22. Chapter 22

Chapter 22

Z’Ree

My knees tremble as everyone turns their heads and stares at me. Not good. Attention is never good. Never ever. That’s how you get yourself punished. Beaten, humiliated, hurt and…

Fuck, I’m spiraling again.

Clenching my fists, I forcibly slow my breathing. I need to keep my panic contained or they won’t let me go outside and someone will die. Because of me. I can’t let that happen.

I clear my constricted throat and look at Zarkan. “I’ll do it,” I repeat. “I’ll go outside.”

He frowns but before he can respond, Nikolai yanks on my hand, pulling me back to him. “Absolutely not! You’re not going anywhere, Z’Ree.” He’s furious but I know it’s only because he’s afraid. Afraid to lose me. The thought is heady.

With a smile, I caress his cheek, then turn back to the crew. They all stare at me like I’m a mildly interesting bug that crawled out from beneath a bench they were just sitting on. Nobody’s even considering my offer.

“That is not necessary, Z’Ree,” Zarkan says calmly. How can he be so calm when he just volunteered for a suicide mission? “We’ll handle it.”

A deeply ingrained instinct commands me to shut up and seek a place to hide. To make myself invisible, lest someone starts hurting me but I know that’s karli crap. Nobody here will punish me for speaking my mind. Now, if only my vocal cords could get that message and start working again.

“I will go,” I repeat with some effort. “I saw the insects. I should have told you a long time ago, but I was too afraid. It’s my fault the ship is damaged. Besides—”

D’Aakh interrupts me. “This is all very noble and admirable but we’re running out of time. Without shields, the ship won’t protect us from radiation for long. If we don’t hurry, it won’t matter who’s outside and who’s inside.”

“Right,” Zarkan agrees. “I’ll suit up. We can use the Dart’s comms to communicate since the Supernova’s are down.”

“Wait, we still have the Dart!” Faelin exclaims. “It has a hyperdrive. Why don’t we just take it and jump away? I know there’s not much space, but we’d squeeze in if we tried.”

D’Aakh shakes his head. “The space isn’t the issue, Faelin. Sure, we could all squeeze inside, but can you hold your breath for a couple of hours? The Dart’s life support system is designed to sustain six people. Eight would be a stretch. There’s ten of us here. And even if we were willing to leave someone behind, we can’t.”

He brings up a schematic. “The hangar bay is pressurized. Without power, we can’t create the force field keeping the atmosphere inside once the doors are open. Not to mention that we have no way of opening the doors manually. We could try shooting our way out, but the resulting vortex caused by the pressure equalizing would most likely tear the Dart apart.”

“What about the escape pods?” Astra asks. “Like the one that took us down to that terrible spider planet? There was space for more than twenty people. We could leave the ship in a pod and wait until someone comes to rescue us.”

Again, D’Aakh rejects the idea. “Escape pods only have basic maneuvering thrusters. They’re not strong enough to get us out of the neutron star’s gravity well. I told you, we went through every option already. The one I’m suggesting is the only feasible one.”

“But that means Zarkan dies!” Faelin shouts. “And I’m not fucking okay with that!”

“You think I am?!” D’Aakh yells back at him. “Do you think I’m happy about any of this?! Do you?!!!”

Zarkan steps between them. “Calm down, both of you. It’s decided. Let’s move on with the plan.”

Everyone ignores me. Normally, it would make me happy but right now, I’m stewing.

Nikolai is holding me to his chest like I’m a baby that needs soothing and, well, I can’t hold it against him. I am a little bit unstable. I know he means well. I really do. Yet, I shove against his chest, squirming out of his arms.

“You’re not listening to me!” I yell. It’s more of a shrill shriek, really. I haven’t made a loud noise that wasn’t merely a scream in years. Now I’m screaming at a room full of people who look at me as if I’ve just lost my mind. Also, I’m only wearing a shirt that barely covers my bottom and I’m covered in cum. Fortunately, I lost my dignity a long time ago. Being a slave does that to a person.

“You didn’t let me finish!” I shriek into the stunned silence. Holy geodes, it feels so good to scream from the top of my lungs. Still, it doesn’t do much for my credibility, so I suck in a shaky breath to calm down a little. “Me feeling guilty isn’t the only reason I should be the one to go,” I continue in a slightly lower volume, “I should go because I’m a Silithrae.”

D’Aakh is the only one who clicks instantly. His antennae perk up and I can practically see the cogs in his head turning as he makes the calculations. “It could work,” he says. “It’s not completely safe, though. But yes, you should be the one to go.”

Nikolai steps forward, raising his fists. “What the fuck did you—”

I grab his arm and wait until he’s looking at me. “It’s alright, Nikolai. I’ll be fine. I’m a partially crystalline life form. Radiation doesn’t affect me the way it does you.”

“But…he said it’s not completely safe. I…I’ll go. I won’t let you put yourself in danger.”

He wraps his arms around me, tightening his hold until I can hardly breathe. “You’re sweet,” I tell him, “and I’m honored you care for me this much, Nikolai, but it has to be me. Please, let me go.”

“No,” he replies resolutely. “You’re not going anywhere. I won’t let you.”

He might mean well, but I’m done with people telling me where I can and cannot go. And the clock is ticking. “So, you’ll keep me by your side?”

He grunts his agreement.

I hesitate before continuing, knowing what I’m about to say is incredibly unfair but he’s not leaving me a choice. “ Will you lock me up against my will? Tie me down? Put a c-collar on me?” My voice breaks on the last sentence.

Nikolai freezes. “W-what? No, I…” He lets go of me and takes a step back. His eyes hold so much pain and betrayal my heart feels like it’s about to shatter. “That’s not what I… No. I just thought… Fuck, Z’Ree, I can’t lose you! I love you!”

His admission makes my heart swell. He loves me. He really, truly loves me. I know he’s telling the truth as I feel the same revelation deep inside of me. The crystal resonance we somehow share confirms it. It makes no sense and yet, it makes perfect sense.

I cup his cheeks, wiping his tears away with my thumbs. “I love you too, Nikolai. But this is something I have to do. I’ll come back, I promise.” He’s a lot taller than me, so I have to both stand on my tiptoes and pull his face down in order to kiss him. At first, he doesn’t return the kiss, but after a few seconds of gentle coaxing, he fists my hair at the nape and crushes his mouth against mine.

Someone clears their throat and we reluctantly end the kiss, both worked up and breathless. “Look, I get that you’re horny and eager to cover each other in even more cum,” D’Aakh says, “but we’re all about to die here, so how about we fix the ship now and fuck later?”

“Sorry,” I mumble, tugging on my shirt as if I could get it to cover more of my body. “So, what do I need to do?”

Nikolai heaves a sigh, but doesn’t protest anymore. He pulls my back against his chest, holding me to him lightly, but it’s not the crushing grip from before.

Zarkan approaches us. “Are you sure about this, Z’Ree? It’s dangerous and, while your kind might be more resistant to radiation than the rest of us, you’re not totally immune to it.”

“I’m sure. I won’t screw this up, I promise. I want to live, just like the rest of you.” Even more, perhaps, because now I have a reason. When he still doesn’t seem convinced, I add, “I haven’t been allowed to make a decision for myself in years. Let me do this, please.”

“Very well,” Zarkan concedes. “I didn’t volunteer because I craved a heroic death. Although, I wouldn’t mind if there were songs and holo-vids made about me,” he teases.

Lyriana snorts. “They’d have to find someone much younger and fitter to play you. Nobody would watch it otherwise.” Then she turns to me and gives me the tiniest nod. “Thanks.”

“Yeah, thank you,” Faelin echoes.

Astra throws herself at me, hugging both me and Nikolai, while the rest offer their quiet “thank you”s.

“That’s enough,” Nikolai says, scowling. “You can thank her later, when she comes back. Unharmed. Right now, we’re heading back to the infirmary. We’ll meet you at the airlock.”

“There’s no time for fucking!” D’Aakh objects.

Nikolai rolls his eyes. “I know that, you ugly bastard. I’m going to give her a dose of radiation blockers and anything else I can find to make sure the stupid neutron star won’t kill her. Do you have a problem with that?”

“Well…no. That’s actually an excellent idea,” D’Aakh says. “Go, but hurry. I’ll be waiting by airlock 3.”

“Yeah, whatever.” Nikolai is already marching out of the bridge, pulling me along. He doesn’t say a single word as we traverse the eerie corridors, but his body vibrates with tension. The second we enter the infirmary, that tension snaps. He pushes me against the wall, caging me with his body and capturing my mouth with his. His kiss is rough and desperate, as if he wants to devour me while keeping me with him forever.

“I’ll come back,” I whisper when he pulls away for a short breather.

He moans into my hair. “You wouldn’t need to come back if you never left.” His teeth graze my neck and I shudder from the sudden rush of desire. Nikolai is quick to pull out his already hard cock and rub it against my soaking wet pussy.

“Please…” I moan. I know we don’t have time for this but I also don’t really care. I need him. I need him now and he needs me even more.

As Nikolai lifts me up, I wrap my bare legs around his waist, sinking right onto his waiting cock. I guess walking around in nothing but a shirt has its advantages.

The wall behind my back is cold, yet the discomfort barely even registers. Nikolai holds me firmly against it before thrusting into me over and over, jerking his hips back and forth, slamming into me with fervor. He’s rougher than ever before and it’s not hard to guess why. “I’ll come back, Nikolai. I love you too.”

He growls and punches the wall. “You better come back. I’m not done with you. I’ll never be done with you. Oh, Z’Ree…” He howls my name as he comes, his cock twitching deep inside of me. “Oh, fuck,” he pants, resting his forehead in the crook of my neck. “I’m sorry. I should have…should have made you come first. I couldn’t—”

“It’s alright, Nikolai. Really.” And it is. This wasn’t about me. This was about him and I’m happy that I could reassure him, even if all I had to do was let him fuck me like an animal. And, oddly enough, I loved it. “We can repeat it later. Now, do you really have something that will protect me from radiation or did you just make that up to drag me away from the others?”

For a second, it looks like he’s not going to let me go but then he sighs and pulls out. “I did want to drag you away from the others,” he admits, “but there should be something here that will help protect you. Give me a second.”

I watch him rummage through the cabinets, using his comm as an improvised flashlight. My crystals hum contentedly, nudging me toward him. They want more touches, more kisses, more everything. Horny little buggers.