Chapter 7

Tajah: Chapter 7

I wiped the tears out of my eyes again. It wasn't smart to be driving when you could barely see the road because of them. I needed to pull over until I got control of myself. The last thing I needed was to wreck or hurt someone. I glanced around for a safe place to stop. I was still a ways away from my apartment. Seeing a fast-food place on the right, I pulled off there. I parked toward the back of the lot, but still close to one of the lighted lamp posts. I dug in my purse for a tissue after I stopped. Finding a crumpled one in the bottom, I wiped my eyes. I knew I had to look like a raccoon by now, but I didn't care. It wasn't like anyone would be seeing me.

I tried to block out the hurt, so I could calm down, but it wasn't working very well. Every time I thought I had myself under control, I'd recall what caused me to break down in the first place, then I'd tear up again. Damn it, why did I let myself hope? I knew better. I should've listened to my head when it tried to warn me. I was an idiot. The words kept running through my head repeatedly. I never imagined when I went up to Mikhail's office I'd overhear what I did, although it was a good thing I did. Better to know now, rather than later when it would hurt even worse.

"Delilah, what a name. Come on, you can't tell me she does it for you. I've seen her. She's nothing special. All she does is watch. You need a woman who's able to explore and let you release your inner self. That will never be her in a million years," a woman's voice said condescendingly. I froze just outside the office door. It was cracked open.

"Delilah isn't the kind of woman I would ever set up to play games with. She's nothing like you," I heard Mikhail immediately say back to her. My stomach clenched.

"I know she's not. I knew you'd never go for someone as vanilla as her. That's why we need to get back together. We're perfect for each other," she said huskily.

I didn't need to hear any more of this. I turned around and rushed to the elevator. The last thing I wanted was for them to realize I was outside the room. I shoved people out of my way so I could get to the door and escape once I got to the main floor. I vaguely muttered something to Hoss before I went to find my car.

God, what the hell was I going to do? There was no way I could go back to Lustz and face him. His true feelings shouldn't have bothered me, and if I hadn't been letting myself hope he was coming to see me as more than a patron and a business arrangement, I wouldn't be. I thought all the time we'd been spending together and some of the looks he gave me meant he saw me as someone he might be able to have something with. The more I learned about his lifestyle, the more I wanted to know, but more than that, I wanted to experience it firsthand. There were so many things I wanted to try, but only if he was my Dom.

What a pathetic fool I was. All I could hope for now was he had no idea I'd been thinking anything of the sort. If he knew I was, I'd probably die of mortification. One thing was for certain. Mikhail Ivanova had seen the last of me. I had enough information to continue my research on my own.

Blowing my nose, I rummaged for another tissue. While I did, my phone scared me into yelping as it buzzed loudly. I didn't get it out of my purse at first. I didn't want to talk to anyone, not even in a text. However, after a few minutes, I couldn't resist checking to see who'd sent it. My heart skipped a beat when I saw it was from Mikhail. I tried not to read it, but I had to. Reading his casual words and his statement that he was worried made me want to scream. I had to take a few deep breaths before I responded. I kept it simple and short. I couldn't keep from adding the part about him being free to enjoy himself. Why was he texting me anyway? Shouldn't he be relieved to be free tonight? He and the mystery woman are probably getting ready to do a scene together? Or had he made arrangements to do it after I left, before he found out I wasn't coming?

He responded to my text asking what I was talking about and he wanted to know what came up. I didn't bother to answer him. I kept thinking about them. I didn't stay until closing every night I was there. For all I knew, he'd been seeing her or others the whole time, which made sense. A man like him wouldn't be going without sex just because of me. The thought of it made me sick. Another reason to berate myself for being a fool.

I wasn't ready to go home. With my tears finally dried up, I put my car back into drive. A long drive was what I needed to clear my head and get myself back on track. This wasn't the first time life didn't go as planned and it wouldn't be the last. The story of my life when it came to anything personal. I didn't know how long I'd driven before my phone chimed again. As much as I wanted to ignore it, I couldn't. I quickly glanced at it, even though I shouldn't while driving.

Mikhail: WTF? Where are you? Call me. We need to talk.

I resisted answering him. He'd get the message and stop soon. I was wrong. Over the next several minutes, I got text after text.

Mikhail: Tajah, please answer me. Why did you come to the club then leave without seeing me?

Mikhail: I need to see you.

Mikhail: Where did you go? You're not home.

The last one got my attention. I shot off a quick text back to that one.

Me: How do you know where I am? It's none of your business where I am.

Mikhail: I'm at your apartment. It's my business when you were supposed to be with me.

Me: I told you. Something came up. Go back to the club. I won't be home tonight.

There were more texts, each one getting more and more demanding. Finally, I turned off my phone. He was pissing me off. Why did he care where I was? I was nothing but a damn obligation, a job to him. One I had no doubt he was getting tired of and wished he'd never agreed to allow me back or to educate me. He should be celebrating his freedom from the vanilla woman who'd stolen a month from him.

It was eleven o'clock but I decided not to go home. I'd just sit and brood anyway. Besides, I didn't want to chance him coming to my place. After driving a while longer, I stopped at a hotel. I'd stay tonight and go home in the morning. That way there would be no chance he'd still be there.

I got a weird look from the front desk lady when I checked in without any luggage, but I didn't care. She didn't know me. As soon as I got into my room, I stripped and went to take a long hot shower. All the crying had exhausted me. I hoped I could sleep. I desperately needed it. Twenty minutes later, I slipped into bed, naked. I shut off the light and closed my eyes. To keep my brain from thinking about Mikhail, I concentrated on working out scenes for one of my books. It wasn't the first one in my BDSM series. I didn't want to think about it.

I didn't sleep worth a damn last night. As hard as I tried, I couldn't stop my mind from dwelling on Mikhail and the conversation I overheard and how it made me feel. That's why I was up and headed home by seven this morning. I was dragging when I walked into my apartment. However, I had things to do and I couldn't afford to go to bed no matter how badly I wanted to. Life and work went on no matter what else was happening.

I had a ten o'clock meeting with a new editor who happened to live nearby in Franklin. We decided to meet at the coffee shop there to discuss possibly working together. My current editor had decided to retire soon, so I had to find a new one quickly. Once I got back from that, I had not only writing I wanted to do, but several other things.

A lot of people thought all authors did all day was sit and write. I wish. Most weeks, I was lucky if I spent forty percent of my time actually writing. And I didn't work a couple hours a day then I was done, either. It was eight hours or more. Hell, there have been days I did twelve or more and I rarely took a day off. Something I was trying to break the habit of doing and at least taking one day a week for just me. It was a work in progress.

Today, I had editing to do, then get the book formatted so I could upload it. Also, I had a cover to design, pimping to do, which is what we called promoting. I had to do it online in groups geared toward readers to get my name out there. On top of that, I had readers to acknowledge because I truly appreciated them, and more on social media and a video to make to upload to another social media site. And this was a lighter day. I got in the shower right after I walked in, so I would get out the door on time to get to Franklin.

At nine o'clock, I was ready and had gotten my emails answered and responded to posts. Grabbing my purse and car keys, I headed out the door. At this time of day, I should get there with time to spare, but you never knew, so I liked to leave early. I turned on my phone right before I got on the road. The dinging as things registered was insane. Surely, I hadn't missed that many messages. I quickly checked to be sure nothing was from the lady I was going to meet or from Cady. I should've warned her that I was turning off my phone. I had none from the editor or Cady, thank goodness, but I had text after text and several voice messages from Mikhail. I wasn't ready to deal with those so I ignored them. I needed my head in the right space for work. I turned it off again.

Three hours later and I was almost home. My meeting with the editor lasted longer than expected, but I was glad it did. We seemed to hit it off and found out we had a lot in common. I promised her I'd send her a small excerpt for her to edit and send back to see if what she did would meet my needs. She'd given me several people to talk to, who she'd done work for either in the past or still worked with currently. I had my fingers crossed she would be as good professionally as she was personally. Suddenly remembering I still had my phone off, I dug for it then turned it on. There was a flurry of dings, but I couldn't check them while driving. I'd do it as soon as I got home.

I was less than ten minutes from home when it rang, scaring the bejeezus out of me. I yelped. My handsfree system showed who was calling on my dash screen. It came up showing it was Carver. Wondering what he was calling for, I quickly answered it.

"Hi, Carver, is everything alright? You don't usually call me."

"You tell me," he said gruffly.

"What do you mean?" I was puzzled. He sounded upset.

"I mean, I've had Mikhail Ivanova blowing up my damn phone, demanding to know where you are and if you're alright. He's losing his shit. He said you were supposed to meet him last night at Lustz and you came. Then you left without talking to him and never came home last night. What the fuck?"

"He did what? I can't fucking believe him. Ignore him. If he calls or texts you again, tell him I'm not his concern. I'm sorry. I had no idea he'd do that. I'll reach out and tell him to stop. It's ridiculous."

"I want to know why you won't answer him. That's not like you. The last I heard, he was helping you with your research. What changed? Are you alright?"

"He was helping me and now it's run its course. End of story. I went for a long drive last night and ended up getting tired, so I stayed in a hotel rather than driving when I wasn't safe. I had my phone off so I could rest. I've been out and about busy this morning." I gave him enough of the truth that I hoped it would satisfy him.

"You never turn off your phone, Taj. Talk to me." I heard the worry in his voice.

"Carv, I'm fine, really. Just tired and super busy. I promise I'll talk to Mikhail today. Now, I hate to run but I'm almost home. I'll talk to you later."

There was a long pause before he answered me back. "Okay, I can take a hint, but if you need to talk, call me. I'll see you maybe next weekend."

"Next weekend. Bye, love ya."

"Love you too. Bye."

I sighed in relief once he hung up. A few minutes later, I was parking my car at home. I didn't waste time getting to my apartment. I fixed a quick protein drink as I scrolled through my phone. I still wasn't ready to deal with Mikhail, so I skipped his texts and voicemails. I saw I had one from my cover artist. She wanted me to check out what she sent. Sitting down at my laptop, I opened her email. After reviewing it and sending her my feedback on one minor change, I read the others I'd gotten in my work email account. I looked at work emails several times a day compared to my personal one which I did a daily check of and cleared out the junk.

I finished those, and I was about to open my document for my book when there was a loud knock at my door. Wondering who it could be, I got up and went to answer it. It was probably one of my neighbors. Most knew I worked from home and they'd come by to chat or borrow things. I had to pretend sometimes not to be here to get any work done.

Luckily, I looked out the peephole first. I gasped when I saw Mikhail standing there with an angry look on his face. Without thinking, I jumped back, like I thought he could see me. What a moron, I thought. What should I do? I wasn't ready to face him, but if I didn't, how long would he keep calling and texting me? As much as I hated to do it now, I needed to put on my big girl panties and do it.

There was another knock then he called out, "I know you're home, Tajah. Open the door."

To prove a point if only to myself, I waited a good thirty seconds, maybe more, before I unlocked the door and threw it open. I made sure my expression was calm and disinterested. I placed my body, so I was blocking the opening. I leaned against the doorframe in what I hoped was a casual pose.

"Mikhail, is there a reason you're pounding on my door in the middle of the day? I'm working and I don't have time to talk. I need to concentrate."

"Really? You wanna play games with me?"

I crossed my arms so I wouldn't punch him. "I'm not playing games. I'm working and I have a lot to do. As a business owner, you should understand that. Can this wait?"

"No, it can't goddamn wait! I've waited all night and half of the day. I'm not leaving until we talk. Now, we can do it with me on your doorstep, where God and everyone can hear us, or you can let me in so we can have privacy. Which will it be? I don't give a damn, personally," he snapped.

I didn't want my neighbors to know my business, especially since so many knew I was an author and I tried hard to keep my personal life separate from my business one. Slowly, I moved out of his way and waved for him to come inside. I might as well get this over with. As he crossed the threshold, I told him, "You have ten minutes then you have to leave. I've got a conference call in a bit and I need to prepare for it," I fibbed, before closing the door and turning to face him.

I wasn't expecting him to crowd into me, which made me step back. My back hit the door. He caged me in with his arms on either side of me and gazed down at me. I fought not to flinch, but I did prepare to defend myself if I had to. I would've never thought he was a man to put his hands on a woman, particularly after the way he reacted to Dominus doing it, but I could be wrong. Better safe than sorry. Why did I let him inside?

"If you don't back off in the next ten seconds, this conversation is over and I'll make you move. Lay a hand on me and I'll have you thrown in jail for assault," I told him softly.

Shock flashed across his face then he moved back. He ran a hand through his hair as he glanced around my small living room. I moved so I had more room between us. He knew what I was doing by the way he frowned. His next words confirmed it.

"Jesus, Tajah, surely you know I'd never lay a hand on you in anger, and I sure as hell wouldn't hurt you. What the hell? Tell me what's gotten into you. I've been going crazy all night and this morning, trying to figure out where you were and if you're alright. I even called Carver to see if he had heard from you or knew where you were."

"I know you called him. He told me, which wasn't your place. You had no reason or right to call him and make him worry. Leave him alone. As you can see, I'm perfectly healthy. As for knowing you wouldn't lay a hand on me or hurt me, I don't know you. We've barely known each other casually and only for a few weeks. I'd be stupid to assume that or anything else."

"Are you for real?"

"Very much so. You've wasted three minutes already. Mind getting to the point of why you've been blowing up my phone and bothering my friends?" I went over and sat in my favorite chair. He followed but he didn't sit down. He paced.

"I've been trying to find out what happened last night. You said you couldn't make it, but Hoss told me you were there then you left. Why didn't you stay? I was talking to Reuben in his office, but if you couldn't find me, why didn't you text me or ask someone to find me? And why leave then act like you couldn't come? You're freezing me out. I want to know why."

"I'm not freezing you out. As for why I left, it's simple. I got there and realized I shouldn't have come. I've learned a ton from you. I thank you for giving up all your precious time, but I have enough now that I can do the rest on my own. There's no need to continue our lessons. I was going to call you and tell you this once I was done working today."

"So you think after a month you know all there is about the House of Lustz and the life? I hate to tell you, but we've barely scratched the surface. How do you propose to learn more, ask Carver?" he asked with a bite to his tone.

"Carver and you aren't the only Doms in this town, in case you forgot. I doubt I'll have trouble finding one or several to help me," I said without stopping to consider how it might be construed, but I wouldn't have ever guessed how he'd react to my words.

He let out a growl, then in a flash, he was standing over me with his hands on the arms of my chair. He had his face close to mine. I lashed out instantly to defend myself. I threw a punch, only he grabbed my hand and kept it trapped in his. I tried to lift a leg to kick him, but he'd placed his legs to trap mine against the chair. Panic filled me. How could I be so stupid?

"I told you. I'd never hurt you and I mean it. Don't look at me like that. There's no reason to fight me. I'm sorry I scared you, but you can't say shit like that and not expect me to react, Tajah."

"I'd be stupid not to fear you, and why should you react like this? All I did was say the truth."

"If you think for a second I'll let you go to another man to have him teach you about my lifestyle, you don't know me at all."

"Come on, surely you're not that egotistical to think once a woman comes to you, she can't and won't go on to others. I doubt there haven't been plenty of women you've had fun with who did it. Do you forbid all of them from doing it? And it doesn't apply in our situation even if you did do that with them. I'm not your sub. I'm an author you were helping professionally. It was consulting. Nothing else. You should be happy about me moving on."

"And why exactly should I be happy about it?"

"Move back, please. I don't like you crowding me like this."

"I will once you answer the question. Why should I be happy that you want to move on?"

"I would think it's obvious. Now you don't need to waste precious time teaching me and you can get back to what you've had to either postpone or do only when you've had a break from me. You can go back to sharing your expertise for real with the women at Lustz. I bet they'll be happy to see you've stopped wasting your time on me. Thank you for your sacrifice. I'm sure there'll be plenty of people who will love what you've taught me."

"It hasn't been a goddamn sacrifice to be with you, and if you think I'll let another man touch you, you're wrong," he snapped. As I gasped at his audacity, he shocked me even more by letting go of my fist, which I'd forgotten he still held.

"I'm gonna kiss you, so if you don't want that, tell me now," he muttered.

I was so stunned by his comment, I couldn't say a word. My brain seemed to be frozen by the vision of him doing it, how much I wanted it, and what his mouth on mine would feel like. Because I didn't say no, his hand came up to grip the back of my neck and pulled me closer. His mouth landed on mine and his tongue swept into my mouth as his lips hungrily took mine. I didn't know what to do, so I kissed him back. My whole freaking body burst into flames. God, I'd gone and done it now.