CHAPTER 17

mateo

I was late to work again but this morning it was not due to my lethargy. No, it was due to that most perfect wakeup call at Jamie's apartment followed by a prolonged shower together in his bathroom. We were both too spent for anything more but that hadn't stopped Jamie from pushing me up against the tiles and kissing me so senseless that time had all but stood still.

The kiss had been quite memorable and my lips were still tingling from it. But it had also meant I was now nearly an hour late as I raced across the coast from Sorrento to Espy, not even bothering going home to change first.

As the laws of the universe would dictate, this was also the morning Dante decided to show up at the office. If I wasn't feeling so relaxed after yesterday with Jamie, not to mention this morning's activities I probably would have leapt out of my skin as the sound of his cheery " Buongiorno" greeted my arrival.

"Shit. Morning, Dante," I stammered, coming to a standstill as he looked me over from the side of his desk. "Sorry I'm late."

"You know I've never kept tabs on you and your imaginary timesheet, Mateo," he returned with a grin. "Did you have a good afternoon yesterday?"

"Yeah," I dismissed, taking a few strides to my desk. I thought about Jamie's words to me then, about starting with Dante and suddenly I wanted to tell him. I wanted to tell him everything with a ferocity that had me reaching somewhere deep within and finding enough conviction there to steel my resolve. I took a deep breath, my hands suddenly clammy and heart palpitating as I turned to face him.

"I um, I spent the afternoon and last night … with Jamie. That's why I'm late."

I felt the air flood my lungs as I sucked in the breath I had been holding in and leaned back against my desk as my legs nearly gave out. But the world had not stopped spinning, nothing had imploded with me saying those words out loud. I was still here, still alive, still breathing even if my heart was racing erratically until I realised that Dante hadn't even responded. I cautiously looked up and that was when I discovered him standing right in front of me, a look of so much love and relief covering his face I nearly fell to the floor.

"Thank you for telling me," he said gently. He reached out to me, pulling me into a hug as his strong arms wrapped around me. I choked on a sob, leaning my head against his shoulder. "You're shaking like a leaf."

"I'm sure you know why," I muttered against his shirt.

"I know," he soothed. "I know that wasn't easy for you to tell me."

"You're not surprised."

He huffed a laugh as he stepped back, still with his hands holding my arms. "No, tesoro ," he replied, a smile of pure fondness on his face.

"How did you know?"

"Well, Mateo, there are exactly two names you have mentioned in all your time growing up here on the coast. And you always spoke of one of those names very differently than the other," Dante told me.

"Nick," I guessed, shoulders slumping.

"Yes, Nick," he agreed. "He broke your heart recently, yes?"

I could only nod, a little overcome by how this conversation was panning out, not to mention Dante's exceptional observational skills.

"I knew," he continued. "I could tell and your heartbreak has been breaking my own heart, Mateo."

"I'm sorry, zietto ," I sighed. "I've tried so hard to keep everything inside."

"I know and that is not healthy for you. I tried to get you to talk to me but I knew you weren't ready so I didn't push," Dante told me.

"I appreciate that," I told him.

"And so Jamie? You think maybe he could help mend that broken heart of yours?"

"I don't know," I admitted with a desperate laugh.

"I met him you know," he told me and I looked up at those words. "I don't mean the day of my cardiac arrest. I have few memories of that day other than your angelic face at my side. No, Jamie came in to see me a few days after I was admitted to hospital. And I knew then that he would be perfect for you. Such a lovely, kind man."

"And so handsome, yes, I know," I said, face finally breaking into something like a real smile.

"So handsome," Dante agreed. "Handsome enough for our beautiful Mateo."

"Yes you've mentioned that enough times."

"Just trying to plant the seed," he grinned.

"Don't worry, the seed has been well and truly planted. I'm just not entirely sure what to do with it."

"Would it be too soon to invite Jamie around for dinner with me and Giulia?" Dante asked kindly.

"I don't know," I admitted. "We're not … together or anything like that. We're just spending time with each other."

"All good love stories should start like that," Dante nodded. "As friends first. Love and all the physical stuff can always come after."

I huffed another laugh. "I think that ship sailed early on." Much earlier on than I was prepared to admit to my kind but slightly traditional uncle.

"Ah," Dante replied with a wise nod. "Well, it's never too late to build a solid foundation. So, what do you think?"

"I'll mention it to Jamie," I agreed.

" Bene . And do you think it would be okay if I told Giulia? She will be so pleased."

A dash of alarm filtered through me, one I recognised as an old habit from years of carefully concealing the truth. The net of people in the know had widened considerably this morning but I also knew I could trust my zietta .

"Yes. You can tell her," I said.

"Good. And then maybe we can have a talk about how we tackle your parents, huh?" he dropped, shifting that panic up into high gear.

"Maybe," I admitted.

"No matter what, you know you'll always have me and Giulia in your corner, si ?" Dante told me, face serious. I felt my eyes start to prick and my throat clog up. I could only nod, waiting as he patted my cheek affectionately before he turned and moved back to his desk.

And as I sat there, trying to wrangle my emotions back under control, the relief I felt at having someone so important to me in the know was the most indescribable feeling I had ever experienced. It was relief beyond measure. Dante knew I was gay and he still loved me. Dante knew and he hadn't looked at me with disgust or hate.

He knew and he still loved me.

Message

(Today) at 10:45am

ME:

I told Dante.

That was the message I sent Jamie after I had finally managed to calm my racing heart and settle the butterflies invading my stomach later that morning. It had occurred to me that Jamie was the first person I had thought to tell, before even either of my best friends. But then he had also been the one in our conversation yesterday, the one who had suggested I start with Dante so it made perfect sense that he be the first to know. Right?

I saw the bubbles appear on my phone as I stared at the screen, waiting for his response to come through. It came in the form of my phone vibrating, Jamie's name coming up on caller ID.

My heart leapt into my throat as I glanced across at Dante, still working from behind his big desk. I quickly fled into the kitchen before I answered the call.

"Hello?"

"I'm so proud of you, Mateo," Jamie said. I could hear the feelings in his voice, the fact he really meant those words and it lifted my heart even higher.

"Yeah, it was good actually," I told him.

"I take he took the news well?"

"Better than I could have dreamed. He already knew though, just like I thought he might."

"I bet it feels good though, hey?" Jamie pressed. "Having someone you love on your side?"

"It feels so good I can hardly breathe," I admitted. "My hands haven't stopped shaking all morning."

"I bet."

"You want to come round tonight and help me celebrate?" I said with enough suggestion as to leave him in no doubt of my meaning.

Jamie laughed. "Two nights in a row, Mateo. You might start giving me the wrong impression."

"Just as long as you know tonight won't be quite the same as last night," I added.

"Oh? What was wrong with last night?"

"Nothing was wrong with last night. It was perfect and exactly what I needed. But remember this morning? How we were both on our knees for each other? Well, tonight's theme will be a lot more like that. You can strip me naked as soon as you set foot in the house and do whatever you want to me."

I could hear his intake of breath on the other side of the phone and I knew I had him. "I don't get off my shift until after ten tonight," he said. "Is that too late for you?"

"Not too late," I assured him. "I promise I'll still be very up for you."

His laugh turned into a groan as he muttered, "The things you do to me, Mateo. I'll see you tonight at your place. And you better still be up ."

I hung up the phone with a grin, suddenly feeling very chuffed with myself. I had another night planned with Jamie and I was feeling on top of the world.

Dante looked up at me as I made my way back to my desk, feeling lighter than I had in weeks. Years. Ever maybe.

"How's Jamie?" he asked, eyebrows peaked on his handsome face.

"Um," I faltered.

"Just so you know, those walls between the kitchen and the office are paper thin," he said, pointing his chin in the direction of the kitchen.

"So you heard …?" I guessed, dropping into my seat as mortification washed over me, frantically trying to recount every dirty word I had just uttered to Jamie.

"Every word," Dante grinned, trying to keep the laugh off his face as I hid my face behind my hands, feeling like I could die of embarrassment.

But at the end of the day I could only laugh, Dante's teasing probably the best antidote in the world to help me overcome my mortification. I wasn't good at laughing at myself. I'd never really learned how to and there were always too many secrets I was desperate to keep to truly let my walls down. But I knew somewhere deep amongst every tease and every grin at my expense was an underlying affection and love that made every second of it all feel worth it.