24. Chapter 24

Chapter 24

Z’Ree

I huff and puff as I rush across the ship’s hull, my magnetic boots clicking and clacking. Were the circumstances different, I’d stop and admire the view, but all I can think about now are the invisible streams of radiation surrounding me.

It’s like Zarkan said. Silithrae might be more resistant to radiation than other life forms but we’re not immune to it. I can still get sick. I can still die. I really don’t want to die. So, I trudge on, even though my lungs are screaming that they want out of my body and my damned heart is leading the cavalry by pounding relentlessly against my ribcage in hopes of smashing its way out of my chest, thus creating an escape route for the both of them.

“I’m…I’m here,” I announce between gasps of air. “I think. Now, where’s the stupid hatch?”

“It should be … left of the …sor array,” Nikolai says.

“To the left of the sensor array?” Fucking great, now the radio is malfunctioning. Dread pools in my stomach. How will I know what to do if the radio stops working? I don’t remember the schematic drawing that D’Aakh showed me. I can’t screw this up!

“Yes, that’s correct. You’re breaking up a little but … be fine. D’Aakh is …ing back.”

I take a few steps to the left of the sensor array I was unwittingly leaning against and now, my target is right in front of me. An inconspicuous hatch, similar to dozens of others I passed by on the way here. Except this one is apparently special. Geodes, I hope D’Aakh is right about this.

I kneel by the hatch and open it. All I see are identical gray wires. Fuck me. I want to smack my face but my glove clangs against my helmet. Right, I’m wearing a suit. Because I’m in space. It’s still difficult to believe. I’ve always wanted to try this out, but I imagined it being under better circumstances.

“I’m ready. Is D’Aakh there?”

“...’m here,” D’Aakh’s voice crackles through the comm. “You’ve … good time getting there. Did you open … hatch?”

“Yes, I did, but the wires all look the same!” The panic rising up inside of my stomach seeps into my voice.

D’Aakh calms me. “It’s alright. I’ll tell … what to do. Grab the … screwdriver first.”

Groaning, I look at the tools he gave me. There are three different screwdrivers. “Which one?”

“The biggest one,” D’Aakh repeats slowly. “The biggest … Got that? I’ll repeat …thing for you. …n’t worry. Now, the leftmost wire. Left… wire. Release the top part.”

It takes ages. Even without the interference that forces D’Aakh to repeat every step two or sometimes three times, rewiring is a tedious job. Some nuts are screwed on so tightly I struggle to loosen them. The damned wires all look the same, even though D’Aakh claims they’re easy to tell apart.

One of my tools flies away into the vastness of space after I wrongly reattach it to my tool belt. Fortunately, D’Aakh says I don’t need it anymore, so I just shrug and wave it goodbye.

“That’s the last … You should be done,” D’Aakh says.

I cock a brow as I see a loose wire flailing around. “Are you sure? There’s one wire that isn’t attached. I repeat, there’s—”

“Yeah, you need to weld that one to the hull.”

“I need to do what?!”

D’Aakh chuckles. “Weld … simple.”

I clutch the spanner in my hand. I’m smashing that stupid Krestilian’s head the second I get back inside. I know nothing about welding! He could have explained it to me back on the ship instead of through a patchy radio. Or at least, given me a heads up.

Nikolai’s voice comes through. “... laughing at her, you jackass. Z’Ree, welding … isn’t that difficult. Even I … do it. You can handle …”

“Thanks. So, what do I do?”

“Just … the wire and … to the hull. I repeat, just grab … and hold it to … The tool … like a gun. I repeat, like a …”

My brain takes a moment to patch the sentences together to form a coherent message. “Right, a gun,” I mutter, finding the required tool. “I’ll grab a fucking gun and shoot you both with it when I get back.” I know I volunteered for this, so I shouldn’t be complaining, but I’m on edge. I’ve been out here too long. How much radiation has hit my body already?

As it turns out, welding really is pretty straightforward. I attach all of the tiny wires sticking from the end of the big wire to the hull, then cover everything in another layer of whatever it is the welder melts and spits out. When I’m done, I give the wire a tug. It holds. I’m a welding expert!

“I’m done. Any other surprise assignments?” I snicker as I straighten up. My back and arm hurt from being hunched over the hatch for…how long? An hour? Too fucking long.

“Nope. … done. Head back. And hurry.”

A huff out a breath. Great. Another run across the ship’s hull. “Yeah, don’t worry. It’s not like there’s anything to see here, anyway. You know, I kind of expected the neutron star to be more, I don’t know, flashy? But it’s just a big black splurge over a black background. Very underwhelming.”

“Yeah? Switch to the spectrometer view.”

I don’t know what that means, but the option to do that is flashing on my wrist display, so I press it. Instantly, the darkness of space is replaced with a jaw-dropping spectacle.

Stunned, I watch colorful waves collide with the Supernova. Bright blue dominates the view, but I can see flashes of pink, purple, red, and countless other vibrant colors, all swirling around me like particles of dye swept into a tornado.

I don’t know how long I’m standing here with my mouth wide open, simply taking in the sight. I grew up surrounded by colorful crystals of all shapes and sizes. The memories of my home planet have been the pinnacle of beauty in my mind for years, long after we were forced to leave. But this…this surpasses it tenfold. It’s magnificent. Otherworldly.

Deadly.

“Is that…is that the radiation?” I ask, my voice trembling. “Is that what I’m seeing?”

“Yes. You … hurry … dangerous … hurry … Z’Ree!”

Out here, where I’m no longer shielded by the ship’s hull, the interference renders the radio nearly useless. It’s much worse than it was on my way down, which means we’re getting closer to the neutron star. The beautiful flares I’m seeing will soon kill me and everyone else on board.

Switching my suit back to the default view, I’m a little sad to see the colors disappear but much more focused on walking since I can actually see where I’m going again. The galaxy around me goes back to being black and lifeless, billions of stars silently watching my every step.

It’s peaceful out here. Yet, so lonely. Even now, my crystals are singing out for Nikolai, wanting me to be closer to him. I bet that even if I found myself thousands of light years away, orbiting one of those tiny stars I can just make out from here, I’d still crave his presence and my crystals would still resonate for him. And something inside of him would sing back to me.

I don’t know how but it feels as if his body mirrored the song of my crystals. We resonated together as we kissed, touched and soared to the greatest height of our orgasms. It’s like we’re tuned to each other and he’s not even Silithrae! If he was, I’d almost say that…

Realization hits me so hard I’m surprised it hasn’t knocked me off the damned ship. I stop walking, unable to focus on anything other than the one thought currently dominating my mind.

If he were Silithrae, I’d say he was my crystal kin. The one and only person in the galaxy who was meant for me, meant to be my partner. The father of my children. The one person with whom I actually could have children with. Instantly.

I place a gloved hand over the suit covering my flat stomach. Crystal kin conceive during their first mating. Always.

My heart is trying to jump out of my chest again and this time, it’s not because I’m running. I can’t move. I know I’m in the kill zone, I know the radiation is currently flowing through every cell in my body, but I’m too stunned to take a single step.

Nikolai is my crystal kin.

It shouldn’t be possible. I’ve never heard of anyone having a mate from a different species. Short-term acquaintances, yes, but not the deep connection of a crystal kin. It shouldn’t be possible! Nikolai is as carbon-based as they get, while I’m…not. Well, not completely.

It shouldn’t be possible, yet I know it’s true. I’ve always been told that I’ll know when I meet my crystal kin. I’ll sing for him and he’ll sing for me. We’ll be drawn together by an irresistible urge. We’ll have beautiful Silithrae babies together.

I press down harder against my stomach, terror engulfing me. If Nikolai is my crystal kin, then I’m pregnant right now. I’m fucking pregnant and standing in deadly radiation like an idiot. Fuck.

I take off, moving at the quickest pace the magnetic boots allow, no longer paying attention to the pain in my side or the aching in my lungs. None of it matters now. I have to get back to safety.

Fuck! I never should have gone out in the first place! Have I killed our baby already?

Allowing myself a little hope, I remember that Silithrae babies grow up surrounded by a crystalline shell that protects them from nearly everything. They inherit all of our strengths, including the resistance to radiation. But our baby is half human, which means that all expectations are off. It could already be irreversibly damaged. I could have already destroyed the one good thing I could bring into this terrible world.

A whimper tears through my throat.

“Z’Ree?” Nikolai’s voice is drowned in crackling and static but I can hear his concern. “... … … … Z’Ree.”

He says something more, I think he’s asking if I’m alright. “I’m fine,” I tell him, sniffling. I raise my hand to wipe my nose and bang into the helmet again. Stupid suit. “I’m coming back. Don’t come out after me!”

I know him well enough to know that he’s ready to jump out of the airlock and come find me. Without a suit, just holding his breath and roughing it through the freezing vacuum of space. Then I wouldn’t just be killing my baby, but its father, too.

Father. Fuck.

We’ve known each other for how long, three days? My people know that crystal kin are meant for each other and are ready to start a family immediately after meeting but I have the distinct feeling humans are very different. He loves me, but loving someone and having a baby with them are two very different things.

Will he be angry? Disappointed? Will he think that I got pregnant on purpose to bind him to me? I wouldn’t blame him for thinking that.

What if the baby dies, thanks to my stupid stunt? How could he ever love me after that?

I’m such a mess.

Stumbling, my feet fail to connect with the ship’s hull. For the longest second of my life, I hover just above the surface, attached to nothing. Just as I’m about to scream out in terror, a railing comes into view. I grab for it. My gloved fingers slip, but I gain enough momentum to propel myself back down to the ship’s surface then promptly lock my magnetic boots in place.

“Fuck. Fuckity fuck,” I pant, my heart hammering in my chest. My poor heart has had a thorough workout today, it seems. “One step at a time, Z’Ree,” I admonish myself. I may be in a hurry to get out of here but I don’t want to float away from the ship and get pulled into the neutron star.

Being far more careful, I continue walking at a more moderate pace, hoping I’m heading in the right direction.

The ship is massive. I feel like a tiny bug crawling up a giant cliff. One would expect the hull to be smooth but it’s not, not completely at least. There are various sensors and vents sticking out, weapons arrays, thrusters and other appendages I have no name for. It’s easy to get turned around.

Keeping the dark patch of the neutron star to my right side, I continue forward. After seeing the radiation, it’s impossible not to imagine those waves permeating through my skin, corrupting my cells, my DNA. A shudder runs through me at the thought. Am I dying already? How far away is the stupid airlock?! Have I been going in the wrong direction?

“Z’Ree, are you … here? Z’Ree?” D’Aakh’s concerned voice comes through my comm. “... your position?”

Finally, I see the open airlock door. Picking up the pace, I concentrate on my steps, always keeping one foot locked on the ship. I don’t want to drift away when I’m this close. “Almost there,” I huff into my comm. “I can see the airlock.”

“Good. Hurry.”

I want to yell at him. What the fuck does he think I’ve been doing this entire time? I’m already short of breath though, so I’m not about to waste energy on berating the damned Krestilian.

Heaving a sigh of relief, I squeeze through the door. I should be safe here, for a while at least.

“Z’Ree!” Nikolai appears behind the tiny window, looking like he’s aged ten years in the past hour. “You made it. Fuck, I was so worried!”

“Me too,” I admit. “I won’t be doing anything like this again in the foreseeable future.”

D’Aakh pushes Nikolai aside. “Close the outer door and relock the lever,” he instructs, both of them watching as I struggle to move the heavy chunk of metal. When it’s done, D’Aakh consults his datapad. “Looks good. Re-pressurizing the room. And…done. We can open the door.”

Nikolai is already on it, shoving the inner airlock door aside and rushing toward me. D’Aakh’s shriek stops him in his tracks just as he’s about to hug me. “Are you MENTAL?! That suit’s contaminated with radiation for fuck’s sake! Are you trying to get yourself killed?!”

D’Aakh rolls his eyes, then turns to me. “Take the suit off, Z’Ree, and leave it here. The gloves come off last. Don’t touch anything with your bare hands. When you’re done, use the decontamination unit.” He points to a marked square in the corner of the airlock. “I’ve powered it up for you. As soon as you’re done, primitive lover boy here can touch you. Head to the bridge as fast as you can. I’ll make some final adjustments then start the engines. Once I do, the corridors will become a deathtrap.”

“Alright. Thanks.”

D’Aakh just grunts, already on his way out, muttering something about stupid, primitive species.

I hurry to take the suit off, grateful to be breathing fresh air again. Or at least, as fresh as it gets on a spaceship. Once I’ve shed all of the pieces including the gloves and I’m once again clad in a mere shirt, I step into the corner D’Aakh had pointed to. A button flashes in front of me, so I press it, hoping it’s the right one.

A transparent cubicle forms around me just before I’m pelted by streams of foul smelling liquid from all sides. Once I’m rinsed so thoroughly I feel like the top layer of my skin has been peeled off, the machine blows hot air over me, then the cubicle releases me.

Coughing and spluttering, I spit out the sour liquid that somehow got into my mouth even though I’d kept it shut tightly. It leaves a disgusting aftertaste on my tongue. “Ugh,” I shudder. “Worst shower ever.”

There are no towels or anything else to dry myself with. The few seconds of hot air weren’t nearly enough, leaving me still soaking wet. My drenched hair is glued to my head and the shirt is nearly see-through and clinging to my every curve. Not that I have that many curves, but it’s still uncomfortable and rather inappropriate.

Nikolai promptly pulls his own shirt over his head and offers it to me, leaving him bare-chested. That’s a sight I could get used to. Before my lustful thoughts and thrumming crystals can take over, I step away.

“Thank you. We should head to the bridge now but then…” I avoid his eyes. He’s going to be angry with me when I tell him about the baby and being crystal kin but I can’t keep him in the dark. “We need to talk.”