Drew

There’s a baby crying in the corner of the departure lounge and even though the mom is doing her best to calm him, he’s not responding to her. He’s just screaming at the top of his lungs. Several people around me are rolling their eyes, or tutting, and I’m willing to admit that a few months ago, I’d have joined them.

Now, I’ve got a lot more tolerance. I understand that babies cry; sometimes for a good reason, and sometimes for no reason at all… or that’s how it seems, anyway.

The woman behind me mutters, “Dear God,” although I don’t rise to her impatience, and just smile instead.

After my conversation with Hunter, I’m feeling more optimistic than I have in a long while. I think that’s partly because I’ve got a half-baked plan for the future, and partly because I’ve realized I need to take my chances… no matter how small they are.

And I intend to.

I’ve hardly slept since then, and I don’t care, because my mind is racing with thoughts that maybe – just maybe – after all this time, I might be able to do something about Josie. It won’t be straightforward. In fact, I fully expect it to be the complete opposite, and a lot of what happens will depend on Lexi and whether I’ve mis-read things with her. But if I’m right, if she really has got someone new in her life, then there’s a chance we all can move on. Lexi can be with someone who appreciates her like I never could, and I can be with Josie.

Assuming, of course, she wants to be with me…

A cloud descends, wiping out my smile and darkening my mood.

What if she doesn’t?

I thought she wanted to be with me when we were at the party, at least until she found out who I was. Then, when we met at the coffee shop, our misunderstandings a thing of the past, I got the impression she wasn’t averse to our friendship, and perhaps to it becoming more than that. She certainly seemed keen to meet up again. The thing is, a lot of time has passed since then. She could be with someone else…

I close my eyes, somehow blocking out all the surrounding noise, and I try to picture her. It’s easy; she’s filled my every thought since the moment I first laid eyes on her. I imagine her in the arms of another man, his lips on hers, his hands wandering. It hurts, but I have to contemplate the fact that this could be her reality. I might have hopes for a future with her, but she could already have a future with someone else. Unless… unless she’s waiting for me. No, that’s silly. Why would she? I left her with no hope of any kind of future for us. In fact, I didn’t even contact her again after Lexi announced her pregnancy. It felt dishonest. And besides, I didn’t know what to say. It was bad enough when she realized I was Lexi’s boyfriend. To discover I was the father of her unborn child…

I couldn’t face it. I couldn’t face her.

So, I took the coward’s way out.

If she’s free, is it possible she’ll still want something more than friendship, given how complicated things are? Will she even want to speak to me? Will she be able to forgive me?

I have so many questions, and not the slightest chance of any answers for at least the next eleven hours… until I touch down in the States and I can talk to Lexi. Obviously, I can’t ask her outright about her sister’s love life, but I can see how things lie with Lexi. It’ll be a start.

In the meantime, those eleven hours are stretching before me like a death sentence, and I’m not sure I can handle it. If I’m flying back home just to find Josie’s already with another man, I’m not sure what I’ll do…

Josie’s number is still on my phone. Rather than putting myself through hours of torture, I could just call her, couldn’t I?

No, I couldn’t.

Of course I couldn’t.

What would I say? The last time I saw her was in the delivery room, when Maisie was born. It was one of the best, and one of the worst days of my life, watching my daughter come into this world, while the woman I loved was standing just a few feet away, so far out of reach, she might as well have been on the other side of the world.

The problem is, I honestly don’t think I can survive the next eleven hours, not knowing what I’m going home to… whether I have a chance or not.

I pull out my phone, and even though I have no idea what I’m going to say, I go to her details on my contact list, my finger poised over the ‘call’ icon, as I take a deep breath.

“No.” I say the word out loud, stopping myself just in time, and ignoring the bemused stares of my fellow passengers as I shake my head, staring at my phone. How could I be so stupid? It’s three in the morning in Boston. Phoning her is out of the question.

Maybe I could text her instead…

Except text messages can often do more harm than good. They’re easily misunderstood. And besides, I want her to hear my voice, so she’ll understand how I feel.

Of course…

A voice message.

I glance around the room, spying a quiet corner, as far away as possible from the crying baby, and I pick up my bag, making my way over there. Turning my back on the room, I find Josie’s details again, and this time, click on the message app, and then I take a breath, preparing myself, putting an image of Josie in my mind as I press and hold the voice recording icon.

“Hi, Josie. It’s me, Drew. It’s been a long time, and I know I should’ve been in touch before now, but… the… the thing is, I—I wanted to ask if we could meet up? I’m at the airport. I’m flying back from Rome today, and going down to Newport with Maisie and… and her mom, but I wondered… can I call you? We need to talk, or I think we do. Obviously, if I mis-read everything, you’ll be wondering what on earth I’m talking about, in which case I apologize for disturbing you, and it’s probably best if you stop listening now…” I pause for a second and then continue, “If you’re still listening, I guess I didn’t mis-read things, so the next question is, do you want to see me again? If you’ve moved on, or you’re with someone else now, or you just don’t want to have anything more to do with me, after everything that’s happened, that’s fine… well, it isn’t, but I’ll understand. This is complicated, and it’s a lot harder for you than it is for me. I get that, and I’m sorry. Truly, I am. I should have said that a long time ago, but I’m really sorry, Josie.” I cough, fighting my emotions. “The timing was dreadful, and if it’s all too much for you, then just ignore me. I’ll get the message and I won’t hassle you.” I pause for a second. “But if you think you’d like to meet up, call me. I’ll fit in with whatever you need… whatever you want. I just wanna see you again, Josie.” I’ve rambled on for long enough, and probably said more than I intended. Should I add anything else, though? I can’t say, ‘I love you,’ over a voice message, so instead I just say, “Call me… please,” and release my thumb from the recording icon. The message is longer than I’d expected, but I press ‘send’ anyway, my heart flipping over in my chest.

I know she’s as likely to say ‘no’, as she is to say ‘yes’, for all kinds of reasons, but at least I’ve set the wheels in motion and I guess I’ll know soon enough what my future holds.

“How can she have grown so much in just ten days?”

I keep looking around at Maisie, in the back of Lexi’s car, marveling at the changes in her.

“Because she’s a greedy little miss. She does nothing but eat.”

“Her hair seems more curly, too.”

“Does it? I can’t say I’ve noticed.”

It seems curlier to me, and I smile at my beautiful daughter before I turn around and face the front again.

“Thanks for coming to get me.”

I think that’s about the fifth time I’ve said that since I came out into the arrivals hall, and Maisie greeted me with the most perfect little smile that lit up my heart. Lexi handed her straight to me, and I held her against my chest, only fully appreciating then how much I’d missed her.

“It’s okay. I just wish I’d remembered how much luggage you were gonna have with you.”

“That’s my fault. I should’ve thought about all the things you usually have to bring with you for Maisie, and realized how hard it was gonna be fitting my equipment into the trunk.”

We had to empty everything out and re-arrange it all again, and while we got there in the end, it took forever.

The traffic’s heavy and we’re sitting nose-to-tail, waiting for the cars in front to move. I pull out my phone, checking to see if there are any messages or missed calls. I know I’d have heard it if there had been, but I’m desperate to hear from Josie, although I console myself that, at this time of day, she’ll be at work. That’ll be it. She’s not really ignoring me.

“Do you have any plans for the next few days?” Lexi’s voice interrupts my thoughts and I put my phone on my lap, turning to look at her, surprised by her question.

“Just to spend some time with Maisie, and to meet my new nephew. Why?”

She’s biting on her bottom lip, looking worried, and I twist around a little further, giving her my undivided attention. “W—We need to talk, Drew.”

“You’re right, we do.”

She glances over at me, frowning. “You want to talk as well? What about?”

“You can go first, if you like.”

“No… it’s fine.”

I was going to wait until we got to the house, but I guess there’s no time like the present.

“I—I was wondering… that’s to say, I got the feeling you might be seeing someone… as in a man. Is that true?”

I notice the blush creep up her cheeks and smile to myself. I was right.

“It is, but how did you know?”

“I didn’t. I guessed.”

“You’re not gonna tell me you have a problem with it, are you?”

“No. Of course not. I… um… I just wanted to say that I’ve been thinking about seeing someone, too.”

She looks at me a little harder, then as the traffic moves, she turns back and focuses on the road again. “You have?”

“Yeah.”

“But…”

“But what?”

“Well… I’d assumed you’d been seeing people all along. I mean, why wouldn’t you?”

“Because I met someone a while ago. We couldn’t get together then because the timing was off. But I really want to now.”

“Then why don’t you? There’s nothing between us, Drew. I know other people find it hard to understand our set-up, but Maisie’s the only link between us, and if you wanna see someone else, that’s fine by me.”

I nod my head. “Would you feel the same way if I told you the ‘someone’ in question was your sister?”

I hold my breath, waiting, watching as she works it out in her head. “Josie?”

“Yeah.”

She laughs, throwing her head back. “Well… who’d have thought? Does she know?”

“I’ve got no idea. I met her at that party you dragged me to, and to be honest, I fell for her the moment I saw her.”

“Just like that?”

“Yeah. Just like that. I felt bad, though, because you and I were still together, and…”

“Oh, come on. We were just playing at being together. We both knew that whatever we’d had in the Caribbean hadn’t survived the flight home.”

“No, it hadn’t, but I still felt bad. That’s why I broke up with you that night.”

“So you could be with Josie?”

“Yeah. Not straight away, obviously. I thought I’d give it some time, only…”

“Only then I told you I was pregnant?”

I nod my head. There’s no point in telling her about my ‘dates’ with Josie. Aside from the fact that they weren’t really dates, they happened before Lexi discovered she was pregnant. Everything was different back then.

“Exactly,” I say. “And what was already awkward became impossible.”

“Hmm… I can see how it would be difficult for both of you.”

I turn slightly, facing her. “Does Josie ever mention me?”

“No, but we’ve never been great at sharing secrets… about men, or anything else, for that matter.”

I frown at her, wondering if she’s lying, trying to make me feel better. “Seriously? Isn’t that the kind of thing sisters normally share?”

“I don’t know. Josie and I aren’t sisters.”

I sit up, my phone falling into the footwell. I ignore it, leaving it where it is, my attention fixed on Lexi. “What are you saying?”

“We’re step-sisters. My mom died giving birth to me, and when I was two, my dad met Josie’s mom. Josie was three at the time, and although we probably should have been close, we never were. We never had very much in common and lived quite separate lives… which were divided even further when our parents divorced.”

“When did that happen?”

“When I was fourteen. She and her mom moved to Boston and Dad and I stayed in New York.”

“S—So you’re not even related?”

“No.” She looks over at me again, just briefly. The traffic’s moving a lot faster now and she needs to concentrate on the road. “Don’t read too much into Josie not talking about you. I don’t know her that well, but I know her well enough to understand she’s a very private person, and I think you’d be good for her.”

“You do?”

“Yeah. Her life’s been kinda lonely. She needs someone like you… someone who’ll be there for her.”

I like the sound of being there for Josie, although I’m not so keen on the idea of her being lonely. “I—I’ve left her a message, asking her to call, but I didn’t want to do anything definite without talking to you first. The situation is… well… it’s delicate.”

“I know. And thank you for asking.”

I heave out a sigh of relief. “What was it you wanted to talk to me about?”

She takes a breath, letting it out slowly. “I—I’m thinking of moving to Boston.”

That’s the very last thing I expected her to say. “Even though you’ve met someone?”

“Yes. It’s all connected.”

“Oh? Does he live here then?”

“No. He lives in New York… with me most of the time. But we’re thinking…”

“Whoa. Back up a second. Did you just say he lives with you?”

“Most of the time.” She bites on her lip again, and I can sense her anxiety. It’s well founded.

“How long has this been going on?”

“I’ve been seeing him for about four weeks.”

“And he’s living with you already?”

“Practically.”

We both know that means ‘yes’, and I wish she’d just be honest. “Why didn’t you tell me about him before?”

“I don’t know,” she says.

“Is it serious? I guess it must be, if he’s living with you.”

“Yeah, it’s serious.” I suck in a breath, and she glances over at me. “Are you mad at me, Drew?”

“No. Although I’d have liked to have known what was going on. I don’t have the right to dictate how you live your life, Lexi, but Maisie’s my daughter, and I don’t understand why you didn’t tell me something as important as this. I’ve done everything you’ve asked of me since the moment you told me you were pregnant.”

“I know you have. You’ve gone above and beyond. I never asked you to pay off my mortgage, or to give me such a generous allowance.”

“You didn’t need to ask. Whatever you and Maisie need, it’s yours. It just would’ve been nice if you’d trusted me with this… if you’d kept me informed. I asked you about Josie before I even…”

“Okay, okay. I’m sorry. I should’ve told you,” she says. “It was wrong of me to keep it from you.” I shake my head, turning away. “You don’t need to feel threatened, Drew.”

I look back at her again. “You think? Some guy moves into your apartment. He’s living there with my daughter, who no doubt sees a damn sight more of him than she does of me. You decide not to tell me about it… and you tell me I shouldn’t feel threatened by him?”

“No. If anything, it’s the other way around.”

“What are you talking about?”

She sighs. “He doesn’t like me coming down to Newport with you… okay?”

“No, it’s not okay,” I say. “What does he think we’re doing down there? Surely you’ve explained there’s nothing between us anymore, other than Maisie? He gets that you’ve got your own rooms… that you only visit so I can see my daughter?”

“He does, but he still doesn’t like it.”

I shake my head. “And this is why you wanna move to Boston, is it? So I can see Maisie here, instead of in Newport?”

“Yes,” she says. “Look… I know it’s not the ideal way for you to find out about Manuel and me, but at least if we’re all living in Boston, you can see more of Maisie. You can have her stay over at your place without me, if you want.”

“More like a normal dysfunctional family, you mean?”

“I guess.” She glances over, and I nod my head. “Does that mean you’re okay with it?”

“It means I’m thinking.”

“What about?”

“How to make it work.” She smiles. “Do you love him?”

“Yes, I do.”

“Does he love you?”

“He says he does, and I believe him.” I can tell that from the look in her eyes.

“Okay. You’re gonna have to give me some time.”

“To get used to the idea?” she says, frowning.

“No. To find a house.”

“A house?”

“Yeah.”

“But you already have an apartment.”

“I know, but that’s just somewhere I live when I need to be in the city for work. You’re making this move to Boston on the proviso that I’ll see Maisie here, rather than at the place I consider to be my home. I can understand why, but if that’s what we’re gonna do, I’ll need to buy a house here, so I can make it a home for her.”

“I see what you mean. Well… you’ll have plenty of time. Manuel and I haven’t even started looking for a place of our own yet.”

“Do you need any help… financially, I mean?”

“No. We’re fine, thanks.”

“If you change your mind…”

She shakes her head, and I know there’s no point in arguing. I guess it’s understandable that her boyfriend doesn’t want me to buy their new home for them. In his shoes, I’d probably feel the same.

“Thank you,” she says.

“What for?”

“For not being mad at me. For understanding.”

“That’s okay. I—I just want us to promise each other, whatever happens between you and Manuel, and me and Josie, nothing’s gonna come between us and Maisie. Can we do that?”

“We can.”

I nod my head, and although I still feel threatened, I guess I always knew my relationship with Lexi would come to this one day… that we’d have to make compromises if we were going to make it work.

I reach forward into the footwell for my phone, just as Maisie grizzles behind me.

“It’s okay, baby,” Lexi says, as I grab my phone.

I sit up. Lexi’s twisted in her seat, checking on Maisie and I open my mouth to tell her to watch the road, just as a truck pulls into the lane right in front of us and brakes sharply.

“Brake! Hit the fucking brakes!”

She spins around, braking hard, but it’s too late. We’re going too fast, and I drop my phone, bracing for the inevitable impact. My instincts are telling me to protect Maisie, but I can’t get to her. All I can do is watch, completely helpless as the back of the truck gets closer and closer, the car spinning as Lexi loses control.

She screams. I feel the jarring impact, the sound of metal on metal, my own voice calling out to Maisie that it’ll be okay… and then it’s silent… eerily silent, and everything fades to black.