2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Shane

Fifteen Years Old

Summer camp was always the best. We had finished early morning training and parked ourselves by the lake to soak up some sun. Elias always had a golden boy look to him, but the longer he sat in the sun, the more regal he looked. His Ray-Ban covered eyes looked at the water as he rested on his forearms. I had to really struggle to not ogle every inch of the smooth expanse of skin of my best friend—who looked more like a model with each passing day.

“Life doesn't get better than this Jarman, my friend: hockey in the morning, sunbaking in the afternoon. If I only had this the rest of my life, I would die a happy man.”

“Well, you have it until we finish college. Not really the sun part, but me and hockey.”

Eli looked at me, smiling a mile wide. “I hope these years go by slow then.”

I did too. I wanted to soak him up like the sun on my skin. I didn’t know what was beyond those years. I wondered how long I would have to lust after him before I moved on. Or before someone miraculously cured me from this obsession, this asinine idea that he was the only man I could ever love. I somehow hoped so, because the lingering hope that he would ever be mine was something I wasn’t sure I could live with forever .

“But even after that, I'll still have you, right? It's you and me against the world.” Eli nudged his bare shoulder against mine. I ignored how that little bit of physical contact was enough to make my pants a little tighter and think thoughts no man should be thinking about his best friend.

“Forever and always, Mouse.”I said, though I refused to think about anything beyond college.

His smile was blinding. “Yeah, you're my forever and always.”

I gulped past how much I wished that were true.

Present

I was thankful for Jenna. Eli was too swept up in her to notice I’d been avoiding him. We practiced together and I did my best to not act differently to what I normally would—which was easier than I thought. I took a page out of my friend Tyler's book, nodding and mumbling replies—just enough to pass as attentive.

By the end of the season, I’d managed to avoid him sneaking into my room at the hockey house by studying late in the library, or I would crash in the bed of some hookup’s bed I’d used to distract me until I could eventually sneak home without him knowing.

But Eli always asked when I was going to settle down. Not as long as you're around.

When it came to away games, I purposely went back to the room past curfew, more often than not hiding away at gay bars where he’d never find me. Luckily, he was often too exhausted to hear me enter the room. Unfortunately, there were still times where I would wake up with a mass of golden curls on my chest, snoozing away like sneaking into his best friend’s bed was normal.

Though during the Frozen Four, I learned there was nothing I could do to stop Eli from seeking me out. When I walked in to see Eli watching documentaries in my bed, I couldn’t find it in myself to be mad. One more time wouldn’t hurt, right? Wrong.

As I got into bed with his bare chest against mine and his mop of golden curls splayed out over my pecs, my heart beat with his. Those sweet murmurs he made as his slept matched the steady thrum of my heart—because even at night that sweet as honey voice had to make itself known. With the thought that this would be the last time Elias Michaels would be in my bed, my throat tightened. He wasn’t mine to have. He had a girlfriend and a whole future that didn’t involve me. But as I lay there staring at him, he was the man who’d been my everything. He was my sunshine, my power source—but he wasn’t mine. With that last thought, I decided that maybe it was time to remove myself from the situation, put some distance between me and the longing that threatened to rip my heart from my chest.

The next day marked the completion of the Frozen Four. We won and it was bittersweet. I had safely gotten through the season somewhat standing, even if that meant I was a little broken at the seams. It was an easy decision to take that coaching job in Canada when the only other offer I had was for a farm team in Boston. The further away I was from Eli—the better. Hunter, Tyler, and Cal were all making the same journey, so it was a no-brainer for us all to move in together.

I was packing my belongings from my room at the hockey house when I felt a shape rush past me to jump on my bed. “I feel like I haven't seen you in forever!” Eli moaned rolling the r in forever to exaggerate how long we’ve been apart.

“You have been distracted.” It was a low blow to say, but little did he know I was avoiding him just as much as he’d been wrapped up in Jenna.

“I'm the worst friend, Jar. So, what's the plan? Did you get any offers for farm teams?”

I kept packing, not daring to look up—he’d read my lie like a book. “No, I didn't.”

Silence made me risk a glance over. I almost laughed at the comical shock painted across his features. “That's absurd! You killed it this season! And last—but particularly this season!”

I fought the smile threatening my lips. “Oh, well. I have a coaching job lined up.”

Eli jumped off the bed, putting a stop to my packing and threw his arms around my torso. “That's amazing! Where?”He bounced up and down, his golden curls tickling under my chin until he looked up at me through his thick, golden lashes. Those eyes were brimming with excitement—for me . My stomach churned, knowing what I was about to say would wipe that adorable, heart-stopping look right off his face.

And that was the part I wasn't looking forward to.

“Vancouver.” I left it short and sweet. But it didn’t feel so sweet when he pulled away, looking like I’d just kicked him.

“Oh.”

There we have it folks: how to get Elias Michaels to be quiet.

He stood there, tugging on his fingers. His lip twitched as if he were fighting back some emotion. Then the fleeting moment of sadness was gone. He looked up and smiled, soft and sweet. “That's great, man! The hockey capital of the world! What a great place to coach.”His voice, though earnest, lacked its normal kid-like energy.

I nodded. “Yeah. I’m super excited.”

Eli grinned, but it didn’t quite reach his eyes. “Well, you’d better get a good phone plan. That way you can call every day and tell me all about it!!”

I faked my own smile. “Sure.”

Though internally, I knew this was it: this was goodbye . I ignored my stomach's protest at the notice. It would learn eventually we could go on without him.

He jumped back onto my bed, chattering on like he was trying to fill the charged silence as I packed the last of my things. “So, when are you leaving?” Eli asked as I began to pack.

“I'm heading home to drop my car off, then dad is dropping me at the airport. Tyler, Hunter, and Cal are all flying with me.”

The pain in his eyes made my heart crack in two.

“Oh.”

I finished packing and made my way to the car, listening to Eli’s rambles the whole way about his summer and starting at his family's agency. But once we got to the car, there was a beat of silence.

We stood by the driver’s door, and he looked small as he looked up at me, worrying his bottom lip.I waited for him to say something before I got in and drove away… for good.

“I'll miss you.”he said, biting that trembling lip, golden hair flowing in the wind. Eli was someone I always said was confident in himself but at that moment, I wasn’t so sure.

Oh, damn it.

Unable to help myself, I brought him into my arms—just so I didn’t have to see that look in his eyes any longer.

Mouse being quiet as a… well, mouse—was rare. He clung to my shirt like it was a lifeline. And maybe, I was. We had always been there for each other. I couldn’t remember a time in my life where Elias Michaels wasn’t in it. But maybe it was time we figured out who we were without each other.

He had his dream girl, his dream job, everything he claimed he wanted. I hoped that maybe, I would find something else I wanted… other than the one thing I couldn't