Chapter 2

Chapter Two

Ashley

Present Day

I couldn’t takea deep enough breath to calm my nerves. It was like I’d suddenly fucking forgot how to do something so basic after spending my whole life doing it naturally.

Facing myself to suck down some much-needed oxygen, I focused on the path before me. “Hey bud, you good?”

I turned to the sound of the cautious voice. A man wearing a pair of worn coveralls and a backwards ball cap nodded my way.

“Me?” I asked in reply, although there wasn’t anyone else around.

When I’d picked this stop at the bus terminal, the attendant had to verify if there was actually a stop here. Apparently, not too many people came out this way. At least not in recent years and not by public transport.

Fine by me. I hadn’t wanted to spend the trip talking with someone else. Not when I was worried about what waited for me at my destination.

“Yeah, you. Look like you’ve seen a ghost. I’m guessing you’re not from around here. I figure I’d know you.” His voice was heavy like the molasses my mother loved to smother her breakfast with. It rolled through you, sticking to your sides long after each syllable finished.

I nodded to let him know he was right. “Not from here. Swinging through.” Maybe. “I’m looking for the Coleman Ranch. Is there a way to get there from here?”

The guy chuckled and shook his head. His hands tugged at the opening of his coveralls as he whistled softly.

“Afraid not. They’re not really all that close,” he paused as he looked me over. “You’re military, aren’t you?”

“Retired.”

“Branch?”

“Army, sir.” I gave the automatic response despite him being my age or maybe even younger. It had been too deeply ingrained in me not to show respect to others.

He grinned at the title. “At ease, soldier. Former Navy man myself. Got out ages ago after the wife complained too much. Turned out to be bullshit since she left to chase some city slicker a month before I made it home.”

“Sorry to hear that. Her loss.” I winced inwardly at the somewhat flirtatious tone. It wasn’t meant to give him any hint I wanted more or anything. It was merely an observation.

I’d always found people who cheated to be pathetic individuals who weren’t happy with their own lives enough to man up (or woman up in some cases) and tell their partner they were done. Instead, they got off on the secrecy of a forbidden relationship.

This man was a complete stranger to me, yet he’d shown me more kindness in five minutes than some others that I’d known much longer. It was definitely her loss.

He chuckled as his lips tipped into a wry grin. “You betchur ass it is! Now then, let’s stop talking about my foolish life. We’re both military men, and I think that gives us a sort of brotherhood others don’t possess. Because of this, I’m going to trust my gut and offer you a ride to where you wanna go. I hadn’t planned to head out there today, but it won’t be much for me to head out that way. What do you say?”

I shifted to pull my bag higher on my back as I gave it thought. I’d accepted rides with others based on much less connection. Plus, it would be stupid of me not to if what he said was true.

While I could always walk there, it wasn’t ideal. Not when there was someone I hoped to see once I got there.

“I’d appreciate it a lot if you’re really willing. I didn’t have much of a plan after I got my ticket here.” Here being a desolate town just like Corey had described. For some reason, I’d assumed he was exaggerating the notion that this place barely had enough people to justify the bus stop.

I was wrong.

“Follow me. The sooner we get on the road, the better. It’s already going to be hell to get a parking spot out there this time of day.”

He led us to an extended cab pastel blue pickup that was a couple of blocks over. I wanted to ask why he was over at the bus station if his vehicle wasn’t close by and who he might have been waiting for, but I didn’t dare push it. I knew that I needed to be thankful for the ride and not to expect much of anything else.

“I’m Adler, by the way. Should’ve said that from the get-go. Was too busy wondering if I’d get on the bus this time or not.” He took off his ball cap and shook out his hair before tossing it on the dash.

“You were going to get on the bus?” I couldn’t not ask after he hinted at it.

“Probably not. I’ve been trying to take that step for the last couple of months. I haven’t made it to the ticket stand yet so it’s not going far —“ I watched him pause for what to call me.

“Ashley Dunklin. I’m Ashley. Sorry about that. Why do you need a ticket when you’ve got a truck? I mean, wouldn’t that be easier?”

He shook his head as he drove us through town and out towards the wide-open farmland. Adler didn’t speak again for eighty-five seconds. I knew this specifically because I counted each and every one as the silence swallowed me whole.

It was another unfortunate side effect of everything that had happened to me. I could no longer enjoy the peace and quiet I used to long for. I needed constant noise around me to keep the panic at bay. The type of noise didn’t matter much as long as there wasn’t silence.

“This town is home. After I got out of the Navy and came back, I decided this was where I’d stick it out. I bought some land and gave farming a try. It’s been good, but there are times I miss life on the go as I traveled in my career. Being still has its benefits and its disadvantages. I’m restless.”

“It’s hard to slow down after getting out. How long has it been for you?”

“Five years. Still feels like just yesterday though,” he groused. “What about you? You look like you stepped right off the plane from the sandbox.”

I looked down at my outfit, noting he was right. My clothes were wrinkled, and I probably had a good bit of stubble along my jaw from not shaving during the trip. I rubbed my palm over the bristles, wondering if I had the balls to ask Adler to let me stop somewhere to get cleaned up a bit.

Instead of being brave enough for that, I focused back on him and his issues. At least if I did that, I wouldn’t have to tell him all of my woes.

“You’re basically right. Been deployed for most of my time in. I realized I wanted out a couple of years back. It was a matter of waiting out the clock, then I was on the first plane back. It lined up with my squadron all coming back too, so it felt very official as far as goodbyes go.”

When I’d made the decision to get out, I hadn’t told anyone at first. It would have changed the dynamic of everything if they all knew I wasn’t sticking around longer.

So rather than bask in the countdown with my team, I focused on marking the days off to myself as I kept up appearances. I waited until my paperwork had gone through to tell them all. Most weren’t surprised given how reclusive I was, while others felt like I had another ten years in me.

Funnily enough, it was always the young guys who felt that way. Anyone who’d spent fifteen plus years in any branch of the military knew that going past retirement wasn’t for everyone. Lifers were real. I just wasn’t one of them.

“That sounds like a hell of an end. In case no one else has told you, I’m glad you made it to the other side. It’s hard to be here sometimes, but I can’t complain too much when so many of our brothers and sisters don’t make it. You know?”

“I do,” I whispered as I fought to not think of who all didn’t make it.

Most of what I just told him was true. I had decided to get out a while back, and I had kept it to myself. But it was the rest that he didn’t need to know.

Like how I was struggling with more than just being a civilian. Or how I didn’t have a plan of how to handle it exactly.

My only plan for years had been to get out and get here. Anything past that was an illusion. I knew what I wanted, what I hoped for.

But since I wasn’t the only person involved, I had no clue what lay ahead. It could go in a million different directions. Each brought about more challenges than the one before it, though a few were promising.

Lost in my fantasies, I hadn’t realized we’d made it so far until Adler gave another whistle. “I knew they were doing good, but I had hoped it wasn’t so bad.”

I followed his gaze to find a herd of cars parked haphazardly all down the road and in a big empty field next to what looked like a small carnival.

The market!

Fuck me. How could I have forgotten about the market they had each month? My brain hadn’t been keeping track of the days to remember it was this weekend. Now I wouldn’t just be showing up unannounced, but I would also be doing so in front of strangers.

At least it was late enough in the afternoon that I figured there wasn’t much time left for it to keep going. Adler confirmed my thoughts as he parked near the edge of the crowd.

“They’ve only got an hour or so left to wrap things up. I’ll go wander around for a bit if you wanted to change or something.”

“How did you —?”

He grinned as he pointed to his face. “Your expression dropped when I mentioned the sandbox and your clothes. I figure you’ve got some stuff in your bag. Freshen up, then come find whoever it is that had you traveling across the world.”

I swallowed thickly at the matter-of-fact way he spoke. His smirk was knowing, though there was no way he could know exactly who I was her for, nor did he have a clue just how important said person was to me.

“Thanks, Adler. I wish I could repay your kindness.”

He shook his head. “There’s nothing to repay. It was a right place, right time type of thing. Besides, I’d like to think we could be friends if you stick around this place. If I thought you had a phone, I’d give you my number so you could reach out for a beer when you’re ready.”

“Give it to me anyway,” I told him as I pulled out my bus ticket to hand to him. “I’ll find a way to meet you and then we can get that drink. I’ll probably need a few friends along the way.”

Adler wrote his number on the ticket, then handed it back. “I’m good with that. Besides, as long as I’m not getting on that bus, then I should make the most of this place. Take your time. I’m not in any hurry.”

With that, he took off to walk towards the long drive leading up to the market activities. I watched him until he was far enough away that I knew I was alone. Only then did I bow my head and let the few tears of thankfulness I felt fall.

I’d always been an easy crier when my emotions became too much. During my time in the army, I’d learned how to control it, but since the day everything changed, I’d lost the skill.

Wiping my eyes, I took two deep breaths to steady myself. I had to change and then I needed to go find the one person in this world I wanted to see.

I’d made it this far. What were a few more steps when they brought me to him?

So maybe I’dbeen underestimating myself when I said a few more steps. It felt like I’d walked a marathon by the time I made it through the front gates of the Coleman Ranch.

People milled about the land as they took in all the ranch had to offer. Fun activities for families and stands designed to sell various goods from people who lived in the area were spread out far and wide.

As I made my way through the crowd with my bag on my shoulder, I noticed more than one person looking my way. They all smiled and gave me a little nod, but it still felt off. It was like I was under scrutiny already despite none of them knowing my true motives.

I didn’t want to have to ask for Corey since I didn’t know how I’d explain our relationship to others. If they asked, I’d simply have to think of something on the fly.

Telling them he’d been my pen pal for nearly a decade and that I was more than a little in like with him wasn’t an option. Neither was mentioning my tiny obsession with the daddies and boys I knew lived on the ranch too. Especially since I wasn’t supposed to know about them.

Hell, I hadn’t met a single person, yet I felt like they were all my friends too thanks to the years of letters and stories.

Adler appeared beside me as I watched some kids getting their faces painted. It was probably weird for me to watch, but I couldn’t help it. I wanted to do it myself. I wasn’t brave enough to though. Not when I had such trepidation over what was next.

“I’m going to head out if you’re good with sticking around,” he told me as he waved at someone he knew amongst the crowd.

“I’ll be ok. If it doesn’t work out, then I’ll just walk back to the bus.”

He scowled. “Or you’ll call me, and I’ll come grab you.”

“That’s also an option.”

“I doubt you’ll need me anyway. Atticus wouldn’t dare send you away no matter what the circumstance. He’s got too big a heart.”

I nodded since I knew just how true the words were. I had heard all about Atticus Coleman, from his childhood tragedies to his departure and eventual return. It was all old hat with how much I’d read Corey’s letters.

“May I suggest you get some food in you before you do whatever it is you need to do? The cook here, Harlan, makes everything taste divine. Plus, if there’s someone you’re looking for, that’s the best place to get answers. They’ll be less busy since it’s close to the end.”

His words held merit. It would also help prevent me from making a fool of myself in front of too many people.

I gave him a small smile. “Thanks for the tip. Which direction is it?”

He pointed over my shoulder. I didn’t turn since I wanted to be sure I caught all of his words. “They’re back that way. Trust your nose to lead you. If you hit the house, then you’re too far.”

“Thanks, Adler. I really do appreciate all this. The ride, the advice. It’s been nice to not feel so lost,” I admitted to him before pivoting to leave. I couldn’t hear if he said anything else. I was too focused on finding the food table and getting the answers I needed.

When I spotted two men clearing away what looked like to-go containers, I slowly approached the folding table. "Um, excuse me," I called out to get his attention.

The man made a noise under his breath as the one beside him giggled. I fought to not react to their words. It wasn’t a blatant dismissal from them. Maybe it wasn’t even about me. Their reactions could have been from anything.

"I’m so sorry, but we’re out of food." The larger of the two men spoke before looking up at me. When he finally met my eyes, I saw the confusion in his gaze.

As much as I tried not to, I could feel a blush building at his scrutiny. I pulled the last letter I got from my pocket. It was the one that told me I could visit. I’d used it to ground me during the bus ride and it was what I needed at that moment to help me settle.

"I’m actually not here for the food. I’m looking for Corey."

It was as if my words cleared the bad mood he’d been in. "You’re here for Corey? Did he know you were coming?"

Confused at what answer would get the best result, I found myself shaking my head and then nodding too. "I told him I’d try to come, but I didn’t confirm anything. I hope it’s not too much trouble that I’m here."

The man tossed his hand out in a way that was meant to dismiss my nervousness. It didn’t ease it completely, though it did give me a touch of hope.

Part of me wanted his friend to speak too since he’d been staring at me the entire time with barely a blink in sight. It was a little scary, to be honest.

"He’s around here somewhere. And you’re no bother. In fact, do you have a place to stay tonight? If not, we’ve got a spare bedroom for you. We typically do a little afterparty for everyone. You could stick around for that too."

My eyes went wide at the invitation. This man had no clue that I knew just how instrumental the word little was to the evening. "Um, I don’t know. He may not want me to. It’s totally fine..."

"Ashley?" The next words I’d prepared died as I heard another voice call my name from further back behind the table. It was a miracle that I’d heard it at all. The fact that it was the man I’d been searching for made it all the more astonishing.

Relief came swiftly. “Corey. You’re here."

"And so are you." I savored the way his voice moved through me. It warmed me from the inside out, making me all the more curious as to how he felt seeing me for the first time.

I couldn’t get a read on him, nor did I know what the hell to say next. I didn’t have to worry because the man who I’d been talking to decided to step in for us.

"How do you two know each other?"

I rubbed a hand over the back of my head in a nervous move I’d used for ages. The only difference this time was that there was hair there when there hadn’t been any for a long freaking time.

"Um, well —"

"We’ve known each other for a while. We just hadn’t met in person yet," Corey said briskly. "But he’s here now."

There was a pause in the flow of conversation that I longed to fill. I just wasn’t quite sure how to. Not with the man I’d been dreaming of for years staring at me like he couldn’t believe I was real.

Who the hell did he think got all his letters?

"Maybe we should leave them be, Daddy," the other guy behind the table mumbled.

Again, I’d have to guess the universe was trying to tell me something when I understood him so clearly without watching his lips. I turned to face him and the man he stood beside as reality set in.

These two were a Daddy and boy. I was left speechless at the realization.

Ignoring the boy’s plea, the Daddy said, “The offer to stay still stands. We don’t send people away here. It’s basically a bunch of strays who made their own family. You’re welcome to stick around."

"Thanks..." I realized I didn’t know his name and calling him Daddy wasn’t ok. I knew that much from the many hours of reading I’d done on the lifestyle.

"Harlan. And this is my boy, Griffin." Ah, the cook and the vet. I’d only gotten small hints about them in one of the last letters. Corey had suspected there was something there, but he didn’t have an answer. Looked to me like they’d figured it out.

I shook Harlan’s hand at the introduction since that seemed the most appropriate thing to do. If only I could stop blushing.

"I’m Ashley, but you already know that. I don’t really know what to do next."

"We’re going to head out. You two stay here. I can come clean up when you’re done." He sent Corey a look I couldn’t decipher before he dragged Griffin away.

Then it was just me and Corey.

Time to face the music.