Chapter Forty-Nine

"Alison, you can't keep hiding from him forever," Willow gruffs as I smooth down my hair.

"I beg to differ," I respond, touching up the red lipstick on the corner of my lip. "It's worked so far."

"Alison," Willow says sternly.

I turn towards her. She's standing with her arms crossed over her chest, her mouth drawn into a straight line. Her eyes are narrowed and glued on me.

"What?" I shrug.

"So, you're just going to keep putting on shows with your ex-boyfriend." I flinch at her use of the term ex. "And just completely ignore him?"

"I mean, basically." I shrug again.

"Alison, come on. You can't do that. You have to talk to him at some point. If not about what happened between you guys at least about the show."

"The show is set. We've planned everything. We have what we say on stage. If something needs to be changed, someone comes and tells everyone. It's all worked out."

"Ok, got it. So avoidance is the path you choose then. That's . . . healthy."

I blow out a huff of air causing my bangs to lift up and fall askew on my forehead. "I just can't talk to him," I finally mumble.

"Listen, everyone knows talking to your ex is always the worst but most people aren't on a traveling tour with them. Just rip off the bandaid and do it." Willow sits on the arm of the couch.

I ignore her and turn back towards the mirror, straightening my outfit.

"Alison." She walks up behind me and puts her hand on my shoulder. "What are you so afraid of?"

I let out a breath and walk over to the couch. "If I talk to him, I know I'm going to change my mind. And I know what I did was the right choice for him and his family."

Willow sits down next to me and pulls me into a hug. "Sweetie, you really don't know anything do you."

As I continue to strum my guitar with my glittery pink pick, I steal a glance at Archer's face as he's singing.

I instantly regret it. He's smiling and his voice sounds amazing, but I can see it there in his eyes. He's in pain. He's doing a great job faking it for the audience, but I know him too well.

I put my focus back on my guitar and continue to play, trying to get lost in the music and shut my mind off. The image of Archer's face from the night I broke it off constantly haunts me and my heart shatters over and over again.

The second the lights go down, I start to book it off stage.

"Alison," Archer says as his fingers graze my hand. I quickly pull my arm to the side and out of his reach and continue making a beeline anywhere leading me away from Archer.

"I'm not giving up on us," he says to my back. My step falters for a second. I give myself one breath to recover and then head out, leaving Archer behind me.

"This is so much harder than I thought it was going to be," I whisper to no one when I'm back in my room.

I grab a towel off the shelf and take a quick shower. The whole time that I'm in the shower, I sing a random melody over and over again. All of a sudden, words to go along with it start forming in my head.

I quickly hop out of the shower, wrap a towel around myself, and sit in front of my keyboard. I grab my notebook and phone, hit record, and start playing. Before I know it, the words and notes are spilling out of me. I can't stop. I embrace it and continue writing.

After some time has gone by, I sit back and look at what I've just written. The words just kept flowing. I've never felt like this before. Songwriting has always come somewhat naturally to me but not like this. I pick up my phone and send off a quick text.

I need you to come over. Now.

A little while later, there's a knock at my door. I get up from my keyboard and answer it.

"Is everything okay?" Willow asks, concern in her eyes. She does a quick scan of me and then the room.

"Yes! Well I mean I think so. I just wrote a song."

Willow slaps me. "OMG! I thought something bad happened! You scared the crap out of me."

"Willow, I think it's a good one." I give her a shy smile.

I can't wait for her to hear it, but I'm also nervous that she isn't going to like it. It's the most vulnerable I've ever been in a song. Probably the most vulnerable I've ever been in my life.

"Okay, okay, just let me catch my breath for a second and then I want to hear it," she answers as she sits down on my bed and curls up into a ball. "I'm assuming it's a breakup song about Archer?"

I bite my lower lip. "Yeah, I guess."

"Okay, let's hear it."

I play the song for her, fully immersing myself in it. I can almost feel the music surrounding me. The smooth surface of the ebony and ivory keys kiss my skin. The notes ribbon themselves around me filling in all of my broken holes. This. This is why I love music.

When I play the last few notes, I look over at Willow. She gives me what can only be described as a Cheshire Cat smile.

"What?" I ask a little afraid to hear the answer. "Did you not like it? Was it horrible?"

Being an artist in the public eye means I've had my fair share of criticism. I'm used to it by now. But this song is so personal and Willow is my best friend. I want her to like it so badly.

"That's not a breakup song." Somehow her smile manages to get bigger. "It's a love song."