3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Elias

Fourteen Years Old

I sat in my room, hating the silence. My only company was the tap of my pen against the desk. I was supposed to be doing my homework. I was grounded, and not allowed to go over to Shane's. Like, who grounds their kid for getting a C in social science anyway? My dad apparently.

I jolted when my window creaked open but the dark shorthair on Jarman's head had my heart leaping in excitement. His lip quirked into that signature grin as he snuck in with his backpack slung over one shoulder.

“I’m struggling with this worksheet. I thought we could help each other.”

I beamed, jumping onto my bed with my textbook and notepad. That empty void in my chest was gone and I couldn’t be happier. I leaned against Shane's warm body and happily worked on our homework together.

“You saved me. I was dying of loneliness.”

“Well, we can’t have that, can we? Who will I be without you when I'm old and gray.”

I chuckled. “Don't worry, I'm okay now. Our future of gray hair, armchairs and screaming at hockey is still bright.”

Present

I really, really hated being alone.

I’d been surrounded by people my whole life. There were my two sisters on top of my best friend growing up next door with his four sisters. There was always someone to talk to, so that's what I did: I talked. I really couldn't help it if I tried. There was just so much to talk about.

I stood at the island bench of my new apartment, compliments from dad as both a graduation and “welcome to your new life” present. It was really flashy, like really flashy. I didn't know what half of the appliances did and I was scared to try. I couldn’t help but wonder why my family thought it was something I didn’t need to know. It wasn’t for the lack of trying, but my life always filled with, “Get out of the kitchen, Mouse!”followed by my dad bodily ushering me out saying, “Let the women do their thing. We’re no use getting under their feet.”

I liked getting under people's feet. Well, what I meant was—I liked being there, learning and observing. I fiddled with something that resembled a coffee machine, feeling slightly annoyed. I looked at all the buttons twisting around the fancy rod I’d named the “screamer” because it made a noise not unlike the mating sounds of a fox.

“There has to be someone who can talk me through this,” I muttered. With my thoughts bouncing off the empty walls, I picked up my phone, dialing the one person who probably knew better than I did how half those appliances worked.

I knocked my knuckles on the surface of the counter as it rang. And rang. And rang.

“Hey— ”

“Jarman, hey!—”

“You have reached Shane. You know the drill.”

I swore, but waited for the beep anyway.

“Jarman! Call me when you get this, my new apartment has so many wiz bang things and I don't know how to use them. How's Canada? How's Hunter? And Tyler? What's there to do there in the summer? When do you start work—”

“Your message has been received.” The mechanical woman on the line said and the line was disconnected.

I sighed, which seemed all too loud in the sparsely furnished apartment.

It felt like hours before there was a knock on the door, and I slid across the hardwood in my socks to open it. I flung it open so fast it made my girlfriend jump.

“Hi Eli.” She panted, hand on her chest, but she smiled up at me and I found myself admiring the beautiful sight. Needing some physical contact, I swept her into my arms, spinning her around before settling her on her feet. She giggled. “Well, what's this about?”

“I just missed you.” I took a deep breath, inhaling that overly fake floral scent she tended to wear. The one the perfume companies tried to replicate but ended up smelling like… rubbing alcohol with a tinge of sugar water that is so sweet it makes your eyes burn.

“It's only been a couple days,” she laughed again. I tried to ignore the sting that I was the only one to feel the ache of time apart, but it was fine. She was with me and that's all that mattered.

“Let me get your bags! Are they in the car?”I burst out, needing to get my girl inside and fill the empty space with a voice that wasn’t my own.

She nodded and I snatched her keys, desperate to keep myself busy.

“Explore the apartment—I'll be right back!”

I rushed to the elevator, to the car park and gathered her things, hightailing it back upstairs.

I stopped at the door, watching Jenna look around the open plan living room that looked over Boston City.She looked so small in the vast space. It kind of dawned on me I was so used to sharing my space with a man who was a giant. Jarman always made a space seem… small, but not in a bad way. Cozy, maybe? Kind of like when you see big pieces of furniturefilling a small cottage, but they just fit. I shook my head, clearing my thoughts because Jenna looked good in the space too. She added an edginess, a flare of alternative—if that could be a thing. Her disheveled appearance against the crisp, sharp lines of the place felt like an eff you to boring design.

I loved it.

“Very fancy.” Her slim hands swept over the plush couch that faced an empty bookshelf wall-mounted TV. Well, empty minus a couple photo frames I managed to put out.

Her eyes alighted on them at the same time mine did and she crossed the space to get a closer look.

A small smile graced her lips. “You two truly spent your whole lives together.”

My chest ached. I nodded, reverting to the silence that plagued me the day he left. It had been two weeks of not hearing his voice every day, something that I seemed to rely on as much as the beat of my own heart to get through the day. I’d never lived in a space without our photos filling them. So naturally they were the first thing I unpacked. But now I was wondering why that was.

“Have you heard how he is?”

I shook my head and busied myself moving her bags to our bedroom. When I came back, she was still eyeing the photo frames. I was starting to regret putting them out.

“So, are you excited for your first day of your internship tomorrow?” I deflected.

Jenna gently set down the frame and turned to me, her blue eyes catching the sunlight pouring in from the windows. She really was a beautiful girl. Short, blonde hair that was almost white, wavy and blunt at the ends. She had an artistic way of putting eyeliner on that flicked up at the edges, giving her eyes a catlike appearance. She also loved wearing cherry red lipstick, making her lips stand out against her pale skin. But otherwise, she was dressed in a casual band t-shirt and cut-off-shorts. I felt way too overdressed in my corduroys and polo but I liked the way she didn’t feel the need to be dressed up for every occasion. It was something I wanted to learn, just maybe not around my family, but to that day… The only person I was ever just chilled in a hoodie and jeans with was still only Jarman.

“I am, very—A little nervous but mostly excited.” She bounced on her toes. I loved it when she did that, it was cute, almost rabbit like. We found our way to the couch, and she happily talked about the company she was going to work for. She was an artist, and a publishing company had taken her on for the summer to help with cover designs and book art .

“I just hope they still want me after the summer. It's my dream job.”

I leaned over and kissed her cheek. “They will, Jen. You are beyond talented.”

I loved the way her cheeks flushed beneath the praise. There were many things to like about Jen. She was sweet, pretty, talented—and my first real girlfriend. Sure, I had little flings in high school, but they never really got past kissing with a little bit of foreplay.

I knew I had a certain look. One where people would think I could get any girl I wanted. I had been propositioned countless times in college. I took the offer a couple times when I was a freshman, only to decide I really didn't like casual hookups. I felt yucky after, dirty. Wrong? I never judged. After all, it wasn’t like I didn’t get horny. I wasn’t sure… I just always felt like something was missing.

Jen was the only girl who’d ever caught my eye. With her, it felt different. She never was in it for the sex. I got to know her, took her on dates and loved when she blushed and smiled at something I did for her.

“What about you? Are you excited to work for your dad?”

The smile crept onto my mouth. This was always the dream, the way my dad’s face lit up when he spoke of me coming to family business—it was what made me excited to join.

“Yeah, I am. I really want to make my dad proud.”

Jenna’s brow furrowed. “But do you—you know, enjoy marketing?”

I almost mirrored her expression, but then I remembered how much dad loved it and if he was happy, I knew I could be too. Right?

“Well, marketing is really just talking about a product. I am really good at talking.”

Jenna laughed and her lips met my cheek. “That you are, Mouse. That you are.”