Chapter Thirty-Nine

"Alison! Archer!" voices scream the second I'm out of the car.

I quickly step in front of Alison's door and pat the security guard on the shoulder letting him know that I have this. I open Alison's door and reach for her hand, carefully guiding her out of the car and closing the door behind her. The screaming gets even louder. I start leading her to the building trying to ignore everything going on around us, but also being on guard in case something doesn't feel safe.

"Are you guys official then?"

"How long has this been going on?"

"Are you guys in love?"

The voices continue to shout even though we haven't given them a single answer. I squeeze Alison's hand tighter not sure if I'm trying to calm any anxieties she may have or mine. We keep our heads held high and don't let the hordes of people and the blinding lights bother us.

"Almost there," Alison whispers as she picks up the pace a bit. I don't hesitate to match her brisk walk. I want to get inside just as much as she does.

I'm glad we did this. It needed to be done but that doesn't make it any more fun and any less crazy.

Once we reach the door, the security guard quickly has it open and is ushering us inside. I slide Alison in front of me and pull the door closed behind us even though I know security was going to do the same. I want to make sure that she is safe and out of that madness.

I do a quick scan of the room and make sure that we're good. I finally let out the breath that I have been holding in since we stepped foot out of that car. I hear Alison let out a breath next to me.

"We made it," I say, pushing a strand of her hair behind her ear and smiling.

She nods her head and then quickly wraps her arms around me. I pull her close and we stay there for a few seconds just breathing in each other and the serenity around us. It's a total one-eighty to what we just experienced outside.

"Let's go eat. I'm starving," Alison says as she finally lets go of me and puts her hand in mine. She drags me towards the isolated table they have set up for us. We wanted to be seen in public but we also wanted to have a nice night and get some private time to talk. This was the happy medium that I came up with.

"Stop! That didn't actually happen!" Alison throws her hand up over her mouth trying to cover her laughs.

"Sadly, it did. And I have never been able to live it down," I shrug taking a sip of my wine.

"I cannot wait to see Juliet and your dad to talk to them about it."

"You know, if we just never speak of it again, I'd be okay with it," I say as I give her my puppy dog eyes.

She freezes, her wine glass halfway to her mouth. "Just an FYI, as cute as you are, puppy dog eyes don't work on me. I'm immune."

I chuckle. "Yeah? Well you haven't been the victim of Juliet's yet. I haven't met a single person, man or woman, who has been able to stand firm with hers. And sadly, she knows it."

Alison smiles at me and takes a sip of her wine. Her face seems a little different now, kind of like her smile isn't reaching her eyes, but I have no idea why. I don't say anything though, giving her a second to process whatever is on her mind.

"Speaking of women," she clears her throat and pauses.

"Oh no, the awkward ex talk? I'm going to need more wine for this," I laugh trying to lighten the mood.

"I mean, you know my background. It hasn't really been private. Not much to tell when I haven't been in love before," she looks down and picks at a spot on the tablecloth.

I nod my head. "An artist that writes loves songs but hasn't been in love."

"I know. It's pathetic," Alison cuts in.

"Actually, I was going to say creative. I mean for you to write such meaningful songs never having experienced it yourself says a lot about your raw talent to write. Your songs are believable."

Her eyes quickly flick up to me as a genuine smile starts to spread across her face. "I guess I've never thought of it that way before."

"Alison, you don't realize just how truly amazing you are." I lock eyes with her.

She quickly turns her head and waves her hand at me. "Anyway. What about you?" She grabs her fork and takes a bite of her food.

"Well, honestly, it's not much different than you. I've had a few girlfriends. Never really been in love though. At least I don't think I have. Maybe close to it. But that's it. Not a very extensive dating history."

"And why's that?" she asks as she moves some food around on her plate. "I mean for me, you just experienced the circus that is dating me. Not to mention dealing with my health stuff and work. There isn't much time."

I close my eyes for a second and take a breath.

"I'm sorry. Was that too pushy? You don't have to tell me if you don't want to. That's none of my business."

I put my hand over hers to stop her. "No, actually, that is your business. And I want to tell you. Honestly, you're the first person I've really wanted to tell. It's just not easy."

She nods her head but doesn't say anything, waiting for me to continue.

I take a big breath and start. "I want to fall in love. I want to get married. I want to have a family. Actually, that's always been a dream of mine. That along with being a musician. I didn't realize that I was kind of running from it until recently though. I would come up with excuses for not going out, like needing to watch Juliet or needing to spend more time on my music. I would bow out of relationships before they got serious almost every time. I'd tell myself it was because she didn't get along with my family well enough or she didn't understand my love of music or our personalities didn't quite fit. I didn't think anything of it until my dad pointed out that I was running."

I pause and look down at my plate.

"And why were you running?" she asks, her voice soft and full of genuine curiosity and concern.

"Well, I guess, I mean, it took me awhile to admit it but I think it's because of my mom." I look back up at Alison.

She nods as if she knows exactly what I mean. "You loved her so much."

"I did. More than anyone. And that was taken away from me. From my family. At first, I didn't think I would ever feel better. I thought I'd be sad my entire life. That I'd never feel happiness again. And I was partially right. I am still sad. I think about her every day. But happiness did creep back into my life. Into all of our lives. But losing my mom left a permanent scar. And a permanent fear."

Alison's eyes fill with understanding. "You're afraid of losing someone else."

"Yeah. I don't think I can survive that again. I don't want to have to survive that again and that's what's been holding me back. I'd run before I was too attached so I wouldn't have to experience anyone else I love leaving me. There's no one else I've ever wanted to risk that for," I pause. Alison sits patiently, waiting for me to continue. "Until you."