Chapter Fourteen

Ella

He stares into my eyes and I swallow hard, wondering what he's going to say next. The last half hour has been a rollercoaster, and I'm not sure how much more I can take. I can't answer him and eventually he lets out a sigh. "Please, Ella… I don't want that to be me in a few months' time. I don't want to be the guy rushing to be by your side when you give birth to our son. I want to be with you… all the time." He reaches out, cupping my face and gazing into my eyes. "D—Do you think you could try loving me again?" His voice catches and the pieces of my broken heart somehow slot back into place, the pain of the last few months evaporating in his touch.

"I never stopped, Mac."

He sucks in a breath, his eyes glistening as he leans in and brushes his lips across mine. My body sparks to life, just like it did that very first time, and I bring my arms up around his neck as he deepens the kiss, our tongues meeting in the most familiar way. I'm home at last, and I moan into his mouth, just as I hear a cough from the other side of the room, and Mac pulls away.

We both glance over at Hunter, who's smiling from his place on the couch.

"Why don't you take this to your apartment?" he says, looking at me.

Mac frowns, but then turns back to me, raising his eyebrows. "I can drive us there, if you want?"

"Drive us there?"

"Yes. To Boston."

I shake my head. "I sold my apartment in Boston a week or so after… after what happened." I can't bring myself to say I left him… not now. "Hunter's talking about my apartment here."

"Of course. I remember you telling me about it now. But how could you have sold your place in Boston? I mean… what about the show? Surely you needed to be there for that, didn't you?"

"No. I left the show. I told you, I never wanted to be in front of the cameras and I wasn't interested in working on it with someone else. They hired another presenter… one who could cook. I—I only attended the awards ceremony because I was contractually obliged, and because I assumed it was Vivian who'd betrayed you to the press, and I wanted to confront her."

"Why did you think it was Vivian?" he asks, looking confused.

"Because I knew it wasn't me, and because I agreed with you that it didn't make sense for Kennedy to have done it. I'm not sure I understand why she did, even now. She could have just explained the situation to you, and told you they weren't going to renew your contract… but at the time, Vivian was the only other person whose involvement rang true. She was always flirting with you, and she never liked me… although that was because she'd slept with Drew and he'd dumped her, so…"

Hunter stands. "This is way too confusing for me," he says, smiling down at me.

"Can I assume you'd like us out from under your feet now?" I say, and he shakes his head.

"Not at all. You're welcome to stay wherever you want, but I'm gonna leave you to it. My wife's probably wondering where I've got to." His smile widens, his eyes shining. "I really like saying that, you know?"

"What?" I frown up at him.

"That Livia's my wife."

I turn to Mac. "You'll have to forgive my brother. He and Livia have only been married a couple of months. He's still getting accustomed to the idea."

"No, I'm not," Hunter says, shaking his head again as he makes for the door. "I'm more than accustomed to it. But it's not something I'll ever take for granted."

"I can understand that." I look at Mac as he speaks, noting the smile on his lips and the way his eyes are fixed on mine.

"Shall… Shall we go to my apartment?"

"I'd like that."

Hunter's already disappeared, and Mac stands, holding out his hand. I take it, letting him help me to my feet and then I lead us out to the back of the lobby, where I open the door to my apartment.

We walk straight into my living room, and although it would be easy to stop and sit on one of my two couches, I take him over to the kitchen instead. It's the place where I'm most comfortable and Mac stops by the island unit, looking around.

"This is perfect for you," he says, smiling.

"Yes, it is. I love it here, although I spend a lot of time in the main house, too… especially when my brothers are here."

He turns, gazing down at me. "They look out for you, don't they?"

"Yes."

He nods his head. "Good."

"Why is that good?" I ask.

"Because I haven't been here to do it myself, so I'm relieved that someone has. It should have been me, I know, but…"

I shake my head, and he stops talking. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you about the baby."

"It's okay," he says. "I understand. If I hadn't jumped to conclusions and driven you away, none of this would have happened."

I pull my hand from his, desperate to change the subject. I'm done with apologies. There are so many more important things to talk about.

"Would you like a cup of tea?" That isn't one of them, but it's a starting point.

"Tea?" He frowns. "Since when did you drink tea?"

"Since coffee started making me feel sick."

"Oh. Is that a pregnancy thing?"

"Yes. At the beginning, it was horrendous. Just the slightest whiff had me rushing to the bathroom."

"But it's better now?" he asks, looking concerned.

"Better is a relative term. I'm not being sick anymore, but the smell makes me nauseous. So… is tea okay?"

"I'm British… what do you think?"

I chuckle and wander over to the stove, putting the kettle on to boil before I turn around and look across at him. "So… where have you been staying since you got back here? I assume you gave up your apartment?"

"Yes, I did. I've been staying with an old friend of mine."

I feel a shiver of jealousy, and fold my arms across my chest, just above the bump, sucking in a breath. "Oh?"

He comes around the island unit, putting his hands on my shoulders, and looks down into my eyes. "His name's Calvin. He used to be in the theatre company with me."

I step back slightly, his hands dropping to his sides again. "It's okay. I wasn't asking for details. We broke up. If you've been…"

He steps closer. "I haven't. I told you, I couldn't move on, not without you."

"Maybe. But if there's been someone… casual." I'm fishing now. I need to know.

He shakes his head. "There hasn't been anyone." I can't help smiling, and he smiles back. "What about you?"

"What about me?"

"Has there been anyone?"

"In my condition?" I say, patting the top of the bump.

His smile widens. "Pregnant or not, you're still the most beautiful woman I've ever seen… so yeah, in your condition…"

"No. There's been no-one."

"And has your condition been the only thing that's stopped you?"

He doesn't even blink or seem to breathe, waiting for my answer. "No."

He grabs me around my waist, pulling me close against him. His lips are barely an inch from mine and I can feel his breath, hot against my skin. "Am I forgiven?"

"Am I… for keeping this from you?"

"Yes. Now answer my question."

"You're forgiven. I love you, Mac. I can't not forgive you."

He closes the gap, his lips crushing mine, his tongue and mine swirling as he moans into my mouth, and I sigh in return.

"Whoa…" I pull back.

"What's wrong?" Mac keeps a hold of me, staring down into my eyes, his own filled with worry.

"The baby… he kicked."

Mac's face clears, and he smiles. "Really?"

"Yeah. You can't feel it on the outside yet, but every so often, I can feel him moving."

He reaches out, his hand hovering over the bump.

"May I?"

"Of course. I'm sorry about what I said the other night. You don't need my permission to touch. He's yours."

"And you? Are you mine, too?"

"Always."

He smiles and puts his hand on the bump, and even though I've told him he won't be able to feel anything, I adjust the position of his hand to where the movement was.

"What does it feel like?" he asks.

"It varies. Sometimes it's like being tickled from the inside… like butterflies. But I think he's been moving around a little more over the last few days. From time to time, like just now, I get a much more defined feeling of something… I don't know… stretching inside me. Like he's making his presence felt."

Mac rubs his hand over the bump, then brings it up, cupping my face. "I'm glad."

"What about?"

"That I didn't miss this… that I'm gonna be here for at least some of your pregnancy."

"Be grateful you missed the morning sickness. It wasn't pretty."

He shakes his head. "I'm not grateful I missed any of it. I—I wish I could turn back the clock."

I pull away slightly so I can see him properly. "To undo this?"

"No," he says, grabbing me and pulling me back. "No, Ella."

"It wasn't planned, Mac. I'd understand if you had doubts."

"I don't," he says, shaking his head and letting out a sigh. "I—I'll be honest with you, when I didn't hear from you, after I left you that message, I was devastated. Not just because I wanted you back, but because I wanted this… more than I would have thought possible."

"Really?"

"Yes. And whatever you say, I don't think either of us can claim it was entirely unplanned. I only forgot the condom once, but we both knew exactly what we were doing every time after that. We understood the risks we were taking, and we went in with our eyes wide open, didn't we?" I nod my head. He's not saying anything I haven't thought myself. "I'd never want to undo this, but I'd love to turn back the clock and undo my mistakes and all the awful things I said to you, so I could have been here when you found out about this… so I could have been here right from the beginning."

"I should have told you."

"No. I shouldn't have left it for you to tell me. I should have followed through… made sure." He shakes his head. "Even if you didn't want me, I should've…"

"I—I wanted you, Mac," I say, resting my hands on his biceps, my body tingling at the memory of what it felt like to be safe in his arms. "I always wanted you."

He swallows my words in a bruising kiss. "I'm sorry, Ella."

I pull back, looking up into his glistening eyes. This has to stop. We can't keep looking back and apologizing all our lives.

The kettle is about to boil, but I turn off the stove and take his hand. "Can I show you something?"

"Sure."

I lead him to the bottom of the stairs, hoping as I put my foot on the first step, that what I'm about to show him will go some of the way to convincing him we've got better things to do than say sorry. We've got so much more to look forward to…

***

Mac

I follow Ella up the stairs, unable to stop myself from smiling.

She's in love with me… and all my fears, my worries, the months of loneliness and pain seem like distant memories now. I can feel her hand in mine. It's real. Like our love, which I can see in her eyes and feel in my heart.

I'm not sure where she's taking me. It could be her bedroom, I guess… although I've got no idea what she thinks she's going to ‘show' me in there. I've seen it all already. Although I haven't seen her naked and pregnant… so maybe that's it.

We get to the top and she stops, staring up at me.

"I didn't realize you'd met Drew."

"Neither did I. At least, I didn't realize the photographer was Drew… and that Drew was your brother. When did you find out?"

"On the day the invitation arrived for the awards ceremony. He was here with me, and told me he'd met you."

"He hadn't realized the connection until then?"

She shakes her head. "He'd realized it," she says. "He'd just kept it to himself for a while."

"Did he have a reason?" I wonder if he'd decided I wasn't good enough for her. "Did he know about our argument?"

"Yes. Both of my brothers knew about that."

"So, did he think you'd be better off with someone else… or at least without me?"

"No. On the contrary. He kept it to himself because I was upset about us breaking up, and I was pregnant. He didn't think that was a good mix."

"He was probably right." Although I don't feel very good about hearing any of that. "What made him change his mind?" I ask. "About telling you, I mean?"

"He wanted me to know you'd liked me… even then."

I step back a little, although I don't let go of her hand. "Why did he want you to know that?"

She smiles. "I see you're not denying it?"

"No. Why would I deny it? It's true. I remember telling him I was in danger of falling for you."

"Even though we'd done nothing but argue?"

I nod my head. "I thought you were beautiful and sexy, and I wanted to spend some time with you… to get to know you. But stop changing the subject. Why did Drew tell you?"

"Because he wanted me to tell you about the baby. He said you had a right to know."

I'm not about to disagree or ask her why Drew's ploy didn't work. She's apologised, and that's enough for me. I'm the one who's in the wrong here, not Ella.

"I'm sorry you didn't feel you could tell me… even after Drew's efforts."

She shakes her head. "I don't want you to be sorry. I only told you about my conversation with him, because I wanted to explain that I was in love with you, too."

"Back then, you mean?"

She shrugs her shoulders. "Maybe not on the first day we met, but pretty soon afterwards."

"How soon? Before or after our first kiss? Before or after we first made love?"

She blushes. "I was most of the way there before, but it was making love that clinched it," she says and I can't help chuckling, as she leans in to me for a moment before she pulls back. "I brought you up here for a reason."

"Oh, yeah?"

I wiggle my eyebrows, and she smiles, shaking her head. I guess our presence upstairs has nothing to do with her bedroom, or me seeing her naked and pregnant, but as I'm about to ask her for an explanation, she turns and opens the door behind her.

"I wanted to show you this."

I follow her inside the room, my breath catching in my throat when I see the pale blue walls, the crib by the window and the dresser by the far wall. She releases my hand, and I let her go with some reluctance, watching as she wanders over to the dresser, pulling open the second drawer down.

"I—I haven't bought very much for him yet, but these rompers caught my eye, and…" She turns back, holding up two tiny garments, one in grey with white ducks on the front, and the other in white with grey ducks. I smile, going straight to her, and take the rompers, holding them in my hands.

"They're so small."

"Aren't they?" She leans in to me. "We can go out together and get some more things for him, if you like."

"I'd love to," I say, kissing the top of her head just as my phone rings. I pull it from my pocket, frowning when I see Moira's name on the screen, and I reject the call. "Have you thought of…" My phone rings again.

"I think you'd better take that, don't you?" Ella looks up at me and I nod my head, handing her back the rompers and connecting the call as I wander over to the crib, focusing on the mobile that's hanging above it.

"Hello?" I'm looking at a fox, a rabbit, a bear and a toadstool, all made of felt, and all hanging over what will be my son's crib. They're interspersed with green leaves and grey stars, and I can't help smiling, wondering what he'll make of it.

"Hi." Moira's voice brings me back to reality.

"I wasn't expecting to hear from you."

"I know… and before you ask, I've remembered you're still in America, but I wanted to see how it all went and ask if you need picking up from the airport on Monday."

I'm unsure how to answer the first part of her question, so I ignore it. "I'm not coming home on Monday."

"Oh? Is there a problem with the flights?"

"No, there's no problem. I'm just not coming home."

There's a brief silence. "Y—You mean you're staying there?"

"Yes."

"For good?"

"Yes."

"But why?" she asks, sounding doubtful. "I don't understand, Mac. I thought…"

I'm not sure I want to hear what she thought. That alarm bell is ringing in my head again, so I cut her off before she can elaborate. "Do you remember me telling you about someone I left behind in Boston?"

"Yes. Of course I do."

"Well…"

"You're staying for her?" she says, raising her voice, her doubt replaced by anger as she finishes my sentence for me.

"Yes, I am."

"But what about us?"

That alarm bell is deafening now. "There is no ‘us'."

"There could be, though, couldn't there? Please, Mac. I want you back. Why do you think I've been making so much effort… spending so much time with you over the last few months?"

"I don't know. Because we're friends?"

"Friends? Don't kid yourself. This was never about friendship."

"It was for me," I say and she falls silent. "I told you that was all we could ever be."

"I know. But I didn't think you were serious."

"Then you should have said. I'm not a bloody mind-reader, and you told me you were over me. You called me arrogant for assuming otherwise."

"You led me on, Mac."

"No, I didn't. Whatever you thought was going on between us was only happening in your imagination." I hear a sniffle… or what sounds like one. "Look, I'm sorry if this isn't what you wanted to hear, but Ella's the only woman I've ever loved, and I'm staying here to make a life with her. I think it's best if you don't call me again. I won't risk my relationship with Ella… not for anyone."

I half expect her to start crying in earnest, but after a few seconds, she screams, "I hate you, Mac," and hangs up.

Well, that was different… and typically melodramatic.

Without giving it a second thought, I go to my contacts list and delete Moira's number. Then I turn to see Ella, still holding the baby's clothes, and looking at me, fear etched all over her face.

I pocket my phone and go straight to her, taking the rompers and putting them down, before I pull her into my arms. She's stiff, untrusting… but I hang on.

"Who was that?" she whispers.

"Moira."

She leans back and then pushes on my chest, trying to get away, although there's no way I'm letting her, and eventually she stops struggling and glares up at me. "Moira? As in your ex-girlfriend?"

"Yes."

"Have you and she been…?"

"No, we haven't. I told you, there's been no-one since we broke up, and I meant it," I say and she relaxes, just slightly.

"But you have been seeing her?"

"As a friend, yes. Nothing more. Looking back, I think that was a mistake, but it wasn't intentional. I only ran into her by accident when I went out to celebrate."

"Celebrate what?"

"My book was accepted by a publisher. I…"

"Really?" Her face lights up, all thoughts of Moira forgotten for a moment.

"Yeah. Didn't you hear Kennedy mention it the other night?"

She shakes her head. "No. I'm sorry. I wasn't paying attention. But how did Kennedy know?"

"Because Delilah's talking to a producer or someone about turning it into a TV show."

"Are you serious?"

"Delilah is. The producer seems to be."

"And you?"

"I'm not so sure, but I'm letting them run with it at the moment."

"But that's… that's so exciting."

I move my hand between us, caressing the bump. "Not compared to this, it's not."

She smiles and nestles in to me. "Tell me about Moira?"

I hold her close. "I went to the pub to celebrate the news of my publishing contract, and she was there."

"You went up to her?"

"No. She came up to me. I bought her a drink to be friendly."

"But she wanted more?"

"She said she didn't."

"And she called you arrogant?" she says, frowning, but making it clear she heard what I said to Moira.

"Yes. I was in the middle of giving her my best ‘we can't be anything more than friends' speech when she delighted in telling me she was over me… and I believed her. More fool me."

She lets out a sigh and tips her head to one side. "Have you seen her since then?"

"Yes, from time to time. It wasn't a regular thing."

She looks up into my eyes. "Answer me one question?"

"Of course."

"Did you sleep with her?" she asks, surprising me. "Even if it was just for old time's sake. Please be honest with me. I won't mind if you did, but…"

"I didn't. I couldn't."

"We broke up, Mac. I left you."

"And? That doesn't mean I stopped loving you. It doesn't mean I stopped being yours. Even when we were three thousand miles apart, I was still yours. I always will be," I say, cupping her face in my hand. "It was a stupid idea to let Moira back into my life, and I'm sorry I did. I'm sorry for everything…"

She clamps her fingers over my mouth. "Please don't say sorry again."

I move her hand away, keeping it clasped between us. "Why not? I've got a lifetime of apologies to make."

"No… no, you haven't. That's why I brought you up here."

"Oh? So it wasn't to show me the nursery, and the baby's clothes?"

"Yes, in a way… but it was about more than that. I wanted to show you we need to stop looking back and thinking about all the hurt we caused each other… and start looking forward." She raises our hands, kissing mine. "I've missed you so much, Mac."

"I've missed you, too."

"We're going to be parents in a few months' time, and I'd rather we focused on building a future together than anything we've done in the past… other than this." She puts both of our hands onto the bump and I smile at her, nodding my head.

"I don't deserve you."

"Yes, you do. But if you want to come to my bedroom to prove it…"

I smile, and she bites her bottom lip. "If that's what you want?"

"It is."

She steps back and, keeping hold of my hand, leads me out of the nursery and across the hall to her bedroom. I barely notice the white walls and sheer curtains, and focus instead on the enormous bed, steering her towards it.

"Do you trust me?" I murmur, looking down into her upturned face.

"Why do you ask?"

"Because I've seen so much doubt in your eyes over the last hour or so, I need to know."

She sucks in a breath, moving closer. "I trust you, Mac. Do you trust me?"

"I always did."

She tilts her head, frowning. "Really?"

"Yes. I know you think I didn't. I know that's why you left, but believe me, even then I trusted you with everything that mattered…"

I capture her lips with mine, and she melts into me. She fumbles for a moment, then finds the hem of my t-shirt, pulling it up, as I unfasten her blouse, pushing it from her shoulders and yanking off my t-shirt at the same time. I quickly undo her bra, dropping it to the floor, and then I lower her carefully onto the mattress, kneeling up between her legs so I can look down at her.

"Do these undo like normal jeans?" I ask, taking in the elasticated panels at the sides.

"Yes." She nods her head, raising her hips so I can pull them down, along with her underwear. "Sorry about those."

"About what?"

"My panties. They're not the sexiest things in the world, but they're comfortable."

I lean over her, careful to keep my weight off of the bump. "Hey… I didn't notice. And anyway, you're not wearing them anymore." She chuckles and I kiss her, nudging her legs apart with mine, and kissing my way down her body, stopping when I get to her extended nipples. "Hmm… this is different."

"What is?"

"Your breasts. They're bigger."

"I know. They seem huge to me."

I cup them in my hands. "They are." I run my tongue over her nipples, one at a time, and she arches her back before I move lower, kissing the bump and then resting in the valley of her parted thighs. She's still shaved and I part her lips with my fingers, flicking my tongue across her exposed clit.

"Oh, Mac…" She bucks her hips off of the bed, grinding into me, her hand clamping down on the back of my head. She tastes so good, I can't get enough, and I suck her into my mouth, nipping at her with my teeth. Her body quivers, and although I need to feel her come, I need to be inside her more, and I pull back, kneeling up. "Mac…?"

I shake my head, unfastening my jeans and pushing them down, along with my boxers. "I—I can't wait any longer."

I lean over her, taking my weight on my arms and push inside her, letting out a sigh of satisfaction as I join us. She takes my length, raising her hips and parting her legs wide.

"Take me… please."

I nod my head, unable to speak, and pull almost all the way out, before I plunge back in, once… then twice before she screams, with pleasure not pain, her orgasm claiming her as she thrashes wildly beneath me. She's out of control, her head thrown back, her body convulsing, my name a constant cry on her lips… and all the while I hammer into her, harder and harder, until she finally calms, opens her eyes and smiles up at me.

"That was incredible," she says.

"I noticed." I keep moving, slowing the pace a little. "Did it feel different?"

"Yes. So much more intense… if that were possible."

I stop moving and lower myself down just a little, my lips poised above hers. "Is that the first time you've come since…?"

"Yes."

"You mean you haven't touched yourself in all these months?"

"No."

"Not once?"

She shakes her head. "I didn't want to… not without you."

I kiss her, my tongue finding hers, claiming her as mine again, and when I lean back up, she looks into my eyes.

"What about you?" she asks.

I shake my head. "It wouldn't have been the same."

She reaches up, her hands on my shoulders. "We can forget about that now. We're together again."

"Yeah… we are."

I pull out of her and she frowns. "Where are you going? I thought…"

"I'm not going anywhere… you are."

She opens her mouth, but only manages a squeal, as I flip her over onto her front, pulling her up onto her knees, so she's on all fours.

"I need to be deep inside you, Ella… as deep as I can go."

She parts her legs and I settle between them, slamming into her so hard I almost lift her off of the bed. She drops her shoulders to the mattress, grabbing a handful of the covers and yells out a strangled, "Yes!"

Beads of sweat form on my chest and back as I take her, harder and harder, and she urges me on.

"I'm so close, Mac… so close."

I can feel she is, and so am I. I grab her shoulders, pulling her up and onto me, her legs spread, so she's astride me as I kneel back.

"Ride me… ride my cock."

She raises herself up, slamming back down again, taking my entire length, and I reach around, one hand on the bump, the other below it, finding her clit and rubbing it… hard. She takes just a moment or two to clamp around my cock, her body tensing.

"I'm… I'm…"

She explodes, her body trembling, then spasming against mine. It's more than I can take, and as she rocks back into me, I hold her there and let go deep inside her, giving her everything I've got… months and months of pent-up emotions spilling out of me.

We both take some time to calm, and all the while we do, I hold her in my arms, supporting her, until she gets her breath back.

"Are you okay?" I ask eventually.

She sighs. "I'm absolutely fine."

I smile and she kneels up, parting us, which seems a shame, although she turns around to face me, putting her arms around my neck, and I lie us down gently, side-by-side, face-to-face. She's close enough to kiss, and she's in my arms, where she belongs.

"Stay," she whispers, and my smile widens.

I wrap a leg around her, pulling her closer. "For the night?" I'm teasing and she knows it.

"What do you think?"

"Well… I don't have a change of clothes, so I'm not sure I can."

She frowns up at me. "I didn't have any clothes the first time I stayed over with you… although I guess that was different. I only stayed for the weekend."

"No, you didn't." I shake my head and take her hand, kissing it and then placing it over my heart. "You stayed forever."