18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18

Z’Ree

I think about Nikolai’s words. Really think about them.

Could he be right? Have I just latched myself onto him because he was the first person to show me a shred of kindness in years?

Maybe that was the truth in the beginning. I remember regretting he wasn’t a slaver, which is probably not a normal thought. Then everything changed. The way I see him now is different. After all, Zarkan and Astra have been incredibly nice to me too, and I don’t want to kiss them for it.

So, is Nikolai right? A little. Does it matter? Not in the slightest. However, there is one thing that matters. He doesn’t like me the way I like him. All he sees is a desperate, crazy person he helped and who is now stalking him and demanding something he’s not willing to give.

I don’t blame him. This is all on me. Drunk on my new-found freedom, I’ve rushed in blindly and gotten burned. It hurts, but I don’t regret doing it. I’ll learn from it and be careful next time.

Next time. I scoff. As if there will ever be anyone else.

And now I truly sound like a crazy stalker. Yay me.

“I do like you,” I say, feeling the need to tell him that despite what he thinks, my feelings are real. “I, Z’Ree, like you, Nikolai.” He closes his eyes, letting out a shaky exhale as I say his name. “But I understand.” It’s getting difficult to speak again, this time because of the emotional outburst I’m trying to hold back.

I head for the door. I don’t want Nikolai to see me cry. Not because he’d think me weak, but because he’d think I’m trying to coerce him into comforting me. And wouldn’t it be ironic if I ended up being the one taking advantage of his vulnerability?

“Wait, Z’Ree,” he calls but I don’t turn around. Not until I hear a thud and a muttered curse. A quick glance back reveals that Nikolai has gotten up from the bed, most likely too fast, and barreled straight into the monitoring machine, nearly knocking it over.

I want to yell at him to get back in bed, that he’s only going to hurt himself, but I can’t form the words. “Rest,” is the only one I manage to utter, scowling and pointing at the bed.

“I will. I will but please, come back.” He sits on the bed and pats a spot beside him. My feet carry me over before it registers what I’m doing.

Nikolai runs his hand through his hair, wincing when he touches the bandage. “I’ve said the wrong thing again, haven’t I?” His laugh is humorless. “I tend to do that a lot. You should ignore me more but, before you run away again, I want to answer your question.”

I blink in confusion. Did I ask him something?

“You asked if I wanted you,” he says, shifting to face me. “And I gave you the answer a medical professional should always give. But I never told you how I feel. I mean, isn’t it obvious?” He points at his still erect cock.

My fists clench hard at my sides to stop me from reaching out and touching him. I don’t know how I’ve become so horny after not feeling desire for years but I have the distinct feeling it has everything to do with the human male in front of me.

“I want you, Z’Ree. And not just with my stupid cock that hasn’t gone down since I met you. You’re perfect in every way and I’m crazy about you,” he confesses. “That kiss we shared was the best thing that has ever happened to me. I just need to make sure you realize what you are doing, that your decision is truly yours and consensual. All I want is to do right by you.”

I can’t think. “You…want me?”

“How could I not? You’re the bravest person I’ve ever met. You’re kind and generous and not to mention so fucking beautiful it makes me feel like a cave troll next to you. I want to watch you smile every day. I want to be the one to make you smile. I want to keep you safe and make you happy, to kiss you and—”

“Do it, then,” I interrupt him, still not believing this is real.

How could he want someone as damaged as me? I’m not brave. I’m scared all of the time, often so badly I lose control of myself. My faded crystals and protruding bones would hardly be considered beautiful. Is Nikolai talking about me? Did he perhaps hit his head a little too hard?

My thoughts go silent when he raises his hand to my cheek. If it was anyone else, I’d flinch, thinking they were about to slap me. But Nikolai would never do that, so I stay still and enjoy the way he caresses my skin.

“You’re so amazing,” he whispers, his thumb grazing my lips. I part them eagerly, ready to welcome any part of him inside of me. His breath hitches. “I’m a terrible person,” he mutters to himself. “Terrible, terrible person.” Then he leans closer, capturing my mouth in a passionate kiss.

I forget to breathe. The kiss feels perfect. It’s like we were created to kiss each other. He pulls my lower lip into his mouth and nibbles on it. Our moans mix together in the tight space between us. “God, I’ve been wanting to do this for so long,” Nikolai whispers, then returns to ravaging my mouth.

His tongue presses against the seam of my lips, demanding entry. I surrender without a second thought, or a first thought for that matter. Without any thought at all.

Nikolai gently places his hand on the back of my head, grabbing a handful of hair to hold me in place. Instead of the pain my masters would have inflicted doing this, Nikolai’s grip feels possessive yet tender. “I’m not letting you go. Ever,” he murmurs. “And I don’t care how crazy it sounds.”

It could be interpreted as a threat, but I know he doesn’t mean it that way, because I feel the same. “Mine,” I manage to breathe out before his tongue plunges into my mouth again in our endless dance. “You are mine.”

“Yes. I’m yours. Forever yours, Z’Ree.” I moan as he says my name, crushing me against his chest. “And you are mine. God, Z’Ree! I can’t…fuck, I can’t hold back. I need you. If you don’t want this, if you want me to stop, then…we should stop now.”

I pull away, frowning at him. I want him too, so deeply that my body aches and trembles, my pussy wet and ready for him. But he is injured. Just hours ago, I found him on the floor in a pool of his own blood.

I point at his bandage. My breathing is ragged and my hand is trembling with desire but I don’t want to cause him further pain. “You’re hurt.”

“This? It’s nothing.” He waves his hand dismissively. “I barely even feel it anymore. Plus, I can always lie back and let you be on top.”

The image of me riding Nikolai sends a full shudder of desire through my body. I want that. Fuck, I want that so much. Everything in me thrums and vibrates, my crystals singing their new song. A song that is drawing me to Nikolai as if we are magnets.

He’s not the only one who can’t hold back anymore. “Yes,” I whisper, putting all of my yearning into that single word.

Nikolai groans, fisting my hair so tightly it nearly hurts, the ferocity of his kiss leaving me breathless. Panting, I push against his chest. “Lie down,” I command.

His cheeky grin burns straight through my crystals as he salutes, “Yes, ma’am.” A quick adjustment with the bed controls later, he’s half-sitting, half-lying on the bed, eye-fucking me with unbridled desire.

I hesitate. I haven’t had sex in a long time and even then, it was only a few times. I’ve most certainly never had sex with a human. Based on the bulge in Nikolai’s pants, I assume his anatomy is similar to most males in the galaxy, but I know nothing about human habits and rituals. What if I disappoint him?

One look into his eyes convinces me there’s no chance of disappointment. Aside from burning desire, I see deep adoration in his eyes, an emotion so strong my heart swells. I don’t know what I did to deserve his attention but I send a silent thanks to the ancient geodes down below for sending Nikolai my way.

Before I reach the bed, Nikolai raises his hand to stop me. “Can I…see you?” he asks, his throat working hard as he swallows roughly.

My first instinct is to say no. I want to tell Nikolai he might not like what he sees. But he’s seen me at my worst and he still wants me, so I decide to indulge him. Taking off the pants Astra lent me, I pull the shirt over my head, standing completely naked in front of Nikolai.

Eyes wide in wonder, his breath quickens. “You’re so…” Nikolai blushes, his eyes traveling greedily up and down my body. “I’m probably repeating myself, but you’re so fucking beautiful. I can’t believe I get to look at you. Can I touch you?”

Instead of answering, I step closer. Nikolai raises one hand and hovers over my hip as if worried his touch might break me somehow, when it’s quite the opposite. I feel like I’ll shatter if he doesn’t start touching me right now, so I make the decision for him. My hand finds his and I press it down against my skin.

Nikolai inhales sharply. “Wow… You’re so soft. I thought…with the crystals, you know, that your skin would feel like sandpaper or something, but you’re so amazingly soft.”

I barely register Nikolai’s mumbling, entirely too focused on the feeling of his warm skin against mine. My crystals are vibrating from how loud their song is now. They want Nikolai to touch me more. They want me to touch him. They want us to stop playing around and take it further.

Never in my life has my body been out of control like this. I’ve had sex before, great sex I enjoyed very much, but I never felt this sense of raw, all-consuming desire.

I let go of Nikolai’s hand, letting him touch me as much as he wants. But if he’s going to touch me, I’ll be touching him too. That’s only fair, isn’t it?

He’s wearing simple hospital sweatpants the crew put him in after they removed his blood-soaked clothes, which makes things easier for me. Not having to struggle with unbuckling or unbuttoning his pants, I simply tug them down and reach inside, going straight for the prize. Nikolai gasps at the sensation, his fingers that were just circling my breast pausing their motion, but he doesn’t tell me to stop.

I pull out Nikolai’s hard cock and marvel at its glory. It’s thick and long and curves up a little, which I think will be perfect for reaching my most sensitive spots. My mouth waters at the sight of a tiny white bead forming at the slit. I have to taste him.

Before my brain even finishes that thought, I’m already leaning forward. My tongue circles the bulbous head and I groan in pleasure as I lick off the drops of precum. Fuck, that’s so good!

Nikolai curses in his lilting language, then tugs at my hair trying to pull my head away. “Wait…” He’s panting, his face flushed red. “Z’Ree, wait. I can’t… Fuck, if you keep going, I won’t last.”

I smack my lips, contemplating my options. If I have a choice between him coming in my mouth or inside of my pussy, I choose the latter. Pushing his sweatpants further down his thighs, I climb onto the bed and straddle Nikolai’s hips.

“Wait, I didn’t mean…” Nikolai groans as I run his cock between my pussy lips, wetting it with my juices. “I-I want to pleasure you first. To worship you. To get you ready.”

I admire his dedication, but I don’t need any more foreplay. “Later,” I half groan. Yes, later, he can explore and taste every square inch of my body. He can do whatever he wants with me. Right now, I need him inside of me more than I need air inside my lungs.

Raising my hips, I line Nikolai’s cock up to my opening. I’m so slick, the head easily passes through.

“Oh my fucking god!” he cries out, his eyes bulging. “W-what…? What is that?!”

I freeze in terror, suddenly realizing he doesn’t know about the crystals in my pussy. They should be soft when I’m aroused, but perhaps it only works with another Silithrae? “Did…did I hurt you?”

I try to move away but he grabs both of my hips and holds me in place, his fingers digging into my flesh. “You…” He swallows. “You have ridges inside?”

“Crystals,” I admit. “Do you want me to st—”

He squeezes me harder, pushing me back down onto his cock. “Absolutely not,” he proclaims, moaning in pleasure as he penetrates me, inch by inch. “Fuck… Oh, my god… Don’t stop! Oh, fuck, please, Z’Ree. Whatever you do, don’t stop. Oh, Z’Reeee.”

Nikolai moans my name like a prayer and I swear, nothing has ever felt better. His hands move from my hips, finding my breasts again. Kneading at what little flesh I have there, Nikolai teases my nipples. They’re hard like stone and even the slightest touch has me squirming in absolute bliss.

Nikolai’s cock deep inside of me feels like it belongs there. Like it’s exactly what I’ve been missing and now that I’ve found it, I’m not letting it out of my sight again. I want to spend the rest of my fucking life connected to Nikolai like this, to be one with him.

My orgasm, the first in many years, catches me unprepared. It feels like I’m shattering into a million pieces but I’m not afraid because I know that Nikolai will be here to pick up the pieces and rebuild me into something stronger and better. He’ll always be here.

Nikolai all but screams my name as he comes, his cock pulsating deep inside of me. The resonance frequency is almost deafening now and as sure as we’re connected, it feels like it’s coming from both of our bodies.