Chapter Forty-Seven

Willow pops into the room, pushing the door completely open. I squint at all of the light coming into the room. Archer closed the room darkening curtains last night so the sudden light is blinding. I throw my hands up over my eyes.

"Sorry, sorry," Willow says as she closes the door behind her.

"That's okay. What are you doing here?" I lay back on my pillow again. I'm feeling better but my body is definitely exhausted.

"I brought breakfast for you guys. I got your favorites of course. Archer's going to get it all together. He just stepped out into the hall to call his dad really quick."

I look towards the door and nod.

"I swear I'm only going to stay a minute and then you two can get back to whatever you were doing." She does a scan of the room.

"Stop it. We were just resting. I'm still exhausted. You know body attacking itself all night," I answer as I run my hand down my body in emphasis.

"Sorry, I know. Just wanted to check on you, then I'm out. Are you feeling better then?"

"Physically? Yes. The pain is better, just the after effects. The Flare Hangover as I like to call it."

"Okay, good. At least the worst is over, right?"

I nod at her even though I know she's wrong. The conversation I'm going to have with Archer is going to be the hardest part. I drop my eyes down to the comforter on the bed.

"Ali, what's wrong?" Concern starts to fill her eyes again.

I debate about telling her. I really want to talk about it with my best friend, but I'm nervous. I know deep down that it's the right thing to do. For Archer's sake. But my heart is already breaking thinking about being without him.

No, stand strong. You know this is right.

"Wil, can I talk to you about something important?"

"Sure!" She climbs onto the bed and lays down next to me. "What's up?"

"Archer's out in the hall? For sure? It's just us?"

"Yup! He went out when I came in and I haven't heard the door open. I don't think he wanted to leave you alone. He's one of a kind, honestly. Where are the other guys like him? Do you know that he . . ."

I raise my hand to cut her off. "Wil, stop. I'm breaking up with him."

She sits straight up. She looks at me wide eyes and her jaw drops. "Ali, why?"

"Because of this." I move my hand in a circle above me. "All of this. It's too much for him. It's not fair of me to ask him to have to endure all of this. To be a part of this. To put him through this. This whole thing was selfish of me. I never should've said yes to him."

"Ali, I don't understand."

"It's okay. You don't have to understand. I don't want to do this. I care about him. Maybe even love him." Willow tries to interrupt but I instantly stop her. "But it's because of that that I have to let him go."

"No, don't rush this. Take some time to think about it. Talk to Archer."

I shake my head. "No, this is the right thing to do."

"Listen, I was talking to him a bit ago on the phone. He said —"

"I don't want to hear it. Please. Just let me do what I have to do."

"I think you need to take some time to —"

"Hey!" Archer says as he opens the door and walks in. "Breakfast is served." He has a couple of brown bags in his hand. He walks to the night stand and sets them down. "Thanks to Willow."

"Thanks, Wil. You said you had to head out, right?" I push.

"Well, actually," she starts but I quickly cut her off.

"No, I'm fine. Go do what you have to do. I'll be fine."

She makes eye contact with me and holds it. I try to keep my gaze neutral, but inside I'm dying slowly with every second that passes. She finally nods her head and turns towards Archer.

"Thanks again for everything." She quickly shuffles out of the room, and I listen for the door to close.

Archer climbs onto the bed next to me and grabs the bag off the nightstand. He starts to open it. "Okay, we've got . . ."

"Archer, wait," I say, putting my hand over his.

He gives me a sideways look. "Okay." He sets the bag back on the nightstand and turns towards me. "What's wrong?"

I look down at my hands and then back at him. "There's no easy way to say this, but I don't think this is working."

"What? The room. Is it too bright? The bed not comfy enough? I can talk to the front desk and see if we can move." He starts reaching for his phone.

"No. The room is fine," I say as I put my hands back on his and pull his phone out of his hand, setting it on the bed. He looks down at our hands and intertwines his fingers around mine as he slowly starts to rub small circles on my palm."I mean . . . us."

"Us? What?" His fingers stop moving. "We're not working?"

I nod my head, struggling to find the words that I need to say.

"I thought everything was going great. Did I do something? Tell me so I can fix it."

My heart drops. Of course he instantly thinks that he caused this. His heart is too big for his own good.

"No, you didn't. You've been perfect in all of this. It's me. It's just too much. There's a lot going on in my life and it's all too much."

Archer looks at me dumbfounded. I can only imagine what's going through his mind. He probably hates me. I guess if he did though, that would make things easier for him. My mind goes back to what he said last night.

"I don't understand," he finally mutters. "I thought everything was going great between us. Alison, I lo?—"

I quickly throw my hand up. "It was great. It's just getting to be too much for me to handle. Between my health and the tour and just my career in general and all the things coming. I'm overwhelmed."

"Let me help you get through all of it. I can do it. You saw that last night."

I nod my head. I'm so close to telling him to forget everything and crawling into his arms ,but his words keep playing over and over in my head.

I can't do that again.

"I'm sorry, Arch, but it's over." I avoid eye contact. Those green eyes will get me to take all of my words back.

"Alison." He hooks his finger under my chin and tries to pull my face up to his, but I quickly turn my head and pull away from him. I grab the bag off the nightstand and set it in front of him.

"Here. Take this with you. Thank you for everything. I'll see you for sound check in a couple days."

We both sit there for a few minutes longer until I can't take it anymore. I stand up and grab his hand, pulling him up with me. I slowly walk out of the room and head towards the main door. He follows in a trancelike state. I want to say something to make this all better, but I can't. I remind myself that he'll eventually get over me and move on. He'll find the person he's meant to be with. The person that gives him the life he deserves. The person that can give him a real life. Not the broken life that I have to offer him. He doesn't deserve that.

Once we get to the door, I reach for the handle but Archer puts his hand on mine, stopping me. He wraps his fingers around mine and holds tight.

"Alison. Don't do this. Please. I know what you're doing. Don't shut me out. Let's get through this together."

I look him in the eyes and am instantly shattered by the hurt behind them. A wave of nausea hits me. I am causing that pain in his eyes. This will be the only time I cause it though. After this I won't have to hurt him over and over again. I won't have to hurt him every time my body decides it's ready to attack. He may not see that now, but he will. Eventually.

I get up on my tiptoes and kiss him on the cheek.

"Thank you, Archer. For everything." I say as I pull my hand away from his and head to the bedroom, closing the door behind me.

The second I know that I'm out of sight, I slide down the door and put my head in my hands. Tears start to pour out.