Chapter Fifteen
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Morgan
Ilie on my back, Dusty leaning over me, head resting on his palm while he uses his other hand to play with my hair. The dock is warm against me. I’d stay out here all day if we could.
“What do you want to do today?” Dusty asks.
“Be with you,” I reply simply. He’s the only thing here that keeps me on level ground.
“Well, no shit. I’m not letting you out of my sight now. I’m gonna be your stalker so you can’t run away from me.”
I frown, hating that he’s speaking from experience. Who knows what would have happened these last ten years if I’d talked to him, but still, even now, I can’t get the picture of him and Rhett kissing out of my head. I don’t care if it only happened once, and I don’t care if my brother’s not even queer.
“You’re tense. Did I say something wrong?” Dusty brushes his fingertips from my temple down to my chin. He seems to like touching me. Some part of him is always lingering against me, and I can’t say I’m complaining. Every place where our skin meets sends the best sort of sensations shooting through me, like he has a million hands and all of them are dedicated to me, want me, make me feel like I can fly.
“No. I just wish I’d talked to you all those years ago. Or hell, not been so afraid of how I feel and told you before…you know.” Fuck, I can’t even say it.
“I’m sorry. That night is my biggest regret.”
I shake my head, and when he presses his fingertips to my lips, I kiss them. “I don’t want to do that. Neither of us is perfect or blameless. It’s in the past. I just want to keep feeling the way you make me feel.”
He grins, then leans down and kisses me. “Let’s go hiking.”
“I need to make breakfast for Dad first and give him his pills.” Both things he can do for himself. Hell, it’s not like he can’t afford a nurse to do more than pop in twice a week too. But he won’t. He hates to look anything other than invincible, so he’ll want as few people to see him as possible.
“I’ll help you.” Dusty stands and holds his hand out for me. I take it and let him pull me to my feet.
“Are you sure you want to be around him?”
“No offense, but fuck your dad. He hasn’t scared me away in all these years, and he’s not going to now.”
“He’s such a bastard.”
Dusty nods. It’s not like there’s any denying it. Still, he goes back inside with me, and we make scrambled eggs and toast—enough for us and Dad. I take Dad’s to his office with his pills while Dusty waits in the kitchen.
“That boy still here?” Dad practically spits.
“Man. And yeah. He’s going to be spending a lot of time with me while I’m here, and if you don’t like it, I won’t be here. I’ll stay with him.”
“He’s been trying to find a way into this family his whole damn life. First with you, then Rhett and Easton, and now you again.”
I roll my eyes. “Jesus, Dad. I don’t even want to be part of this family. I can promise you Dusty doesn’t either.” He looks up at me with disgust. If there’s one thing in Dad’s favor, it’s that he’s not homophobic. His dislike of Dusty has nothing to do with that. He’s never cared that I’m gay. He’s only cared that I spend time with Dusty, probably because he makes me happy. Dad doesn’t like anything that does that. “Why do you hate us so much?”
The wrinkles in his forehead grow as if he truly doesn’t understand where the question is coming from. “Don’t be dramatic. I only want…what’s best for you…and your brothers. None of you…appreciate what you’ve been given.” His words are still drawn out and slow.
“No. That’s not true. You want what’s best for you, and you want puppets. Rhett is the only one willing to give you that, and you’re still never satisfied with him.” He’ll never be satisfied with any of us no matter what we do, who we become, or how much we’re there for him.
He plucks the pills from the desk, swallows them with water, and returns to his computer, ignoring me.
I shake my head. “She would be so disappointed in you,” I tell him before walking out.
Dusty and I drink another cup of coffee and eat breakfast. I take a quick shower and get dressed. He’s broader than me and can’t fit into my clothes, so we head to his place for him to shower and get dressed. I shoot a text to Rhett, letting him know I won’t be with Dad today, then to Easton, asking if we can hang out tomorrow. Both show as read, but neither replies.
“You ready?” Dusty asks, hair wet, curling around his ears and on his forehead. He’s wearing shorts and a black T-shirt that stretches across his thick chest.
“You’re so fucking hot. I just want to stay here and fuck you again.”
He chuckles. “We have time for that later. I want to get out with you, the way we used to.”
Yeah, the truth is, I want that too.
“Let’s do Hidden Beach,” I tell him. It’s an easy hike but close, and the views are gorgeous. Plus, there’s a cove we used to go to all the time when we were teenagers. When I could manage to get away from my family, we’d spend hours out there just talking.
“That works. You know I love it there.”
He grabs a backpack and puts supplies inside—drinks and food. He gives me another with towels and a few other things, and then we take Dusty’s Jeep to the starting point at the North Trail, just outside of town. I always feel so small out here, nothing but trees and water in the distance. Sometimes it’s hard to believe it’s real, that this is where I grew up. Santa Monica is beautiful too, but the UP is like a whole other world. When I was a kid, it felt magical.
Dusty parks, and we start for the trail. It’s slightly beaten up, rocks and some debris in the way, but it’s clearly marked. You can smell the fresh water, see it in the distance despite being in such a dense forest.
“God, I love it out here,” Dusty says.
I inhale a deep breath, filling my lungs. “I miss it sometimes,” I admit. “This part of it. Knowing this place like the back of my hand, all this fucking beauty, and just being able to disappear. You can get lost in Southern California, but in a different way—lost in the people, the hustle, but here, I could build a little cabin in the middle of nowhere and live as quietly as I wanted.”
Dusty looks over at me, brows furrowed, as if he hadn’t expected me to say that.
“You don’t think I miss it? That I don’t know how incredible it is here? It’s the other stuff that’s ruined home for me.”
His voice is low, sad, when he says, “Yeah, Morg. I know. I hate it because I don’t think I’ll ever be able to love a place like I do here.” Guilt bears down on my chest, before Dusty nudges me with his arm. “But I’m excited to see what it’s like in other places.”
I take his hand, needing to touch him. His warmth penetrates my skin, going deep, to those places only Dusty can reach. “Really?”
“Really.” He smiles.
We keep going along the path, lucky to only run into one other person so far, going the opposite direction. It can get busy here. It’s a popular spot, but maybe the universe is on our side today because I want Dusty to myself.
We know the best spots to sneak out of the trees, where there are rocks to stand on and look out at the cliffs and Lake Superior below. It’s so damn blue, like it blends into the sky, going on forever. When I gaze at the rocky cliffs, at the water and cloudless sky, knowing that behind me is a world of green, it’s easy to forget all the other shit that weighs me down.
Dusty lingers behind me as I stand on one of the rocks. I pull out my phone and take a photo, then record a short video and post on social media. When was the last time I did something like this in Santa Monica? It’s always work and functions and parties. Rob didn’t hike, but Spencer does, and every time he asked me, I always said no.
“You okay?” Dusty wraps his arms around me from behind.
“Just trying to figure out why I never went hiking with Spencer when he asked.”
“Who’s Spencer?”
“My friend. You’ll like him. He works at the LGBTQ Center. He’s a good guy…a good friend, though I never really let him be. I still can’t believe I’ve never talked to him about my past.”
Jesus. Why has Spencer even stuck by me all these years? Friendship is a two-way street, and I never upheld my side.
“We’ll have to fix that when we go to California.” He kisses my throat.
“I like that we.” I hold my phone out and take a photo of us like this. Dusty rests his chin on my shoulder for the second one, arms still around me. “Come on. Let’s keep going.”
We return to the trail.
If you don’t know where you’re going, Hidden Beach can be easy to miss. Giant red rocks surround it, but we know where to go, don’t even have to think about it, until we reach the beach and crystal-blue waters.
There are a few people down there, some college kids too. We take off our shoes and socks and keep going. The cold water is a shock to my system, making me tremble when we step into it.
“Fuck. I forgot how cold it is.”
“Big baby.” He winks, and I shiver as we go a bit farther into the water, then make our way around the rock wall to our cove with the small beach that is thankfully empty.
We’re not the only ones who know about it, but when it’s just the two of us here, it’s easy to believe we’re the only two people in the whole fucking world.
We plop down on the sand, take our shirts off, and Dusty puts a hand on my leg, running it up and down my skin. “I’m gonna need to find a job out there.”
“It’s no rush. I can afford to keep us afloat…and we’re gonna need to find us a place.”
He nods. “I forgot you lived with the asshole.”
I roll my eyes. “You don’t even know him.”
“Yeah, but he had you, so I automatically hate him.”
“Jesus, Dust.” I rub my cheek along his arm, on his throat, and when he lies back, I follow. I lick and kiss his skin, needing the salty taste of him on my tongue, while pulling in deep breaths through my nose. “You smell like home.”
“I am home.”
“No. Not the UP. Mine. Like my home, Dust. No matter where we are, that’s what you’ll smell like to me.”
He pushes my hair off my forehead. “That’s what you are to me too…but you’re not going to be my sugar daddy. I’m gonna need a job ASAP. Otherwise, I’ll go fucking crazy.”
I settle beside him, unable to believe what’s happening. That he’s mine and willing to leave with me. “I want to make you happy. I’ll do everything in my power to make you the happiest man on earth.”
He sucks in a breath, then grabs my face and pulls me down until our lips are a breath apart. “You already do, baby.”
Dusty takes my mouth, and we lie there kissing for a while, hands running up and down each other’s bodies, lazily stroking with hands and tongues. In between kissing, we talk. He asks questions about Santa Monica. About looking for apartments and jobs online before we go. He’s not sure when he’ll tell his folks, and I leave that decision up to him.
“We’ll come back often, and if you don’t like it, then I’ll—”
“Shh. Shut up and go swimming with me.”
“Okay.” I stand, and this time, it’s me helping him up. We go into the water, swim and play and kiss.
We’re gonna do this. Dusty and I are gonna make a real go at being together, and damned if I don’t feel like the luckiest son of a bitch alive.