Chapter Fourteen

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

Dusty

Ican’t help wondering if Morgan has always been a cuddler. If he sleeps with his face nuzzled into Rob’s body the way he does mine. If it feels like he’s trying to burrow his way into Rob’s body, and if his boyfriend welcomes it the way I do.

I don’t know the man, but he doesn’t seem the type. He definitely doesn’t deserve Morgan, that much I can tell just from the little I’ve heard, but then, I’m in love with Rob’s boyfriend, so I figure he has a bone to pick with me too. And while their relationship is open and Morgan is allowed to do this, it feels wrong to me. Again, not because there’s anything wrong with open relationships. It’s just not for me. I don’t want to share him, don’t want anyone else to touch him, and Jesus, I don’t even know if I can handle hearing him on the phone with the man he’s supposed to go home to.

This was such a huge fucking mistake, but I don’t want to take it back, don’t want to stop. It feels too good, too right, like there’s been a hole inside me and now it’s finally filled in.

Needless to say, I don’t sleep well. Most of the time I just watch him, as fucking creepy as that sounds. It’s around seven when I sneak out of bed, grab my jeans, and quietly go into the bathroom. The shop is closed today, so I don’t have to rush, but I also don’t know what Morgan wants to do here. We need to talk, but really, what I want is to ignore all the bad shit and just spend our days fucking and holding each other.

I take a piss, clean up a little, then tug on my jeans. I need coffee something fierce and figure I can sneak down to the kitchen and get some without running into Gregory.

I never saw myself being thirty-five and having to sneak around with someone I’m sleeping with, and I don’t want to do it now, but damn if it’s not a complex situation.

The stairs don’t make a sound as I make my way down. The second I turn into the kitchen, I see Rhett sitting at the table, looking out the window. Fuck.

“You’re here early.” I go to the coffee pot and the container beside it that I know holds the grounds.

“I could say the same to you…or I guess you stayed late? Either way, I’m assuming you were here all night.” I hear the disappointment in Rhett’s smooth, deep voice. He sounds in control, but Rhett works hard for that. He’s barely holding on, though.

“You know I stayed the night, so why act like that? We’re grown-ass men, Rhett. All of us. Whatever this is between me and Morgan, it’s between me and Morgan. I know how to make my own decisions, and it has nothing to do with my friendship with you.” As I speak, I get the coffee started.

“Our friendship? The only time we’ve spoken since he’s been back is when I saw you here—with him.”

“You can’t put that all on me.” I turn toward him. “You haven’t called or messaged me either. One of the first things I told Morgan is that him being back doesn’t change my friendship with you. That I’m not going to pretend we haven’t gotten close in the last ten years. I won’t walk away from that, but I also won’t be sitting around, listening to you berate me for whatever is going on between me and Morgan, nor spend all my time with you talking about how much you hate Morgan. Jesus, the two of you are so fucking exhausting.”

Rhett pushes to his feet too fast, thighs bumping the circular, white table. “He’s going to hurt you.”

I shrug because really, there’s nothing else to do. “You say that like I don’t know it. But I want him, Rhett. I’ve always wanted him. Don’t I deserve to have him even if it’s only for a little while?”

“He has a boyfriend.”

“I know that too.” I don’t bother telling him they have an open relationship. That won’t matter to Rhett.

He scoffs in disgust as he walks over to the window, leans against the wall, and looks out at the water. “What is it about him that everyone loves so fucking much?”

He’s not just talking about me. He’s talking about his mom, his dad, and even the twins because for whatever reason, Rhett has always believed every one of them loved or loves Morgan more than they do him. With a sigh, I walk closer to him. I hate that Rhett feels this way, had hoped that I could help him with it at different times over the years. Easton is right about me: I’m always trying to fix the Swift brothers, to help them. “People love you too.”

“Don’t fucking do that. Don’t placate me. It’s condescending.”

“It’s not meant to be. And maybe if you made it a little easier to let people in, you’d see it more. You’re a good man and a good friend. Just like I told Morgan I’m not letting him come between us, I won’t let you do that either. I can’t, Rhett. It doesn’t matter if I’ll get hurt, and I know he doesn’t want me as much as I want him, but…he’s it for me. He’s always been it for me.”

Rhett doesn’t answer right away, just continues to stare out the kitchen window, anger radiating off him and nearly choking me.

“You’re stupid to give him that power over you, to give it to anyone.”

“What did you just call him?” Morgan’s voice, shaking with fury, comes from behind me. I close my eyes because of fucking course he would hear that. “Did you just call him stupid? Fuck you, Rhett.”

Before I can wrap my head around what’s happening, Morgan’s shoving Rhett. “Don’t talk to him like that. Don’t you ever fucking talk to him like that.” Morgan’s forearm is against Rhett’s throat, holding him against the wall.

Rhett smiles in a way that makes my blood run cold. “Trying to make up for breaking his heart ten years ago? You’re the one who left him. You’re the one who pretends not to know—”

“Rhett,” I warn, then turn to Morgan. “Get the hell off him. I don’t need you to fight my battles for me.”

Rhett, though, is just getting started. “You pretend you don’t know Dusty’s in love with you, that he’s always been in love with you. That he only kissed me because he couldn’t have you. You left him before, and you’ll do it again, so yeah, take your anger out on me, Morgan, when it’s really yourself you hate.” Rhett shoves him, catching Morgan off guard. He stumbles backward, mouth open but nothing coming out.

“You had no right,” I tell Rhett, shaking my head. We all know what he said is true, and we all knew it before Rhett opened his mouth, but still, it was wrong. “If we’re supposed to be friends, you don’t get to use my pain to hurt him.”

“Shit,” Rhett curses softly.

I turn and walk toward the stairs. I almost make it out of the room when Morgan says, “Dust?”

I groan, not wanting to do this here. Not wanting to do it ever, but the anger inside me is growing too, the heat of it getting hotter and hotter until it’s burning me up. “You knew, Morgan. Don’t pretend otherwise. I deserve better than that.”

I take a step again, needing to get away from them, when Morgan’s words stop me. “I love you too. I’ve always loved you too, but I tried not to, told myself I didn’t, couldn’t because if I admitted it, I couldn’t leave…and I can’t stay here.”

I turn to him, watch him watch me, the brown of his eyes, laser focused. In my periphery, I see Rhett looking at him too.

“Don’t fuck with me, Morgan.”

He flinches, clearly hurt by my words. “I’m not. Do you really think I would do that?”

No, I don’t. Morgan is a lot of things. He’s flawed and imperfect, but he’s not the type to throw the word love around if he doesn’t feel it. He’s not the type to let someone in that way, because what Rhett will never see is how afraid of being hurt Morgan is…and Morgan refuses to see that Rhett is exactly the same.

“I don’t know how to be what you need, what you deserve. Rhett’s right. I’ll fuck it up, and the thought of hurting you again is like acid eating through my heart. But after last night, hell, after the first time I saw you again after ten damn years, I knew everything was going to change. You open me up like no one else can, and I’m not strong enough to fight it anymore.”

A wave of dizziness overtakes me, my heart thudding, my ears echoing, everything feeling far away.

Before I can work through any kind of response, a door opens and Gregory grits out, “What…the hell…is going on here.”

Rhett snaps into action, heading toward Gregory. “Nothing, Dad. Everything is fine.”

Gregory enters the kitchen, his eyes snagging on me first. I’m shirtless, in nothing but jeans, so there’s no doubt I stayed the night. “Why…are you here?” Gregory has never been my biggest fan. He’s always thought Morgan should have a better friend than me, someone more like them.

“He’s here because I invited him,” Morgan says at the same time as Rhett’s, “Dad…”

“Always sniffing around…one of my sons.”

Well, that’s new. He used to at least keep his dislike of me to himself.

“You talk about him like that again, and I’ll walk out of this house and you’ll never see me again.” Morgan’s voice is low with warning.

“What’s new?” Gregory says.

“Dad. That’s enough.” I’m surprised it’s Rhett who spoke up. He so rarely does against his father, and he usually agrees with him where Morgan is concerned. “Come on. Let’s go to your office.” Rhett tries to wrap an arm around him, but Gregory shakes him off.

“Don’t need…your help. You don’t ever leave…me alone. I need a break from you!” he says in measured words. Gregory walks away, Rhett standing with his back to us, watching him.

“Rhett,” Morgan says softly, and I’m grateful for the concern in his voice. He knows what those words did to Rhett, and contrary to how they often act, Morgan doesn’t want to see his brother hurt.

“Leave me alone. The two of you enjoy whatever the fuck it is you’re doing.” Rhett walks out, slamming the door behind him.

“We are so fucked up.” Morgan rubs a hand over his face.

“Yeah…you are.” I grin, and Morgan chuckles.

“I don’t know why you stick around.”

Because I love him. Because I love them all, but I’m in love with Morgan. “Let’s make some coffee and go outside. We need to talk.” If he thinks I can let go what he said to me, he’s wrong. We’re hashing this out now, even if we don’t come up with any answers.

Morgan doesn’t argue, grabbing two mugs while I get the creamer from the fridge. We doctor our cups, then head outside, straight for the dock. We sit on the edge, our feet hanging over. “I miss them.”

“I know you do.”

“If it wasn’t for you and East, I would have already left again. And now this…what’s happening with us. I don’t know how not to be with you anymore. I knew that would happen, and now it has, but I don’t know how to be here either. I can’t do it, not forever.”

The thing is, I don’t think Morgan hates Birchbark. I think the situation with his family has made him feel like he does, has colored his impression of this place he grew up exploring, but I also know that what I think about his feelings doesn’t matter. I’m not him, and only he knows what he wants.

“Then I’ll go with you,” I say without looking at him. I take a drink of my coffee, then set the mug down.

“You can’t do that. I can’t ask you to do that.”

“You didn’t,” I counter.

“You love it here. Your business is here.”

I shrug. “I love you more. I said no to you last time. I can’t do that again. I should have gone with you the first time. I lost you once, Morgan. I can’t live through it a second time.”

“No.” He shakes his head, then holds my cheek and angles it toward him. “It’s not fair. I’m not worth that.”

Looking at him, no one would know he believes that but me. Morgan doesn’t think he’s worth loving. He blames himself for Ella, for his mom, for East…just like Rhett does. “You are to me. When you got back, you said I’m yours, but you don’t really believe it. I am, Morgan. I belong to you, and now you fucking belong to me too. There’s no going back. We’ll figure the rest of it out. I can go back and forth. I trust East to help with the shop. He’ll take care of it if he knows he’s doing it for me. We’ll figure it out,” I say again. Somehow, we will.

My parents…they’re not going to be happy. They’re not going to understand. But they’ll support my decision because that’s just how they are.

“I don’t deserve you.” He drops his forehead to mine. “I’m not a good man. Not really, but I want to be for you.”

“You are a good man…and I don’t need you to be anything other than mine.”

Morgan smashes our lips together, starts climbing onto me. I scoot back so there’s more room, lie flat on the deck, the wood against my back, while he straddles me, tongue in my mouth, like he owns it.

And he does.

“I gotta stay through the summer,” I tell him when Morgan lies beside me again, head in the crook of my arm. “I need to be with my parents, sort through the shop stuff. Talk to East, and I still think you need to spend more time with him too…East and Rhett.”

He must be blissed out because he doesn’t argue.

“But after that, if you wanna go, I’ll go, baby. It’ll be an adventure. I need to see what life is like outside the UP.” My chest is tight, but I ignore it.

“I love you,” he says against my skin. “We wasted so much fucking time.”

Yeah, we did, but there’s no changing that. “So we don’t waste any more. There’s just one thing…”

He pushes up onto his elbows and looks down at me. “What? Anything.” He grins, and damn, it’s full of happiness. I’m not sure I’ve ever seen Morgan look so happy. I’ll do anything to keep making it happen.

“You’re gonna have to break up with that boyfriend of yours, and…I won’t share you. No one gets to touch what’s mine.”

The grin grows into a smile. “I broke up with him after our first kiss. And no one gets to touch what’s mine either.”

“Damn right,” I say, then lose myself when Morgan kisses me again.