33. Meredith

33

MEREDITH

I feel more like a little kid than a woman at her OB/GYN's office with my legs dangling over the exam table. The doctor insisted that they confirm the pregnancy with a test in the office. I guess it's standard procedure or something, but I made it clear that I took three pregnancy tests to be sure. Add that to the constant queasiness and my sudden aversion to food I used to love, and it's pretty obvious. But I have to let the doctor do the job they were paid to do if I'm going to get what I need.

I need someone to tell me about my options, and someone to tell me what to do to take care of my body. I wasn't exactly expecting this. I went from being a virgin to being kidnapped to being a girl with three boyfriends so quickly.

Maybe I should've been more prepared for moments like this. But I just wasn't. I've always been too busy taking care of my father, making sure he's okay. I've been too busy being a good girl and making good grades.

I guess I don't do things halfway.

It's a terrible joke. And probably not the time for it.

This is the first appointment I could get. I've been holding off the guys as much as I can, but they're making me come back to the clubhouse tonight. They said they would pack me up themselves and throw me over their shoulders if they had to.

They're worried because they haven't heard anything. It's been radio silence. And with the Bratva, that usually means that something is stirring under the surface. Something big, and they don't want me caught up in it.

The only problem is, I've just got news that I failed my science exam. That was the last I took, the one where I was so sick and so tired. I'm not too surprised, but it's frustrating. It means I have to retake it a couple days before the next semester starts, so my winter break is not going to be as fun as I had hoped.

Plus all the pregnancy hormones. I don't know how to hide this for long, but there are so many things to think about. I have to focus on school and studying. With all of the hard work I've been doing in order to make sure I had the opportunity to go to college, I can't just drop out. I have to keep up with my studies.

Not to mention that I have to think about the guys. I don't know if Dart, Grizzly, or Trap even would want a baby. The three of them are getting up there in years, especially Grizzly. And he already has a full-grown daughter. I don't know if he'd want to raise another child. I know Harlow's guys handle it so well, but not all men are the same, even in the same MC. My situation won't necessarily turn out as well as hers did.

There are too many unanswered questions here. And I'm not ready to answer a single one, much less tell Harlow like we had planned. That's what I'm supposed to be doing this week. All the guys expect me to come to them with an idea of how to do it, but I haven't had a single chance to think about it. I've been too worried about being pregnant.

The thing is, if I start to show or become obvious, I'll have way too many people as my enemies. What would Harlow say if I was pregnant by her father and I didn't even tell her we were together?

I can't let this go on, but all of the energy keeps being zapped out of me as a child is growing inside of me.

There's a knock at the office door, just a courtesy, and the doctor comes in. She's a woman with wrinkles that tell me she's at least forty if not older, with a full head of beautiful black hair. She has a stern look on her face, but not unfriendly.

"It does indeed look like you're pregnant. Would you like a prescription for prenatal vitamins?"

I nod. "Honestly, I don't know what I'm doing. This was kind of…unexpected."

I look away when I say it, feeling embarrassed. I'm young, but I'm a grown woman. Her stern gaze makes me feel irresponsible.

She nods, no hint of judgment on her face. To tell the truth, she probably sees this more often than not. It can happen to anyone. "That's okay. We can go over what to do. We can even go over options if that's what you need to know. Are you worried about STDs? We could test for those as well today if needed."

The question shocks me and it takes me a moment to process.

"No. I'm sure I'm fine. I'm being…safe and monogamous."

I don't exactly want to explain the intricacies of my complicated polyamorous relationship to her, but I know that none of my men are seeing anyone else. In fact, they've made it clear that they hadn't been with anyone in a while before me.

"Is there a way I can see how far along I am?" I ask shyly.

She actually cracks a smile. "Yes, we can actually estimate based on the size of the embryo. We can do the ultrasound here in the office today if you'd like."

Something inside of me leaps at the idea. I never knew for sure if I wanted to be a mother. I figured I'd lose my virginity years before that happened. But now that she's mentioned seeing the baby, there's just some instinct inside me that's excited. And maybe this will tell me everything I need to know from here.

I nod my head, and she goes to get the machine.

When she comes back, she has both the ultrasound machine and a packet of papers.

"Now, I can go over any of this that you want, and even if you think of questions later you can call me. But this packet has everything that you can look over. It has your options, any possible complications, and exactly what to expect every single week of this pregnancy. It's my job to be your advocate and your partner in this. So never be afraid to ask questions."

She's pragmatic, but I like her. I feel a bit more comfortable.

I scan through the packet and see a paragraph about the importance of prenatal vitamins and why I have to take them. I see that depending on which week I'm in, an end to the nausea may be in sight. I skip over the pages about complications because I don't want to scare myself any further than I already am. I can worry about that later when I know for sure that everyone's okay with this.

After I look through the papers and ask a few questions, the doctor has me lie back on the table. She spreads a cold gel against my abdomen and begins moving the wand across my belly.

I hear a strange whooshing sound and look at the screen. Sure enough, there's the small form of what will soon be another human being.

She makes some clicks and a few different things pop up on the screen. I'm assuming she's doing the measuring thing she said she could do. She's quiet for a little bit, and then she turns to me with a smile and starts educating me on all the things that I can't see in the image, all the different parts and what they mean.

"You're measuring at about eleven weeks. Maybe a couple of days before that. You have a little bit of time in case you need to make any decisions about this. But now that your first trimester is actually almost over, you might start feeling a little bit better soon."

I stare at the image in shock. I've been like this for eleven weeks and haven't known. That means I've been pregnant most of the time I've been with these guys. How did I not know?

I find myself tearing up for no reason. Damn these hormones. It's not just in the movies I guess.

I thank the doctor and get dressed, knowing that in the next few days, I'm going to have to have some very interesting conversations. But for now, I know that I need to focus on studying to retake this exam, and just getting used to the idea that I'm carrying a little person inside me. Once I feel confident and can wrap my head around my new normal, then I can sit down with the guys. We'll have an honest conversation, and I can worry about the rest then.

Including Harlow.