Chapter 1

Chapter One

Corey

Two months ago

Nothing comparedto the high of getting one of Ashley’s letters. It was my own personal brand of euphoria. I’d tried for years to not let them mean so much.

Such a fucking waste of time. I couldn’t ignore how seeing his unique scrawl made me feel. It felt like a million butterflies taking off at once every single time.

I shuffled through the mail, looking for any sign of a reply from him. It had been three months since the last one, and I was itching with the need to hear back. This period was the fourth longest we’d gone without talking to one another. The other three were all dark periods in which he was deployed to areas where he couldn’t reach out.

While I hated not knowing if he was ok or not, I was bothered even more with the fact that I knew he hadn’t been sent off this time. He always made it a habit to send me a last-minute note when he knew he’d have to go dark on me.

This time, I’d gotten nothing. There was zero indication to explain why Ashley was MIA.

Oh god.

I hoped he wasn’t really and truly MIA. It wasn’t like I’d know if he did disappear. I wasn’t family or anyone special enough for the higher ups to call.

Grumbling at the papers in my hand, I froze for a second before climbing up on the saddle to head back to the main house. Buried between an advertisement for better internet and a bill was a small rectangular envelope covered in dirt.

The first thing I noticed was the postmark date. It was for a few weeks earlier.

Looked like he hadn’t forgotten me after all. There must have been some type of mail delay. It was possible with how weathered the formerly white paper appeared to be.

Tucking the rest of the mail into the saddlebags, I placed Ashley’s letter in my shirt pocket. I’d have to take a moment alone to read it before getting back to work. I just needed to drop off the mail with Atticus first.

Since that first reply came from Ashley eight years ago, I’d taken on the role of mailman for our ranch. Anything going in or out came through me. That way, I could filter out my own messages and no one would be all that wiser.

You see, everyone thought I was horrible at keeping secrets. It was the running joke around here that you couldn’t trust me with anything you didn’t want the others to know.

But the truth was the complete opposite.

I was the best at keeping secrets.

Sure, I’d told a story or two I shouldn’t have along the way. In my defense, I hadn’t been told they were secret at the time.

Not all secrets deserved the same level of care. Just the really, really good one.

Like how I’d managed to have a pen pal for eight years without anyone knowing. That was a pretty damn huge thing for my friends to be clueless about.

I would have said something had Ashley not become such a big deal to me. From the first reply, I knew he was different. I couldn’t share him. I wouldn’t.

He was meant to be someone I could tell my deepest thoughts to. I could pour my heart out on the page, and there would be no consequences because he was half a world away.

That was my saving grace.

I hopped down at the porch and shot up the stairs to head inside the kitchen. Our horses were trained enough to keep steady while we were inside, so I wasn’t worried I’d lose my ride while dropping the mail.

Atticus was still sipping coffee at the kitchen counter while Harlan, our ranch cook, worked on breakfast. My steps had my boss looking up with a smile.

“Anything good today?” He asked in a teasing tone. “Like one of those publisher’s clearing houses checks. That would be a nice surprise.”

Harlan snorted from his spot at the stove. “There’s no need. We’re operating well enough. Besides, the taxes on that would kill us.”

Atticus winced with a nod. I laid the stack of mail down in front of him as I waited for him to let me know if he needed anything else. While I wanted to rush off to read my letter, I knew better than to let them think I had something more interesting to chase after. At least not this early.

Spotting new muffins in the basket, I leaned over the counter to grab one. Harlan smacked my hand away before I could get a grip on the wicker edge.

“Hey! That’s mean,” I told him.

He grumbled something under his breath before speaking loud enough for me to hear. “No sneaking food early. You’ll have plenty to eat with the others.”

I thought for sure that him finding Griffin would ease his grumpiness. Turns out, it wasn’t enough for him to find love and get laid. No, our big bad chef is still protective of his food.

I stuck my tongue out at him, then faced Atticus. Our boss was grinning at us as he shook his head.

“You two are so much trouble. Careful before you wind up eating sandwiches again, Corey. It’s probably best you head out for the half hour until the food is ready,” he said.

With a quick nod, I shuffled from the house and back to my horse. I took off at a slow canter until we reached the barn. I knew Bobby Allen wouldn’t be up quite this early since he had Elton these days. Those two lovebirds would sleep until the last possible minute before coming to check on the horses.

Once I got the majestic animal all squared away and gave him a treat, I moved into the office to read Ashley’s letter.

Dear Corey,

I’ve missed you. It feels like ages since we’ve talked. I only got your last letter today. We just got word that we’re heading back stateside soon. I’m not sure when, but I’m hoping that the letter you sent ages ago telling me I was welcome to visit still holds true. I know we’ve never exchanged numbers or anything. I guess you’ll have to write me back to tell me not to come if you don’t want me to.

There’s nothing else new here. It’s not hot where I am these days, but the cold isn’t much better. Ready to be back on American soil for the first time in fifteen years. Hopefully, it’s not all that different.

I hope everything worked out with Gerald. Your last letter made it sound pretty dire. I’ve known a few guys who struggled with the bottle. It takes time and patience, which I know you’ve got in surplus.

As for your friends all finding love, I think you shouldn’t let it get you down. There’s someone out there for you. I’m sure they’ll come around when you least expect it.

I’ve got to wrap this up quickly today since I want to mail this to you before the mail goes out. You’re probably wondering where I am or if something happened to me.

Don’t be. I’m still kicking. Gotta make it to the big 4-0 this year. If I’m lucky, the timing could work out to us being back home. Maybe we’ll finally get the chance to meet in person after all these years.

Always,

Ashley

I collapsedagainst the desk behind me as my legs gave out. My heart raced and sweat beaded at my temple.

It couldn’t be possible. Not when I’d wanted to meet him for so long.

Reaching into my pocket, I tugged out my wallet. Flipping past my cards and cash, I went straight to the hidden pocket. That’s where I’d tucked it away six years and eleven months ago when he sent it.

The photo showed Ashley standing along on a beach with a pensive expression on his face. It was like he was in the moment but also wasn’t.

I remember when I got the courage to ask him to send the photograph. I’d sent one of me outside the barn with a big grin on my face. My words had been teasing.

I’ve sent you one. It’s not fair for me to not know what you look like now.

I wasn’t sure what I’d originally expected when I thought of him. That previous notion was long gone. I’d stared at the photo of the real version of him too much to recall whatever fantasy I’d crafted in those first couple of years.

The real Ashley was big and broad. He had more muscle than I knew what to do with and a face I could stare at for hours.

I had stared at it for hours actually.

His photograph stayed with me everywhere I went. Since no one knew he existed, I could only look at it during private moments like the one I was having now. The one where my long-time pen pal, the man I was more than a little bit in love with, told me he was coming to see me.

Well, he didn’t say that outright, but what else could his words have meant? It’s not like he’s telling me he’ll be in the US and then he wouldn’t stop by to at least meet me.

He wanted to meet me, right?

Yes. Yes, of course he did.

He’d said as much in other letters throughout the years. We were just never on the same continent to make it happen.

But we were going to be soon. Or maybe we were now. His letter is dated a few weeks back. And based on the urgency of his tone, I assumed his return to the US would be quick.

Ashley could very well be here already. He could be close.

How close though?

The sound of boots echoed through the too still barn. Their cadence told me it was Bobby Allen coming through to check on his horses. He’d always had an unhurried gait that spoke of his patience with the animals. I had a feeling it’s why they trusted him so implicitly.

I tucked Ashley’s photo away, then added his letter and my wallet to my back pocket. Stepping out of the office, I kept an easy smile on my face as I headed toward where I knew Bobby Allen would be.

“Morning,” I greeted him as if I hadn’t been seconds away from a meltdown over my secret friend. Today would be another normal day. A day where I laughed and joked with my friends as we worked on the ranch.

I’d tell myself that over and over again until I believed it.

“Morning, Corey. What are you doing hiding out in here?” His smile was genuine as he watched me approach slowly. His hand stroked the horse gently.

I shrugged at his question. “Not hiding out. Woke up early. Checked the mail. Didn’t want to be up under Harlan as he cooked so I came out here. You’re up earlier than normal.”

His grin turned to a scowl. “Elton had a nightmare. Woke up and struggled to get back to sleep. Once he finally passed out again, I laid there to watch him for a bit before deciding I should just climb out of bed before I bought a plane ticket to visit his family and wind up in jail for being a murderer.”

“You’d be a famous one, though. With his family being royalty, I bet you’d get your own tv special,” I joked.

That made some of the tension in his body ease, though not all of it. I knew Elton still struggled with the issues his family caused to his mental health. There were more times than not that the sweet young man jumped at loud noises or flinched if someone moved too quickly. We all saw it. And we all kept quiet. Pointing it out would only make him feel worse.

“Good thing I kept my cool and came to start my day. You working with me today or somewhere else?”

“I’ve got to check on a bit of fence work that I know needs reinforcement but after that I’m all yours. Well, you know what I mean. Elton takes care of that.” I blushed at the innuendo. It felt wrong to mention after reading Ashley’s letter so recently. Besides, I didn’t feel that way about anyone on the ranch.

Only one man had my heart. And with the clock now ticking, I guess we’d find out soon enough if the two of us would work outside the pages of our letters.