CHAPTER 10

ajay

I honestly wasn't sure whether to expect to see Nick for our usual dawn surf the morning after the beach party. Any other day after such a late night I would have given it a miss in lieu of a sleep in myself.

But for reasons I didn't want to investigate too closely I woke at my usual time feeling antsy. Unsettled. Kira was still asleep, her long blonde hair spilled out across the pillow beside me and I knew she would be out of it for a while. Mornings were a thing that belonged to me alone out of my friendship group.

Well, me and Nick.

And with that thought to spur me on I stumbled out of bed and pulled on the first pair of blue boardies I found in my drawer. I'd been feeling antsy a lot this week, some ever present itch scraping at the insides of my stomach that only seemed to be growing. At the risk of sounding like a Green Day song, I'd kind of even wondered if it had been lack of sex that was making me feel this way.

But even as I let my gaze drift down over Kira's beautiful form as she slept soundly on my bed, I knew it wasn't that. Honestly, I'd never really been one of those guys that was always gagging for it. I mean, I was interested enough in sex as a concept but I could pretty much take it or leave it which I knew didn't really speak in glowing terms about me as a healthy twenty year old guy.

I shoved those thoughts aside and made my way downstairs and out onto the deck. I found myself alone out here with the soft light of the rising sun just making itself known and I tried to tamp down on the rise of irrational disappointment. Nick had stayed out on the beach far later than me so it only made sense he would be too tired for a surf this morning.

Nick, who had told me he was gay last night, a fact I had not picked up on before then. But I'd since had a full night to think it over and I had come to the realisation it was probably me who had been blind to the evidence. Nick had always had this flirty way about him that I had put down to personality. I still put it down to personality because I was sure he was flirty with everybody, not just me. The guy had kissed both of his best friends after all, among various other things I was still actively not thinking about. Or trying to not actively think about at least.

Still. I did feel like I'd missed the punchline somewhere along the way.

I picked up my board from where I had left it resting against the boat shed yesterday morning and started to make my way down to the water.

"Ajay! Wait up," I heard, my heart stuttering in my chest when Nick suddenly appeared in all his golden glory, the low light showing off his blue eyes in the fresh dawn.

"Hey," I replied. "I wasn't sure I'd see you this morning."

"And miss waking up with you?" he returned, sending me the full force of one of those grins. "I don't think so, Tassie boy."

Just his personality. It was just his personality I told myself as we slowly made our way down to the water, the waves curling beautifully in a way that had Nick's eyes lighting up. They looked like they were a little beyond my skillset but I knew I'd have a go at them anyway, if only to prove to myself that I could. Or maybe it was to prove it to my teacher. Who knew at this point.

Nick was quiet this morning, his usual banter silenced. I watched on as he got the drop on an amazing wave, performing the most perfect aerial trick that I still hadn't learnt the correct name of. He was so good out here on the waves, all eyes glued on him like they always seemed to be wherever he went.

In the end I wound up back at the shallower waves this morning and Nick let me be. Usually he would come in and surf some of the easy stuff with me but the lure of those amazing waves was obviously too much for him. I couldn't blame him.

I eventually caught Nick's eye and nodded towards the shore and he immediately followed me in. I hadn't meant to interrupt him but I was done for the morning and wouldn't have minded just sitting on the sand and watching him for a bit longer.

I felt his hand snag on my bicep just as I made it to the ankle deep water and my eyes fell to where he was holding me.

"Ajay, wait," Nick said, a cautionary air to his tone that had me stopping. I glanced up at him as he carved a hand through his long hair, a nervous tilt to his body language that had me pausing. "There's something I thought you should know. I've thought about this all night and I want you to know I'm telling you this as your friend, nothing more, okay?"

"Okay," I returned hesitantly, watching his face as his eyes dropped to the ground. He took a quick breath and then glanced up at me, the rising sun catching his ocean blue eyes and making my insides do that weird pinching thing again.

"Last night, after you'd gone to bed, Kira came onto me," he told me. I blinked at his words, not quite registering what it was he was saying to me. He'd what? Was he saying he'd hooked up with Kira last night? I took an involuntary step back.

"What?"

"Nothing happened of course," he rushed to add and I felt that tight band loosen across my chest. Of course nothing would have happened. Why had my thoughts even gone there? Nick wouldn't do something like that to me. I knew that at my heart. Even if he did happen to like girls instead of guys. Which he didn't.

"Are you sure?" I asked because I had nothing better to say. Kira was flirty too and I knew that sometimes guys could get the wrong idea from her.

"Well, she basically propositioned me before showing me her tits, so yeah, pretty sure," he replied, a hint of guilt slicing across his face. He rubbed a hand along the back of his neck and I suddenly felt stupid for questioning him.

"Sorry, that was dumb."

"Don't apologise to me, Ajay," Nick said, taking a small step towards me. He still hadn't dropped his hold on my bicep and I found I needed his steadying presence right now.

"It's not your fault, Nick," I returned, needing him to know that. "I know what Kira can be like when she sees something she wants."

"And you also know that I would never cheat on you, right?" he asked.

"I know, Nick. I know you wouldn't. You're a great guy."

"And you are the absolute best, Ajay," Nick returned with a sincerity to his words that had me pausing. "You deserve way better than her, you know that, right?"

I sighed heavily as Nick finally dropped his hold on my arm. I felt the absence of his warm touch all over me.

"Yeah, I know," I said quietly.

"I'm sorry," Nick added. "I wasn't sure if I should tell you but I knew if it was me, I'd want to know."

"Yeah. Course," I replied. My mind was still in a bit of a spin over Nick's news but as the shock started filtering out of my system it was slowly but surely replaced with something else. Something that should not have been such a surprise.

Relief.

Nick watched me closely as we made our way back to the house after our surf. I felt his eyes on me the whole time as I washed off the board with the hose and then jumped under the cold shower, rinsing off the salt and the sand. The cold water helped me clear my head and come to a slow resolution.

"You okay?" Nick asked, blue eyes full of concern for me.

"I'm okay," I assured him. "Thank you for telling me."

"Any time," he said with a short nod. I held his eye for a heartbeat and then turned to make my way up the stairs to the deck.

"Ajay?" Nick called. I stopped and turned to face him, his body dripping with cold water from the shower. "I've got your back, okay?"

I nodded, a feeling of some kind of rightness and relief settling in me at his words as I made my way into the house.

Kira was already up, lounging on the sofa with her legs planted across Dee's lap as Dane stood in the kitchen, preparing breakfast.

"Ajay," Kira said the minute I stepped inside. "Be a love and get me a coffee."

"In a minute," I replied, needing to have a moment before I spoke to her again. I felt Nick at my back, saw the dismissive look pass over Kira's face as she glanced his way before she decided to really test out my limits.

"Now, Ajay," she whined. "I need a coffee."

"Machine's in the kitchen," I said calmly, nodding in its general direction. I took a small amount of relish in the way her mouth dropped at my audacity along with the warmth at my back as Nick stepped even closer. I felt the brush of his hand on my lower back, gone before I could even register it, and it bolstered me in ways he could never imagine.

"Better get in the shower before Rob or Mateo claim it," he said behind me. Giving me an out. Giving me the time I needed.

"Yeah," I replied, suddenly a little tongue tied as I glanced back at him, realising how close he had been standing. He nodded at me and I turned and headed upstairs.

Mateo was coming out of the bathroom just as I arrived, a tiny little towel wrapped around his waist as my eyes dipped to his incredibly carved chest. Just something about looking at all that perfection hurt my heart a little though I couldn't really say why. Mateo hardly even gave me a passing glance before he stepped around me, heading back to Nick's room where he had spent the night. With Nick. Did they sleep together still in the same bed? With clothes on? Or off? And how was that not weird for them?

The bathroom was steamy as I stepped inside and closed the door behind me, feeling weird and itchy all over. I took a long, hot shower, eking out as many seconds and minutes away from Kira as I could. I'd never been all that good at confrontation, more of a go with the flow kind of guy. Which kind of explained why I was still in this relationship with someone I no longer had any feelings for. But even I knew I couldn't stand for this behaviour from her.

By the time I made my way downstairs again it was just Kira still on the lounge. Dee and Dane were nowhere to be found and I was pretty sure Rob and Mateo had left while I had my extra long shower.

"Still waiting on that coffee," Kira said to me, one perfectly shaped eyebrow raised. Clearly displeased that I had dismissed her earlier in front of the others.

I came to a stop at the edge of the lounge, just behind the long sofa that faced the water, using it as a buffer. Kira looked up at me as I stood there, an expectant expression on her face.

"Did you come on to Nick last night?" I asked, deciding to go with the rip-the-Band-Aid off approach.

"What? No," she instantly denied. But I hadn't missed the colour drain from her face, nor the fact that Nick had just entered the room, stopping in the kitchen as Kira's eyes bounced between him and me.

"So you didn't proposition him last night?" I pressed, making it clear I didn't believe her. "Maybe tell him I didn't have to know?"

Kira's eyes continued to bounce between me and Nick, her mouth dropped open. "No, Ajay," she replied, playing up the innocence. "I love you. Why would I come on to Nick?"

I heard Nick scoff in the kitchen and Kira's eyes zoned in on him, narrowing spitefully. I could almost see the moment she decided to change tack. "Anyway, it wasn't me who propositioned him. It was Nick who came onto me."

I shared a quick glance with Nick, seeing him roll his eyes at the ludicrous suggestion. "That's not the story I heard."

"And you believe him over me?" Kira gawked, rising to her feet as she took a few steps towards me.

"Yeah. I do actually," I stated calmly.

"So you're just going to stand there and accuse me like this? With no evidence? Believe his word over mine? I'm your girlfriend, Ajay. Besides, didn't you see him last night? He was watching me all night, flirting with me." Her voice had risen an octave and I took a step back at the way her eyes kept pinging between me and Nick as he stood watch in the kitchen.

"That's not true, Kira," I returned. "He wasn't watching you and he didn't come onto you. Can't you just be truthful with me?"

Kira seemed to realise the moment she had lost control of the story as a vicious set came over her face and she looked across at Nick. "I can't believe you told him," she spat.

"I did warn you last night that I would always choose Ajay," Nick replied, the truth in his words lifting my heart up again.

"I want you to leave, Kira," I said, wresting back control of the conversation.

"No," she replied, genuine shock covering her face. "I'm not going anywhere. We are not done yet, Ajay."

"Yeah, we are done, Kira."

"We're not done until I say we're done," she shrieked, back to that shrill voice. "And I'm saying we're not done."

Dee and Dane must have been alerted to the raised voices in the kitchen as they both came down the stairs, looking between the three of us with concern in their eyes.

"What's going on?" Dane asked, eyes on me.

"Ajay's kicking me out, that's what's going on," Kira replied, verging on hysterical.

"Ajay?" Dane asked, an accusing eye sent my way. "What's this about?"

"He's accusing me of coming onto your brother last night," Kira cut in, needing to control the narrative. "But it's not true. He's the one who came onto me. I would never do that to Ajay."

And we were back to that line of defence. I sighed heavily, crossing my arms over my chest as Dane looked my way.

"Are you just going to believe Nick's word on this?" he asked, disbelief to his tone that immediately caught me on edge.

"Yeah. I am," I replied.

"Seriously, man?" Dane returned. "How could you believe him over Kira? Honestly, none of this even surprises me."

"Oh, fuck off, Dane," Nick cut in. I could hardly blame him.

Kira instantly latched onto the fact that Dane had backed her, lifting her eyes to me, tears ready to burst at any moment. I just looked back at her, feeling less than nothing, not ready to give an inch. Suddenly everything about her seemed fake, from the artful tears in her eyes to every word coming out of her mouth.

"See? Dane believes me," she stated, no hint of apology in the jut of her chin.

"It's not Dane you need to convince," I replied. "And I asked you to leave. Please respect my decision."

"It's not your house," Kira returned triumphantly. "You can't make me go anywhere."

"True. And I'm not kicking her out," Dane cut in. I felt a little stab right to my gut. Dane had clearly picked sides here and I knew it was not mine. How had I somehow been cast as the bad guy here?

"As the only person in this room who actually lives in this house," Nick cut in from where he rested his elbows on the kitchen bench, "I say Ajay can ask Kira to leave. And if that's not enough, I'm telling you to get lost."

"Why are you even involved in this?" Dane fumed, turning on his brother. "This is between Ajay and Kira."

"And Ajay has asked twice now for Kira to leave," Nick replied calmly.

"Ajay, man," Dane cut back in, eyes on me. "You can't seriously take Nick's word on this. I warned you what he's like. He probably messed with Kira just to spite me."

"And I'm out," Nick muttered. I glanced his way, seeing the drop in his shoulders as he strode out of the house, slamming the back door on his way out.

"Why, Dane?" I sighed. "Why would you say that to Nick?"

"Because you don't know him like I do," Dane returned, walking right up into my space. He clasped both my shoulders, looking down at me with pleading in his eyes. "Please believe Kira."

"Dane, I honestly think you don't know your brother at all," I replied. "He is a really great guy and not at all the person you've made him out to be. And I'm sorry but I do believe his word."

"But it's Kira," Dane pleaded, glancing over his shoulder to where Kira was now sobbing, Dee with her arm over her friend's shoulders as she sent me a matching pleading glance.

"You do know your brother is gay, right?" I asked, suddenly unsure whether this was common knowledge.

But Dane just scoffed, derision on his face. "Probably just another thing he made up to get attention."

"You honestly think he would make up being gay for attention?" I asked, disbelief at how badly Dane truly thought of his brother.

"I saw him with a girl once and he was all over her. So yeah, I do think he's saying it for attention."

"Who? Who was the girl?"

"I don't know. Selena something or other," Dane said dismissively. The one girl Nick had been with and of course Dane knew all about that.

"Honestly, Dane, I don't think you know Nick at all," I sighed gently.

"And you do, huh?" Dane asked, dropping his hold of my arms and taking a step back, arms crossed as he looked down at me. "You and him are suddenly the greatest of friends?"

"Yeah. I would say we are friends," I returned a little defensively. "Which is something I could kind of do with right now."

The three of them all stood watching me, lines marked in the proverbial sand delineating whose side we were all on, looking at me like I was the one who had lost the plot. No one said anything but I had had enough of this conversation. I'd never intended for it to escalate the way it had done, the entire household weighing in on my relationship with a girl I did not want to be with anymore. Why couldn't my own best friend see that? Why couldn't he back me up? Like his brother had done for me.

I sighed heavily. "I'm going out for a bit," I said. "By the time I come back, please respect my wishes and be gone, Kira. And the rest of you, please respect my decision on this."

And with that I turned and followed out the back door where Nick had left moments ago. I needed to find him, needed to make sure he was okay after what his brother had said to him. None of this was all right. Nick was the victim in this too and we had both been made out to be the bad guys. It sucked.

I made my way down the steps to the lawn. I was about to head down onto the beach when I heard the whir of a machine coming from the boat shed. I'd never set foot in the shed before but I peeked my head through the open door, eyes falling on Nick as he pounded the conveyor belt on the running machine in his little home gym.

His shirt was off, a light sheen of sweat glistening on all that body and drying my mouth out a little. There was a set to his jaw that told me he had been more affected by the conversation in the kitchen than he probably wanted to be.

"Hey," I said, leaning up against the doorframe.

Nick must have been in another world because he startled, eyes hitting me before he hit the stop button on the running machine and it slowed to a halt.

"Hey," he replied a little breathlessly, stepping off the machine and reaching for a bottle of water. He took a long sip and I just watched, envious as ever of the way his defined abs rippled with each movement. He wiped the back of his hand over his mouth before taking a step towards me. "You okay?"

"I'm fine," I assured him. "What about you. Are you okay?"

Nick seemed surprised by my question but quickly batted it away. "Who cares about me?" he dismissed.

"I care," I returned, taking a step closer until we were bare feet from each other. "That was pretty shit the way Dane spoke to you."

"Yeah, it was," Nick agreed. "Kind of had plenty of years to get used to it though. He's always been that way with me."

I surveyed Nick as he spoke. He always came across like nothing phased him but I could see that this argument had. That Dane calling him dishonest and a liar had hurt. And I think I'd seen enough to have an idea about where the issues truly lay.

"You know, I actually think he's jealous of you," I told him, watching as Nick glanced up with surprise on his face.

He laughed. "Have you not heard what he thinks of me? I'm just a lowlife bum with no future." Nick sank down onto the little ratty sofa he kept in the gym. I didn't like the weight he was carrying on those broad shoulders of his. The best thing about Nick was his carefree and positive attitude to life and right now it was missing.

I paused for half a beat before sitting down beside him, the squeezy sofa forcing us right up next to each other but Nick didn't seem to mind.

"I'm actually serious, Nick," I told him, waiting until his eyes landed on mine. They were not as blue as they usually were in the dim light of the boat shed but I held onto them, wanting him to hear me out. "I think he's envious of how you live your life, of how you don't take anything too seriously. I love Dane but he's very high strung and I think he's forgotten how to have fun to be honest."

"You know, when we were growing up, Dad used to always be on my case. Why can't you be more like your brother, he'd always say to me. I think that's why Mum and I became so close because she'd always stand up for me. I think she could see something in me that maybe my dad couldn't."

"You're lucky you have her," I told him.

"I used to think Dad just saw me as a fuck up too," Nick sighed. "I never got the grades in school that came so naturally to Dane but that was never really my thing. Mum got that."

"And that's fine too," I replied. "Academics is not for everyone. And nobody could say you're a failure, Nick. You have a year to go on your apprenticeship and then you'll be a fully qualified builder. That's amazing."

"Eleven months."

"What?"

"Eleven months to go on my apprenticeship," Nick smirked at me. I grinned back, knowing I had the Nick I knew and loved back in the room. I mean, loved in the generic sense of that statement. Not loved as in romantically or anything. Not loved like I wanted to kiss him or anything like that. Of course not.

"See? Nailing it," I returned, knocking my knee against his which was easy seeing as we were all but pressed up together on the sofa.

"Quite literally," Nick returned, pumping his eyebrows at me. I laughed, the feeling warm and welcome after the events of this morning. Nick sighed heavily. "Thank you," he sighed.

"For what?"

"For caring enough to check up on me," he returned, a small tilt to his mouth. "When really, I should be the one making sure you're okay."

"I'm fine, Nick," I replied because I really honestly was.

"I was proud of you by the way," he said. My chest swelled at his words and I tried to hold back the smile from spreading across my face. "I'm sorry again for my role in the whole thing."

"Again, stop with the apologies," I huffed with an exaggerated eye roll. "It's not your fault Kira couldn't resist all of that," I added with a sweep of my hand down his body.

Nick caught my wrist in his fist, holding it tightly as he looked down at me. "Ajay, when will you get it into your gorgeous, perplexing head that you are fucking amazing as you are? Honestly, and I speak with some authority on the matter here, you, Ajay, are fucking perfect. So stop comparing your already irresistible self with me. This is just another example of the different ways I choose to spend my free time when absolutely nobody who has heard you sing and play your guitar would ever accuse you of not using your time in far better ways."

I sucked in a sharp breath at Nick's words, the seriousness and genuineness in them as he gave me the nicest telling off I had possibly ever had. I think I'd forgotten how to breathe at some point, his words ramming themselves through my head, right into my consciousness. Did … did that mean Nick thought I was attractive? In that way?

Nick was still looking at me, his grip loosening on my wrist as I let his words wash through me. He had a point, I knew he did, but all I could focus on was him using words like perfect and gorgeous and irresistible.

Nick dropped my wrist and I pulled it closer to my body, my skin feeling hot all over.

Nick cleared his throat. "Now, I believe you owe me a drink," he said a little breathlessly, back to his casual self as though he hadn't just called me perfect. Or gorgeous. Or irresistible.

I blinked, shaking myself from the thrall he had placed over me. It wasn't the first time he had done it either. Probably wouldn't be the last.

"I believe that was the agreement," I finally managed.

"Good. You want to get out of here then, Tassie boy?" Nick asked, that sunshiny glow back on his face.

"I really do," I returned with more earnestness than I had wanted to admit. Nick smiled at me, that big, broad grin that covered his entire face, that had my heart pounding a little loudly in my chest.

"Then let's go."