4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Shane

Seventeen Years Old

“Come on, it's prom! It's a rite of passage; you have to go!” Eli bounced, making the mattress rock. He begged; palms pressed together as I tried not to get lost in those bright blue puppy dog eyes.

“I don't know Eli, it's not really my scene.”

“‘Not really your scene?’ Any one of those girls would love to go with you.

“I’m not interested in those girls.”

His bottom lip puckered, and I willed myself to lunge over and take it between my teeth.

“But I want to go!”

I shrugged and laid on my bed so I was looking at his back—not a strategic move at all .

Eli fell back and rolled onto his side, face millimeters from mine.

“Then go, Mouse,” I told him. “You don't need me there.”

“What!” He jumped, throwing his leg over my waist to straddle me before I could stop him. Though I caught him by his forearms before he could lean over, feeling him fight against me. “Of course I need you, Jarman! You’re the Batman to my Robin, the Scooby to my Doo, the Ferb to my Phineas. We do everything together! I can't do this without you. I just can't.”

He struggled against me, but my body was well past the days of innocent wrestling—when he was all golden boy with perfect kissable lips and pleading blue eyes… God, he had no idea what he was doing to me.

I overtook him, pinning him onto his back before both of us got uncomfortable. I pinned him down, making sure to keep my hips away from his. I wanted to love the way he struggled against me but if I wanted to keep what we had, I needed to learn.

“Pretty, pretty please Jarman? I need to do this, and I need you there.”

I sighed and climbed off the bed—just so he wouldn’t touch me like that again.

“Fine, but you owe me.”

He shot to his feet. “Thank you, thank you! I'll make it up to you, I promise.”

I fidgeted with the cuffs of my suit. It didn’t quite fit right. I was a hockey player—wearing suits wasn’t a foreign concept—but something just felt wrong . But my momcouldn't help herself. The moment I said I was going to prom with Eli, she took it in a whole other direction. There was no telling the woman that we were just going as friends. Though as I took in my stark, white suit in the mirror, I had to admit that I looked sharp. The pristine jacket, matching pants with the black button-up that I’d strategically left a little unfastened wasn’t a bad look, but it was giving me ideas that I couldn’t have. My family were no help at it either: they’d been “shipping” us even before I came out.

My coming out was as simple as watching Gossip Girl with my sisters. They were fighting over which upper east side man was theirs. When they asked me who I liked, I shrugged and said, “ I think Nate is pretty hot.”

“Of course you would say that,” they followed. “He’s basically Mouse’s twin.”

They weren’t wrong: the older Eli got the more he became a real-life Nate Archibald. Although if I were honest, he was hotter. I was totally biased, though.

I sighed and looked to my dresser, where my mom had set our matching boutonnieres, because of course she did . I was about to throw mine in the trash, not wanting to send a message to the rest of the cohort. There were already whispers, and there was no point fueling their fire. Unfortunately, Mouse walked in at that “Oh em gee, you got us Boutonnieres!”

I looked at the box I was about to toss. “Yeah, Mom thought it was a nice touch.”

He eagerly tore open the plastic box when I handed it over. I stood there, watching and telling myself the way he stuck his tongue out as he focused hard on pinning the flower to his navy suit wasn’t cute at all. He kept trying and failing, but he wouldn’t give up. I sighed, batting his hands away and placing it in the right spot—just above his heart. He flashed me a smile so sincere that I had to look away.

“Let me do yours!”

I wanted to protest because the last thing I needed was hands on me but before I could, he was there bouncing on his toes and doing an awful job. It was crooked as fuck when he finished but he looked so pleased with himself, there was no way I could fix it.

“Perfect! You look great! That white suit against your olive skin makes you look like a movie star. It’s a shame you don’t want the girls at school. They’re going to swoon .”

“I have enough ass, don’t need to shit where I eat,” I lied.

Elias pulled a face. “Yeah, I guess. Come on, this is going to be so much fun!”

I tried to muster up at least half of his energy. If it wasn’t for that I wondered if I would be able to move my limbs at all. But we managed to get into the back of my dad’s car, who happily chatted away with Eli—because there was never a quiet moment with him around. I sat back and listened, my dad’s warm voice combined with Eli’s enigmatic excitement was comforting.

Once we got to the school, I tried to bury some of my nerves. Eli was first out of the car, bolting around it and yanking open my door. I grunted as he tugged me out by my arm. “Come on!”

I heard Dad’s distant voice calling out, “Have a good night, boys!” before I was pulled into the chaos that was prom night.

Though I hated to admit it, the night wasn’t as bad as I thought. Elias eagerly dragged me to photos, putting on props and joking around. He made me bob to music I didn’t care much about, but I still smiled so much it hurt. It was hard not to love watching his mop of golden waves bounce around as he vibed with the beat of the music. I was in a bubble of pure joy where it was just the two of us, and everything was perfect.

I couldn’t help but think that there was no bigger favor than just being in Elias Michaels’s presence.

Present

“You know, when a phone rings, you answer it,” Cal sing-songed behind me, bustling around to prepare his smoothie. I leant against the counter staring at my phone looking at the notification of another voice message that was added to the multitude I hadn’t responded to. I never should have listened to them to begin with. Every time I heard his voice my heart cracked a little bit more

“It’s Mouse.” I continued to stare at my phone, wondering if I should call him back or if he would eventually get the hint.

I felt a chin meet my shoulder. “Ah, still trying to go cold turkey?” Cal hummed.

I grunted a response, flipping my phone face down. Cal was the messiest man on the planet, so I shooed him out of the kitchen and took over the smoothie preparation process.

“Oh, thank God, it's you!” Tyler entered the room, taking control of the kitchen. “I heard that blender and thought Cal was destroying the kitchen again.”

I chuckled and Cal feigned offense. But out of the four of us, he was the messiest—Hunter being a close second.

“How dare you!”

“Did you, or did you not forget to seal the blender lid last time?” Tyler’s brow quirked in question.

“That was one time!” Cal whined,

“One time that had ants invading the kitchen for the leftover juice. It took me forever to get the kitchen sanitary again.”

“Your version of sanitary is why children have allergies. A little dirt never hurt anyone.” Cal snatched the smoothie in my hand and stamped a kiss on my cheek before moving to the couch.

“Says the one who’s fighting a cold every second month,” Tyler mumbled under his breath, turning away to occupy himself with something else. I fought my amusement, leaning against the counter drinking my own shake.

“So, um, Jar? Mouse keeps messaging me asking if you’re okay,” Tyler asked, looking at me with genuine concern. “Is there something I need to worry about?”

When Tyler asks if it's something he needs to worry about, it’s safe to say it will worry him anyway. As if he could sense his boyfriend’s unease, Hunter stepped up behind Tyler and wrapped his arms around him.

“I’m fine. I just decided I needed some space, you know? There is only so much I can handle when it comes to him talking about how in love he is.”

Both men gave me a pointed look. “Does Mouse know that? Because he has been lighting up my phone thinking you might be dead,” Tyler questioned.

I sighed, hand rubbing over my beard in some hope that the feel of it under my fingers would distract me from hearing his voice in the back of my mind.

“No…I just hoped he would be distracted with work and his love life so he wouldn't notice I was gone.”

Hunter rolled his eyes. “Jar you two have been inseparable your whole lives. Of course he isn't going to forget you.”

Don't remind me.

“I just don't know how to keep being…like we were. He’s too affectionate with me and at the same time so in love with Jen. I just can't handle it.”

I needed to look away from their looks of sympathy, so I cleared my throat and mumbled some form of excuse about going to the gym.