10

Mabel

I knew Andre would never lie to me, especially about something so serious… It was simply difficult to accept hearing something that seemed so out of character for Ian.

The look of pity Andre gave me made it clear that it wasn't out of character for Ian, but he'd been fooling me. I'd been the fool.

Again.

But he had so many good people around him who supported him and believed in him. It couldn't all be a lie.

Andre admitted he didn't think it was. Ian wasn't the same kid he'd been, but he was worried that in the end, Ian would protect the royal family above all else. He might not ever have said anything to me about their past except now he knew I was blessed by the goddess and that changed things.

That changed his faith in Ian, and he'd never had any in the king and queen. He was more worried about me now and actually brought up making serious plans to leave the country should we need to.

Him saying that more than anything made it clear to me that this was so much more than his jealousy of my relationship with Ian.

I had a quiet breakfast with Kathy and asked her what she knew. She winced and clearly didn't want to discuss the topic but caved when I pushed. She sighed and gave me a look that clearly said she would only answer because she loved me too.

"I do not know what truly happened. It was years ago and I was a child. I do know that Father was against Colin working for Ian originally. He's said things since that the royal family will only protect the royal family in the end and no more proof is needed than Commander Lessa. Colin says it's more complicated than that."

"What do you think happened?" I asked.

Kathy sighed and took a sip of her juice before answering. "That the king tried to use Andre's war hero status for his own benefit, and Ian didn't want to act like he was intervening to help his best friend and the man who saved his life over his family. That he was too young to know how to handle the situation, and now it's too late to fix the mistake."

"That's what you think, or your brother has said that?"

"That's what I think from what I have heard between Colin and Father and Colin and Ian. I do know it's a topic Ian cannot even speak on, and it frustrates Colin. I think Colin sees a way to leave the past and move forward but… I do not know that Ian can. Either because of realizing he picked the wrong side or that his cousin sees him as a pawn—I do not know, Mabel."

"Do you agree with Andre that Ian will always pick the royal family over all else?"

She swallowed loudly and focused on her food. "I certainly hope not, or my brother could be in big trouble one day. I would not make the same choice and take that risk from what I know. I believe that Ian would save Colin and truly loves him like family, but I do not want such a risk in my life."

Meaning she would never be involved in that equation.

And I shouldn't be either.

That was all I needed to hear. She hadn't wanted to say even that because she truly liked Ian and wanted him happy, but she was in the middle. I understood that.

I felt the same. Part of me was mad at myself for not being stronger and trying to figure out some sort of way to bridge the problems between them and fix the situation. Maybe I could later.

But only after I figured out what to do in my own life. Ian kept pulling me in deeper and deeper and tangling our lives together, and that was the last thing I needed. I couldn't risk that given my situation with someone who could throw me to the wolves.

And I was very, very right not trusting the king.

Which made me extra on edge when I had to visit the palace a few days later when it was time to start the fertility treatments for the group who was trialing them before the queen. The timing made me anxious but also worked because Ian wasn't in the capital to cloud my view with my feelings for him.

I had trouble hiding my upset when the situation was changed from what I'd thought it would be… Again. Instead of working through a trusted doctor of the palace that the king and queen knew, I was working with one. The king brushed off my objections and the queen seemed confused as to the issue.

The issue was more people would know what I was capable of and could put it together.

Which was what the king wanted. He didn't want to keep it quiet that I was a saint. He wanted people to learn that and that I was their "friend." I could see it in his sparkles and the colors of guilt when he looked at me.

So now the six couples that we would be working with, the doctor, and the guards who were there all knew I was someone at the level of importance that the king and queen would listen to. That I knew enough about herbs or whatever that I could be involved in this.

When a shop just reopened with a mysterious noble owner who was selling medicinal products unlike the kingdom had seen before.

He was just itching to get me caught. I was so, so disappointed, and once this was done, I would not have anything to do with the king or queen.

Which was a shame because I genuinely liked the queen and wanted to be her friend. Too bad she was married to a selfish man.

The king was already upset that I'd dared to question him about changing what we'd agreed to and was being short with me, which set the standard for how the doctor treated me. Which was upsetting to say the least.

It made me extra glad that I brought a truth stone with me, but the king got upset about my having it. That I would dare question him and behave in such an abhorrent way. The moment he raised his voice, I moved away from him and couldn't hide that I was ready to leave. I was glad at least that it put me closer to the queen and she could see how much I wanted to quit.

"Gerald, what does it matter?" she cut in. "We have nothing to hide and this is all above board. I would rather we double check instead of fingers being pointed later that we did something we shouldn't. Leave it be."

"Fine, fine, I am just—this is stressful enough, Louisa," he said with a heavy sigh. "We do not need the people who are supposed to be on our side changing things and trying to make us look like villains."

"I meant nothing of the sort, Your Majesty," I mumbled. "We agreed to the truth stone in our initial meeting as we did what I said earlier. I was unaware of any changes since."

"She's right," the queen cut in. "We did talk about the truth stone. I agreed that I wanted it."

The doctor cleared his throat. "We thought it overkill, Your Majesty. I am sorry you were not informed."

That pissed me off and that he only said it to her. I stood up taller and met his gaze. "You can make those calls when you are the one who can heal these women. Until then, we do it the way I feel is best and I am most comfortable with. Is that hard for you to understand, Doctor?"

"I fully agree," the queen said firmly, her tone holding warning.

Good.

We moved on and luckily, she gave the king some sort of signal to back off or calm down because he stayed off to the side.

The first two women were fine. They truly wanted this chance and were thrilled at the possibility of being able to have a child. They were exactly what the goddess had told me this tonic was for and the right fit to help. I went through exactly what they needed to do and the follow-up with the doctor to be checked up on.

It was the third woman that was a problem. She had already had three children and after her last very difficult birth, there had been an excessive amount of bleeding. She hadn't been able to conceive since then.

"I do not know that you fit the parameters," I hedged, glancing at the queen. "We can try, but she will probably have scarring and issues. I would think a midwife or doctor who specializes in delivering for high-risk pregnancies—care after should be consulted."

"I under—" the queen started to say.

"Another problem, Countess?" the king bit out. "You act as if you do not want to help us."

"Of course, I want to help you, Your Majesty," I said as patiently as possible.

Except the truth stone flashed red and outed me for lying. Everyone seemed to freeze for several moments before chaos broke out too fast for me to keep track of.

Suddenly, I was being held by a guard away from where I had been sitting and his sword was cutting into my neck and another one had his sword poking my side. The king and queen were being blocked by other guards.

"Do not move, witch, or I will take your head," the guard holding me hissed.

"No! No, do not hurt the saint," the queen screamed.

Again, everyone froze.

Tears burned in my eyes for a whole other reason than the pain I was feeling.

"Move aside and release her," she demanded. "Gerald! Handle this. I told you this was overkill."

"Stand aside," he ordered, the guards in front of them all moving.

The queen gasped when she saw how I was being treated, yelling for them to release me immediately and then at the king for this mess. He ordered them to release me and back away from me.

The moment the guard let me go, my legs wouldn't hold me on my own and I crumpled to the floor. I whimpered when someone touched me.

"Mabel, I am so sorry," the queen whispered. "Please, I am so, so sorry."

"Do not apologize when she does not want to help us," the king bit out.

I glanced over and saw the stone on the table and crawled to it, grabbing it and holding it up for the king to see. "I want to help the queen. I have always wanted to help her."

Anger and a bit of confusion filled his eyes. "Why not me?"

"Because you wanted to out me," I choked out. "You set this up to out me and now you have." I went on when he tried to object. "And I know what you did to Commander Lessa." I nodded when he flinched, reaching up and touching my bleeding neck and showing him the blood on my hand and then gesturing to my dress. "This is what I did not want to be involved in.

"You changed what we agreed to. You steamrolled me just like Ian does. So no, I do not want to help you. But I will, because I made a promise and I like the queen." He gave a swift nod and looked relieved. "After this, I will not help again. Not even if you threaten me." I nodded when his eyes flashed shock. "You are not to be trusted, and I do not care if you kill me. I will not help you."

I broke down crying and let the queen comfort me. She hugged me tightly and promised me that no one would harm me and she was sorry that she let it slip that I was a saint. That she would make it up to me and not let Gerald misbehave again.

But the damage was already done.

It was done before I even walked in there. This was just all the final nail in the coffin.

When I calmed down, the king and half of the guards were gone. The doctor was still there and now two of the queen's ladies-in-waiting remained who now knew I was blessed by the goddess as well.

We were never going to be able to keep the secret. I was just kidding myself at this point, and no matter their promises, I couldn't even pretend that I believed them or wanted to be there. I finished with the women—the remaining three terrified that I was sitting there in a dress stained with blood and a neck wound.

My guards who had waited outside were horrified to find me in that state as well. I knew something would immediately be sent to Ian with magic to let him know, but I didn't much care.

Actually, it was probably best so I could end things with him faster.

Sure enough, he showed up at my door a few days later and looked confused and upset.

"The guards said I could not walk in anymore per your orders and to please respect that," he whispered. "Also, that you would like me to release them because you want to find new guards."

I nodded, not able to meet his eyes, folding my arms over my chest even if I knew it wasn't proper for a lady to do. "I would like Whitney and James to help me select from the mercenary guild now that the block has been lifted. Well, I would love to steal Whitney from you, but I could not offer her what you could, so that's not fair."

"What happened that—"

"Your family went too far. Again. And Andre told me what happened after the war. He told me everything, Ian. I am sorry, I know it's in the past, but I do not want to be involved with someone who will choose his family always when that family is a threat to me."

He said everything without saying a word when he flinched and took a step down onto the porch. That made it very clear where his loyalty was.

Not with me.

That was fine. I understood it even. We weren't even officially courting.

"I will speak with Viscount Bryd, and he can figure out how to purchase and transfer everything needed from Colin. We can continue the deal with the ink, but going forward everything needs to be—"

"Wait, Mabel, please, let's just—"

"No, not this time," I rasped. "I will not let you steamroll me again and be pushy to get your way. I have made up my mind. This is finished. I wish you the best." I turned around to go back inside, pausing before closing the door behind me. "Goodbye, Ian."

"Mabel, please wait," he choked out.

But I didn't. I went inside and shut him out. I had to.

I had to.

That didn't mean I didn't also cry. Kathy held me as I cried out tears of regret and pain. I truly liked Ian and didn't want things to end this way.

There were so many reasons to end it, but one of the biggest ones was I was worried for what Andre would do. When he saw me come home with a ruined dress with my blood all over it, I thought he might storm the palace and smack the king. He was livid, and my guards who were also officers had to practically sit on him until he calmed down.

I promised to break things off with Ian and that I had already told the royal family I wouldn't help them after this. And then privately I agreed that we could come up with a plan to flee the kingdom if things ever got bad. That was the only way he finally settled and didn't blow up his life because of what was done to me.

And it was also the moment I realized I'd fallen for him. No one had ever cared so much for me. No man had ever worried for me like that in my life.

He was willing to take on the king because the royal guard had cut me.

And my own father and brothers had mocked me because my ex-husband had beaten me. I felt a fool for not understanding sooner how horribly I'd been treated, but it was all I'd known.

It made me sad that my mother had never known any better before she'd died. From what I remembered, my grandparents were the same. I'd barely seen them, and my father had cut them out after she'd died, his obligation to them ending with her life.

I really hated that man the more I understood how horrid his view of life and how he lived was.

Focusing back on the situation I was in, I sent a message to Andre at work that it was done. I sighed, hating that I was putting so many people in the middle of my drama and issues.

But there wouldn't be these problems if the king wasn't such a power-hungry monster. I felt bad for the queen. I couldn't imagine being with someone who was so underhanded and said he loved her but went behind her back.

And I would never want to bear his child. That put her in a very precarious position and I didn't envy her.

I had enough of my own worries at the moment, so I didn't need to take on hers.