15. Colt - An Angel: 12 years ago - winter

As soon as I exited the team bus, the freezing Canadian wind and snow blasted at me, and I really regretted wearing a peacoat over my suit instead of a down jacket.

Up ahead, some of my teammates were crowded around our door, laughing.

Hiking my hockey bag higher on my shoulder, I stalked over to figure out why they were laughing. Maybe someone pulled a prank, which I was not in the mood to deal with after our tough loss today. I was never quite sure how other guys bounced back so quick after losing when I was stuck in a shit mood ‘til our next game.

Greyson Scott, our captain who was in a perpetual bad mood, actually cracked a grin as he peeked in our room. “Shit, never seen a rookie mistake this bad.” He arched an amused eyebrow. “Westerly’s gonna beat someone’s ass.”

What the fuck was he talking about…

Oh.

Yeah.

This was bad.

I stopped short and JP ran into me.

Westerly, a burly defenseman who picked the short stick and had to room with JP, Kappy, and I for this road trip, dropped his bag and cracked his knuckles. “Where the fuck is that Kappy kid?”

Oh shit.

JP made eye contact with me, telepathically questioning if we had to stick our necks out for Kap.

I gave a slight resigned nod and rubbed my forehead.

“It was an honest mistake,” I told Westerly, really hoping he wouldn’t take his anger out on me. I wasn’t afraid of a fight, but as the team’s enforcer, he was basically only here to smash up guys on the ice. He had about five years on us and was built like a brick house.

“Guys, what’s up?” Kappy asked, casually walking toward us with a smile.

I shook my head at him.

“You were the last one here, you didn’t close the fucking door? It’s like negative thirty fucking degrees!” Westerly yelled at him.

His face dropped. He looked from the door to Westerly to us. Then he dropped his bag and ran.

Westerly immediately bolted after him.

“Should we help?” JP asked.

I shrugged. “He’s fast.”

Our motel room was completely frozen.

There was actually some snow on the ground in the entrance hallway, the covers were stiff as a board, the water in the toilet bowl was frozen, the heating completely broke.

JP had the idea to turn on the shower and sink to try to get some heat from the steam. Bad idea. The shower head broke and water sprayed everywhere. Nothing came out of the sink. I think we busted the pipes.

A half hour later, our bathroom was an ice rink because the water that sprayed out froze up.

We made Kappy sit in front of the toilet with the hairdryer to try to melt the water in the bowl so we could actually go to the bathroom.

He got sick of it not melting quick enough and tried to pee in it, thinking his pee would melt the ice.

It didn’t.

Pee splashed out every-fucking-where.

“My dick was going to explode, I had to go so bad,” was his only defense.

We finally asked Coach if we could get a new room, but when he came to see why, he laughed his ass off, then left us to solve it on our own.

Westerly ditched us and slept on the floor in someone else’s room, but the three of us hadn’t really made any new buddies on this team yet… Actually, I think we weren’t liked, because we were so much younger and they thought we hadn’t paid our dues to be playing there yet.

So, we put on every single item of clothing that we brought with us.

“This is like camping, guys. It’s not so bad,” Kappy said.

“Shut-t-t the f-f-fuck up,” JP said, his teeth chattering. He looked like a snowman with the amount of clothes he had on under the frozen covers.

“Guys, we have another problem,” I said, rubbing my hands together and blowing on them for warmth. Our damp gear was now starting to freeze and we still had another game to play tomorrow.

“I m-might cry,” JP said plainly.

Around 4am we couldn’t take it anymore. All of us were shaking and our lips were turning purple. We bailed and knocked on Greyson Scott’s door.

“You think he’ll let us in?” JP asked, shivering in the cold.

“I don’t know,” I muttered. “But I think it’s warmer out here than in our room.”

“This guy scares me,” Kappy added with a shudder.

With all his tatts and scars, Greyson Scott was a pretty intimidating guy. During our first practice, Kappy asked if a puck caused the jagged scar on the left side of his face that cut directly under his cheek bone. He just ran his tongue over his teeth and said, “Ask again and you’ll find out how.”

When Scott opened the door, he dropped his head back and groaned in annoyance. He tried to shut the door on us, but Kappy stuck his hand out.

“Please let us in. You’ll feel bad if we die, won’t you?” Kappy asked.

Scott arched a skeptical eyebrow that had another scar running through it. “No, I wouldn’t.”

“How are we gonna play tomorrow if we’re dead?” I blurted out.

He rubbed his scruff covered jaw, then finally relented and opened the door further to let us in. “Only letting you in because we don’t have time to replace all three of you by tomorrow.”

After we were settled on the floor, I tried to call Mer back really quickly just to let her know that we weren’t dead and that we found a place to sleep the rest of the night, but Scott stole my phone and tossed it behind him.

“No women.”

“I was just going to tell her that–”

“My room. No lovey dovey shit.” He gave me a hard look. “Piece of advice, kid– watch it with women. They’ll go ten rounds with you, then waltz away like it never happened while you’re left bleeding out on the floor.”

“Aww, who hurt you?” Kappy chimed in. “You wanna talk about it, buddy?”

He scowled at him.

“I mean, sir, captain,” he coughed into his hand, “Captain, sir.”

His face cracked. “Shut him the fuck up,” he said to me, then he flopped down on his bed and ignored us until he fell asleep.

__________

After arriving back in Hamilton after the tournament, I was feeling a little under the weather, but nothing I couldn’t handle. But three days later, all three of us were the sickest we’d ever been in our lives, and none of us had experience in how to take care of ourselves.

Checking my phone for the time, I realized I slept the entire day away and missed about ten calls from Mer.

Redialing her, she answered on the first ring. “Colt! Oh my God, why weren’t you answering? Are you okay?”

“I’m sick,” I croaked out.

“What kind of sick?” I could hear the worry in her voice.

“I don’t know if I'll ever be warm again. I don’t feel so good, baby. I feel like I'm dying,” I groaned.

“Colt, don’t say that.”

“I’m sorry, baby.”

“Is anyone there to help you?”

“No, Kappy and JP are also sick. We’re all dying.”

“Colt, stop, you’re scaring me.”

“I’m gonna sleep, okay?”

“Okay, yeah, get some sleep. Make sure you get some soup, okay?”

__________

When I woke up hours later, she was there. Her hair was still in two braids that ended in a low bun and she was dressed in yoga pants and a thin zip up, like she’d just finished practice. She came closer, offering me soup.

“Am I hallucinating?” I asked, rubbing my eyes.

“No.” She laughed and patted my chest. “Why would you say that?”

“Because I see an angel.”

“Oh my God.” She rolled her eyes, but a smile tugged at her lips. “Eat your soup and go back to sleep,” she ordered.

“Yes ma’am.”

I slept on and off for the next couple hours.

She fished Tylenol out of her bag for me at one point, and then I watched her pop something in her mouth too before chasing it with water.

“What’d you take?” I slurred out.

She whirled around, clearly surprised to see I was awake. “Huh?”

“You took something.”

“It’s fine, go back to sleep,” she said in a tight voice.

I wanted to argue, but my body was too weak, and I succumbed to sleep.

When I finally awoke, she was still there, sitting at the end of my bed watching a sitcom on my small TV, looking comfy in one of my hoodies, leggings, and fuzzy socks, sipping the raspberry hot chocolate that I bought specifically for her.

“Thank you, baby,” I said as sincerely as I could.

Her neck whipped to me. “Oh good, you’re up! You feeling better?”

“Yeah, a lot better actually. I feel human again. Thank you. Are Kap and JP still alive?”

“Yes,” she laughed, “I think they’re on the mend too.”

I grabbed her ankle and pulled it into my lap to give her a foot massage. I owed her. “You saved us.”

“Good.” She smiled contentedly and reached to put her mug on top of my dresser. “Hmm that feels nice.” She sighed. “I have to leave tomorrow morning. I think Iryna is going to kill me. I told her I was sick, but that’s not really a good enough excuse. Andy’s trying to cover for me.”

“Andy… he’s nice? He’s good to you?” I was still trying to get a read on this Andy guy. He was a good skater, and he matched Mer on the ice, but there was just something off about him. With his highlighted blond hair and angular jaw line, he was a good looking dude, but I hated how he acted about it. He flirted with all the girls, even young ones, and it just felt… slimy and wrong. I told Mer, but she just laughed me off, saying the girls had crushes on him and he was being nice, but I didn’t buy it.

“Yeah,” she answered.

“Better be. Or I'll beat him up,” I warned.

She laughed and moved to lay down on top of me. “He’s good.”

I stiffened and pulled back. “Babe, I don't wanna get you sick.”

She sighed and laid her cheek against my bare chest. “I don’t care, I miss you too much. Besides, I never get sick.” She knocked on my wood bedpost. It was true, in all the years I’d known her, she’d gotten sick maybe twice.

I smoothed my hands up and down the sides of her body, loving the feel of her. “I miss you so much, too,” I choked out.

She folded her hands on my chest and rested her chin on top of them to look at me with her clear, sky eyes. “Can I tell you a secret?”

“Always.”

“I think…” She bit her lip. “I think we could win, Colt. We could do it.” Her face was bright with excitement. “Me and Andy, we have a good chance at the Olympics next year. It could really happen.”

I grinned and palmed her face. “I know it could. Been saying it for years.”

An excited laugh escaped her before she laid her cheek against my chest again. But after a couple minutes of watching TV, I noticed she kept letting out deep breaths that were more like sighs, almost like she was nervous.

“What?” I laughed.

“Hmm?” she asked, keeping her eyes trained on the TV.

“You keep sighing. What’s on your mind?”

She hesitantly looked back at me and rolled her lips together. “Iryna wants me and Andy to act like we’re dating, it’s so stupid, you know that’s all pretend though, right? We’re actors, ya know?”

“Yeah, I know.” I nodded. “Don’t worry about me, babe. Do what you gotta do.”

“Okay, thanks.” She paused. “There is one thing though… You might not like it.”

“I like that you’re here.”

She smiled and used her thumb to trace under my eye. “Maybe we should wait to talk about this until you’re better.”

“No, tell me. I’m already feeling better thanks to you.” I hated having serious conversations over the phone and this sounded serious.

“Andy’s gonna move in,” she said in a rush.

My body froze. “What?” I shifted so I could see her eyes. Maybe I was hallucinating. Maybe this was all a horrible dream. Because it sounded like my girlfriend of four years just said another man was moving in with her.

She chewed on her bottom lip like she was nervous. I hated that. I never wanted her to feel nervous around me about anything.

“Andy doesn’t have a place to stay, and since my apartment is a two-bedroom and my mom decided to go back to Grand Rapids more permanently…” she trailed off. “This kind of works out perfectly.”

I squinted at her, trying to read her face. “You’re not serious?”

She rolled off me and sat up against the wall, hugging her knees. “We can talk about it when you feel better.”

“No, Mer,” I said gently, hating the space between us. My hand wandered to her calf and I squeezed her muscle, massaging it. “I thought the plan was to move into a one-bedroom?” She’d been excited about that plan. She’d been excited for the independence. She wasn’t going to college until after her Olympic run, so having her own one-bedroom would kind of simulate having a dorm room.

She shrugged. “This would be cheaper. I know you’re mad, but this feels like an easy fix.”

“I’m not mad at you, I’m mad at the situation,” I clarified. “Why does he have to live with you? That’s… that’s weird.”

“No, it’s really not.” Her eyes stayed on my hand. “A lot of partners are roommates. Piper and Patrick are rooming together right next door to us.”

Us.

As in her and Andy.

It felt like I was going to be sick again.

“Patrick is gay, babe. And Patrick’s actually a nice guy,” I tried to reason with her. We knew Patrick. He’d grown up with us at Centre Ice. “The jury’s still out on Andy.”

She shrugged, looking small. “I’m sorry. I don’t want to argue,” she said quietly. “We barely get any time together.”

“C’mere.” I gently tugged her to lay back down on me.

Hugging her against me, I dropped my head against my pillow and closed my eyes. She wanted this so bad… and if Andy was going to help her get to the Olympics, I couldn’t be the one to stand in her way.

“No, I’m sorry. It’s just a shock to hear, ya know?” I swallowed hard. “Your lock works, right? On your door? And the one for the bathroom?”

“Yeah,” she said with a light chuckle like I was being ridiculous. “But it’s Andy. You’ve met him. He wouldn’t do anything.”

I stayed silent. Because I didn't trust him. I couldn’t trust anyone with her. She was mine to protect. And I felt like a shit boyfriend being four hours away from her. This was why I needed to play better. I needed to be so good that I could call the shots and play on whatever team I wanted.

“It’ll be okay. He knows I have a boyfriend,” she told me with finality.

Boyfriend. Right.

“We should get married.”

She burst out laughing. “We’re literally 20, Colt. We can’t get married.”

“Fine,” I blew out a frustrated sigh. “When can we then?”

Her lips did a funny little dance, like she was trying really hard not to grin. “After.” She traced my eyebrow with her finger.

I breathed out a sigh and curled my fingers around her wrist, gently swiping my thumb across it. “I can’t fuckin’ wait,” I said, to which she just giggled.

After a couple of minutes of watching TV, I gently tugged on a couple bobby pins and her ponytail to undo her hair. She sighed when I massaged her scalp. A chuckle popped out of me because she was like a puppy, moving her head around so I’d get different spots, but when she let out a breathy little moan, all humor died.

“You can’t be making sounds like that, Bennett,” I grunted out, trying to shift my hard on.

“Sorry.” She giggled.

“Gonna give me blue balls,” I muttered, a grin tugging at my lips.

She pouted out her bottom lip in mock-sympathy. “Poor baby.” She smoothed a hand over my hair and planted a quick kiss on my forehead.

“Yes, that’s right. You should feel bad,” I joked. My hand snaked down her body and I playfully squeezed her butt, but her body jolted violently.

I paused, paralyzed in shock as my mind raced to replay what just happened. I pulled back and studied her eyes in the dimly lit room. “You good?”

“Yeah.” She responded too quickly, smoothing her hair behind her ears.

My hand trailed down her body again, but she was slightly pulling away from my touch. Alarm bells went off in my brain. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.” She turned her attention back to the TV, trying to dismiss it.

“Mer, what was that? Are you hurt?”

She just shrugged against me.

“Meredith,” I said more forcefully.

Realizing I wasn’t letting this go, she reluctantly looked back at me. “It’s nothing.”

She was lying.

Without hesitating, I tugged down her leggings to reveal deeply bruised skin covering her hip and ass cheek. it felt like my whole body was doused in cold water.

She tried to pull away from me, but I wouldn’t let her.

“Mer, what the actual fuck?” I couldn’t tear my eyes away. My whole body went shaky. “That’s not okay, you have to go in and get that looked at, baby.”

“No, I don't.”

My eyes bulged. “You’re injured.”

“Well, I don’t have time for an injury,” she said quietly.

“It looks like you broke your fucking hip,” I argued.

“I didn’t.” She rolled her eyes, acting like I was just being overprotective. “It’s just a bone bruise.”

“How do you know?”

She shrugged. “Because.”

“Because?” My eyes bulged. “That’s it? Have your coaches seen that? Do they know how bad that is? You shouldn’t be skating right now. What if you fall on it?”

“Oh my God, Colt.” She laughed and looked at me like I was losing my mind. I was . “Calm down.”

“I can’t, Mer. You’re injured.”

Her eyes softened and she smoothed a hand down my chest. “Yes, my coaches know. I’m fine.”

“You’re not in pain?” I asked dubiously. She was full of shit. Her skin was fucking purple.

“Andy gave me some painkillers.”

A cold terror ran down my spine. I stayed silent for a second to reign in my emotions, but it didn’t work. “Andy?” I burst out. “You’re shitting me, Mer. Do you even know if they’re safe? You should go to a doctor. A real doctor. I’ll call one right fucking now.” I moved to get up.

“Stop, Colt.” She grabbed my arm. “You’re overreacting. They’re fine. His coach, Vlad, gives them to everyone. Why are you acting so weird? I don’t criticize how you train. You’ve covered up injuries too, remember when you took that slapshot to your ankle last year? It was, like, twice the size of your other one and you kept skating, so I don’t want to hear it from you.”

We stared at each other, neither of us wanting to back down.

After a minute, I broke and rubbed my forehead.

She had a point. But my pain and her pain were totally different in my mind, which I knew was a double standard, but I couldn’t fucking stomach her hurting.

“You’ve gotta be in pain,” I said.

“Not anymore, that's what the painkillers are for. Ta da.” She grinned, knowing that she won the argument.

“It’s not funny,” I said gruffly. “I’m really upset right now.”

She pushed me back down on the bed and laid back on top of me. “It’s fine. It’s healing.”

I took a deep breath, trying to settle my frustration. “How did it happen?”

“A lift went wrong, fell right on my hip.”

“Jesus.” I started gently massaging the area, wondering how the hell I should handle everything she just told me. Andy, the pills, the bruise… Fuck.

For the first time in our relationship, it felt like we weren’t on the same page, and it was because of outside forces– namely Andy and fucking figure skating.