Chapter One

Josie

“I know it’s a huge ask, but it would only be for one night.”

I sit back on the couch, trying to get comfortable, although that’s impossible. Not because my couch isn’t cozy, but because this phone call is about as uncomfortable as they get.

That said, it’s not a huge ask. Not really. Lexi is my sister and all she’s asking is if she and her baby daughter can visit for the first time since Maisie’s birth. It’s no big deal at all.

Except that in those four months, we haven’t seen each other. We’ve barely spoken, either… and we both know that’s of my doing, not hers. Admittedly, Lexi and I have never been close. We’re not even proper sisters. We’re step-sisters, not related in the slightest, and during our late teens and into our very early twenties, we went for years without seeing or hearing from each other. That was because of her father, and the way he treated my mom. It had nothing to do with this most recent self-enforced exile.

That’s much more personal.

“Are you still there, Josie?” she says.

“Yes.” I hate that she sounds like she’s begging, like she expects me to say ‘no’. “Of course you can come.”

“Oh, thank you. That’s gonna make things so much easier.”

“It is?” She hasn’t given me a reason for this visit, but I think she’s about to.

“Drew’s flying back from Rome the day after tomorrow, and we’ve arranged that I’ll meet him at the airport and then drive him down to Newport for a few days, so he can spend some time with Maisie.”

I can hear every word she’s saying, but they’re all muddling around in my head. That’s because her sentence started with ‘Drew’… Maisie’s father, Drew Bennett. Just hearing his name is enough to send my mind and body into a maelstrom, because he’s the man I’ve been in love with ever since Lexi brought him to Ingrid’s birthday party last summer.

It’s a night I’ll never forget, because it changed my life… forever.

I didn’t see them arrive to start with. In fact, I didn’t even hear the doorbell ring. I was busy enjoying myself. Someone let them in, though, and when I looked up, I saw him. It was like a scene out of a romance novel. Our eyes met across a crowded room and despite the cliché, I couldn’t help falling for him. He was tall… around six foot two, with dark brown hair and a chiseled, clean-shaven jaw. Someone who was standing between us stepped aside, and I was able to see the rest of him then… his broad shoulders, narrow waist, toned chest and long legs, encased in stonewashed denim. I felt a shiver run through me, even though there was a warmth building right at my core. As I raised my eyes to his, I found he was staring too, and the heat in his eyes was breathtaking.

At that moment, Ingrid walked up to Lexi and dragged her off to the kitchen. Not that I cared. My focus remained on this most perfect stranger, and although I was rooted to the spot, he moved closer, his eyes never leaving mine, until he was standing right in front of me.

“Hi.” His voice sent shivers down my spine, and I swallowed hard.

“Hello.”

“I’m Drew.”

“I’m Josie.”

He took my elbow, steering me to a quiet corner of the living room, where I leaned against the wall, looking up as he stood so close I could feel him.

We talked.

That was all we did, all evening. We just talked.

He told me he was a photographer. I told him I was a nurse, and as the evening wore on, we discovered a shared passion for what we did… and for each other. He couldn’t take his eyes from mine, and I was breathless in his presence. We didn’t kiss, or touch, but I could feel the anticipation coursing between us, and I know he could, too. It was written in his sparkling, coffee-colored eyes.

I think I could have stayed like that forever, pinned against the wall, just gazing at him and listening to the sound of his soothing voice washing over me… right until Lexi interrupted us. It had been years since I’d seen her, although I’d have known her anywhere. As she came up to us, the thing I noticed first was the dress she was almost wearing. As a model she could get away with more daring clothes than the rest of us, but on that evening, she’d gone all out, in the shortest dress I’d ever seen, that was so low cut it left very little to the imagination.

“I see you’ve met my big sister.” She put her arm through Drew’s and that was when the startling realization dawned, and I knew ‘Drew’ wasn’t just ‘Drew’.

When I’d arrived at the party, Ingrid had pulled me aside and told me she’d also invited Lexi. I’d have liked a bit more warning… preferably enough that I could have avoided attending, but it was too late to back out and I’d just nodded my head.

“She’s bringing her boyfriend,” she said. “Or a guy she called her ‘kind-of boyfriend’, anyway.”

“What does that mean?”

She shrugged her shoulders. “Don’t ask me. You know what Lexi’s like.”

She disappeared then and left me wondering, although I didn’t worry too much. Just like Ingrid, I knew Lexi’s capacity for trying to be enigmatic. But, standing there, looking at the two of them, it suddenly made sense. The man before me, the man whose expression had suddenly gone from adoring to sheepish, was my sister’s boyfriend – or kind-of boyfriend, whatever that was – and the dress she was wearing was obviously for his benefit.

She leaned up, looking at Drew, even though his eyes were locked on mine. “I’m gonna go to the bathroom, and then we should probably head off. I’ve got an early start.”

He nodded his head a little aimlessly, and Lexi disappeared again.

“Y—You’re Lexi’s boyfriend?”

“Sort of.”

There it was again… that doubt about his status. I wanted to ask him what that meant, but I couldn’t. I was struggling to breathe, let alone talk, and I just gazed into his eyes one last time, and ducked away from him. The bathroom was occupied by my sister, so I went into one of the bedrooms, grateful it was empty, and sat down on the edge of the mattress, fighting my tears. How could life be so cruel? Why did I have to meet the perfect man, only to find he was already taken… by my sister? And why had he flirted with me? How could he do something like that? I wanted to be angry. I tried really hard, but it hurt too much.

When I came out, they’d gone, and I didn’t know whether to be happy or sad. Sad won over, because even though I knew it was wrong, even though there was still a hint of anger underneath all that hurt, I couldn’t help loving Drew.

And it was love.

I may never have experienced it before, but I knew what it was, and it hit me like a freight train.

“We’ll probably get to you around six, if that’s okay?” I realize Lexi’s still talking, and I try to pay attention, even though the memory of those painful days is still so fresh.

“That’s fine,” I say. “I finish work around five, so I’ll be back by then.”

“Great. You can help me give Maisie her bath.”

I can’t reply through the lump rising in my throat as I imagine Drew doing exactly that… bathing his young daughter.

Of course, none of us knew Lexi was pregnant when Drew and I first met. That came later. What happened first was I heard from Ingrid that Lexi and Drew had split up.

“It was always on the cards,” she said.

“Why?” Was there something wrong with him? I found it hard to believe, but my acquaintance with him was too brief for me to judge, even if I had fallen for him.

“Because they met in the Caribbean, on a shoot that went horribly wrong.”

“And? What difference does that make?”

“All the difference in the world. It was like a holiday romance, really. And like almost all holiday romances, it didn’t work when they got back home.”

“Is that what she meant when she said he was her ‘kind-of’ boyfriend?”

“I guess. Although it was him that ended it, not her.”

“Really?”

“Yeah… and on the night of my party, too, straight after they got home.”

So soon? I tried very hard not to overthink that. What did the timing matter? It didn’t… did it?

Of course it did. It had to mean something.

I had to mean something.

I wondered. Did he feel the same way I did? Had he broken up with Lexi so he could be with me?

I drove myself crazy trying to work it out, in between missing him, wanting him… needing him.

Then, out of the blue, I got a phone call. I didn’t recognize the number, but answered anyway, and I knew it was Drew as soon as I heard his voice.

“I’m sorry about what happened… the… the misunderstanding.”

“That’s okay.” I couldn’t blame him anymore. My anger was a thing of the past, if it had ever truly existed. I loved him. Nothing else mattered.

“Lexi and I have split up now.”

“I know. I heard.”

“Oh, I see. So, um… would you like to meet up for coffee?”

I wasn’t sure what he meant. Was he asking me on a date? Was that even relevant? I said ‘yes’. I wanted to see him again, and when I did, the following day, the spark was still there. It fanned into flames the moment he sat opposite me and our eyes met. Nothing had changed, and although all we did was talk – yet again – I knew a minute of talking with him would be more fulfilling than a lifetime of romance with anyone else.

Of course, I hoped for more. Especially when he asked if we could meet up again… and again.

After that third meeting, which I was still refusing to think of as a date, I allowed myself a glimmer of hope… just the tiniest of flickers, which I carried in my heart.

We didn’t arrange our next meeting, because Drew was going away to do some work in Hawaii and his schedule was a little unpredictable.

“If the weather’s bad, I might have to stay over an extra day or two. I don’t wanna make plans for Friday night and then let you down.”

I liked that, even though I was still trying not to overthink everything he said.

“I’m working all weekend, anyway,” I told him, and I struggled not to smile when I saw the disappointment in his eyes.

“Okay. Why don’t I call you when I get back? We can set something up then?”

I nodded my head. He sounded keen, so I wasn’t surprised when my phone rang late at night a few days later.

What did surprise me was that the call was from Lexi. I hadn’t seen her since Ingrid’s party, and she hadn’t called me in years. I’d even forgotten I still had her number on my phone and for a moment or two I wondered about ignoring her, mostly because I felt guilty about my feelings for her ex-boyfriend. In the end, though, I picked up… and immediately wished I hadn’t.

“I’m pregnant.”

Her words astonished me, blurted out like that. “I’m sorry?”

“I said I’m pregnant.”

“I didn’t realize you’d met someone, let alone…”

“I haven’t met anyone. At least, not anyone new. It’s Drew’s.”

I was standing in my kitchen at the time, fetching some water, but I sank to my knees, my heart fracturing in my chest, the pieces scattering, like the glass that shattered on the floor as I dropped it.

“D—Drew’s?”

“Yeah… remember? The guy I brought to Ingrid’s party.”

Of course I remembered him. I was in love with him. “Oh, yeah. But you broke up, didn’t you?” Surely Ingrid hadn’t been wrong, had she? Drew hadn’t been lying? He hadn’t been meeting up with me and sleeping with my sister? He couldn’t have been.

“We did, but… it’s complicated.” I wanted to tell her it was a darn sight more complicated than she knew, but I held my tongue, listening as she let out a long sigh, before she said, “I don’t think I told you about the assignment in the Caribbean earlier in the year.”

“No, you didn’t.”

“Well, it was a disaster. I got sick the day we arrived… and I mean sick. It was horrible. Drew turned up a couple of days later, by which time I was better, but the other models were dropping like flies. There was a storm forecast, and he and I had nothing else to do, so we… we got together.”

“I see.” I wished I didn’t, but she’d painted a vivid enough picture for me.

“The problem was, because I’d been sick, my birth control pills didn’t work, so…” Her voice faded, my brain switching into neutral as I realized that, even if Drew hadn’t cheated – on either of us – any hopes I’d had of being with him had floundered in the aftermath of an affair neither party even cared about.

“It was an accident?” I said once she’d stopped talking.

“Yeah. Only now I don’t know what to do. I told Dad, and he’s fuming, and… oh, God, Josie… what am I gonna do?”

I didn’t need to ask her why she’d called me anymore. If her father wasn’t being supportive of her, it made sense she might turn to me instead.

“What do you want to do?”

“I don’t know. I can’t tell Drew. What if he thinks I did it on purpose?”

“Why on earth would he think that?”

“Because he’s a multi-millionaire.”

I sat up, confusion tangling my brain. “He is?”

“Yeah.”

“But I thought he was a photographer.”

“He is. But only because he loves doing it so much. He doesn’t need the money. Everyone in the industry knows that.”

I wasn’t in the ‘industry’. It excused my ignorance, although it made slightly less sense of her father’s attitude. I’d have understood it better if Drew had been a no-hoper, but a multi-millionaire? Surely, as the father to his grandchild, that ought to have been acceptable?

“What difference does it make, though?” I asked. “Why would Drew think you’d got pregnant on purpose?”

“He might assume I’d done it to trap him into marriage, or at the very least, to get money from him.”

The thought of the two of them getting married sent chills down my spine and made my eyes sting with unshed tears, but I couldn’t see why they would. Not in this day and age. They didn’t love each other, and just because Lexi was pregnant, didn’t mean marriage was the automatic conclusion to their situation.

“But you’ve just explained it was an accident. And if he was that worried, he could’ve used a condom, couldn’t he?”

There was a slight pause. “To be honest, we were both a little drunk. Contraception wasn’t top of our list of priorities.”

I wasn’t sure I needed that much information. “You need to tell him, Lexi.”

“That I’m pregnant?”

“Yes.” What else?

“How?”

“Just call him up and tell him. He has a right to know.”

I knew I was driving a nail into the coffin of any hope I had of being with Drew myself. I was going to be his child’s aunt. What future was there for us?

None…

“I’m sorry we haven’t been able to see each other since Maisie was born.” Lexi’s words bring me back to reality with a bump and I sit up, still struggling with the whole comfort thing. I pull out the pillow from behind me and throw it to the other end of the couch before settling back again, staring through the window on the far wall, at the apartment block opposite. It’s a rare thing for me to have a day off work, and I’d intended catching up with my laundry, not sitting around talking to my sister, recalling things best forgotten.

“It’s not your fault. I’ve been busy at work.”

“I don’t know how you do it. I could never be a nurse.”

It’s my vocation, so I don’t have an answer. It’s not something I even think about. Besides, it’s not as though I have anything else in my life, so I don’t mind it filling all my time.

“I could never be a model,” I say, rather than justifying my career choices.

“Yes, you could. You’re far prettier than I am… and you’ve got a better figure.”

“Not a model’s figure.”

“Hmm… maybe not.” We both know my curves would be no match on the catwalk for Lexi’s svelte lines. “It’s strange, isn’t it… the last time I saw you face-to-face, I was the size of a house, puffing and panting, giving birth to Maisie.”

Lexi has never been the size of a house, even when she was pregnant, but I nod my head anyway, regardless of the fact that she can’t see me, and whisper, “Yes.”

I’ve done my best to forget that fateful day, even though I welcomed the safe arrival of my niece.

Lexi and I may have grown up together, my mom having met her dad when I was three and she was two, neither of us remembering a life without the other in it, but we always knew we weren’t really sisters. We always knew there was a void between us, which only became wider as we grew up. Still, her pregnancy, her fears about raising a child by herself, her father’s blank refusal to accept the situation, and her need to share the experience with someone else brought us closer together. It was hard, but I supported her, and she came to stay with me every so often, partly so she could see Drew, and partly for a change of scene, I think. The last such visit occurred just a week before the baby was due, and although I thought she was mad for coming, I couldn’t talk her out of it. Neither of us expected her to go into labor while she was here, though, and I was just relieved I had enough nursing experience to know what to do, and to stay calm while doing it, taking her to the hospital in my car.

“Stay with me.” She clutched at my hand as she was taken to a delivery room, her eyes pleading with mine. “Don’t leave.”

“Of course I’m not gonna leave.”

“And call Drew.” She handed me her phone, putting me in the unbearable position of having to tell the man I loved that his child was about to be born.

I found his number in her contacts and, as she breathed her way through another contraction, I waited for him to pick up.

“Lexi? What’s wrong?”

“It’s not Lexi. It’s Josie.”

“Oh, my God.” His voice was a whisper, and hearing it broke my heart. “H—Has something happened?”

“Lexi’s gone into labor. I’ve brought her to Mass General. We’re…”

“Don’t worry. I’ll find you.”

He hung up then, and I braced myself for what I knew was to come.

Drew arrived about twenty minutes later, looking concerned, and he took my place by Lexi’s side. She made it clear she wanted me to stay, despite his presence, and I watched, playing the dutiful sister and would-be aunt, while she gave birth to the daughter of the only man I was ever going to love.

Watching him cry when he looked at his newborn daughter was too painful for words. But I painted on a smile and made all the right noises, offering to let Lexi come back to my place, but giving in more than gracefully when she accepted Drew’s invitation to stay at his city apartment for a few days instead.

“I know it’s small, but…”

She smiled at him. “Yeah, I remember.”

That was an unwanted reminder of their time together… that she’d stayed there before.

He didn’t smile back, but just nodded his head. “You’re welcome to use the guest bedroom for as long as you like.”

“Okay.” She stared up at him, and I knew I was intruding.

I made myself scarce, but heard from Lexi a week later that she’d gone back to New York. They were falling over each other in Drew’s apartment, and it was causing tension between them. I tried not to feel triumphant, although it was hard.

“He’s come back with me,” she said, bursting my bubble.

“He’s staying at your apartment?”

“No, at a hotel around the corner. The one he always stays at when he visits.”

“Oh.”

“We kinda planned it this way. Except I was supposed to give birth here, and Drew was gonna stay on for a while afterwards, to spend time with Maisie.”

They had plans. They had a life together, even if they weren’t a couple anymore, and I knew then that it was too late for me and Drew. We’d had our chance and lost it.

I cried myself to sleep every night for a week or more. My tears weren’t just for Drew, though. I missed him and I wanted him, but that wasn’t the only reason my heart ached. I might have been an aunt, but I’d never be a mother, and for the first time in a very long time, that hurt…

“Are you still there?” I jump, realizing I’ve fallen silent for far too long.

“Yes. Sorry. I was just thinking.”

“Well, don’t. It’s bad for you.”

She’s not wrong.

“What time does Drew’s flight get in?” I ask, just to show an interest.

“Around three, I think. He’s sent me the details, so I’ll check the flights are on time before I leave your place. The last thing I need is to be waiting at the airport for hours when I’ve got Maisie with me.”

I don’t doubt that. “Assuming he’s coming in on time, I won’t get home from work before you leave.”

“No, but if it’s okay with you, I’ll be coming back.”

“Oh? When?”

“I can’t be sure yet. I’ve left it up to Drew how long he wants us to stay with him, but once we’re through there, I need to spend some time in Boston.”

“You do?”

“Yes. It’s kinda complicated and I haven’t talked it all through with Drew yet. He knows I’m coming back to Boston, but not why, so…”

“Y—You’re not getting back together with him, are you?” My stomach lurches at the thought. I might not be able to be with him myself, but the idea of him and Lexi getting together again is more than I can contemplate.

“Of course not.” I try to disguise my sigh, hoping she won’t hear it. “It’s nothing like that. We like things just as they are. He always makes us welcome when we visit him in Newport, and we’ve got our own rooms in his house.”

“And does he still stay at that hotel when he comes to you in New York?”

“Yes. It works better that way.”

Better than what, I’m not sure, but she seems happy enough.

“Why do you need to come back to Boston?” I ask.

“I’ll explain when I see you. Like I say, it’s kinda complicated, and Maisie’s due to wake up any minute now.”

“Okay.”

“We’ll see you tomorrow evening.”

We end our call, and I put my phone on the couch, letting my head rock back. My stomach’s churning with nerves… not about seeing my step-sister or her daughter, but about whatever it is she’s planning, how it might involve Drew, and if it might involve me, too.

***