23. Chapter 23

Chapter 23

Nikolai

Did I think I was panicking before? That was nothing compared to what I’m feeling now as Z’Ree and I walk hand in hand toward the airlock. I don’t want this. Any of it.

I don’t want to watch her go outside to face deadly radiation while I’m sitting on my ass, safely hidden inside the ship. I don’t want to risk losing her, not when I’ve only just found her.

I know it looks like it’s all about the sex for me, especially after I just fucked her like a lunatic in the infirmary without even making her come, but it’s not. Even if Z’Ree never had sex with me again, I’d want to be near her to protect her, to make her smile. To remind her that she’s free and I’m a hypocrite for wanting to lock her up so she can’t take part in this madness.

Logically, I know someone has to go outside and do some technical shit. I know the radiation out there is lethal. I don’t want Zarkan to die. But fuck, this is Z’Ree! My Z’Ree!

In the end, what I want doesn’t matter. The only thing that matters is what Z'Ree wants and she wants to do this. So I’ll shut my mouth and support her, even when inside I’m screaming in terror.

After giving Z’Ree a double dose of every radiation blocker we have in stock and an extra vitamin shot, I forced her to swallow several iodide pills. She’s endured everything without a word of protest, smiling the whole time as if I was her hero. I’m not. I don’t fucking deserve her smiles but I crave them anyway.

D’Aakh is impatiently waiting for us by the airlock, a space suit hanging on the wall behind him. Alien spacesuits are much thinner and less clunky looking than what Roskosmos or NASA use, but the principle is still the same—protect the wearer from the cold vacuum of space.

D’Aakh sniffs, then glares at us. “I told you, you didn’t have time for sex. Why do you reek of fresh cum?!”

Z’Ree’s cheeks pale, which I’ve learned is her version of a blush. I step forward to hide her from D’Aakh’s view. “Shut up. What are you, the sex police? Just tell her what she needs to know,” I snap at him and grab the space suit off the wall.

“I’m the person who’s trying to save your lives!” he snaps back. “And you’re totally cleaning that suit afterward. I’m not washing cum out of it.”

“Whatever.” From where I stand, Z’Ree is the person saving our lives but I’m not going to argue with the grumpy fucker, because then I’d try to punch him and it would end badly. For me.

I help Z’Ree into the suit and triple check it’s properly sealed everywhere.

“Thank you,” she whispers. “The fact that you still support me even though you disagree with this means everything to me.”

“Of course,” I reply, plastering on a smile. What choice do I have?

D’Aakh checks Z’Ree’s suit as well, then holds out a datapad in front of her. “Watch this.” A schematic of the ship pops up, showing a path from the airlock to a hatch underneath the ship. “You’ll go there, open the hatch, then rewire the conduits. This is what you’ll see.” He swipes to an image displaying nearly identical wires leading from god knows where to god knows where. He swipes again and the image barely changes. “This is what it should look like when you’re done,” D’Aakh announces.

“It looks the same to me,” I grumble, squinting at the screen.

“Well, it’s not,” D’Aakh snaps at me. “Can you see the difference?” he asks Z’Ree in a much calmer tone.

She tilts her head to the side. “I think so, but I’m not sure if I’ll remember it. Can I bring this along?”

She reaches for the datapad but D’Aakh shakes his head. “The radiation is going to interfere with it. It won’t be any good. I’ll guide you through it using the radio. Don’t worry. It’s not a difficult thing to do, I promise. The only issue is that this particular circuit board is outside of the ship and inaccessible from anywhere else. I’d go myself, but I still need to set things up in here to channel the power through the corridors.”

“It’s okay. I’ll manage. Somehow,” Z’Ree adds with a smile. She gives me one last kiss, then puts on the helmet.

D’Aakh fastens a basic toolbox to her belt and checks the suit’s display. “Everything looks good. We’re not in the main part of the magnetosphere just yet, and the hatch is shielded from the neutron star by the ship’s hull. It’s only on the way there and back that you’ll be exposed to radiation. So move quickly.”

Jealousy flares through me at the sight of D’Aakh comfortingly squeezing Z’Ree’s shoulder. Seeing red, I barely recognize my usual “violence hating” self because right now, I want to break his arm off.

“Please, be safe,” I whisper to Z’Ree, resting my forehead against her helmet.

“I will.” Her voice is a little distorted as it comes through the suit’s speakers. “I love you, Nikolai.”

She loves me. She’s said it before but back then, I was out of my mind with a deadly combination of lust and terror. Now, I savor the words. “I love you too. Ni pukha, ni pera. ”

“Huh?” She gives me a confused look. “No fur, no feathers? I don’t have either, but I don’t see how that’s relevant.”

D’Aakh opens the inner airlock door and motions her to enter. “It’s probably some stupid human saying. Come on, help me close this thing.”

“It’s not stupid,” I object as I help him shut the door again. “It means good luck. Astra’s people say ‘break a leg’, that’s much worse.”

D’Aakh rolls his eyes. “Humans,” he snickers. “Okay, Z’Ree, can you hear me?”

She waves at us through the airlock door. “Loud and clear.”

“Good. Now, the system that safely depressurizes the airlock is down. You’ll have to manually open the outer door, then hold on to something while the air drains out.”

“Great!” she fake-chirps. “Don’t get sucked into space. Got it.”

“You won’t. Just make sure your magnetic boots are activated and you’ll be fine.”

We both watch as she pulls the lever by the outer door and the air current escaping through the gap in the door jerks her back and forth. She keeps a firm hold on the railing, though, and her magnetic boots keep her secured to the floor.

“Alright,” she says a few seconds later. “I think I’m good. I’ll open the door now.”

I’m strung tight with anxiety, vibrating with the desperate need to jump into that airlock and drag her out of there. She shouldn’t be going outside. She should be in here, with me.

Z’Ree grunts as she moves the heavy door but manages to open it just enough to slide through. “I’m ready. Can you tell me which way to go?”

To my surprise, D’Aakh presses his datapad into my hands. “Nikolai will guide you to the circuit hatch. Once you’re there, I’ll tell you what to rewire. You good with that?” he asks me.

Oh great, so Z’Ree’s life is now in my hands? I don’t know how to navigate! I always used my phone’s GPS! Fuck this. I take in a deep, slow breath to quell my spiraling anxiety and nod. “Sure.”

“Great. I’ll be back.” With that, he runs off to god knows where, leaving me alone by the airlock door.

I clear my throat, giving myself a moment to collect any stray thoughts. Time to focus. “Okay, Z’Ree. I’ve got you.” Somehow, I manage to sound confident. “Once you exit the airlock, you’ll head toward the bottom of the ship. It should be straight ahead of you.”

“It is. On my way.”

My heart stutters as I watch her step out of the ship and disappear into the darkness. My headache comes barreling back as soon as she’s out of my sight but that’s the least of our worries. “Just be quick. This part is the most dangerous. Once you pass the third maneuvering thruster, you’ll be shielded from the worst of the radiation, but right now, you’re very exposed.”

“I know. I’m hurrying, but the stupid boots don’t make it easy,” she huffs. “I’m by hatch 18-B. How far?”

I scroll the schematic to the side a little. “Still too far. You need to move faster, my jewel.”

“Oh fuck you,” she grumbles breathlessly. “I haven’t exercised in years and someone kept me awake all night.”

“Really? Someone?” I tease. “Because I distinctly remember someone touching my cock while I slept and putting it into their pussy. I wonder who that was?”

She grunts. “Oh, shut up. I think…oh geodes, this suit isn’t made for running. I think I’m there. Thruster…wait, let me see the marking…L-804. Is that the right one?”

“Yes, that’s the right one. You shouldn’t see the neutron star anymore.”

“Mmm. There’s not really much to see, anyway. Just a patch of black nothing. Which way now?”