I expected, but I’m almost certain that things will be much different with Sydney. She was almost as hurt as I was by everything that happened, and I know she still hates Ryder because of his dealings with Scott and the fact that Scott tried to rip her off.

Maybe once I tell her that it was Janie behind those posts back then, she’d cut him some slack, but I’m not holding my breath. “Girl, you’re broken the damn Internet. Are you seeing this?”

“No, I closed my phone after posting, and then you called. What are they saying?”

I reached for my tablet but was almost too afraid to look. I hadn’t thought this thing through, but then again, I was always too careful in the past, and it got me nowhere. “Mom, let me call you back.” I was barely aware of hanging up the phone, too sidetracked by the number of notifications on my phone.

Thankfully the first twenty comments are positive, but I didn’t dare push my luck. But just those few bolstered my confidence a bit, especially the ones that said, ‘I knew it’ or ‘I knew they would get back together eventually.’

As I read further down, there were some pretty mean posts aimed at Janie and even more mentioning the podcast mom had talked about. There was wild speculation in the comments section and some statements that showed how closely his fans and mine had been following our story.

I don’t know what I expected, maybe some backlash and I’m sure if I went diving into the wrong side of the net, there’d be plenty of that, but for now, my soul was content with this. I wanted to jump right in with excitement and actually answer some of the comments, but in the end, I cautioned myself not to get carried away.

My PR team, sans Rachel, was going to have a field day, but since I’m not in the habit of giving them too much trouble, I figure they’ll get over it. I thought about hiring someone else to handle my social media accounts but thought that maybe I should hold off on that for now.

Thankfully unlike Janie, Rachel hadn’t used my handles to attack anyone because I guess she knew I would’ve known if she’d been posting anything under my name. She was only in charge of posting commercial news about me, like the release date for my series and anything to do with my music, but until I just posted that picture, there was nothing personal from my end for quite some time. Maybe that’s why the post was garnering so much attention.

My phone started ringing, but since the caller was neither Sydney nor Ryder, I ignored them all. I didn’t stay online too long because I’d done what I intended; now, it was time for the masses to go on a feeding frenzy.

I wasn’t doing this to get back at anyone, and that made it feel all the better. I made up my mind right then and there that I was no longer willing to hide the fact that we were back together. There were too many people involved in our lives the last time, too many voices with their opinions; this time, I wanted to do things our way and not let anyone commercialize my relationship.

I’m going to come at things completely different this time around. I won’t let anyone get in my way, and I certainly let anyone else have the power to destroy us or come between us again. I’d told Ryder to get rid of the people around him who’d had a hand in him marrying someone else, and he’d agreed, so I guess that was the first step in the right direction.

His actions in that regard will decide how we go forward because this was a deal-breaker for me. If he even hints at keeping in contact with any of those people, I know that I am strong enough to walk away. And this time, I won’t bury my head in the sand or hide myself away to lick my wounds. This time I would make him pay because there couldn’t possibly be any excuse he could use after all that we had already been through.