22. Lace

22

LACE

I lie on my back, my heart racing in my chest. The two men of my dreams holding me like we’re long lost lovers who only have tonight. It’s perfect. Everything is so freaking perfect.

“I was shot,” I blurt out of nowhere. I have to get this off my chest. I want them to know. “Just above my heart. Luckily it missed.”

“Holy shit.” Manny rests on his elbow, turning to face me. Bandit does the same.

“What the fuck?” Bandit echoes.

“That night you both told me those stories about your pasts, I wanted to tell you. I wanted you to have an intimate part of me, too, but I couldn’t find the words.” I close my eyes, trying not to think back about that night, but I have to let it out. “You probably heard that Riot killed our dad?”

“I’d heard something,” Manny says, though I know he’s just trying to be kind.

“Whispers,” Bandit agrees.

I nod. “What you don’t know is that I swore Riot to never tell anyone what really happened that night.” I take another deep breath. “Our father was an abusive drunk, and he was using drugs when he could find the money. He treated our mom like shit, but we were just little kids.” Tears leak from my eyes.

Manny pecks me on the forehead. “Go on, we’re here for you, Lacey.”

They don’t rush to fill the silence, letting me take my time. “I had no clue they’d even been arguing, I had my headphones on and I was reading in the hammock out back. Then I heard the shot; he… he turned the gun on our mom and killed her, then he came after me. I didn’t even get one foot out of the hammock when he shot me.”

Bandit’s arms wrap around me as he pulls me to his chest. Manny presses up to my front, cupping my face.

“I’m so sorry,” Bandit whispers.

“There are no words,” Manny agrees. “But you’re a fighter, Lacey. You have that fighting spirit inside you that I saw from day one, which is why I think I was so drawn to you.”

I close my eyes, reveling in their warmth. “I’ve never felt this way before,” I admit. “And I’m scared.”

“Why?” Bandit presses a kiss to the back of my head.

“Because I’m falling for both of you.” The words come out, and my voice breaks. “I don’t want this to end, not right now, anyway, and I know I shouldn’t even be saying this because it’s just sex and I shouldn’t have all these feelings for both of you, but I do and I’m rambling…”

“It isn’t just sex,” Manny says quickly. “While I’m enjoying both of you immensely, I think we all know that there are feelings going on here.”

Bandit grips me harder. “I stopped having sex a few months back because it felt so meaningless. Obviously, I’m no stranger to relationships; I wanted to be married with a family. But when my life fell apart, I stopped feeling anything, except for Eli. Until recently.”

“Until us?” I prompt.

“Yes, until you.” I turn and his eyes are so sincere. He flashes a look to Manny. “Both of you. This should just be about sex and having fun with no strings attached, but I’d be lyin’ if I said that’s what I wanted, and I don’t know what to do about it.”

Manny, for once, is the only one lost for words. When I glance up, his eyes find mine. His eyes glaze over. “I think we’ve all had shitty pasts and bad things happen to us,” he says. “Maybe that’s why fate brought us together. Sometimes when I think about that time, when I was at home, I want to crawl out of my own skin. I want that bastard dead.”

Manny told us he got away as soon as he was old enough, but that doesn’t account for the years of pain he went through. “Did you ever want to confront him again?” I whisper. “To get closure?”

Manny shakes his head. “I punched him in the face when I left home. Trust me, if I’d known what he did to his daughter back then, I probably would be in jail right now. I’ve thought about going back. It sickens me he’s just walking around a free man while others still suffer. My stepsister didn’t press charges. I’m not close with her, but I’ve reached out over the years, I think she just wanted to do away with anything in her past that reminded her of him. For that, I don’t blame her.”

“Life is so hard,” Bandit says, his tone far away. “So fuckin’ hard.”

“Do you miss her?” I whisper to Bandit. “What was she like?”

A long silence passes. “I miss her every day. I was closed off for the first five years of Eli’s life. Nothin’ mattered except me and him. It was us against the world, and that’s how I liked it. I never slept with a woman for years. I was hurt. Angry. I didn’t understand, then the guilt set in because I’ve always been…”

I turn in his arms, pecking his lips gently. “It’s okay, this is a safe place.”

“Nothing leaves this room,” Manny agrees. “Ever.”

Bandit swallows hard. “I’ve always been this way. Bisexual. I’ve never acted on it, and I thought it was just a phase; that I was curious, sure, but I didn’t want to explore it. That’s what I told myself. But as I got older, I knew that there was a part of me missing because I wanted that connection with a woman again, and a man. I just didn’t wanna go and fuck some random dude and have a horrible experience. I wanted more.”

Warmth spreads through me, hearing his words. The hurt comes like it always does, but the comfort smooths it all away. I feel whole when I’m with these men. “I wanted more, too,” I say. “Despite the fact my brother would tell you I’m a virgin waiting for marriage, I haven’t always been a good girl. In the past, I used sex as a way to cope with the pain of losing my mom, and the memory of my dad pointing that gun at me. I wanted to be loved and I thought sex was the answer, but it was always so hollow. I wanted so much more. I wanted… this. I just had no idea it would be with two men.”

Manny leans to kiss my nose. “You’re fucking amazing, Chantilly. We’re complicated, I’ll admit that, but this can work if we want it to.”

We both know that it’s Bandit that will be the one to run away and hide out of the three of us. I’m surprised he’s still lying here, but then again, maybe I’ve not given him enough credit for how strong he really is.

“I don’t know how,” Bandit says, his voice soft. “Eli for one. I don’t want him knowin’ about this until he’s older. It’s not something he should be understandin’ at his age. And then there’s the club…”

“The club will accept it,” Manny says. “The question is if you really have thought this through. We all know Riot is gonna flip if it comes out in the open.”

“Why can’t we keep things as they are?” Bandit’s walls sound like they’re going back up, brick by brick. “They don’t need to know.”

“They don’t right now, but if we want to be open with each other out in public,” I start.

“We can’t,” Bandit’s tone is brusque. “Not while Eli is a kid.”

“Don’t use that as an excuse.” I cringe when Manny and Bandit’s eyes meet and I’m in the middle. “We both know that Eli probably wouldn’t care less, say okay, and go about his business. He’s a kid, like you say, and we’re not doing anything wrong.”

Bandit isn’t exactly known for his quiet temperament. “We’ve had sex twice as a threesome, I don’t think we need to get ahead of ourselves.”

“We don’t mean anything to you? Is that it?” Manny looks hurt, his eyebrows knitting together.

Bandit shakes his head. “I didn’t say that.”

“Well, what then? You’re actin’ as if this is wrong or dirty,” Manny goes on. “Like we should be ashamed of ourselves.”

“Again, puttin’ words in my mouth.”

“Stop it,” I sigh. “No fighting in bed. We just need to cool off and not get hot headed. Bandit has a right to how he feels, and things are moving really fast, so it’s bound to feel awkward, we need to respect that.”

Manny runs a hand through his hair. “Well, excuse me if I don’t buy that. We’re all feeling how we’re feeling right now, and that’s pretty damn good, but he still has walls up that he won’t let us climb over. Maybe he never will. It’s just how you like it, right, Beefcake? Nobody can get close enough to hurt you ever again.”

“Fuck off.” Bandit snarls. “You might wanna give it five seconds. I’m still comin’ to terms with the fact that I sucked your dick tonight and I wanted to do more, give a man a break because I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing anymore. This was supposed to be fun, a roll in the hay, and I was up for that, but this?” He juts a hand toward the two of us. “I didn’t sign up for this.”

“But yet you told me I was yours and you wouldn’t let me screw anyone else,” I say back to him as gently as I can. “You can’t have your cake and eat it, too. You can’t just tell me I’m basically club property?—”

“ My property,” he grits.

“And then walk away because things are getting hot in the kitchen. If you don’t want this, then all you need to do is say so. Before it goes even deeper..” I know this is hard for him, but living in the shadows isn’t healthy either. He can’t deny his own happiness because he thinks he doesn’t deserve it.

“Little late for that,” Manny mutters.

Silence falls between us.

“I should go,” Bandit says after a while. He shifts and I turn, yanking on his arm. “Please, don’t go.”

“I need to think.” He presses his face into my hair.

“Can we just cuddle?” I don’t want to sound needy, but I’m not ready to let him go. “Don’t leave mad at us just because we’re being honest.”

He wraps his arms back around me and I sigh, my beating heart getting the better of me as it races in my chest. The alarm I felt when I thought he’d leave overwhelms me.

“She’s right. We have a lot to think about, but just because you’re scared or unsure, or if things are moving too fast, doesn’t mean you have to split,” Manny says.

The closeness between them may have dissipated a little. Bandit doesn’t say anything else, but he doesn’t leave. I like to think that’s a little victory, but I also know that in the light of day, things always appear differently. When all the lust and heat has gone, it’s just us, and that’s enough for me. I’m just not sure if it’s enough for the two men in my life. The fall that waits to greet me is daunting, but I also know that I wasn’t lying about how I feel around them. I don’t want it to end.

I fall asleep with my men cuddling either side of me, and I’ve never felt more at peace.

It’s been six days, and aside from a few texts, I haven’t heard from Bandit. Manny says we need to give him time to cool off, that confronting his feelings is a load that takes time. We can’t go stampeding in to fix it when he’s still battling with how he feels. That seems worse somehow. I drop by the clubhouse to see Manny when Amber, one of the bar staff, grabs my attention.

“Hey, Lace?” she calls across to me.

I wave, making my way over to the bar. “Hey, Amber, how are you doing?”

“Aside from hiding out here all day, I’m fine.”

“Why, what happened?”

She sighs. “I got drunk and started talking about tattoos, and somehow I confessed to Bronco that he could tattoo my ass.”

My eyes grow wide, then I laugh out loud. “No shit?”

“No shit.”

“And? Did he do it?”

She groans. “No, thank God, but I flashed him my butt cheek to show him exactly where I wanted it.”

“What’s your poison?”

“Tequila shots.”

I wince. “Messy.”

“Never gonna live it down.”

I know she didn’t just call me over here to chit-chat. “What’s up?”

She slides something over the bar to me. “Some guy was in here a few days ago, asking around, said to give you this.”

I look down and freeze when I see the card. Shit.

“Uh, okay, thanks.”

She frowns. “Is everything okay?”

I smile meekly. “Uh, yeah, it’s just my old boss. He was probably just in town, wanting to catch up or something.”

Holy shit balls.

She nods. “I thought so. I got the idea that he was bad news, told him I didn’t know anyone called Lace, but he insisted on leaving his card, so I think the jig is up.”

I gape at her. “Wow, thanks for being so intuitive.”

She shrugs, then, looking around to make sure we’re alone, she leans forward. “Are you in some kind of trouble?”

I frown, knowing my cheeks are turning pink. “No, not at all.”

“If you are, you know you can tell Cash if you don’t want to tell Riot. You’re a club sister, whatever it might be, the club can help.”

I swallow hard. “It’s nothing like that, I promise.” I also don’t like lying, but I don’t want to worry her or have her think it’s in my best interests to run off and tattle to Cash. I shove the card in my jeans pocket. “I better get going.”

She nods. “Okay.” I’m pretty sure she thinks I’m full of shit, but then again, what do I care? Well, obviously I do care; I’ve brought my past to the clubhouse and now Mateo Judice has found my whereabouts. I didn’t do anything wrong, so why is he even here?

My heart races in my chest and I turn to leave.

“Lace?” Manny’s voice has me spinning around.

“Oh, hey.” I wave a hand in his direction. “I’ve gotta run.”

“Didn’t you just get here?”

I bite my lip. Again, I don’t like lying, especially to him, but I need fresh air. I contemplate running, but that won’t help his suspicion. There’s a reason I haven’t told anyone about my old job back in Arizona. I wanted my past to stay in the past. Telling Manny that I wanted a change wasn’t really a lie, but I fled because they were asking me to break the law. I know how it works with the mob. You do one little favor here, then hide some money there, and then you’re an accessory to embezzlement or money laundering. I don’t exactly see myself wearing an orange jumpsuit for the next twenty to thirty years. I did nothing wrong except flee, so why do they even want me?

I guess it’s because I know how they operate, and where their money goes, or at least some of it. I wasn’t privy to all their business dealings, but now I feel open wide. Like I’ve been some kind of scapegoat and I don’t know what the hell Mateo would want with me now.

I’m nobody to them.

“I forgot I have an appointment.” I also lie really badly.

Manny cocks a brow. “Okay, are you sure you’re alright? You look a little flustered.”

I smile. “I’m fine, honestly. I’ll see you at home later?”

He nods. “I’ll bring dinner.”

I practically sprint out of the clubhouse. I look around. Is he here? Watching me? Oh, God.

None of this can be good. I climb into my car and sit behind the wheel but don’t start the engine. I could just text him and find out what he wants. He knows where I am, it’ll only be a matter of time before he figures out how to find me. I don’t have time to think, I’ve got a shift in half an hour at Muso’s. I can’t call in sick because I only saw Audrina yesterday, and she knows I’m not sick. I’ve never been an unreliable person and I have impeccable work ethic. I also miss my old job and once I sort this mess out, I think it’s time I returned back to what I love doing the most. Surely Mateo isn’t here to do anything bad to me. If he was, he wouldn’t have left that business card, right? And the mob don’t sit down and terrorize you, they nab you off the street and tie you up. I almost faint when I think about that, and it only fuels my paranoia. Has he been watching me? And if so, for how long?

I bang my head on the steering wheel. This can’t be happening. Breathe, I tell myself. You have an entire MC behind you if you need them. I cringe when I think about bringing the MC into my mess, and what Riot will think. Then again, I didn’t do anything wrong.

Starting the car, I pull out of the lot and head over to Muso’s; I’m nervous the whole way there.

I need to tell Bandit and Manny. I shouldn’t have run out on Manny like that, and when I park at the cafe fifteen minutes later, I see a message from Manny.

Manny

You okay, Princess?

I take a breath. I don’t want to be deceitful.

Me

Not really. I’m sorry I ran out. I’ll explain later, okay?

Manny

Okay. I’ll make pasta for dinner, I invited Eli and Bandit

Me

That was nice of you

Manny

He didn’t reply yet, so maybe he won’t come

Me

You know how he is, and he’s been avoiding us

Manny

Yeah, I know

Me

I’ll text him and ask him if he’s coming

Manny

Sounds like a plan

I take a breath, getting out of my car as I switch over to text Bandit as I walk.

He can say what he wants, but he has been distant, and I don’t like it.

Me

I know it’s corny, but I miss you. Are you avoiding us?

A few moments later, my phone shows that he’s read the message. I’m relieved when I see the gray dots appear.

Bandit

Not corny. I’ve been going through some stuff, yeah, but not avoiding. I promise x

The kiss at the end fills me with renewed hope as I glance up every now and again, heading toward the front door of the cafe. It’s bustling around the French quarter, and there’s always a ton of people.

Me

I get that, just don’t run away. We care about you. Are you coming to dinner?

Bandit

If you want me to?

Me

I do, and so does Manny

Bandit

Won’t that be weird, with Eli?

Me

Why? We’re not gonna do anything except eat, bozo

I smile as his next message comes through.

Bandit

That just earned you a spanking over my knee

Me

Talk to Manny, he’s worried he came on too strong

Bandit

Bossy. I’m headed over there in a bit

I grin.

Me

You know you two can get it on without me there, right?

Bandit

Not gonna happen, not at the clubhouse

Me

You know, for a sexy dude with a killer body and amazing dick, you really are a stick in the mud

I can imagine that sweet smile spreading across his face. I hope so, anyway.

Bandit

First time anyone has called me that. Your ass won’t be thanking me the next time we’re all together

The next time we’re all together.

Hope brews again. All is not lost. Bandit is just dealing with his own head, and I truly get that. It’s confronting, and there’s Eli to think of. I understand completely where he’s coming from.

Me

Promises, promises. GTG. I’m heading into work.

Bandit

Later

I tuck my phone back into my jeans and dump my work bag. I stick my head into the kitchen and say hello to the kitchen staff, but don’t see Hustler. Audrina isn’t here either, but Louisa is manning the counter and I say hi as I slip on an apron.

I’m feeling so much lighter knowing that Bandi hasn’t abandoned us, I momentarily forget about my own issues.

I busy myself cleaning the coffee machine as I use the free time from customers to get ready for the after-school rush. I don’t even hear the man at the counter until he clears his throat.

“Oh.” I turn. “I’m so sorry, I…” I stop in my tracks, my words dying in my throat.

No. No!

I haven’t even had time to tell the boys. I don’t even have time to call for help. Do I need help? The coffee shop isn’t exactly crowded, but there are people here.

“Hello, Lace.” Mateo Judice smiles at me. His impeccable suit looks new, his cufflinks sparkling with little diamonds as he gives me a crooked smile. It does nothing to settle my nerves. Two goons stand by the door outside and my heart drops. “How lovely to see you again.”