Drew

“Is everything okay?” Hunter asks.

“Sure it is.”

Why wouldn’t it be? I’m sitting in the Presidential Suite of the Hotel d’Estate in Rome, surrounded by wood-paneled walls, an ornately carved ceiling, plush carpets and the softest of furnishings. Through the open windows I can see across the domed rooftops of Italy’s capital city, and the doors to my left reveal a king-sized bedroom and marble bathroom. What’s not to like? Why would my brother think I’m anything but okay?

Maybe because Josie’s not here with me, and because I miss her more than I can say.

I miss my daughter Maisie, too, but it’s Josie who’s filling my thoughts. It’s Josie who haunts my dreams… who I want and can’t have.

“Did you have a reason for calling me from Rome? Not that I’m not thrilled to hear from you…”

“I just wanted to let you know I’m coming home the day after tomorrow.”

“Do you need me to collect you from the airport?”

“No, it’s fine. Lexi’s picking me up. She’s gonna bring Maisie with her and drive us all down to Newport for a few days.”

“How’s that gonna work?” he asks. “Surely your car’s in Boston, isn’t it?”

“Yeah. It’s at my apartment. But Lexi needs to be in Boston for some reason, so when we’re finished in Newport, she’ll drive me back again.”

“I see. And what about your equipment?” he asks.

“It’ll fit in the trunk of Lexi’s car. I’ve been over here doing a travel shoot, so I didn’t need to bring that much.”

“Okay. So you don’t need me to do anything?”

“Other than ask Pat to stock up the refrigerator at the cottage for me, no. I don’t wanna waste my time going to the grocery store when I get back there.”

“Because you’d rather spend it with Maisie?”

“Of course.”

“Have you been missing her?”

“I have. Ten days is a lifetime when she’s so little. She’ll have changed so much.”

“Do you wish you could spend more time with her?” he asks.

“Of course. But it’s not practical. I might not have to work, but I have responsibilities to clients, and Lexi and I aren’t together, so…”

“There’s no chance of a change in that situation?” he says, his question surprising me. “I mean, there’s no way the two of you would get back together?”

What made him ask that? “No. I told you, we both knew we weren’t suited to each other. Our time in the Caribbean was fun, but…”

“It was too much fun, if Maisie’s presence in the world is anything to go by.”

“Maybe, but that was an accident. I didn’t know Lexi had been sick, and she didn’t realize her birth control wouldn’t work. It couldn’t be helped. Both of us know that. Neither of us blames the other for what happened, and we’ve got absolutely no intention of getting back together.”

“Okay. Message received. You’re not getting back together with Lexi. She’s just picking you up from the airport and taking you to Newport.”

“Yeah. So I can spend some time with Maisie, which we can’t do in Boston, because as we discovered when Maisie was born, the three of us in a confined space didn’t work well.”

“Was that when they came to stay with you?”

“Yeah. I’m not gonna say it was a disaster, but it would have been if we hadn’t realized where we were heading. That’s why I stay in a hotel when I visit them in New York.”

“You haven’t considered buying yourself a place close to Lexi’s?”

“I have, but first I’d need to find the time. Whenever I’m there, I just wanna be with Maisie.”

He chuckles, and I can’t help smiling. I don’t think either of us would have thought I’d be this dedicated to being a father, but I am, and I love it. I love Maisie. She’s adorable, and I can’t wait to see her again.

“Would you change things if you could?” he asks, surprising me yet again.

“How do you mean?”

“I mean, would you go back?”

“To not get Lexi pregnant, you mean? To not have Maisie?”

“Yeah.”

I take a moment, thinking that one through. “That’s a tough question to answer. I love Maisie and I wouldn’t change her for the world, but…”

“Lexi’s sister?” he says, and I wrestle against the familiar pain… the one that eats at me every moment of the day, gnawing at my soul.

“Yeah.” Josie … “How’s Ella?” I ask, to change the subject, to relieve the ache in my chest. “How’s Henry?”

My sister’s baby was born on the day I flew out here, and that’s another reason I can’t wait to get home to Newport and not Boston. Ella’s pregnancy was a little rocky to begin with. She’d broken up with her boyfriend before she discovered she was pregnant, and there were echoes of my situation with Lexi, except of course that Ella was in love with Mac, and missing him like mad. I could see how sad she was, and given the similarities in our circumstances, I did what I could to help her. I might have only been someone to talk to, and a pair of fairly broad shoulders to cry on, but I could see how much she needed them… and me.

Even though she and Mac are back together now, and he’s moved his life from London to Newport just to be with her, I still feel responsible for my little sister. I want to make sure she’s okay.

“They’re both doing great,” Hunter says. “Ella’s a little sleep deprived and is likely to bite your head off if you suggest there’s not an ‘R’ in the month… or there is one, for that matter.”

I chuckle, remembering what it was like to step on those same eggshells when Maisie had just been born, and Lexi held me responsible for everything that was wrong with the world.

“But she’s happy?”

“Yeah, she is.” He pauses. “Are you?”

I’d hoped we’d successfully changed the subject. It seems I was wrong, and there’s no point in trying to deceive my brother. He knows me too well.

“Happiness would be sharing my life with the woman I love, so no, I’m not happy.”

“I guess there’s no hope for that.”

“Probably not.”

“Why only ‘probably’?” he says. “Surely, after everything that’s happened…”

“I know, I know… and I really mustn’t get my hopes up, but…”

“But what?”

“It was just something Lexi said the last time I spoke to her.”

“About what?”

“I was trying to make some arrangements with her for when I get back to the States, you know? We might have fixed up what we’re doing immediately after my return, but I wanted to work out when I could next go to see them in New York.”

“And?”

“And she was being kinda cagey about it. No matter how hard I tried to set a date, she kept saying it could wait. There was something about it… about the way she was talking. I got the feeling something’s going on.”

“What kind of something?”

“I don’t know. But I wondered if maybe she’d met someone and she needed to check things out with him first, before she could commit to dates and times with me.”

“You don’t think you could be reading too much into it?” he says, adding a heavy hint of reality to the conversation.

“Probably.” I sigh, feeling like my hopes are being dashed before me. “I just thought if she’d met another guy, it might make things easier.”

“It sounds to me like it’ll make them a lot more complicated, trying to tie in three schedules instead of two.”

“That’s not what I meant. I was talking about the fact that, if Lexi is dating someone, then maybe I could, too.”

“Even if that ‘someone’ is her sister?” He sounds skeptical, and I can’t say I blame him. I’m clutching at straws here, and I know it.

“I know it wouldn’t be as straightforward as me dating a stranger, but I also got the impression Lexi and her sister aren’t as close as I thought they were.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. I mentioned it to Ella the last time I spoke with her, but what I didn’t realize then was that Lexi and her sister haven’t seen each other since Maisie was born.”

“They haven’t?” I can hear the surprise in his voice.

“No. Lexi told me that just the other day, when I was talking to her about coming to pick me up from the airport. She said she’s gonna arrange to stay at her sister’s place in Boston the night before I get back, to save driving up from New York, and then having to go to Newport all in one day. She seemed a little nervous about asking, and I wondered why, which was when she told me she hadn’t seen her sister since she stayed there just before Maisie was born.”

“But that was four months ago,” he says.

“I know. I can’t imagine going that long without seeing you and Ella. We might have done it before, but only because of work commitments, or when Ella was studying in Europe.”

“Exactly. They don’t even live very far apart, and yet…”

“And yet, they’re obviously not that close.”

There’s a brief pause and I can almost hear him thinking, working out the significance of what I’ve just said. “What are you gonna do about it?” he asks.

“I’m gonna talk to Lexi when I get home.”

“About her sister?”

“Not exactly. I can hardly come straight out and say I’ve been in love with her all this time, but I’ll probably see what’s going on with Lexi… try to find out if she’s got another guy in her life, and take it from there.”

“You’re not worried about Lexi getting involved with someone else, then?”

“Of course not. She’s a free agent. As long as she doesn’t stop me from seeing Maisie, she can do whatever she wants.” He chuckles. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. It’s just you’re so different.”

“Yeah. That’s what fatherhood does for you.” I stop talking, realizing what I’ve just said, and how insensitive it sounded. He and Livia have been trying to get pregnant for a while. Hunter told me shortly after Maisie was born, when I noticed how subdued Livia was and asked if she was okay. I was worried she might be sick, but he told me they’d been trying for a baby since before their wedding, and getting nowhere. The look in his eyes gave away how much he wanted it, too, so I doubt he needs reminding of the joys of being a dad… not when he so desperately wants to become one himself. “I’m sorry, Hunter. That wasn’t very subtle of me, was it?”

“It’s okay,” he says, although I can tell it isn’t.

“I take it there’s still nothing happening?”

“Not for want of trying.” I can’t help smiling, relieved he can’t see me.

“Would it be better if I kept Maisie out of the way while we’re at the house?” I ask, wondering how I’m gonna manage that, considering I’ve already promised Lexi I’ll take Maisie swimming in the pool.

“No, it’s fine,” Hunter says. “Henry’s at Newport, and Livia’s handling it just fine. Having Maisie there won’t be an issue. And besides, Ella’s excited for Henry to meet his cousin.”

“I’m excited to meet Henry myself.”

“He’s enormous compared to Maisie when she was that age,” he says, and then he pauses for a second or two. “There’s just one thing…”

“What’s that?”

“Don’t tell Ella about Livia and me.”

“That you’re trying for a baby, you mean?”

“Yeah.”

“I assumed she already knew.”

“No. I only told you because you noticed something wasn’t quite right with Livia, and I didn’t want you to think she was sick. The thing is…” He’s struggling to talk and takes a moment. “The thing is, I think we both thought it would just happen, you know? She told me she’d had problems with her periods, and that was why she was taking birth control pills. But in that dumb, na?ve way people have of believing in something, just because they want it to be true, we thought she’d stop taking them, and instantly get pregnant. We didn’t see the need to broadcast our efforts, because we thought we’d be telling people she was pregnant within weeks. And now, the longer it goes on, the harder it is to talk about.”

“Are you seeing anyone? Professionally?”

“A doctor?”

“Yeah.”

“It’s too soon, evidently,” he says. “Although it doesn’t feel too soon to us.”

I’m sure it doesn’t, but I don’t know what to say to him… not when he’s thousands of miles away. He coughs and I can feel the emotion in the sigh that follows, even from here.

“It’ll be okay, Hunter,” I say, my words sounding hollow, even to me.

“I hope so.” He hesitates and then says, “Oh, and it’s probably only fair to warn you, Livia and I are spending more time at the house these days.”

“You are?”

“Yeah. For the last few weeks, we’ve been leaving Boston just after lunch on Fridays and not coming back to the city again until late on Monday. We feel relaxed in Newport, and although I know it shouldn’t make any difference where we are, we value the time we can spend away from it all.”

“I can understand that.” I know if I could be with Josie, I’d want us to live in Newport. It’s the perfect place to unwind, and to raise a family… or try to start one.

I strike the thought. It hurts too much to think like that.

“I guess I’d better let you do some work,” Hunter says, and he’s not wrong.

“I’ve still got a few shots to take before I come home, and I need the evening light, which will be perfect in about an hour.” I look out the window at the pale orange glow settling on the terracotta rooftops, and nod my head. It’s pretty good even now. Give it an hour and it’ll be exactly what I need.

“Okay. We’ll see you when you get back.”

“Sure…” I hesitate, just for a second. “Hunter?”

“Yeah?”

“I’ve said this before, but if you need to talk, you know where I am.”

He chuckles. “It’s usually the other way around between us, isn’t it?”

“Yeah, it is. I know I’m normally the one who comes to you, but I also know you’re having to be strong for Livia right now… and I just want you to remember, if you need someone to be strong for you, I’m here.”

“Th—Thanks, Drew.”

We end our call, and I sit back, resting my head against the sumptuous pillow behind me. I know I should get my equipment ready and go out to take this final set of shots… but I need a few moments to myself first.

My earbuds are lying on the table, and I lean forward, picking them up and playing them between my fingers before I connect them to my phone. I know what I’m doing will hurt like hell, but I do it anyway, going to my streaming service, and selecting the piece of music I’ve been listening to, over and over for the last year. I have it set up at home in my apartment, too, so I can hear it whenever I want… so I can punish myself by remembering how it felt to see Josie for the first time, this piece of music playing in the background as I lost my heart.

Putting it onto repeat, the melody washes over me as I close my eyes and recall that night…

It was someone’s birthday party. I don’t know her name, but she was a friend of Lexi’s, I think, and I didn’t want to be there. I didn’t want to be with Lexi at all, although we were still together, in the loosest of terms. We’d met when we were working in the Caribbean, on a disastrous assignment, where everything that could go wrong went wrong. The weather was shocking and all the models I was there to photograph got sick… except for Lexi. Thrown together like that, just the two of us, on a paradise island where clothes seemed to be optional, we did what came naturally, and we both enjoyed it. Okay, so I made the mistake of forgetting to use a condom… but it was only that first time, and to be fair, I was drunk. Lexi assured me she was on birth control, so neither of us worried about it, and we carried on having fun… and being more careful about it. I’m not saying we had wild, passionate sex all the time. In fact, it was quite tame. Not that I was complaining. It was better than staring at four walls. When the assignment was canceled and we went our separate ways, Lexi surprised me by calling and inviting me to stay with her in New York. I had nothing else to do, and didn’t see the harm, but I think we both realized pretty quickly that it wasn’t going to work. Even the sex felt different, and we had nothing in common… nothing to talk about. Neither of us was under any illusions, and it was just a matter of time before one of us jumped ship.

The one to jump was me. Only rather than breaking it off with her, I made the excuse of needing to return to Boston, little realizing she was going there herself. My plan having backfired, I could hardly get out of letting her come back with me, or her request to stay at my apartment. I tried to get out of the party, though. It was the last thing I felt like doing with a woman I was on the verge of leaving. The problem was, Lexi had sprung the invitation on me at the last minute, and I couldn’t think of a single logical reason not to go.

“We won’t have to stay for long,” Lexi said as she practically dragged me from my apartment.

“I’m not dressed for a party.”

She looked me up and down, and although her eyes still lit up, there was no longer that hunger she’d so often displayed when we were in the Caribbean. I was grateful for that. The sex had become boring by then and I was all out of excuses for not jumping into bed with her.

“It’s not the kind of party where you need to get dressed up.”

I wondered, in that case, why she was wearing such a revealing dress, but I didn’t comment. I just assumed she was looking for someone to replace me, and I was grateful for that, too.

When Lexi knocked on the door of her friend’s apartment, I was still trying to think of excuses to leave. The noise coming from inside was enough to make me hope no-one would hear us, but someone must have done and they opened the door, letting us in to a spacious living area, which was rammed full of people. I turned to close the door and then spun around, my eyes catching those of the most beautiful woman I’d ever seen in my life. She was standing, watching me, her dark blonde hair tied loosely behind her head, with just a few stands framing her perfect face. There were dozens of people between us, but one in particular was blocking my view of her, and when they moved aside, it was like time stood still. The room seemed to fall silent and my heart stopped beating. She was perfect. Just perfect. Her bright red dress had a fitted bodice and flowing skirt which showed off her curves, and while I admired her, I felt her eyes rake up and down my body in a slow, sexy appraisal. When she looked up again, I did the same and our eyes met once more. She blushed slightly. I didn’t. There was nothing to blush about. I wanted her… like I’d never wanted anyone or anything in my life.

A woman came up to us and dragged Lexi away, neither of them looking back, or requiring my presence. The woman in the red dress was still staring at me, though, and there was no way I was passing up the chance to find out more… to get to know her. I walked over, until I was standing so close, we were almost touching… close enough for me to see that her eyes were a gray-blue color, and that they sparkled when she smiled. We introduced ourselves. Her name was Josie, but there were too many people around for us to talk properly, so I took her elbow and moved us to the corner of the room, where it was quiet enough to have a conversation.

And we talked.

Man, did we talk. I wanted to touch her, to caress her soft cheeks and kiss her tender lips, and tell her I’d found the one woman in the world who was meant for me. It was too soon for declarations like that, so I limited myself to talking about my work, and listening to her rave about hers. She clearly enjoyed being a nurse, and I loved her passion… almost as much as I loved her.

And I did love her. I knew it, even though I’d never experienced it before.

Josie was it for me, and no-one else was ever going to come close.

I was so enthralled, I didn’t notice Lexi coming over… not until she linked her arm through mine, my body stiffening at the unwelcome intrusion.

“I see you’ve met my big sister.”

My heart stopped for a second time.

Josie was her sister?

I looked down and saw a moment of realization as it flickered across her eyes. Lexi said something else, although I don’t know what it was, and I nodded my head before she left again. I stared at Josie, unsure what to say or do to make it better.

“Y—You’re Lexi’s boyfriend?”

I could hear doubt and confusion in Josie’s voice, but I still couldn’t think what to say, so I just murmured, “Sort of.”

I wasn’t. Not really… and even if I was, I didn’t want to be.

Josie frowned and nodded her head, and I noticed her eyes glistening. This wasn’t the same sparkle she got when she smiled. This was different… like she was going to cry. I wanted to reach out to her, but before I could, she moved away, rushing across the room and ducking inside a door, closing it behind her. I stared. Should I go after her? What would I say if I did? She was bound to be angry with me. Even if she hadn’t known of my connection with her sister, I had… and although I hadn’t known who she was, I knew I wasn’t exactly available.

I pushed my fingers back through my hair.

God, what a mess.

“Where’s Josie?” I turned at the sound of Lexi’s voice.

“I—I don’t know.”

She looked around and shrugged. “Oh, well. We’d better get going.”

I wondered why she didn’t seem very interested in talking to her sister, or even saying goodbye to her, but I wasn’t about to comment, and I let her lead me from the apartment.

We made a silent journey back to my place, and once we were there, I closed the door and turned to her.

“Can we talk?” I said, and she raised her eyes to mine.

“Now? I told you, I’ve got an early start tomorrow.”

Had she told me that? I couldn’t remember, but I’d barely listened to a word she’d said all evening. “I know,” I lied. “But this won’t take long.”

“Okay.”

I walked away, into the living room, knowing she’d follow, and she did, sitting down on the couch, while I paced back and forth a couple of times and then stopped in front of her.

“I can’t keep seeing you.” I couldn’t think how else to phrase it, and the words just poured out of me.

“Oh.”

Although nothing had been the same since we’d returned from the Caribbean, she seemed surprised. But maybe it wasn’t what I’d said so much as the way I’d said it.

“I’m sorry, Lexi. It’s just not working.”

“No, it’s not.”

At least she wasn’t trying to pretend there was anything between us. She looked around, and it only took me a moment to realize what was wrong. “If you’re stuck for somewhere to stay while you’re in Boston, you can use the guest room.”

She stared up at me. “You’re sure?”

“Of course. There’s no reason for us to be uncivilized.”

She nodded her head and got to her feet. “Thanks, Drew.”

I wasn’t sure what she was thanking me for, but it didn’t matter, and once I’d made up a bed for her, I went to my room and sat on the mattress, trying to work out what to do.

I’d fallen for Josie. My heart was hers. My body was hers too, and I wanted her so much I ached… but I couldn’t see a way forward. I was so desperate, I even spoke to Hunter and Ella about it. They advised me to wait, to let the dust settle. Hunter suggested I try befriending Josie rather than dating her… at least to start with. It was going to be a novel approach for me, but when I thought it through, it made sense.

Waiting was fine in theory, but in principle, it was impossible. I couldn’t handle it. So, I made up a truly lame excuse to get Josie’s number from her sister. I said something about her having mentioned someone I thought I knew and wanting to check if it was the same person. Fortunately, Lexi was back at work by then, too busy to wonder about my reasons, and after plucking up my courage, I made the call.

“Hi.”

“Oh… Hi, Drew.”

She knew it was me? I didn’t know how, but I couldn’t help smiling.

“I’m sorry about what happened… the… the misunderstanding.” I’d never stammered so much in my life. But then I’d never been more nervous, either.

“That’s okay,” she said, although I wondered if it was, or if she was just saying that.

“Lexi and I have split up now.” I thought I needed to get that out there, right from the get-go.

“I know. I heard.”

“Oh… I see.” I was surprised by that. Had she been checking up on me? It was a nice idea. “So, um… would you like to meet up for coffee?”

The whole ‘friendship’ thing was getting to me. If I’d been asking her to dinner, as a date, I don’t think I’d have struggled half as much, but I felt I was being dishonest, treating her like a friend, when I wanted so much more.

She agreed, regardless of my stammering, and we arranged to meet the following day.

I was nervous… more nervous than I’d ever been for any other date, even though I kept telling myself it was no such thing. When I got to the coffee shop, Josie was already there, and I sat opposite her, our eyes meeting, a smile tugging at her lips, and I knew that if friendship was all we were ever going to have, it would be enough.

We talked for hours, until she had to leave, but we arranged to meet again… and then again a few days later. I was due to fly to Hawaii after that, so I said I’d call her when I got back. She seemed enthusiastic and while I was away, I wondered what she might do if I kissed her. I played out the scene in my head… meeting her somewhere when I got home, telling her I’d missed her, and taking her in my arms. Would she welcome me? Or was it too soon?

My flight home was delayed by a few hours and when I eventually got back, I went straight down to Newport. I needed some rest, and I knew Josie was working over the weekend. Newport seemed like the best place to be. Hunter would be there too, and I figured some brotherly advice might not go amiss. He might be able to tell me if I was being too ambitious, thinking about kisses after just three dates that weren’t even dates, or if I needed to hold off a little longer.

I was sitting on the couch, pretending to read, and waiting for Hunter and Livia to drive down from Boston, when my phone rang. I was surprised to see Lexi’s name on the screen, but I answered, because I had no reason not to.

“Are you sitting down?” she asked, which felt like an odd greeting, even by Lexi’s standards.

“Why?”

“Because I’ve got something to tell you.”

“And I need to sit down for this because…?”

She sucked in a breath loud enough for me to hear. “Because it’s gonna come as a shock.”

“Just tell me, Lexi.”

I heard her sigh, or maybe she was letting out that breath. It was hard to tell. “I’m pregnant.”

The ground shifted beneath me, my life, my future and all my hopes altering beyond recognition with those two words. “Y—You’re pregnant?”

“Yeah.”

I thought for a moment. It had been a while since we’d broken up… and a while longer since the sole time we’d had unprotected sex. But I remembered… she’d assured me she was on birth control, so how could this be happening?

“It’s yours,” she said, like she’d read my mind. “I know you’re probably wondering, but I haven’t slept with anyone since we were together.”

“But you were on birth control. You told me.”

“Yeah.” I heard her swallow. “Do you remember everyone getting sick when we were in the Caribbean?”

“Of course.”

“Well… I was sick myself, a couple of days before you arrived.” I felt my stomach churn, knowing what was coming next. “My birth control pills didn’t work.”

“No, they wouldn’t.” I couldn’t blame her. I should have used a condom. And in any case, it was too late to play the blame game. Except… “Why have you waited until now to tell me?”

“Because I’ve only just found out. I’ve never been very… um… regular, but I’ve just returned from an assignment in California and I while I was out there, I started feeling really nauseous. It was mostly in the mornings, but sometimes later in the day, too. I thought nothing of it. I’ve been busy, not eating regularly, and I assumed I was just over-tired, because I’ve been so sleepy, too. When I got back home, my agent had sent me an email notifying me of another assignment in Miami, and I needed to check the dates on my calendar, which was when I noticed how long it had been since my last period. Like I say, that’s not unusual for me, but then I put two and two together with the nausea and the tiredness, and I thought I should probably do a test…”

“And it was positive?” I didn’t know why I asked that question, when I already knew the answer. I guess it was nerves… or fear.

“Yeah. I’m sorry, Drew.”

I wasn’t sure why she was apologizing and, despite everything, I felt guilty. “Don’t apologize. It’s not your fault.”

“It’s not yours either. You didn’t know I’d been sick, and I promise, there’s been no-one else.”

“It’s okay. I believe you.” I did… even if the knowledge was killing me, and any hope of being with Josie.

“I’m not asking you for anything,” she said. “But I thought you should know.”

“What do you mean, you’re not asking me for anything?”

“I know how this must seem to you, Drew. You’re a multi-millionaire. Everyone in the business knows that. But I need you to believe me, I didn’t do this on purpose.”

“I believe you. But I still don’t understand why you said you’re not asking for anything.”

“Because I don’t want you to feel like you owe me.”

“It’s not about owing you. It’s about being responsible. I’m responsible for what happened, and I’m responsible for making sure you’re okay. Both of you.”

“Y—You don’t have to.” Her voice cracked, and I felt sorry for her. She hadn’t asked for this, any more than I had, and it was going to change her life a lot more than it was going to change mine. Any fool could see that.

“Yes, I do,” I said. “I’ll come down to New York tomorrow. We can talk.”

She thanked me, which felt as wrong as her apology, and we ended our call.

I was in shock… about to become a father, and nursing a broken heart at the same time. I couldn’t think straight and, to be honest, I didn’t even try. There was no point in contacting Josie. Any hopes I might have been harboring for a future with her had just been blown out of the water, and my destiny lay down a completely different path.

Since then, I’ve done my duty by Lexi… and not just financially. I’ve attended doctor’s appointments, gone to scans, fitted out a nursery in her apartment, and at the house in Newport, and been there when she needed me. And, of course, I was with her at Maisie’s birth, which came as a surprise to both of us. Or maybe I should say to all of us… because Josie was there, too. She was the one who called and told me Lexi had gone into labor, and at the time, I didn’t know whether to be more shocked at hearing her voice or knowing that my daughter was about to be born slightly ahead of schedule… and in Boston, not New York.

Standing in the delivery room, holding Lexi’s hand, trying my best to support her through the agonies of childbirth, I wanted so much to be able to look over at Josie. I couldn’t, of course. It would have broken me completely.

We haven’t seen each other since. We haven’t even spoken, and I guess that’s not surprising. The situation is awkward, to say the least. What is surprising, though, is that she hasn’t seen Lexi, either. That came as news to me, and it’s news I intend getting to the bottom of. If the two of them aren’t that close, and if Lexi really does have someone else in her life, then maybe there’s a chance.

I keep telling myself not to hope, but after all this time, what else can I do?